Dragon Fall International
by maestrodelvuelo
Summary: I proudly present the first and only attempt at fandubbing the best Dragon Ball parody doujinshi evar, Dragon Fall. Fasten your seatbelts, here we go! Rating may go up if the characters insist on the swearing/sexual innuendo...
1. issue 1: The beginning

YAMI-AUTHOR: Ladies, gentlemen, and people with nothing better to do, we are proud to be the first ones to attempt an English fandubbing of the bestest Dragon Ball parody doujin, Dragon Fall! Without further ado, let the rofl-ing and lol-ing begin!

AUTHOR: It is advised that you read this monstrosity while flipping through the real doujin's pages, or digital equivalent (coughonlinescanscough) but it can be read as a regular humor/parody fanfiction if you are so inclined… but, Dragon Fall is chockfull of visual humor, so we encourage the aforementioned way of reading.

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ISSUE # 1

_THE BEGINNING_

Our story starts when a weird object coming from the deep space plummets towards a greenish blue planet that we know very well. And nothing will be the same again!

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(The space capsule lands near Chungohan's house) (Goku hits the door)

CHUNGOHAN: Who could be?

CHUNGOHAN: Tell me little one, are you lost?

(Goku pokes Chungohan's eyes, he recoils in pain)

CHUNGOHAN: Aw aw aw, the pain...!!! (Goku stares) Fgrrssll damm kid...!!! Who do you think you are!! (he smacks Goku) You can't attack people out of the blue! Damm you little hooligan...

(Goku blasts the house with a ki wave, Chungohan looks crispy fried)

CHUNGOHAN: You little bastard!!! (punches Goku repeteadly) (tosses him down a cliff) (returns home) My home! Damm it! I will have to rebuild it, and it's gonna be a long and tedious proccess... I am not cut out for this, at my age! (looks back) (shock, as Goku is back there) (covers himself) No, make it quick, please...!!

GOKU: Grandpa? Where am I?

NARRATION: After all this mess, Chungohan decided to adopt the stupid, er, confused child in his home, naming him Soson Goku and entrusting him with the worst, er, some of the house chores, so he lived enslaved, er, happily from then on with his newfound grandpa. Until a fateful Halloween night when he...

GOKU: Grandpa, I wanna take a pee!

CHUNGOHAN: Oh, okay, you can go outside. But don't forget that you still need to make dinner.

(Goku goes outside. Takes a pee, and then stares at the moon... and gets blank eyes...)

CHUNGOHAN: What happens now? What new calamity will befall this house...?

(A monkey's feet smashes the house. Goku has transformed into a black Marsupilami.)

NARRATION: Yep, that fateful night, it was discovered the power Goku had to morph into a terrible beast that... well, into THAT...

GOKU: Huba!

After his grandpa's dissapearance, Soson Goku, who had transformed back to normal, kept on living on his grandpa's house which he managed to fix however he could...

VOICE: Looks like there is someone there, but his brainwaves are totally flat... so, it must be sleeping. Well!!! (armor clicks) Here I go!!!

(A robot armor is the one speaking. 'Wilma' can be seen written on the helmet.)

ROBOT: I will remove this boulder to eliminate the obstacle. (descends) He has not even awaken yet, this is gonna be real easy. Ball Scanner, working... (piiip) I found it!! Kudos for me!! (Goku snores) Ack! What am I doing! If he wakes up I am in for a fix!

GOKU: (violent snoring)

ROBOT: What was THAT?? I got what I wanted, better get outta here... (rushes out)

GOKU: (awakes) Who, what... wow, I was dreaming of someone sneaking in here... (shock) Ack! My grandpa, he's gone! (sniffs) Then someone HAS really been here! (goes outside) The thing has fled away, but it can still be seen! (runs) Hey, you wait!

(Goku smacks the robot off-screen, now he cries in pain on-screen after the punch.)

GOKU: Aw aw aw it huuurts, that thing's tough!!!

ROBOT: (wriggles) Heeelp, I can't stand up now!

GOKU: Who are you? Why the heck do you wear a shell?

ROBOT: _Getting this brute's angry is not on my best interest now..._ (armor opens)

GOKU: Whoa, it had devoured a man beforehand! (poking noises) (¡PAF!) No, it really was a lady... (hand on cheek)

WILMA: You will be happy now that you broke my mecha-suit's visor! I will have to travel on foot from now on!

GOKU: But who are you and why were you inside that mecha-whatever thingy? (pause) And why did you want to take my grandpa away, huh?

(Wilma wets the mecha-suit and turns it back to a capsule, Goku is dazzled to see it.)

WILMA: Now, I only have two more vehicles, but with no weapons nor armor! Nice job breaking it, brute boy!

GOKU: (behind a tree) YOU! You were the one who turned my grandpa into a ball!!

WILMA: Well, I don't... I don't recall ever doing that... what grandpa?

GOKU: We lived together in that house until some night when it crumbled down while I was sleeping, and when I awoke I found a note saying...

_NOTE: I am your grandpa, I have turned into this. Please take care of me and never leave this place_.

GOKU: Won't you be the witch who destroyed our house and transformed my granpa?

WILMA: Well, if you mean magic powers, I have some powers that you can't seem to understand. But I never used them agaisnt people!

GOKU: Then you are a good-natured fairy, aren't you? (Wilma facefaults) And why did you want to take my grandpa away? Maybe to turn him back to a human...?

WILMA: _I feel obliged to explain the whole thing to him, if only to shut him up... _(takes out two Dragon Balls) For starters, look at this!

GOKU: What are those, more charmed people?

WILMA: Nooo, idiot!! They are Ke-huron's Balls!! (narrating) Those balls are eight in total, plus the 'white one'. Legend says that they were God's, who played pool with them till he had to abandon such hobby due to heart problems. Then he gave them the power which, when held together, could grant the owner a wish, whatever it could be.

GOKU: And what does my granpa have to do with all this mess?

WILMA: NOTHING!! He does have nothing to do! (pause) Look, boy, if you lend me the ball I promise to ask Ke-huron to return your grandpa back to you. Is a treat?

GOKU: Okay.

WILMA: _No... it can't be that easy... he can't be that stupid... maybe his ball is not the real deal... _Er, how about acompanying me? It would be safer for you and your ball.

(Exact, same panel as before) GOKU: Okay.

WILMA: _Grrr, he either is smarter than me or much, much stupider..._ then I will have to bring out a vehicle to travel together. By the way, I don't know your name yet.

GOKU: Soson Goku.

WILMA: Yeah, sounds fitting... mine is Wilma.

GOKU: Wilma!! Just like the Flinstones lady! AHAHAHAHA!!!

WILMA: Grfkstgn... now, I'm gonna take out a vehicle from a capsule, so you can see. (shows one) This is a molecular tablet, manufactured by the Gragea [spanish for 'pill'] Corp, and you can store anything inside if it is previously miniaturized. Understand?

GOKU: No.

WILMA: Whatever. If we wet the thing with cold water it will decompress and return to its original state. Now, you will see a technological prodigy with your very eyes!

(Capsule decompresses, a treasure chest appears.)

WILMA: I don't understand... there should be a SUV inside the G-5 capsule. What is this? (chest contains dirty magazines) This is the chest where my dad keeps his stupid dirty magazines!! Now what can I do... there is only one more tablet with a vehicle... (gets it) Here, the V-7. But it is a motorboat. Not bad, but we don't have a water way...

GOKU: Hey Wilma, this magazine's has many peepees and boobies...

WILMA: Kids don't read these things!!! (snatches it) We need a river to use the boat on, but... do you know of any that's nearby?

GOKU: Yep, there is one (points to rapid falls)

WILMA: (shock) My god, now we have to go on foot until we reach the plains! Heck, let's move on... let's gear up and of course, let's store away this THING...

NARRATION: Then, Wilma and Goku travelled to the nearby plains, looking for the next Ke-huron Ball.

WILMA: (sweating) Four hours...! Four hours walking down these rocky crevices... I can't almost feel my legs! Argsfs!

GOKU: You are a pretty delicate girl, you should exercise more...

WILMA: Don't give me that crap! Well, now I can use the boat and refuel my thermos. (honk noises) Wuuu, a vehicle! It can carry us by land... and faster! (happy face)

(A red truck approaches them, sporting the Autobot symbol on it. A guy greets them)

YANSHA: Whoa, what do we have here! Want to go somwhere, sweetie?

WILMA: Yes, please, would you mind taking me and the brat to the coastline?

YANSHA: What brat? I don't see any brat here... (¡CRUNCK!)

GOKU: Hey Wilma, look, I managed to hurt the red monster!

YANSHA: My truck! You little rascal...! (he is restrained by Wilma) But then again, who are you two?

WILMA: My name is Wilma and the kid is Soson Goku. We are heading towards the coast to meet with someone...

YANSHA: Heya, you are lucky then, I'm going here too. Name's Eneryansha.

GOKU: Energyzer you say?

YANSHA: No, Eneryansha!!! I'm fed up with that joke!

WILMA: Is the truck okay? (Goku: What's a truck?)

YANSHA: Well, the damage isn't that important, it can continue all right. Let's get going. (Wilma: Mind if I call you just Yansha?) Duh, I don't care.

WILMA: _The Ball Scanner is beeping... points towards our destination..._ Good, the famous Moron-roshi lives near where we want to go! (Goku: What's a moron?)

YANSHA: _And now she's suddenly happy... what's wrong with that chick?_

WILMA: Your truck is quite... spacious, isn't it?

YANSHA: Yeah, It has everything I need, it's practically a home away from home. In the back seats I have a fridge and grill to make my meals. I'm practically self sufficient.

GOKU: What's this button for? (presses it)

YANSHA: NOOOOO!!! Don't press it!!!

(The truck trembles, spits them out of the cab a transforms into Optimus Prime.)

OPTIMUS: What am I doing here? I should be looking for the Decepticons! (flees)

GOKU: So, it was for THAT...

YANSHA: I'm gonna kill that brat!!! KILL!! (brandishes a giant mallet)

NARRATION: And the journey continues, at a sensibly slower pace...

WILMA: Hey, why do you come with us if you just lost your truck?

YANSHA: Oh, that, I need to deliver a package to Moron-roshi and... the package!!!

(They go back to retrieve it, and the aforementioned panel is the same, plus the pack)

WILMA: The coast, finally! Come on, there's not much left to Roshi's home!

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YAMI-AUTHOR: Welcome to our omake section, 'What's in a name'!

AUTHOR: Here I'll try to add notes on character's parodic names that seem necessary to understand the plot or get all the jokes, mmmright? Let's begin.

_SOSON-GOKU: Jeans 'Ditzy Goku'. Really fitting, yeah.  
__CHUNGOHAN: The (butchered) spanish-dubbed name was 'Songohanda', don't ask me why, and the parody name turned into Chungo-anda (spanish for 'hardly walks'), but we will be refering to him in this fandubbing as Chungohan from now on.  
__WILMA: Parodic name for Bulma. The Flinstones' lady. Even Goku gets the joke...  
__ENERYANSHA: The Energizer batteries. Again a no brainer, Goku gets it too.  
__KE-HURON: Parodic name for Shenlong, means 'how stingy'.  
__MORON-ROSHI: Parodic name for Mutenroshi, the spanish dub called him 'Duende Tortuga' and the original parody named him 'Duende Tarugo', hence the 'Moron' part of his name here. He will be named just Roshi from now on. _


	2. issue 2: Master Moronroshi

ISSUE # 2

_MASTER MORON-ROSHI._

(We open in the same place as we left, the adventuring trio reach Roshi's beach house.)

YANSHA: *pant* Good day, *pant*, we are looking for Moron-roshi's place, do you know where he can be? *pant*.

ROSHI: By sheer coincidence, boy, I have to say I am the one you look for. And he is my pupil, the Turtle. ('turtle' is clearly Donatello, from TMNT)

YANSHA: We bring you some humble presents to earn your favor. Brat, the package!

GOKU: I have it here, see?

YANSHA: I said to PUT it there, damm!!

ROSHI: (wonders) _Mmm, this kid is not very bright, I see..._ Oh, lookie, what is it?

YANSHA: Here are about 150 magazines of the ones I know you like, master. (mean while, Wilma looks for hers)

ROSHI: Then, let's take a look, Turtle, proceed to open the box!

(Donatello opens the box, and Oolong was hidden inside reading the magazines. Shock for everyone, and Donatello snatches him out of the box)

TURTLE: Where are you from, dude? (OOLONG: Hey, put me down!)

ROSHI: Let him go Turtle, don't worry about that. (rushes to box) (reads) I have this one already... and this one... not this one... I like this one...

GOKU: Do you live in this place? (OOLONG: If only!)

YANSHA: He must have infiltrated in my truck while I wasn't watching it! You swine!

OOLONG: It's your fault for being so slow while peeing...

ROSHI: (interrupts) I greatly appreciate your present, lad. Now let's think about your compensation, er, reward... (Wilma snatches him)

WILMA: Hey gramps, look here, I also have stuff like that! (Roshi looks at her chest. Her _treasure _chest.) What? Maybe you don't like mine?

ROSHI: MARVELOUS!!! Those are the videos I have been desperatedly looking for! This present is extremely valuable for me, don't worry! Now you'll receive your reward.

(Roshi enters his house, begins browsing through another box, two Balls drop out.)

WILMA: (shock) THIS!! We want this, thank you very much, master!

ROSHI: Well, if you are so sure, then keep them, okay... _What will she want them for? I was using them for my penis to look larger... _But, I would want to give you yet another thing as a reward. What was it... ah, yes, I remember now! KINDER!

BALLOON: (appears) SURPRISE!

ROSHI: This is my other present, the Kinder Balloon! It is alive and can carry anyone flying to wherever he or she wants! _But it can only carry those which intelligence is not greater than a balloon, heh heh..._ (Goku can ride) (Roshi shocked)

YANSHA: Yeah, all that's good, but what's left for me, huh?

ROSHI: Oh yes, I think I have something for you here... (browses) Here, this thing I got in the far Eastern lands. (gives box) (box contains Puar) He is very intelligent, clean and lovely. It's the perfect partner for you, lad!

YANSHA: Why would I want a damm kiss-frenzy stuffed bugger!! (is pricked) ARG!

ROSHI: His name is Puas. I know you will soon grow fond of him, lad.

YANSHA: I don't agree, master... (Puas is flushed down the toilet) (Donatello enters)

TURTLE: Master, there is yet another visitor! This house begins to look like a damm hotel...

ROSHI: (goes to the door) And who might you be?

CHIQUILIN: I'm pleased to meet you, Master Moron-roshi, my name's Chiquilin and I bring you a present to earn your favor. (ChiChi is in the bag) I know you like... pretty girls, so I'm sure this will be a valuable present for you, heh heh...

ROSHI: She is... she is CHICHA, daughter of Yumas, the Ogre!!

CHICHA: (Turtle unties her) Whew, what a shock... (points) Master, this big-headed midget kidnapped me when I was on my way here... to give you a message from my father!

CHIQUILIN: Look, Master Roshi, I'm a boy with not many a way to earn a living, so I was hoping one of your special presents would help me, that's all...

ROSHI: Well, your behaviour hasn't been exactly the most adequate, so it's impposible for me to reward you... maybe if it was a different girl. (TURTLE: (¬_¬)) But, if you want, you can be my student and learn my job. So, what was dad's message, Chicha?

CHICHA: He wants your help, you have to go to our castle inmediatedly!!

ROSHI: Good... in that case, I have to leave right now, so visits are over for today. We have to be in our way as quickly as possible.

WILMA: The Ball Scanner is pointing now in another direction... to the far west_... _

ROSHI: To the west, huh... we are going there, so maybe we can drop you on our way. (looks at Yansha) I see that Puas got wet, I advise you agaisnt doing it again. It would be bad for him to stay underwater for too long…

YANSHA: It could be dangerous?

ROSHI: Of course! Then again, it would also be dangerous for him to be squashed by a truck, or nuked by a H-bomb... (Yansha facefaults) You would lose a friend, lad.

TURTLE: Hmf, my master always being like that, it's worse than handling a little kid...

GOKU: Hey, why do you wear a mask, huh? (undoes Turtle's mask) (it's his EARS)

TURTLE: Correction: there is nothing worse than THIS kid... _What can I do to stop this brat from blowing away my secret? Kick his ass…?_ Er, lookie kid, I will give you my stick if you don't tell anyone about my ears, okay? (Goku agrees)

CHIQUILIN: Well, I'll stay here as Master Roshi's student, so... forgive me for the kidnapping, will ya? (CHICHA: Shut up, you... octopus!)

WILMA: Hey Soson, where did you find that stick?

GOKU: That turtle gave it to me, if I didn't tell anyone about his ears. He's very kind. (Turtle is shocked)

ROSHI: (opens an airship Gragea) Well, the vehicle is ready to leave. When you are ready too, let's get on the way. I entrust the house to you, I hope you'll take care of it.

YANSHA: Well, I think I will go along with these people, it can be interesting, yeah. _And the chick is rather hot, I say..._

(The airship leaves, Turtle, Oolong and Chiquilin stay. WILMA: Let me drive, gramps!)

WILMA: (alter landing) Well, I didn't drive THAT bad, I think... (Roshi pukes)

CHICHA: Dad, we have arrived already! (ROSHI: Ah, it's Yumas the Ogre!)

YUMAS: (booming) Ah, Master Roshi!! I'm glad you could come, I needed your help badly. Thanks for bothering with someone like me.

ROSHI: Let's get to the point. What do you want me to do? Maybe extinguishing the flames of Fire Mountain again?

YUMAS: No, that was already solved, on a quite rainy day... but I forgot the keys of the castle, and today... all the lock-pickers are on vacation, you see... (everyone facefaults)

ROSHI: Grrr!! And why do you think I'll be more able to pick the lock than them, huh?

YUMAS: Well, you are a Master, so it's only logical that you would have a master key.

ROSHI: (facefaults) _Grfmtg, can you believe I was this mentally-aborted man's master? _Okay, I'll do it, but don't let it happen ever again! So, I'll use my most devastating and legendary technique, the KOME-JAME-JA!!! (YUMAS: Oh, Master is gonna use his most devastating technique!)

(First, Roshi inflates and becomes iron-coated, like Colossus. But deflates again.)

ROSHI: Oh, darn... but it's only logical, at my age... it's difficult to maintain it, uf...

WILMA/YANSHA: Yeah, we know, we know... (ROSHI: It's not what you think!)

ROSHI: But, this will not prevent me from doing my most powerful technique. KOME! JAME! (pauses) (everyone is dancing in kimonos) Will you stop being idiots!!! Ahem, where was I... oh, I know. HAAAAAA!!! (fires a ki wave) (lock is destroyed)

YUMAS: Hurray for Master Roshi, he did it! He is the greatest, the best!

YANSHA: Master! Will I be able to learn such attack someday?

ROSHI: Heh, heh, I verily doubt it, in order to fully control the Kome-Jame-Ja wave you need to train for one hundred fifty years nonstop, all while maintaining celibacy...

YANSHA: A hundred and fifty YEARS? That's too much time!!! _I now know why he is that crazy, poor old man. _

GOKU: KOMEEE... JAMEEE... (ROSHI: Heh, little kids...) JAAA!!! (FLOAAAM!!)

(Goku fires the Kome-Jame, and utterly destroys the entire castle. Everyone's shocked)

YANSHA: Did you see THAT, Master? He managed to fire the Kome-Jame-Ja, with no training, nor preparations, nor... Master? Why are you... crying...

GOKU: (awakes from shock) Wahahaha, how funny! Let's do it again, okay?

ROSHI: This kid ain't normal... (CHICHA: What a man!) (YUMAS: My home...)

WILMA: Let's begin looking for Ke-huron Balls before the ogre awakens from trance...

(Wilma and Yansha look for the Ke-huron Ball while being subject of various obscure references. After getting it, Roshi has regained composure and talks to Goku.)

ROSHI: Tell me kid, would you want to become my disciple? It will help you to polish up your strenghts, and make you a great fighter... (GOKU: What's a disciple?)

(Meanwhile, Chicha has walked to them and caresses Goku's crotch, then grabs it)

GOKU: Gñññ!!! (pain) Don't grab me there! If you do all my strenght vanishes, girl.

YANSHA: Aha! I finally found out this kid's weakness! (pause) Er, mine's too...

WILMA: (alter facefaulting) Well, we need to get the heck outa here already. Mmm, the Ball Scanner detects the last two Ke-huron Balls... they are together in the same place.

(Image of the two remaining balls. A shadowy figure is keeping an eye on them...)

FIGURE: The oracles have spoken, the day is near... the moment when I will gather all the power needed to further my plans. Eight balls, eight sources of an omnipotent might that can grant me the key to everything... And when that key is on my hands, no power nor entity will prevent me from finally knowing WHERE the heck IS WALLY!!!

(The one monologuing is Emperor Pililaf. He wanders around his secret base.)

PILILAF: I have spent years... I have found the bearded old man, the pooch, the girl, the polka-doted crocodile... but never WALLY! But this will soon be OVER!

(Again with our hero, Yumas still hasn't gotten over the shock of his home crumbling)

ROSHI: Looks like he is still in shock. (CHICHA: Yes, its's always like that.)

WILMA: When will he recover, do you know? (CHICHA: Don't, this is the first time.) Well, looks like we are finally leaving from here, sorry for the inconveniences.

CHICHA: Goku, will you marry me when we are both adults, ne? (Goku staggers)

YANSHA: Wilma, do you mind if I tag along with ya again? I don't know what to do.

YUMAS: (awakens) AAARRRRG! WHERE IS THAT KID!!! (Everyone's shocked) You have awakened my wrath, boy, my revenge will be TERRIBLE!! (spurts flames, like the Skull Rider) RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!

GOKU: Okay, I'll run. (shuuush) (he ran away)

YUMAS: This kid ain't normal...

(Not very far from there, some Decepticon jets fly over the fields, looking for Balls.)

PILILAF: We can't fail this mission, we carry our two balls to use their power!

JET: Sire, we have found out the location of another ball, it is approaching FAST!

(The jets land near Goku, still running at top speed, outrunning the Road Runner...)

JET: Halt! Emperor Pililaf demands what you are carrying! (GOKU: I was told to run!)

(CRAAACK!!! Goku smashes the jets and destroys them, finding the last two Balls.)

WILMA: They are... they are the last two Balls! We can finally summon Ke-huron!!

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_KINDER-BALLOON: Parodic name for the Kinton Cloud, as in Kinder, the brand for chocolate sweets and the like.  
__PUAS: Spanish for 'spikes', really Puarl.  
__CHIQUILIN: Spanish for 'little boy', and Krillin IS one.  
__CHICHA: Spanish for 'flesh'.  
__YUMAS: Funny mispronunciation of Gyumaoh.  
__KOME-JAME-JA: Spanish for 'Eating-Gulping-Ha!', can also be a funny mispelling.  
__PILILAF: 'Pilila', spanish slang term for 'penis'. _


	3. issue 3: Abra cadabra

ISSUE # 3:

_ABRA CADABRA._

Soson Goku and his friends have finally gathered the magical balls. Things go down the flush. Mystical forces have begun to struggle between each other and someone will have to placate them. The problem is... there is more than one 'candidate'...

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YANSHA: It doesn't look like anything is gonna happen...

GOKU: What would HAVE to happen?

WILMA: A moment! One, two, three... there are only eight balls, guys!

YANSHA: So what?

WILMA: They need to be 'eight plus the White One', and here are eight INCLUDING the White One! But how? The Ball Scanner doesn't detect any more balls, it says that all of them are here! Wait, Goku's ball plus mine plus Roshi's... Hum?

(Everyone stares at Yansha, even the original authors Nacho and Alvaro. He sweats.)

WILMA: Let me register him!!! (everyone strips and registers Yansha) What's this...? It gives a signal in the Ball Scanner... It's the last ball! Where did you get it, damm!!

YANSHA: I... I have no idea, a moor sold it to me saying it was a good luck charm...

WILMA: Well, if this ball is the real deal... there is only one way to know, right? (pause to put them together) Here, I have reordered the balls putting the white one in the center.

YANSHA: In order to better distribute their energy, I assume?

WILMA: No, because this arrangement looks cooler. ??? They are working, finally!!

(The balls cause a giant explosion, and the dragon emerges from them, all while Wilma and Yansha look shocked and nervous, and Goku... is impervious to it. Wilma reacts.)

WILMA: It's HIM!!! It's the holy dragon, Ke-huron!!

KEHURON: (looks back) Who? Where? (everyone facefaults) Er, excuse me and my initial confusion... It's been a long while since the last time someone summoned me, so I have almost forgotten WHO I am... well, ask me already about your wish, then.

WILMA: Finally, my greatest wish will be granted!! Wait, what was my wish again...?

YANSHA: I don't have a wish ready either! Arg, we must think of something and fast!

GOKU: Mmm, I wanna pee...

(Ke-huron flashes his eyes and the next second Goku is peeing without knowing why.)

GOKU: How curious, I wanted to pee and started peeing without even thinking... weird.

KEHURON: (after the big facefault) Er, I have already 'granted' your wish. And next time you want me to grant such a stupidity, think twice. Then, until next time, guys...

(Ke-huron summons a billiards stick and hits the balls causing them to fly everywhere.)

WILMA: NOOOOORGGLL!!! (mouth foams)

GOKU: Ne, Wilma, where did the balls go? Have you already wished something, huh?

WILMA: (hits Goku HARD) No, don't say it... I am to blame for not thinking a wish...

YANSHA: Well, after all this mess, it's recommended that we take a deserved break...

WILMA: Good, we will rest for awhile, but we'll resume search inmediately after! And when we get the balls again... I'll have already thought of a WISH...

NARRATION: Now that our, ahem, heroes have decided to take a break from this, er, epic adventure, it's time to look at another scenario while they get back to, ahem, action.

(In the image we can see a castle suspiciously similar to Greyskull. Chungohan is there)

CHUNGOHAN: Oh shadow powers, gather before me! Let the darkest, evilest cloak cover this black shrine! Let Hell's fire shine above the creation of the greatest paladin known by the evil Forces! (the storm fries him with a thunder) Blarg... yes its DARK...

(A pink cloud reforms itself taking the shape of the infamous, evil Majin Buu.)

CHUNGOHAN: YOU!! You are... (Buu looks confident) GUYVER!! (Buu facefaults)

BOOBOO: Well, let's get serious! I am BOOBOO! The most powerful and unbeatable magician ever known on planet Earth...!! And some others as well.

CHUNGOHAN: Good, I was expecting no less from you! Now, mage BooBoo, listen! I am your new master, and I'm gonna send you on an important mission!

BOOBOO: Er, can you repeat me what I just said? I only know how to say until 'Earth'.

CHUNGOHAN: (after facefaulting) I am afraid his mind is still empty of any data... er, is there something you can do by yourself then? (Booboo bends over to...) No, stop, I get the idea! Well, I'll have to explain to you the mission in an easy to understand way.

BOOBOO: I already know what you want. You want me to use my vast powers to find and destroy Soson Goku, am I right? (Chungohan shocked) Don't look so shocked, I'm a very powerful mage that can even read minds... I knew the mission from the very start.

CHUNGOHAN: Then why did you play dumb, huh?

BOOBOO: Well, I'm also a bit of a prankster, you see. But I warn you, that Goku boy's destruction has to be very funny for me! If not, I won't do it...

CHUNGOHAN: Hum, I think a mighty powerful mage like yourself will have no prob finding a 'funny' way to kill that accursed boy, I'm sure. _This guy can't be serious..._

BOOBOO: Good, good, I like it, yes, this is gonna be fun, yay!

CHUNGOHAN: Now we need to pinpoint Goku's location. With your vast powers, it can't be too difficult. Let's see... (VOICE: Stop right there!!) What, who...?

(The voice is that of the Four Supreme Kai's. They face the two troublemakers.)

BLACK KAI: We have detected an super-atomic unleashing of mystic energy, and it's higher than the maximun armonic level allowed. And that breaks all of this universe's commandments, so we Peskaito Shin's are now here to put things in order again!

BOOBOO: What's with you dudes?

BLACK KAI: We are the Special Anti-Evil Spirits Patrol, monster! Fear our power!

CHUNGOHAN: I don't like how things are going, Booboo. Banish them from here!

MOUSTACHE KAI: Die ignorant fools, or should I say... Metaphysic criminals!

(Moustache Kai fires a blast towards Booboo and fails, meanwhile, Googles Kai comes)

GOOGLES KAI: Weigh up your words, you heretic old man! (kicks him)

BOOBOO: (reacts) You have unleashed Booboo's FURY!! (does his fumes' thingy)

MOUSTACHE KAI: Cough cough! (chokes) (Booboo: My fume's stench never fails...)

GOOGLES KAI: That's such a shameful way to die...! I will avenge mi partner! (flies)

BOOBOO: (crouches) (Kai smashes on a wall) Gee, I NEVER thought it would work... (Kai's face is crooked) Wooohooo, I am the best! (dances)

BLACK KAI: This battle is getting ridiculous! We have to finish it asap, partners! (he unsheathes his battle fans) Hey, Master Booboo. We are willing to solve this in a more civilized manner. (Fans read 'Peace' and 'Love')

ELDER KAI: (appears) You can't try to dialogue your way outta this... destroy him!

GIRL KAI: It's HIM! The venerable Elder Peskaito!

ELDER KAI: He is taking advantage of your weaknesses. You must charge your aura!

GOOGLES KAI: Protect our weaknesses... of course! (puts googles on) How could I forget that I'm blind without them on! You won't fool me again, you weirdo!

(Booboo puts nerd glasses on, imitates his pose. Googles Kai is visibly pissed off.)

GOOGLES KAI: You're getting on my nerves, monster! Don't screw with me!

BLACK KAI: Let's get our sorcery-proof magic spell ready, it will incapacitate him!

(Black Kai and Googles Kai do hand gestures and a weird blob appears to chase them.)

GOOGLES KAI: I think something went wrong with the spell...!! (runs)

BLACK: No shit, Sherlock! (runs too)

GIRL KAI: (¬_¬)

ELDER: Well, let's do things my way for once, okay? Unite our strenghts to beat him!

GIRL KAI: Yes, unite our strenghts into the Great Tornado!

(The 3 remaining Kai's and Elder Kai transform into Gatchaman members and pose.)

ALL: Taste the unstoppable GREAT TORNADO!

BOOBOO: Craaap...!!! (is engulfed) (explodes)

[next page is a smorgasboard of obscure references, piloting the Ghostbuster's Ecto 1]

CHUNGOHAN: Urk... (awakens) WHAT!? My shrine was destroyed! And Booboo...? Is this everything's left of him? (takes his M belt) What will I do now? It was needed: a power acumulated for many generations... an astral conjunction... and 1 Arevalo's joke to summon him! How could I repeat the unrepeatable requisites...? (sulks) Well, there's a hope... but I'll have to wait a couple decades at the very least. I hope that accursed kid is still alive when the moment comes...

NARRATION: Now, let's jump ahead to the future... aproximatedly a year after that...

(Goku and Wilma are riding a weird robotic carriage, Wilma checks on her Scanner.)

WILMA: Well, we are now quite near the next Ke-huron Ball, keep an eye for it brat!

GOKU: Wow, everything's so big here!

WILMA: Heck, Yansha could have come with us, but he's still recovering from the day you wanted to try your Kome-Jame on his HOUSE! He's still looking for its bricks...

GOKU: But now I can fully use the technique, yay!

WILMA: And that gives me the CREEPS... I have decided that when we gather all the Balls my wish will be for my dad to respect me again... I could not live without him... without his heirloom, I mean. It's a good thing the new Ball Scanner is quite stronger.

(The scanner shows a sign saying 'Ball here' and another saying 'you here', 'Okay?')

SOLDIERS: Located position of Ball # 5. It is traveling at constant speed, due North.

GENERAL: Okay, send the surveillance team to check on it, quickly.

(They are the dreaded Purple Pants Army, looking for Ke-huron's balls on the ruins.)

TROOPER: We are checking their trail, they have passed through here a short time ago. However, there is a strong residual energy trace emanating from that ruin... it looks like there was a metaphysic storm there quite a while ago. It could interfere in our readings.

(Some Stormtroopers with Purple Pants symbols check the area. The general answers.)

GENERAL: Good, let's start with the Intercepter Squadron! For our commander's sake, show them the crushing power of the Purple Pants Army! CHARGE!

(Some Star Wars spaceships gather and advance through the plains...)

*****************************************************************

_BOOBOO: Onomatopeia for a baby wailing, parody name for Majin Buu.  
__PESKAITO SHIN'S: 'Pescadito' me__aning 'little fish' in Spanish, as the original name in the Spanish dub was Kaio Shin's, King Kai being renamed 'Master Kaito'.  
__PURPLE PANTS: Parodic name for the Red Ribbon Army, in the original parody was called 'Lazo Lila' (Purple Ribbon) but then again, I needed a double letter name..._


	4. issue 4: This means WAR!

ISSUE # 4:

_THIS MEANS… WAR!!_

Ke-huron came and left, Booboo came and left, and our hero (more or less) Soson did not even realize it, but now the Purple Pants Army is back to action, and not even our dearest Kagarrot will dare ignore them. Trouble's brewing...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Still in the fields, and Goku and Wilma still riding their robo-carriage, they speed up.)

GOKU: Let me drive for a while, Wilma!

WILMA: Let YOU drive? I'm not crazy yet, brat. I'd rather sell my body to science!

(They are being targeted by enemy scanners. The general orders fire over them.)

WILMA: Uack...!! (carriage broken) What the hell is that! (sees Star Wars ships)

GOKU: This guy attacked us! I'm gonna take him down! (is blasted) Uuurg...!

WILMA: (cornered) NO! No, please! I still haven't dated any hot boy...!

GENERAL: Wow, nowadays that is truly an achievement... but we are here for another matter anyways. Search her for the Ball! (Wilma smacks the ones trying, off-screen)

TROOPER: She's clean, my general. We swear... please don't make us do it again...

TROOPER 2: My general, the Ball, it was here! (shows it)

WILMA: WHAT!! All that fuzz and ships over only ONE Ball? You show-offs!

GENERAL: (alter facefaulting) Well... we got what we wanted. Now 'silence' her...

(Of course, the Troopers take the saying to heart and shut her mouth with duct tape.)

GENERAL: (sweatdrop) I mean, we can't leave any witnesses! So, when we are ready to leave, you kill them for good. I would do it, but it's rather gross, so...

(Ships and all remaining Stormtroopers prepare to shot Wilma dead, when suddenly...)

TROOPER: Er, milady, is it true that you haven't dated anyone? (wink) (is smacked)

WILMA: _Heck, this is a dead end, everything's over... why didn't I shut my trap... _

TROOPER 2: Sire, the Rebels are approaching to our position, sire!

TROOPER 3: What? How did you know that, soldier?

TROOPER 2: By looking just over there, sire! (points)

(X-wings and some more Rebel spaceships come there. Trooper 3 isn't impressed.)

TROOPER 3: Don't screw with me, scum! I'll get angry! (is run over by a ship)

REBEL LEADER: Someone, untie the girl, quickly!

WILMA: (0_0) Who are you guys?

REBEL LEADER: We are La Resistance, baby. We have been facing the Purple Pants mooks for quite a bunch of months. What did they want from you, then?

WILMA: But who are this Purple guys, and why do they want the Ba... well, 'that'!

(Goku had fallen asleep a while ago. Wilma smacks him to his senses. They regroup.)

REBEL LEADER: We can discuss this matter further when we are safe, at our militant base. It is not very far from here. Well, what do you say then?

WILMA: Truth be told, it is convenient for us both, these madmen could come again.

(They travel to the rebels' base, which resembles a Russian doll. The leader explains.)

REBEL LEADER: In such weaponized stronghold... all people oposing the Purple Pants Army have joined forces to try to overthrow their empire. We collected every and all volunteer who could lend us a hand agaisnt them.

WILMA: But who are those Purple guys again?

REBEL LEADER: In this map you can see the Purple Army's movements and bases. Such army appeared outta nowhere about a year ago, and they're expanding at alarming rates. While they're not an inmediate threat, their war machinery is a potential danger. Right now we are traveling to the JingleBell region to try to take over their fort there.

(In the screen appears a blueprint titled 'Death Mushroom'. Meanwhile, on space...)

SMALL-VADER: So, this means we have almost all of them already...

BLACK GENERAL: Effectively, sir. They all have been gathered except for one.

SMALL-VADER: And the ones which are... are inside our battle station, I asume? Then inform the station's staff about my coming, I'll go supervise the last checks personally.

BLACK GENERAL: But sir, we can't be sure Dr. Gore will agree to this! He insisted to work on all construction's stages without anyone, er, 'intruding'! You knew, right?

SMALL-VADER: The Death Mushroom must be completed on schedule. Such battling ship has to become the universe's ultimate weapon. Or at least, West Peco's. I wanna be present the very moment it finally becomes operative. Got it? Then… about those scum rebel dudes... don't worry, I've moved some strings to neutralize the most dangerous...

(Back into the Rebels' base, Wilma checks her Ball Scanner's latest readings.)

WILMA: _The Ball Scanner says we are approaching to a bunch of... five Balls, no less. What can I do? After getting them I'll have to get the rest somewhere far from here... I am not sure if staying with the rebels is wise or crazy... that, and the boy is quite hot..._

REBEL: We have made contact with the enemy's battle station!

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention everyone, go to the proyector-screen chamber! Of course, that goes for the elf girl, the donkey and the goatee dude too! Get your asses moving!

LEADER: (at the proyector) Well, this one's the Purple Pants main battle station, with more than a square kilometer of pure destructiveness and a damage output to cry your own pants out. But it is still being finished and the main weapon's still out of service.

(Near the Death Mushroom another Star Wars spaceship lands inside and is welcomed.)

DR-GORE: My commander, it's a great honor to have your presence grace us again!

SMALL-VADER: Cut the ironies down, Gore. I now know you don't exactly relish my presence here. I have my reasons to come. Get me to the operational center, and fast!

(JingleBell's snowy fields... being slowly infested with AT-AT's. Rebels scout the area)

LEADER: Darn, vigilance around the station has toughened, specially the main weapon

WILMA: _Inside that thing... someone has five Balls. We must get them, no matter how_!

(Both teens go back to the base. Meanwhile, Vader, Gore and the black general discuss)

SMALL-VADER: I see that our weapons' generators are totally functional, at least.

DR-GORE: Sshh, that's a secret, no one outta these walls should know, sir!

BLACK GENERAL: Yeah, making those rebels believe that our main weapon is still out of service was a quite skillful move... worth of a genius, if I may say, heh, heh...

(Image of Death Mushroom's main weapon, with a giant sign reading 'Out of Service'.)

BLACK GENERAL: Just as planned... here they are!

(The rebels open fire, but soon are placated by the evil army. A giant shadow looms...)

SOLDIERS: What the fuzz? Is it winter's solstice already...? (CRUNK!)

(The Russian doll has jumped and crushed the mayority of the opposing soldiers.)

BLACK GENERAL: The Rebel Army is advancing... despite our efforts!

SMALL-VADER: We can't allow that! Doctor Gore, activate the main weapon now!

(A giant mechanical hand appears from the top of the mushroom and crushes the doll.)

SMALL-VADER: HA! This will teach them!

BLACK GENERAL: _My god, such brutality..._

DR-GORE: Retreat the weapon!

(In the outside, Goku is laying on the show, out cold. A mysterious voice awakens him)

VOICE: Soson Goku, wake up. (shouts) WAKE UP ALREADY DAMMIT! I'm Gosh.

GOKU: Are you God?

FIGURE: No, GOSH! I am the Almighty Ruler of Heaven, I've come to speak to you...

GOKU: And why?

GOSH: Because it's written somewhere that the fate of all the world will soon befall on your shoulders, and maybe now it's the moment. You'll have to travel to Sakarin's holy grounds and learn from him, the same one that taught Moron-roshi all he knows today.

(Gosh does a heavy sigh and resumes speaking)

GOSH: Truth is, there was no time to choose someone better, so we will have to adapt. Now, go to him and let his teachings help you in your search of Ke-huron's Balls!

(Gosh dissapears in a puff of smoke, at the same time a Purple soldier comes charging.)

SOLDIER: I got ya, Rebel brat! (trips) (stuck on the snow)

GOKU: Wilmaaa! I have to tell ya something! (WILMA: You? Can't believe it!)

(Goku tells them about his meeting with Gosh, as the battle begins to get much worse)

WILMA: Wha? Go to hell and back now that we're close to victory? No flipping way!

LEADER: Poor boy, this is what a good whack in the head can achieve... Well then, we have to retreat! (radio) Guys, activate our base's module number two and get going!

BLACK GENERAL: Sire, you have to watch THIS! (shocked)

(The Russian doll opens and another one comes out. It ges our heroes and runs away.)

SMALL-VADER: (after facefaulting) Those rebels are only a bunch of pathetic clowns!

WILMA: This base has a rather... curious defensive system, hasn't it?

LEADER: Yep, but each time it's used it costs us 100 square meters...

DR-GORE: Special Agent! Follow the rebels' base and get me whatever individual you get first in order for us to interrogate the hell outta them! Get going!

(Again in the base Wilma's shaking the butt outta Goku for telling such foolish things)

WILMA: You are getting on my nerves with all that Sakarin crap, cut it out already!

LEADER: Wait a sec! What's all this Ke-huron Balls stuff? They are really that much powerful...? Maybe we could use them... to help us get rid of the Purple Pants army!

WILMA: Er, dunno, the truth is...

LEADER: If all comes to that, we must gather them. And if we need to go to Sakarin's holy grounds... we haven't a moment to spare! Everyone, on to Sakarin's holy land!

(The Russian-doll base leaves them near a village with a mighty tall tower inside.)

LEADER: This is Sakarin's tower... at its feet you can see the village inhabited by the unbeatable warriors who defend it. We will be waiting for you in the base, good luck.

WILMA: Damm kid, if you hadn't popped up your balloon you could have come alone.

GOKU: You can't blame me for having this hairdo, can you?

WILMA: Don't talk back to me, mothafucka! (smacks him) Then again, what will the warriors here look like? I can only hope they aren't inclined to violence...

GOKU: (gets his stick) Mmm? Where have I been storing this stick?

ASTERIX: (appears) Halt, intruders! What are you doing here? If you don't talk...!

GOKU: (uppercuts Asterix) That midget is crazy, I say...

WILMA: Now you have gotten us into a fix, moron! What will happen now?

GOKU: Hey, would you rather want to be beaten to a pulp?

WILMA: Er, excuse us, we are looking for some Sakarin guy, do ya know of him?

[AUTHORS: Yep, this is Goku's stick, the magic stick that comes and goes depending if the authors remember to draw it or not. It won't dissapear again, we promise!]

(The rest of the Gauls come to the entrance to see what the fuss is about.)

VITALSTATISTIX: So, you are looking for Master Sakarin, right?

GETAFIX: Only a truly prepared individual can hope to meet Master Sakarin, I say.

WILMA: We are ready for anything, we have come a long way only because of him!

GETAFIX: I meant physical preparation, as in being skilled in climbing things (points).

FULLIAUTOMATIX: Sakarin lives on the top of this tower, just so you know.

WILMA: But you can't even see the top! (sweats)

FULLIAUTOMATIX: But, you don't have to climb it right now.

WILMA: Really? Is he going to climb DOWN? I'll be very thankful, I'm rather afraid of heights.

VITALSTATISTIX: Nooo, you first have to defeat our champion to earn the right to!

WILMA: The 'right' he says... aren't you the tower's keepers or something?

ASTERIX: No, of course... we were already living here when the construction workers came and built all this stuff. See, here he comes! (shows) The Tower's Guardian!

(The guardian is an anthro black cat in a karate outfit. Wilma explodes in laughter.)

WILMA: Ahahahaha! He's only an insignificant CAT! See, lend me that stick a sec...

(Wilma gets Goku's stick and hits the cat skywards, earning the right to climb.)

WILMA: Well, it's done. Was that your 'unbeatable' warrior?

ASTERIX: We never said he was unbeatable, only that you needed to beat him. Truth be told, you have been his very first opponent... (WILMA: The heck?)

VITALSTATISTIX: Do you really think there has been someone THAT crazy to try to climb this thing? Now you don't have a way out of this, you MUST climb.

WILMA: God... what sort of mess have we been thrown into...? See, Goku, I know you are the most interested, so maybe you can climb and tell me about Sakarin later... right?

GOKU: Dunno... what if I get lost on the way up?

WILMA: How the heck can you get lost on a STRAIGHT climb! (pauses) Heck, I now can expect anything from this kid... okay, I'll go too... Do any of you know its height?

VITALSTATISTIX: Mmm, in very clear days it's possible to see the top, if it helps...

WILMA: God, we are gonna die trying! (they begin climbing) My only consolation is that if I ever plummet to my doom, I can take this bastard down with me... (grunts)

***************************************************************

_KAGARROT: 'Cagarruta' meaning 'piece of dung' in Spanish, Goku's real name.  
__DR-GORE: Instead of 'Gero', meaning the doctor does very... gore-ish things.  
__DEATH MUSHROOM: Funny reshaping of the Death Star into a mushroom shape.  
__GOSH: Was 'Diox' in the original, here is Gosh as in 'Oh my gosh!'.  
__SAKARIN: Parody name for Karin the magic cat, after 'sacarosa' ('sucrose')_


	5. issue 5: Let's all go chargin!

ISSUE # 5:

_LET'S ALL GO CHARGIN' WHILE THE STICK'S ENLARGIN'!!_

The mushroom, toadstool, bolet or whatever it is, is on the verge of being attacked by the Resistance. Soson has grown a brain (at least for the time being) and Wilma is well, utterly fed up with all this crap. Anyone gives more?

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NARRATION: Among all the fighting and battling the Purple Pants Army happening down below, our heroes Soson Goku and Wilma are on the way to meet Master Sakarin.

WILMA: Goku! We have been climbing like freaking chimps all the damm morning up this neverending columm! I'm too afraid to look down right now, I can't stand it!

GOKU: Duh, the top still isn't visible, so...

WILMA: This is all a big stupidity! Why are we doing all this nonsense, in the gist of a battle we didn't even start? And I can't go on further, I am dead tired! Can't we stop?

GOKU: I think I'll stop now, yes... (faints) Cause I can't go on either... (drops)

WILMA: Ngh! (catches him) Eeek, I'm gonna fall! (doesn't fall) It's the last time this bastard kid messes up with my life, I swear! (continues upwards) Arg... I see the TOP!

(Yep, 5 hours after starting the climb they have finally reached Sakarin's shrine.)

WILMA: (drops Goku on the floor) Hey! Master Sakarin! Are you here? Answer us!

SAKARIN: (appears) Yes, I am the one you seek. I see you managed to beat my grand son in battle. He's here since yesterday. (the cat is nailed through the floor) So, tell me what you want and we'll see if it is possible to help your cause. (holds his horn)

WILMA: Well, we both wanted to... ATCHOOO!!! (sneeze blows Sakarin's ears) Er, excuse me, but I have this slight allergy to cats... can't be near them for too long.

GOKU: We came here seeking the wisdom which will allow us to find Ke-huron's balls and put an end to the fight between the Purple Pants Army and the Resistance dudes!

WILMA: Wha? How did you spurt all of this without messing up?

GOKU: Well, I have been memorizing it as we climbed...

SAKARIN: _Mmm, what a strange pair. _Judging by what you say, I have to believe it was Gosh the one who sent you on this journey... (WILMA: What a smart cat!) Show some respect girl, I am a Master. I think I know what you wish from me... there is this legend that says: someday the world and all its inhabitants will be in a terrible danger...

WILMA: Doesn't look good for us.

SAKARIN: Silence, please! It's also written that the world will be saved by a boy, one very special boy with a null Intelligence Quotient and a psychodelic hairdo... (ponders)

GOKU: Whew, I can finally put this stick out my pocket... was beginning to bother.

SAKARIN: Mmm? OH, it's the faboulous magic stick that can enlarge itself to great lenghts! It is the unquestionable proof that the ancient legend is becoming a reality!

GOKU: What? Don't think so, this stick's useless, I carry it 'cause it was a present...

SAKARIN: Oh, it is the Useless Magic Stick then! Who gave it to you... if I may?

GOKU: Er, it was a turtle, but only if I didn't tell the secret of his ears to anyone...

SAKARIN: Turtle? EARS? (holds phone) Hello? National Geographic? (waits)

WILMA: I'm getting fed up with this guy, and my allergies are getting worse. (huffs)

(Then, with a loud BAAAAMMMF!! comes the Special Agent's stink bomb...)

ALL: Uuuurk, the stench...! (coughs)

AGENT: Heh, you fell in my trap... no one escapes Special Agent 'Stink Bomb'! I will take the girl, she looks the most knowledgeable of them. I'll freeze her up to facilitate transport. (encases her in an ice cube) Well, the 'facilitate' part is only a saying, huff...

(S-Bomb pushes Wilma's ice block and leaves from there in an airship. Sakarin panics)

SAKARIN: Someone came here and took the grumpy girl who-was-with-you hostage!

GOKU: WHAT! Wilma? This isn't fair! I have to save her, I can't come back alone!

SAKARIN: Well, about that, I have something here that will help you in your mission. This Magic Bean will give you what you need the most now. Intelligence and initiative.

(Goku eats the bean and his head begins spurting ramdom equations and formulae.)

GOKU: Good, I have to get to Wilma asap! Surely this guy is taking her to that battle station from before. I'll go get my Rebel dudes ready and we will assault it at once!

(Goku pulls a lever entitled 'To come back to the floor'. Sakarin is shocked to see it.)

SAKARIN: NOOO! WAIT, DON'T DO IT! (clac!) YOU FOOL! This lever removes the cogs that keep this shrine attached to the top of the tower, we will plummet down!

GOKU: Geez, I just learned how to read, I got carried away with the first sign I saw...

(The shrine comes crashing to the ground smashing the Gaul village underneath it.)

GAUL 1: Toutatis be loathed! The sky has fallen down!

GAUL 2: My home! My HOME!!

CACOFONIX: But I DIDN'T sing, I swear!

GOKU: (gets up) Enough, I must reach the base! (flees)

(The next panel shows Goku reaching a _baseball field's _base. Cut to the authors' lair)

ALVARO: We'll have to scratch that... we can't deviate from the storyline anymore.

NACHO: Yep, it is quite screwed up just as it is now...

(In the Death Mushroom, Stink Bom has just freed Wilma from the ice, she shivers.)

SMALL-VADER: Good job, special agent Stink Bomb.

S-BOMB: My pleasure. Now let's talk about my fee... I can give ya a special discount.

SMALL-VADER: How come?! It was your mission!

S-BOMB: I'm not used to take prisoners, you know! This was an emergency exception!

SMALL-VADER: Bite mi shiny black ass! You are a soldier, a Purple Pants mook!

WILMA: ATCHOOO!! (blows their ears) Can someone pay me any attention, please?

(Back in the Russian-doll Rebel base, Goku has finished putting the Leader up to date.)

LEADER: So she was captured! I suspected it from the very moment I saw the speeding ship with the Purple Pants symbol and the 'I've got a prisoner, please don't disturb'...

GOKU: We have to get there before anyone can harm her.

(Again in the Death Mushroom. The black general and Doctor Gore have joined them.)

SMALL-VADER: As you can see milady, you're now on Death Mushroom's command center. (WILMA: What do you do here?) Apart from the obvious, this fortress works as our head quarters, for all of us participating in Purple Pants' conquer-the-world scheme!

WILMA: And the Ke-huron's balls I detected here? Where the heck do you keep them!

DR-GORE: Those balls are an essential part of our main weapon. They are OURS, girl!

WILMA: _Good, now I know where I am and the balls too... I only need to know how to escape from here unharmed._ And how can I... (LOUDSPEAKER: Beeep, emergency!)

SMALL-VADER: Emergency, an attack! Switch to the battle modules! Shut your trap, meddling brat! Now you will see how all this war machinery works... from the inside!

(Again the troopers take the saying to heart and stuff her inside a missile-launcher pod.)

WILMA: Nooo, leave me outta this, heeelp...!

SMALL-VADER: Okay, let her go. I suppose this satisfies her curiosity. Now, attack!

(Cut to the outside, Goku and the leader are giving last minute instructions to everyone.)

LEADER: Well boys, the mission is to blast open a gap for us to infiltrate stealthily, all while the outside battle continues to keep them occupied. Think you can manage, then?

LUNCH: Don't worry boss, we'll keep them busy all the time it's necessary.

LEADER: That said, CHARGE!

(The Purple Pants head honchos are getting nervous, while the soldiers just freak out.)

SOLDIERS: Gack, they are back AGAIN? Rats!

LEADER: Proceed to open a gap in the station's main frame! This time victory's ours!

SMALL-VADER: Activate the main weapon at once!

(More explosions and battling. Death Mushroom's mechanical hand crushes the doll.)

SMALL-VADER: A bunch of rebels have trespassed our perimeter! Intercept them!

BLACK GENERAL: I think it would be wise to strenghen the fortress' inner galleries.

DR-GORE: Worry not, if they manage to enter... my android N-VIII will be waiting...

(The inner guts of the Death Mushroom. All stormtroopers are in a panic about the war.)

TROOPER: Red alert! The perimeter has been tresspased! (TROOPER 2: Put the word round!) (TROOPER 3: Reinforcements coming!) (TROOPER 4: What's a perimeter?)

(Far from there, Goku and the leader have just blasted open a way with a Kome-Jame.)

GOKU: Whew, we are finally inside. Now we need to reach the command center.

LEADER: You insane, boy? This place's blueprints look like a fricking phone guide! We need to lay down and find a computer terminal, there we can download the center's location into a map, and possibly get more information about this maze... (explosions)

GOKU: What was that? (readying a Kome-Jame)

(Through the smoke we see some cut frames of N-VIII... it's the battle angel, Alita.)

WILMA: I need to find the damm balls and get the hell outta here! (escapes)

(Wilma has escaped from its captor by kicking him in HIS balls. Back to the heroes.)

LEADER: Remember what I said about the plan? Well, FORGET it! (shoots)

GOKU: I'll get her! KOME... JAME... JAAA!!! (blasts the android)

N-VIII: Waaaaaah! (cries) It huuurts... (cries some more)

LEADER: The heck? What's up with the crying now?

GOKU: Like she had never been hurt till now! She's just putting it on.

N-VIII: But it's exactly that... I'm serious. Dr Gore created me just a week ago, so...

LEADER: (gets flowery) Oh my angelic and untainted creature! You have really moved my soul with such heartwrenching story! Let me be the one to teach you the wonders of the living world and fill your heart's gap! (pause) I meant, let me give you a good fuck.

TROOPER: (spying) Uh oh. I must tell Gore his android has gone maverick, and soon.

DR-GORE: (on the phone) WHAT! N-VIII has betrayed us! Destroy her as well, then!

(Meanwhile outside, the rebels are following the instructions to keep the battle going.)

LUNCH: Smash them, give them no quarter! Brrr, this field's cold... ATCHOOO!

(Of course, she reverts to Blue Haired Lunch and loses all her bravado just like that.)

LUNCH: (sneezes) Get those mooks! (sneezes) Aw, I'm scared! (sneezes) Chargeee!

TROOPER: Geez, dude, looks like that girl from The Exorcist or something...

(Inside again N-VIII and the rebel leader have finished, er, making out and get dressed.)

N-VIII: Follow me sweetie, I can get you to the command center if you want.

LEADER: Heck, and she said she didn't have any experience... I'm beaten up, girlie!

GOKU: Finally. What have you been doing, you drags? Arm wrestling?

(In the command center itself, panic is beginning to spread among the people there.)

GENERAL: Our troops outside are still busy with the rebel's! The two trespassers are heading to the command center alongside N-VIII! And that fugitive girl's still missing!

SMALL-VADER: Okay, I know already, enough! (heavy sigh)

DR-GORE: We must make haste to the main weapon's chamber to stop that girl!

(Main weapon's chamber, Wilma has finally the balls at reach. Meanwhile, the leader...)

COMMANDER: Halt, you shall not pass through here! Give up or die! Better yet, DIE!

LEADER: (is shot) Well, that's inconvenient... (loses arm)

N-VIII: Come on, I know of a shortcut! (stops abruptly) The heck?

(They've reached the pit featured in the Vader-Luke fight scene in Empire Strikes Back)

N-VIII: Hold onto me, we'll jump to the other side! (Leader does so)

LEADER: What about Soson Goku?

N-VIII: He's lost, can't worry about him now! (trips) Ops, what a silly way to (FALL!)

COMMANDER: Dear god, that fall is killer... they'd rather suicide than be defeated...

(Back in the main weapon's chamber Dr-Gore has reached Wilma and has her cornered)

DR-GORE: Aha! There is no way to escape now, girl! Surrender already, it's your end!

WILMA: Crap!

(Come to think of it, he is rather short. So Wilma smacks him just like she does Goku.)

WILMA: Enough crap. Where are the balls? Tell me!

DR-GORE: Have mercy! I'll confess! (points to a giant battery) Here they are!

WILMA: Didn't you say they were part of the main weapon circuitry?

DR-GORE: They are! Without them the battery will lose contact and short-circuit it!

(Far from there, Sakarin is helping rebuild the Gaul village and has a sudden ourburst.)

SAKARIN: Rats! I forgot to tell that kid... my beans' effects depend on the individual stupidity level of the user! And judging by his looks, he's not exactly the brightest one...

(That is, its effects are wearing off and frying Goku's brain. Back to Wilma and Gore.)

WILMA: Well, I'll be taking the balls anyway. And also disabling this damm weapon!

(Apparently N-VIII and the leader have survived the fall, or at least, his HEAD has.)

N-VIII: Er, does it hurt, sweetie?

LEADER: Nah, don't worry, I'm tougher than I look.

BLACK GENERAL: (looks screen) The girl has escaped from the main weapon's area!

SMALL-VADER: Good! Warp her to the weapons processer chamber... I will be there.

(Wilma falls through a pit trap and slides to aforementioned room, Vader is there too.)

SMALL-VADER: Aha! You are mine have come far, but my beam sword'll take care of your insolence! (unsheats it) (is burned) AAAARG! How could I forgeeet! This damm cape is always getting in my arms' way! (GENERAL: My lord!)

LUNCH: (arrives) Good job honey, now I'll finish this deal! (touches Vader) TAG!

SMALL-VADER: Blast, I lost! For shame...!

WILMA: (big head) WHATS THE MEANING OF THIS!!!

LUNCH: But... didn't you know the rules? The game ends when a leader is 'tagged'.

SMALL-VADER: Seeing as we were ubeatable, we settled all this to fight boredom...

LEADER: (head rolls out of a tunnel) I told ya, this couldn't be the fire exit, sweetie!

SMALL-VADER: Oh, if it is the Resistance leader. How's things?

LEADER: Well, you see, 'resisting'. What about the game, did we win already?

WILMA: Enough! (phone) Soson Goku, wherever the heck you are, do your THING!

(The Death Mushroom explodes violently taking whatever enemies were still battling.)

TROOPER: Man, and I only fired ONE shot! Must not have been my lucky day...

(Everyone emerges from the rubble, Goku has a 'don't touch' panel nailed through him)

GOKU: Sorry, I only leaned agaisnt a wall and then...

SMALL-VADER: The heck happened to my base! (LEADER: The kid ruined it, pal...)

WILMA: Aaaah, I can finally rest from all this mess!

(Moron-roshi appears dressed as Obi Wan, driving a slider. He runs over Small Vader.)

ROSHI: Good, I knew you'll be there! I was looking for you because I was offered a place in the next Martial Arts Tournament, but as I don't want to make a fool of myself I'll instead sign this little monster up in my place. No one will realize he's not me.

WILMA: Hold yer horses gramps, the little monster is helping me get Ke-huron's balls!

ROSHI: But, the first prize amounts to several millions of Zenni...

WILMA: Oh, well, in that case, I'm sure you brat will have fun firing Kome-James!

ROSHI: _Dear god, I wish I didn't need the money so badly..._

**************************************************************


	6. issue 6: The new Tenkaichi Budokai!

ISSUE # 6:

_A NEW, EDITED VERSION OF THE TENKAICHI BUDOKAI!_

After all this Death Mushroom fiasco (and I'm not talking about the Amanita Faloides) here comes the Great Marital... er, Martial Arts Tournament! Who will win? Will Soson get any smarter? Why would anyone care? Dude, where is my car?

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ROSHI: Finally, we have arrived! Now we need to know where the tournament is held.

(They are still riding the slider Roshi brought dressed as Obi Wan. They reach Lepe.)

ROSHI: Well, this is it. The sooner I sign you up, the sooner you'll get back to training.

WILMA: Anyway, master Roshi, what's up with the monk robes, huh?

ROSHI: Hello? I am Master Moron-roshi. I want to null my suscription, seeing as I've entered into a monk order. My grandson will fight on my place. Is that okay?

WILMA: Cheater! First he signs up and later he turns tail and chickens out! Old coot...

ROSHI: Shut up, ignorant! Do you even realize the beatings these brutes can dish out? I only signed up to buy the kid some time, seeing as you were happily frolicking around!

WILMA: So what? Did they only accepted clergyhood as excuse to sign out or else?

VOICE: Precisely, I have always said the old billiard ball was a big fat loser, heh heh...

ROSHI: YOU! He is another Master, Cane Dimwit!

DIMWIT: It's been a while since the last time we met. But it wasn't enough for you, as you have just shown. My pupils and I have come to win this tournament, old fool.

(Next to their master we can see Tien Shinhan and Chaotz, still in their traveler garbs.)

DIMWIT: We've been rivals for many years, and our fighting schools have never been able to reconcile. That's why I'd like to settle our differences now, so you can share a part of the victory my pupils will surely obtain on this ocassion. How about it?

ROSHI: Humpf. Yeah, I'd be honored to.

DIMWIT: These are my best students: Te Sin Pan and the little Havoc. (they salute)

ROSHI: But see, I too have signed up my disciple, Soson Goku! He will show all you my legendary and most devastating ki technique, the Kome-Jame-Ja Wave! Take that!

DIMWIT: I have always thought this was such a ludicrous name for a martial art, man.

ROSHI: What then? Would you rather have its name changed to, dunno, 'Onda Vital'?

DIMWIT: Nonsense aside, I'm glad to have you here. You will finally witness the great event that will exalt my fighting school to fame! (TIEN: Will get some pretty cash too!)

ROSHI: It doesn't matter, I'm sure your Kome-Jame will burst their bubble for good!

GOKU: What's a Kome-Jame? I forgot it. (ROSHI: WHAT!) And who are you, mister?

WILMA: The explosion back in the Purple Pants base must have wiped his brain clean.

ROSHI: And the tourney starts in two days from now... I will have to reteach him all the stuff... well, it wasn't much to begin with... why do I feel that I will mess up big time?

WILMA: Say, I will leave now to buy some clothes and stuff. I'm passing you the bills.

NARRATION: And soon came the day of the grand opening. People from all corners of the world (yes I know the planet is ROUND, but still) traveled to gaze at the big event.

COMENTATOR: Welcome folks, to the most important event on this side of the planet: the Kajillionth Tenkaichi Budokai! In this tournament we will witness warriors of great talent and greater strenght! And only one will be crowned the champion of them all!

(In the waiting room we see Goku along with Hulk, Blanka from Street Fighter, Terry Bogard from Fatal Fury and Disney's Phantom Duck. The comentator keeps talking.)

COMENTATOR: Right now we'll held the qualifying rounds to decide the final Eight!

REFEREE: Everyone participating must get a ticket and wait his/her turn. Get going!

TESINPAN: Heh heh, Roshi's pupil won't even make the qualifying rounds, I'm sure...

REFEREE: Well, the qualifying rounds' order in now set! Let's proceed with the battle!

(In another place, Roshi and Wilma roam around the building killing time.)

ROSHI: Mmm, the qualifying rounds must be being held right now...

WILMA: Say, Master Roshi, if you didn't feel like fighting... why didn't ya sign up one of your many students? I mean, what about Chiquilin, or even Yumas the Ogre?

ROSHI: It wasn't meant to be... Chiquilin has stayed home... to watch over the Turtle's corpse, who died during a phone call. National Geographic, I think it was. As of Yumas, he secluded himself in an asylum, but his daughter Chicha is lost, no one knows why...

WILMA: Geez, cut out with the soap opera already. Sorry for asking, gramps.

DIMWIT: Yes, everything surrounding Moron-roshi is.. depressing. Must be his nature.

ROSHI: Well, the tourney aside, your poor choice of clohing makes you a clear loser!

DIMWIT: Say that again, billiard ball!

ROSHI: Scruffyhead! Hooligan!

(Wilma can't help but emit a giant sweatdrop. The qualifying rounds are finishing now.)

REFEREE: Contestant Te Sin Pan is qualified! Contestant Dhalsim is qualified! Hum?

(Goku smashes another referee instead of his opponent, the first one shudders.)

REFEREE: Contestant Soson Goku is qualified! I think...

GOKU: You saying I had to hit the OTHER one? Should have told me!

TESINPAN: Humpf, looks like Soson Goku has qualified for the Final Eight too...

DHALSIM: (appears) His ki is great, you'll have a hard time agaisnt him. (shocks 'em)

REFEREE: Contestant Chuli, qualified! Contestant Frank Castle out, for using firearms!

PUNISHER: What! The only beaten enemy is the DEAD enemy!

REFEREE: Our 114th combat of the day: Havoc versus Boogie!

(Havoc tries to use his psychic powers, to no avail. Terry Bogard just punches him.)

TESINPAN: I warned you! I told ya not to try those crappy 'psychic powers' of yours!

HAVOC: Yeah, when I can finally get them to work, I'll have the last laugh... ouch...

COMENTATOR: And this is the tournament's rank graphic: three battles to be the best!

NACHO: The combat order has been decided already! (ALVARO: Was tough to draw!)

COMENTATOR: The first battle will be held in an instant. Let the tournament begin!

ROSHI: (seats) Whew, looks like we arrived just in time.

WILMA: Look who's there, master! (YANSHA: Wilma, master, what a coincidence!)

ROSHI: So, what are you doing here?

YANSHA: Seeing as you were obsesed with Ke-huron's balls, I came here to have fun. Of course I have also shaved Puas' tail... was getting fed up with his spikes pricking me.

PUAS: Yip? (brandishes meat skewers)

LOUDSPEAKER: In this moment we see the first 2 contestants, Pito and King Chapa!

ROSHI: Now shut up kids, I don' want to miss on any details! (duct tapes the two)

COMENTATOR: The first match looks promising, folks! Then, let the battle begin!

(Pito is a hulking ponytailed brute, whileas King Chapa is a Spiderman lookalike.)

PITO: You won't be able to jump your way out of my special attacks, wall-crawler. I will sweep the arena floor with your butt! I hope you have some paramedics on hold!

CHAPA: In that case, and if you're kind enough to grant me a last wish... er, could you erase that creepy grin from your face? It's getting on my nerves... no offense at all.

ROSHI: Duh, what a pair of clowns. (DHALSIM: Don't underestimate 'em, or their ki.)

CHAPA: You won't win! Not only because you are a mass of muscles with no trace of brain activity, or because you are uglier than a baboon's fetus... but because you simply are slower than watching grass grow and your accuracy is worse than spitting upwards!

TESINPAN: God, this dude babbles like a bored housewife, but he's quite strong...

GOKU: What's a housewife?

(Chapa keeps on wailing at Pito, and the big brute is starting to get pissed off.)

PITO: Enough, leave me alone! (shakes him off) (CHAPA: Boy, are you impatient...)

TESINPAN: Mmm, they're both good, how could things go from now on? _By the way, I wouldn't like to fight this babbling weirdo, he's seriously grossing me out._

CHAPA: You see, think I already figured out the secret behid your nickname of choice. It must be a reference to your LEAST horrifying body part, you proto-vomit! (sword)

PITO: Ha! (stops sword) (CHAPA: Urk... you are pretty tough.)

COMENTATOR: Geez, as this match unfolds it becomes less and less clear who'll win!

CHAPA: Must use my special technique to win... _damm, this was my GOOD katana..._

COMENTATOR: Attention, Chapa is gonna use his special! Everyone get ready please!

[Chapa begins an incesant and deafening monologue, which I'm too lazy to translate.]

CHAPA: And without further ado I want to thank this marvelous audience for listening!

COMENTATOR: This was worse than, well, ever... Chapa must have beaten a record...

(But surprisingly, Pito is still standing! Not. His brains ends melting and drops, ko'ed.)

COMENTATOR: Pito has been defeateeed! Then, King Chapa qualifies for next round! (shaves beard) Now, it's only logical to ask him about his impressions on the match, but (CHAPA: Mmm?) I think we'll pass... at least for now. (tries to shave with the micro)

SOUND TECHNICIAN: (RAAAASS!!) Ack...! Bring the comentator here, now!

COMENTATOR: And now for this tourney's second maaatch! Goku versus Dhalsim!

ROSHI: Finally, the time has come! Now that Dimwit will have to take back his words!

(Wilma and Yansha remove each other's duct tape, while the fighters arrive on scene.)

DIMWIT: Doesn't look like the sharpest knife. I can't believe he qualified for a match.

COMENTATOR: The match begins! (looks his shaver) Mmm? (DUDE: Ep, master!)

ROSHI: (dramatic wind blows) Come on, you can beat him!

DHALSIM: You don't know who I am, kid, you should leave now, before getting hurt.

GOKU: Okay, I'll leave. (DHALSIM: (0_0).)

COMENTATOR: Er... contestant Goku loses by Ring Out! _And he leaves that happy?_

DIMWIT / TESINPAN / ROSHI / WILMA: (0_0)

COMENTATOR: The winner is Dhalsiiim! (DHALSIM: Er, well, okay, yay for me...)

GOKU: That man was very kind to warn me, wasn't he? (Chuli smacks him) Huh?

COMENTATOR: Well, er, now... we should be advancing to the next round, but seeing as there is that much time left... we'll do a lunch break of half an hour! Okay...?

ROSHI: It's my end... my school's prestige, down the flush... I'll never get over it...

GOKU: (arrives) Ne, Wilma, what will we do from now on? I'm getting bored.

ROSHI: ITS HIM!!! Hold me! Hold me or I'll KILL him! (WILMA: He's all yours...)

WILMA: Look kid, if you wanna do anything useful, get the Scanner and find the balls.

YANSHA: (Goku left) Don't you think it's too risky to send him looking for the balls right now? I mean, I could care less about his welfare, but what if he loses them all?

WILMA: He could lose his pancreas for all I care! I don't care about anything now... I only want to get him outta my sight and enjoy the tournament, I've already paid for it.

COMENTATOR: Third match! Terry Boogie versus Chuli!

BOOGIE / CHULI: (stare)

COMENTATOR: The match looks promising, both fighters look ferociously menacing!

BOOGIE / CHULI: (big eyes) Oooh... (falling for each other)

COMENTATOR: Er... fighters? Are you gonna fight or what? The audience is leaving!

BOOGIE: _This is embarrasing... I don't wanna hit a girl... especially such a cute one..._

CHULI: _Dunno... he's so hot it'll be a waste to beat him... what if I break his 'thing'...?_

(The comentator gets fed up and takes Chuli's hand, and then makes her hit Boogie.)

COMENTATOR: There, touché! Just like in fencing! Chuli's the winner! Enough crap!

CHULI: (cries) Waaaaaah! I didn't want to harm you! (BOOGIE: But then... I lost?)

(Goku is walking around the audience, still trying to understand the Ball Scanner.)

GOKU: Lesee, Wilma's thingy has many lights and does noises... just like a Game Boy!

ZANGIEF: (chlaaaf!) You dirty kid! You smacked head first into my cotton candy! I'll have to throw it and buy another... but you'll accompany it to hell! (throws the bunch)

(Goku's been blasted outta the stadium, the cotton candy looking like the Kinton cloud)

GOKU: Geez, that guy was so brute this thing still hasn't slowed down... I'm hungry...

(He crashes agaisnt Sakarin's tower, a good ways up the structure. He ponders about it)

GOKU: Mmm? This place looks familiar... I know, it's where I left my magic stick!

(Back to the stadium, there is only one match left to finish the quarter finals.)

COMENTATOR: And now for the last match of this tournament's quarter finaaals!

LOUDSPEAKER: The contestants are Te Sin Pan and Meow!

DIMWIT: It's the time of truth... we can't end up humiliated like that bald fool's boy!

(Te Sin Pan puts away his traveler garb and Mai Shiranui holds her fan, reading 'Hi!'.)

COMENTATOR: Gosh, no... not another couple... if they do the same as the others...

LOUDSPEAKER: The match begins! And Te Sin Pan does the first movement!

(Te Sin Pan rushes to his opponent, Meow cushions the blow with her... front bumpers.)

COMENTATOR: But Meow blocks her enemy's attack with... some kind of technique!

DIMWIT: The heck?

COMENTATOR: Contestant Te Sin Pan looks kind of dazzled, I must say...

(Roshi is pissing his pants, from the fit of hysterical laughter... Wilma tries to help him.)

TESINPAN: You bitch... the same trick won't work twice agaisnt me! Get ready!

MEOW: (holds fan reading 'Get bent!')

TESINPAN: I'll CRUSH you! (runs) (CLONC!) (smacks head first into giant anvil.)

****************************************************************

_CANE DIMWIT: Parodic name for Crane Hermit. The original parody renamed him as 'Duende Brujah' (Bruja meaning 'hag') as the spanish dub named him 'Duende Grulla'.  
__TE SIN PAN: Roughly means 'Tea without toasts'.  
__HAVOC: Parodic name for Chaotzu, seeing as it sounds almost like 'chaos'.  
__ONDA VITAL: The spanish dub gave this (nonsensic, yep) name to the Kame Hame Ha.  
__CHULI: Spanish for 'cool looking', and Chun Li is.  
__BOOGIE: Funny looking nickname for Terry Bogard.  
__PITO: Means 'penis' in spanish. Remember the 'least horrifying body part' quote?  
__CHAPA: 'Chapar' is a slang term in Spain for 'talking too much'. So yeah.  
__MEOW: 'Miau' in the original parody. Onomatopeia of a cat meowing, yep. _


	7. issue 7: That stupid Soson has grown up!

ISSUE # 7:

_THAT STUPID SOSON HAS GROWN UP! _

Te Sin Pan is making a fool of himself, Soson Goku is remembering that old song called _El tiempo pasara_ and lots of demons roam around. Nacho and Alvaro get even crazier...

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COMENTATOR: Contestant Meow has blocked again, with something sensibly harder!

DIMWIT: Hold yourself together, idiot! Can't you see she is toying with you?

WILMA: Yansha, quick, bring some water, the old man is choking! (ROSHI: Cough...!)

TESINPAN: Enough! You have made me use my best trick... The Arms Multiplier!

COMENTATOR: (0_0) (MEOW: (0_0).) (JESUS: Miraculous!)

(Te Sin Pan brings out a flask, drinks it and concentrates. It makes him... grow horns?)

MEOW: (facefaults)

TESINPAN: Bah, crap... that was the wrong flask. Maybe it's one of these... (drinks)

(Keeps drinking from the flasks, growing more eyes, another head and long pointy ears)

DIMWIT: Curse those flasks, I warned him agaisnt using that kind of crap! Mmm?

(Roshi is taunting the butt out of Dimwit, finally the tri-eyed fighter finds the true one.)

TESINPAN: Finally, the last one's a charm! Now you're going down, cutie!

COMENTATOR: Er, due to the many... irregularities made by contestant Te Sin Pan he was gonna be disqualified, but seeing as the jury laughed that much... he was spared.

(The two fighters rush to each other and do a clean cut like in those samurai movies.)

COMENTATOR: (pause) So...

TESINPAN: Hey, if I broke your ribs with a six arm combo, how come you don't faint?

MEOW: You did WHAT? (bends over) Aw aw aw... the pain... he thrashed me good...

COMENTATOR: Winner of this match: Te Sin Pan!

TESINPAN: _Whew, lucky... she didn't call my bluff... now to look for the antidote... and some ice to put 'there'... mamma mia, her kick in the crotch is not to be held lightly..._

DIMWIT: Heh heh, good! The tides are turning to our favor! Next round will be ours!

(Meanwhile, in Sakarin's rebuilt shrine, Goku looks for the infamous white cat.)

GOKU: Hello? Cat dude? You here?

SAKARIN: AAARG! IT'S YOU AGAIN! (shock)

GOKU: No, no, wait, time out! I only came to retrieve my stick, calm down.

SAKARIN: Oh, yes, that stick... I'm sorry, I used it as part of my TV's antenna. I regret to say this, but you came for nothing... Wait! Are you still looking for Ke-huron's balls?

GOKU: Mmmyesss…

SAKARIN: Then listen! The being who sent you here, Gosh... is also the balls' creator. Follow me, I'll show you how to reach him. And don't step on my Beans' plant bowls.

GOKU: Nah, I don't like vegetables anyway...

(Exterior of the shrine. Both characters look up the magic stick stretching skywards.)

SAKARIN: Look, that thing that dissapears into the clouds is a gas pipe. If you climb it you will reach Gosh's home, but you'll have to climb without outside help. Questions?

GOKU: What's a cloud?

(After the explanations, Goku starts another climb trek, as long and tedious as before.)

GOKU: Son of a...! A castle in the SKY!

(Arriving in Heaven, Goku tries to talk to Mr. Popo, busy with action-figure building.)

POPO: Hey! Who are you!

GOKU: I am Soson Goku, I came here on behalf of that guy down below, to try to meet with Gosh or something along those lines. Do you know of him, maybe?

POPO: Then you say Master Sakarin sends you? That means you must be the braindead boy with the spiky hair mentioned in the legend! I'm gonna get him at once, kid!

GOSH: (appears) It is not necessary, Pompom. Noisy bastard. (POMPOM: My lord!) I am the one who spoke to you in your moments of need, the one who created Ke-huron's balls and the mighty ruler of Earth. (GOKU: Who?) (They both facefault)

POMPOM: That kid... _ain't normal._

GOSH: It's clear now that with such a brain... I won't be able to make any progress on you. So, I'll use my power to restore your mind and increase your potential. Due to your 'special' nature... I can only recover what was lost because of Sakarin's Magic Beans... _heck, he and his damm drugged herbs... they mess up more than what they fix._

NARRATION: After the fix, Soson returns to Earth to continue his mystical search...

GOKU: (falls to Earth) UAAAAAAH!

POMPOM: (dropped him) It's done, my lord. The kid is on his way to Earth.

GOSH: Good, all's going just as planned. Was better for him not to know... that he will have to face the fearsome King of Demons Discolo. Now he needs to focus on the balls.

(Meanwhile in the tournament grounds, the semi-finals are just about to begin.)

COMENTATOR: And now, the ones to fight in this semi-final are Dhalsim and Chapa!

CHAPA: Let's see what you can do agaisnt my killer techniques that... (PLAF!!!)

DHALSIM: Done. (CHAPA: Meanie...)

COMENTATOR: Well ladies and gentlemen, this tourney's getting really interesting. The contestants are unleashing their potential with surprisingly increasing fury, I say!

DHALSIM: Meh, his ki was crap anyway...

COMENTATOR: Now, the second match of our semi-finals, Chuli versus Te Sin Pan!

TESINPAN: _Sweet Jesus on a bicycle, not another girl..._!

ROSHI: If your disciple wins this one too, I'll eat my own beard!

DIMWIT: Good, I'll bring you bread and butter to spice it up a bit!

ROSHI: Ha, better keep them for when you have to eat your jacket!

DIMWIT: Bite my leather-clad ass, you bald fat wanker! (they keep at it)

WILMA: I'm not here... This ain't happening... Brandon Lee's not dead... repeat...

COMENTATOR: Well, start the match already! (Chuli looks depressed)

TESINPAN: _Mmm, yes, I think this will work..._ Hey! You should be ashamed of your previous victory, that was such a pathetic way to win! And your hesitation brought your enemy a ridiculous, shameful defeat! What do you have to say in your defense, huh?

CHULI: (teary-eyed) SHUT UP! (killer kick to the face)

TESINPAN: (pain) Blarg... I think the idea was good, but I should polish it a bit...

COMENTATOR: Er... contestant Te Sin Pan's mind game is too complicated for me...

TESINPAN: _Good, her will must be sinking dead low, and fast! Now, for the true fight!_

CHULI (weeps tears) I can't go on... I surrender. (runs to Boogie) (TESINPAN: (0_0).)

COMENTATOR: (0_0) Hum, well, then... the winner is constestant Te Sin Pan! Good grief boy, I'm impressed! Your technique was so sophisticated... I couldn't follow it!

TESINPAN: Nah, it was nothing... _but I wanted to fight for real..._

(While all that happens, Goku is using his renewed intelligence to gather all the Balls.)

GOKU: Now what can I do with them? Should I give them to Wilma?

NARRATION: But with new intelligence gained, he also got an inner evil... malice!

GOKU: What if I summon Ke-huron myself? Wilma doesn't have to find about this...

(Then he summons the holy dragon, and this time he is not that confused as before.)

GOKU: Are you that Ke-huron guy? (NARRATION: Yep, last time they didn't meet.)

KEHURON: _Ah, rats, it's that kid from before..._ Er, yes, I am. Express your wish, boy.

GOKU: Let me get this straight. You can grant any wish, whatever may it be, right?

KEHURON: Mmm, that is correct. _Seems like he is finally understanding this stuff..._

GOKU: Then, could you please recolor yourself with purple streamlines? I wanna see!

KEHURON: (0_0) (but does so anyway)

GOKU: AHAHAHA!!! He looks like a lollipop! I think I finally got how this works!

KEHURON: _I hate this job... but more so, I hate THIS KID..._

(Back to the stadium, the tourney is about to finish, it only remains... the final round!)

COMENTATOR: And finally, dear audience, this is the 7th and last round: the Finals!

DIMWIT: That will teach you, bald fool! Gaze at our victory and cry!

TESINPAN: _I can't underestimate this guy, looks so weird... he surely hides something_.

(Dhalsim pushes him and makes him crush the audience at his back. A camera effect.)

NACHO: Okay, okay, geez, I'll remove it! Temptation was too strong...

ALVARO: Duh, I we don't laugh at our own mistakes then people will later lash at us...

(The match begins, Te Sin Pan tries to calibrate his rival as Dhalsim stretches his arms.)

TESINPAN: (ring out) Ack... this was quite conclusive...

DIMWIT: (0_0) (HAVOC: Gosh, a killer hit!) (Roshi is blowing party poopers.)

COMENTATOR: Wow, really... we have never had a final round that, well, that short... we are surely being witnesses of the most peculiar Tenkaichi Budokai ever, people...

LOUDSPEAKER: This game's winner is: DHALSIM! (audience cheers)

COMENTATOR: Maybe you want to tell us your impressions, mister? Whatever it is.

DHALSIM: The match isn't over yet... my opponent still lives...

COMENTATOR: (0_0) (DIMWIT: (0_0).) (TESINPAN: (0_0).)

DHALSIM: Now I can reveal the truth: I came to this tournament to fight the strongest warrior of them all and defeat 'im with my own hands... so you all could see my power! Truth is, my name is not Dhalsim, but here is a hint: my true name also starts with 'D'!

COMENTATOR: Aaaah! Then he is... Count Dracula! (Dhalsim facefaults)

DHALSIM: No! (throws disguise) I am the lord of Darkness, Discolo, King of Demons!

ROSHI: No, not HIM! How can it be!? (WILMA: Do you know that beauty?)

DISCOLO: Starting today, with my opponent's defeat, I'll celebrate the forthcoming of my infernal kingdomhood! The age of Chaos is here! (AUDIENCE: What's with him!?)

DISCOLO: (grabs Te Sin) Come here, puppet, I need you! (TESINPAN: Dont' wanna!)

HAVOC: I can't let him kill Ten! _He owes me 1000 Zenni!_ I'll use the Solar Flare!

[He says that, but looks like the Dodompa. Discolo blocks it with Te Sin Pan's body.]

TESINPAN: (burns) Aaaarg! You traitooor! (pain)

DISCOLO: I believe you need some lessons on accuracy, little one. Then, Lesson One!

(The green demon does a beam cannon and disintegrates Havoc on the spot. Ouuuch.)

WILMA: And why did you knew already about this demon's identity, old fools!?

BOTH: Er, well, let's say... he was, um, our MASTER, yesss... (WILMA: (0_0).)

COMENTATOR: Hum, excuse me mister Discoloco... seeing as you are that strong... maybe we could let it pass, you know, the fact you wanted to kill yer opponent... and officially conclude the tournament, to allow people to leave... you can kill him later...

DISCOLO: Well, okay... if by doing so I can get ye to shut up...

COMENTATOR: But as you beat the finals, you must defeat Bison, Balrog and Vega!

BALROG: Wait a sec! He called you 'Bison', and that's me!

VEGA: Well, he called you 'Balrog', and that's me!

BISON: And he called you 'Vega', and that's me!

(They begin fighting among themselves for messing up ther names, Discolo not caring.)

DISCOLO: Good, now that they are outta my way, let's continue our 'thing'... puppet.

(He proceeds to fry Ten with another beam cannon... ROSHI: He didn't lose his edge!)

DISCOLO: Now it's time to finally crown myself and bring here my hordes of demons!

(While he cackles evily and goes 'I am da bomb', some people shiver and some cry.)

COMENTATOR: Gentlemen, it looks like this is the end of the world as we knew it...! And I have never attended a martial arts tournament as full of irregularities as this one!

ROSHI: I only see a viable solution... you and me will have to join forces... as before.

DIMWIT: Okay... but don't ever talk about it again!

ROSHI: _I remember the time when Discolo trained us both... then we couldn't figure out his true nature... he didn't look as GREEN as today… But later he showed us his inner fires... the evil darkness that consumed him... and it was so cool. Fun times, yep! _

(Change panel, the flash back is too long. He is imagining all of their young selves.)

ROSHI: _But, we ended up deciding that the only way to improve further was to put him out of our way, so that there couldn't be anyone stronger than us. A wise choice indeed! _

(In the thought balloon, Discolo's silouette is crossed out and both pupils get happy.)

ROSHI: _It was him, Cane Dimwit, who best applied our master's teachings... about me, well, I've always been a wanker, and too lazy to do it... but never admited it until today. _

DIMWIT: Well, are we going down there or do you want to keep daydreaming?

ROSHI: Oh, okay, excuse me... (DIMWIT: Lack of initiative was always your doom!)

BOTH: Stop right there, Discolo! We have come to put an end to your evil plans!

DISCOLO: Well, well, aren't you my dearest disciples?

ROSHI: Good... what was the technique we used to defeat him the last time, then?

DIMWIT: Dunno! Weren't you the one who did all the work?

ROSHI: Of course not! We decided it would be YOU the one doing it!

DISCOLO: _Truth is, neither of them managed to destroy me, but I ended up believing it anyway and I was inactive for many years until today, when I realized it and got angry!_

WILMA: What do you think will happen now?

YANSHA: Well, worst case scenario would be both of them dying...

WILMA: I was refering to something BAD for us! (Goku arrives) AAAH!

GOKU: Hi Wilma, I'm back. And I managed to find all of Ke-huron's balls this time!

WILMA: Oh yes? Then bring them here at once, we need them now more than ever!

GOKU: But I used them already, my wish was... (WILMA: Don't tell, I'll die in peace!)

(Discolo is readying the arrival of his demons, while Goku DID tell what was his wish.)

WILMA: And he TOLD me... I hate this bastard... (Goku crucified and bruised)

ROSHI / DIMWIT: Blast, I don't like the look of this...!

DISCOLO: My horde of demonic critters will be the one to put you out of your misery!

CHULI: (arrives) Say, Soson... aren't you gonna do something to end this?

****************************************************************

_POMPOM: Parodic name for Mr. Popo. You know what a pompom is, right?  
__DISCOLO: __Parodic name for Piccolo. Means 'rebellious', 'untamed'. Fits him nicely.  
__DISCOLOCO: Comentator's one-liner nickname means 'scratched disk' in Spanish.  
__BISON / BALROG / VEGA: They were renamed from the japanese version of Street Fighter to the american one, thus the joke about their names switching around._


	8. issue 8: Soson has finally grown up!

ISSUE # 8:

_THAT STUPID SOSON HAS (FINALLY) GROWN UP! _

Today, it turns to happen that Soson becomes an adult then marries and has a son. You say it sounds like cheap soap opera? Yep, I thought so too. But again, what do I know?

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GOKU: Er, what were you saying again...?

CHULI: I can't believe it! It's only logical you wouldn't recognize me, as I changed my looks and signed up in this tourney with a fake name in order to mislead my father, but how can you remain so impervious to what's happening around you? So... ignorant?

WILMA: Oh, well, 'ignorance' is embedded deep in his character. And who were you?

CHULI: I am Chicha, daughter of Yumas the Ogre! (WILMA: (0_0).) When we met in the past... I was so moved by your strenght and talent I decided to spend the rest of my life making myself worthy of you, so I became a martial artist... but in this tournament you have completely dissapointed me! You are but a shadow of your former self! And to make matters worse, you still haven't had your growth spurt! You're still a midget!

WILMA: That's true...aren't you in that age, you know, about to grow up?

GOKU: You think? (BOOM!) well that's better. What a silly oversight! (Adult Goku)

ALL: (0_0)... (BOOGIE: This kid ain't normal...) (CHULI: Yeah, I knew that...)

(Back in the arena Roshi and Dimwit are still fighting Discolo, or more like 'resisting'.)

DIMWIT: We still aren't done for! (ROSHI: Shut up, you masochist...)

DISCOLO: Good, as you wish... you will have a second session... and this time will be 'on the house'. MWAHAHAHA! I am veeery evil... and I love Julio Iglesias! (BOOM!)

BOTH: (pain) URG!!! (ROSHI: Bluffer!)

DIMWIT: Arg, no...! My sunglasses broke! The suuun...! (melts)

DEMON: Let's see what happens with this other one. (steals glasess) (FLAAAM!)

(Roshi has let out an eye beam just like Cyclops but quickly puts on his glasses again.)

DISCOLO: Mwahahaha, seeing as I am having that much fun, I think I'm gonna let any volunteer come down here to try and stop me from unleashing the ultimate apocalypse!

GOKU: (thrown to the arena) Ack...! (ALL: Down with him, guys!)

DISCOLO: Well, well, we have a brave fella here. I'll fry him with my beam cannon!

GOKU: I don't fear you! I'll block your attack! (BOOUMM!) (Goku is charred up)

YANSHA: You think he can win? (WILMA: I'm not sure anymore...)

BOOGIE: It must be me the one down there! (CHULI: No, not you, he'll beat ya!)

DISCOLO: And now, to innaugurate my kingdom of terror, I'll make a much stronger and eviler being come to this world! Behold, my son Junior! (lays a big chicken egg)

GOKU: (0_0)

JUNIOR: (egg pops) Ah, I'm so evil... I'll kill everyone! I hate peace and soap operas!

DISCOLO: Grow up, and reach the peak of your power! (makes him grow up)

WILMA: Wow, the guy is rather hot, despite his pea-colored skin...

DISCOLO: Welcome to your kingdom, Junior! (JUNIOR: Don't call me that!)

(Junior fires a ki wave agaisnt him, disintegrating Discolo. Now he will be only one.)

JUNIOR: Hum, I have anihilated daddy... I'm such an evil thing! I could't possibly be eviler than that. My evilness has reached its top! What could I do from now on? (thinks) Yeah, I know! I'll side with the good guys! Just like that Magneto dude. Yep, that's it.

(Everyone is of course shocked with this twist of events. Junior now points at Goku.)

JUNIOR: And as a token of my newfound good will, I'm honored to grant my daddy's first rank in the tournamen to this charred up dork that he defeated before passing away.

COMENTATOR: Er, well, I'll proceed to... and this way, this burnt lad whose name I ignore as his ID card was carbonized... is crowned champion of this Tenkaichi Budokai!

GOSH: (appears) I will use my power to revive the victims killed by the evil Discolo.

GOKU: (points) Look, Wilma, he's Gosh!

WILMA: Yeah, sure, and I am Queen Cleopatra. (looks) ARG! It's him, he is back! But this time you won't kill anyone, damm monster! I'll murder you myself! (whacks Gosh)

GOSH: Ouch, stop this, ouch! Listen, lady... ouch! I'll get angry and not revive anyone!

CHULI: _Mmm, dunno what to do... Boogie is so hot, but Goku has a special something._

COMENTATOR: hey, everyone get the heck outta here, we need to fumigate the place!

NARRATION: After this so-trascendental events (no, no one reached Nirvana) there is a quite wide parenthesis where nothing interesting happened, well, maybe this: Chicha, despite the true and caring love she felt for Terry Boogie, she chose to settle down with Goku, as his was larger, ahem... but she tried for a long time before achieving anything.

(Goku and Chicha are in bed, he reads 'Sex for Dorks' and she reads 'How to Rape'.)

GOKU: Chicha, you think this 'thing' goes inside this other 'thing'? Can't understand.

NARRATION: After that, we open yet another parenthesis, that compels the time this cute couple needed to have their first son and the one the kid needed to reach 4 years of age. (Age where most kids start smoking) He could only look after his father... but his mom was there to fulfill the intelectual gaps, thank Gosh.

CHICHA: No way I'm gonna let my son become a stinking moron like his father! You will read this, this and that and tomorrow you will attend my Quantum Physics class.

CHUNGOHAN: Geez, mom...

NARRATION: And a fateful day, at Moron-roshi's beach house...

CHIQUILIN: Master Roshi, come here! Soson Goku has arrived!

ROSHI: Chiquilin, I told ya these types of jokes aren't funny... oh, wonders, if it's true! _Hail Mary, full of grace..._ then, what's this thing you're carrying? A pet perhaps?

GOKU: Hello everyone! I've come to have you meet my son, Chungohan!

ROSHI / CHIQUILIN / OOLONG: The horror! The unthinkable has happened! He is reproducing! We had to take it out from the root, now it's not only him! Penitenciagite!

GOKU: (0_0) Er...

ROSHI: So, how was... I mean, how could it... happen?

GOKU: Truth is, I can't remeber how. I only know the day I awakened and Chicha was bouncing around screaming 'I knew the hypnosis was the way to go!' and she started to get fatter and fatter. Seeing as she never did eat much, I thought it was some disease and punched her in the guts... and this little one came out. I think he bumped his head too.

ROSHI / CHIQUILIN / OOLONG: The horror! The story is repeating itself! There is no hope, he will become just like his father! It's the apocalypse! Penitenciagiteee...!

(Meanwhile, above Earth, a spaceship spits a traveler pod headed towards the planet.)

GOKU: As I was saying, this is my first son. Well, mine and Chicha's. She wants more.

ROSHI: Hey Chiquilin, doesn't this reminds you of that movie, 'Ultimatum to Earth'?

GOKU: (narrows eyes) Wait a sec! I am sensing a nearby energy emission...

ROSHI: That must be the gas pipe, maybe I left it open! (enters the house)

GOKU: No, it's some type of creature! It's emanating strong energy, it will arrive soon!

(The space pod lands on Goku smashing him under it. Everyone then claps happily.)

OOLONG / CHIQUILIN / CHUNGOHAN: Bravo, master! How smart! / That's daddy!

RADITZ: (steps out) Humpf!

ALL: Ahahahaha, such kinky looks! Must be gay or something! Ahahahaha!

RADITZ: Well, it's enough! This is serious business! My name is Rolex! I'm one of the elite members of the **Guerreros del Espacio**, and of the noble race called the Puyajins!

ALL: Puyajins?! AHAHAHAHA!!! Sounds ridiculous!

ROLEX: (cries) Waaah, it's the end, our prestige... dad was right, our family's jinxed! It's so sad... blah, I need a good smoke... (lits a cigarette) Aaaah, that's a bit better...

(Throws the lighted match backwards, agaisnt the beach house, and it lights on fire.)

ROSHI: (burnt) This is Goku's doing, I'm sure! The gas is open, and he knows better than to throw a match!

GOKU: (crawls outta pod) Can't be, I was down here...

ROLEX: I am ROLEX! A Puyajin warrior of Planet Vegetal, and I am looking for my lost brother, Kagarrot! (pause) Ah, that cigarette has surely given me a pump! Mmm? (looks a Goku) You! You must be Kagarrot! I'll recognize this nimrod's face anywhere!

GOKU: What did ya call me? Don't go around pissing me, weirdo!

ROLEX: Enough! Your true name is Kagarrot, and you are member of the Puyajin race, fearsome space warriors known for our use and abuse of hurtful puns during a battle! It seems that your Intelligence Quotient has sunk to granitic mineral-levels, so that you are unable to realize it! You are ashaming our family... that's why I need to anihilate you!

GOKU: Oh... but wait, won't you give me a chance to join you and amend my actions?

ROLEX: Er, yes, I know it's the typical thing to do, but in your case... heck, do you want to?

GOKU: No, I'd NEVER join a bloodthirsty gang like yours! _I've always wanted to say it!_

ROLEX: Bah, one less dork to care about! With your crappy ki, you won't last half a sneeze agaisnt me!

CHUNGOHAN: Speaking of it, I think I'm gonna... ATCHOOO! (headbutts Rolex)

ROLEX: Arg...! (bends over) My triple bypass, he broke it... uuurg...! (dies)

CHUNGOHAN: Smashing, guys! I killed my uncle! I'm gonna be the hottest stuff in school!

(In the spaceship, some black silouettes are monitoring Rolex's actions, and defeat...)

FIGURE: He killed Rolex!

FIGURE 2: Bastards! But don't worry, we figured out what we wanted... Get my pod ready!

(Back in Earth, Oolong and Chiquilin plunder Rolex's corpse, Goku thanks Chungohan)

GOKU: My son, you are the best, thanks, thanks...! (narrows eyes) I sense more energy!

ROSHI: No, you don't sense anything! You heard? Anything! (whacks him)

(Two space pods approach Earth, but bounce on some invisible barrier and keep orbiting)

GOKU: The energy from before... it has vanished... how?

VOICE: It was me! (ALL: Discolo, King of Demons!) Yeah, I already know, shut up...

(Ma Junior will be called Discolo from now on, to avoid confusion. He is gonna explain the situation.)

DISCOLO: You must come with me to Gosh's Palace! I and him must reveal something of the utmost importance.

(Cut to Heaven, they all are on one of the chambers, checking the place.)

ROSHI: Hum, art deco, Gosh has good tastes...

GOKU: Everything looks somehow smaller than last time. (GOHAN: Because you grew up, dad...)

GOSH: I'm glad you could come so fast, I need to make some facts public to you all... first things first, you all must know that Discolo and I... are the very same person!

GOKU: (takes a look) Mmm... sure, old man, sure... poor guy, must be senile or else.

GOSH: Enough crap! You must know that in the beginning, I came here to work as God but the one holding the rank back then didn't judge me worthy... so I split up in two to outnumber him and steal his job! My evil part became Discolo, and fleed to spread the chaos around.

(Pause to use a flashback image, then back to the present.)

GOSH: But now, although Discolo has sided with us, Earth is again in danger. And that is where we need you, Goku! That guy who you happily disposed of had been identified as a Puyajin, and the worst part is that he identified Goku as one of his own family!

GOKU: Yep, I know!

GOSH: Worse yet is, more of them are heading to Earth! Right now, we have blocked their entry and stuck them orbiting the planet, but we must do something drastic, NOW!

DISCOLO: The Puyajin race are famous world destroyers... who later sell them to fast-food restaurants!

CHIQUILIN: Oh, I understand! We need to tell them we have Goku, one of their family as hostage, and threaten to kill him if they don't abandon the idea of invading us!

DISCOLO: Nope, it's not that easy. I must ask for your full colaboration to make my plan work. Right now you are quite strong, but you lack a rigourous training, and you'll be no match agaisnt two or more of them. Rolex forgot to mention it, but the remaining ones are quite stronger than him... your hope is a certain sensei, who lives in the Other World, that will teach you everything you lack as for now. But to reach his place, you'll have to die first... meanwhile I will train your son, I saw he has some potential...

GOKU: And how do I make it back, then?

DISCOLO: Don't worry, we'll take care of that later.

GOKU: Well, I agree... I believe it's the only viable solution, right...

DISCOLO: _Heh heh, I made up absolutely everything..._ Seeing as you are tough as nails, we'll need to use some drastically effective method to achieve your necessary defunction.

ROSHI: I want to do it! Or at least let me give the first strike!

GOKU: Oh, they really care about me, wanting to give me a chance agaisnt the enemy... (tears) but wait a sec, when I arrive there... who do I need to look for? What's his name?

DISCOLO: Oh, he's... Peskaito, yep! He's blue, and with two antennas! IAAAH!

(Discolo cracks Goku's head after a while of pounding away. Roshi's quite grossed out.)

ROSHI: Bleagh, such brutish methods... last time I saw a face like his was in a Pizza Hut.

DISCOLO: Now I'll take the brat with me to train him. I'll make him into a real man!

GOSH: I trust his plan, Earth would be in grave danger if not for him...

ROSHI: Chiquilin, look out for Te Sin Pan's phone number, and Yansha's as well!

POMPOM: Er, Gosh, with all my respects... I don't intend on cleaning 'that'...

(Discolo is flying away with Chungohan, but he has plans of his own for the kid.)

DISCOLO: _Now I'll get the brat outta my way and then I'll be the one and only Earth's defender, heh heh! _Ops, I don't know how he could slip my grasp and drop...! Sayonara baby!

(He drops Chungohan into Jurassic Park's perimeter. Meanwhile, Goku reachs the Other World)

GOKU: Hey, milady, you see, I'm a married man and... huh?

(Goku has arrived at King Yenma's place, but sees Genma Saotome and Judge Dredd.)

DREDD: Prepare to be judged! We are the LAW!

GOKU: Er, before saying anything, could you tell me where is Peskaito's place, please?

GENMA: (waits) (sweats) (puts out sign reading 'Arg, pandas can't talk!')

GOKU: (facefaults) (Genma's sign: 'I'm also the complaints book clerk')

DREDD: The guy you are looking for lives at the end of Snake's Way, third door on the righ. (GOKU: Oh, thanks.) Not so fast, alleged 'innocent'! First you must sign up here... your inmigration papers!

(Time passes. Gohan is skillfuly evading some T-rex's, while the space pods keep at it.)

PUYAJIN: The heck's going on? If I get a hold of the maintenance mechanic...!

CHUNGOHAN: (cries) What can I do? My dad died and I am lost in this big jungle...

FIGURE: Don't worry kid, cheer up already!

(Cut to Roshi's beach house, being repaired after the fire. Everyone else is there.)

ROSHI: I'm glad you are all here, the matter is really dire this time. First of all... you should know Goku has died. (everyone uncorks champagne) Wait, I'm not finished...! It seems that some alien warriors named Puyajins had decided to conquer Earth, they are quite the tough stuff, so I am relying on you to put a stop to their plans. What do you say?

(Te Sin Pan, Yansha and Wilma flee away leaving a cartoony smoke cloud behind.)

ROSHI: I see you are all bravery and courage... then you should know as well that Soson died to be able to train in the Other World in order to become stronger! Take that!

WILMA: God, he is much stupider than I thought, then!

YANSHA: When I think it could have been as easy as feeding him TNT calling it 'red chocolate'...

******************************************************************

_ROLEX: Parodic name for Raditz, as in the famous manufacturer of wristwatches.  
__KAGARROT: Was already explained: 'Cagarruta' meaning 'piece of crap'.  
__PUYAJINS: Parodic name for the Saiyajins, 'puya' meaning 'pun' in Spanish.  
__GUERREROS DEL ESPACIO: Name given to the Saiyans in the early Spanish dub.  
__VEGETAL:Of course, means 'vegetable' in Spanish.  
__PESKAITO: Was already explained, it was going to be King Kai's parodic name.  
__GENMA: He's there in place of King Yenma, as they sound phonetically similar. _


	9. issue 9: Vegetal arrives! Or something

ISSUE # 9:

_VEGETAL HAS ARRIVED! OR SOMETHING. _

Soson Goku is still missing, lost in the Other World. Chungohan is lost as well... in the jungle (and is becoming a hippy) Wilma keeps looking for the Balls. And an ominous menace threatens our dear planet. Uf, I'm sooo scared.

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ONI CLERK: At the end of this path lies the home of our master, Peskaito.

GOKU: Isn't it a bit, well, LONG? And why is it called 'Snake's Way', huh?

ONI CLERK: Here is the answer to both questions. (opens a box) (snake jumps out)

SNAKE: Hissssh! (GOKU: (0_0).) (snake pursues Goku)

ONI CLERK: With the incentive we give to everyone who must travel from here, they will feel as if the journey lasted a wheeze. Run, Incentive, run! You almost got him!

(Back to Earth. Everyone is preparing for the fight the best they can.)

ROSHI: By now Goku must be starting his training in the Other World. Ah, how I envy him.

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬)

(Discolo is meditating in some mountain, levitating rocks. Wilma approaches him.)

WILMA: Ne, Discolo, where is Chungohan? I want to have a talk with him.

DISCOLO: Don't know. He dissapeared when I wasn't watching. (WILMA: What?!) Hey, I'm not his nanny, okay? And I'm busy training. I you want him, go look for him yourself.

WILMA: _You mean peahead...! But well, I only wanted to know if he would lend me his Ke-huron Ball, as I'm gathering them again... I suppose I could always locate him with my Ball Scanner..._ Let's see. What! He is THAT far away?! I must ask dad for money...

(Goku has seemingly reached the end of Snake's Way, just as the snake dropped dead.)

GOKU: Arf, finally, this bugger has fainted... Huh? It's Peskaito's place! I did it, yay!

(He takes a look around and sees Peskaito's planet is just a few meters away from the start of Snake Way. He dones a BIG sweatdrop. Then starts running towards the place)

GOKU: Eeeeh, Master Peskaito! Hi, it's me, I'm finally here! (PLAM!)

(He crashes agaisnt the planet's surface, and then gravity readjusts around himself.)

MARSUPILAMI: (appears) Huba?

GOKU: ??? Master Peskaito? Is that you?

PESKAITO: (arrives) No, it's not me! I'm fed up of people mistaking me for my pet!

GOKU: Ah, yes, I remember now... blue and with antennas... Discolo said so...

(In the jungle we know well, Wilma is smacking some raptors with her new mecha suit)

WILMA: Good, these overgrown lizards won't bother me anymore. They almost scratch my new mecha suit. The Scanner's signal points to that waterfall straight there! Lesee...

(Chungohan, Pumba and Timon from 'Lion King' are singing Hakuna Matata.)

WILMA: I'm siiick, SICK of this damm family of morooons...! (screams)

CHUNGOHAN: What's up with the histeric lady?

PUYAJIN: (in space) Er, boss, I suppose the dry-cleaner's bill is covered by our insurance, right?

PUYAJIN 2: Shut up dork, don't go talking about those dirty things or I'll want to as well...

CHUNGOHAN: (back in Earth) And then I decided to abandon the fighting. My friends here have convinced me to join their comunnity, and from now on I will avoid anything having to do with materialism, violence or even playing lottery.

WILMA: Good then. What sort of place is this, huh?

CHUNGOHAN: As my friends told me, this was an experimentation ground for cloning dinosaurs by recovering their fosilized DNA, then completing it with frogs', anphibians' and the like. Too bad the first results were not exactly the most satisfactory.

(Some nearby triceratops are croaking and eating flies. The panel changes to a sunset.)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, say hello to mom on my behalf, and tell her to not worry about me, as I'm very comfortable here and I hope you are able to take on the coming Puyajins!

WILMA: What?! Are you gonna pass from everything while those brutes come and beat us? Don't you want to face them? No way kid, I don't wanna either, so you WILL go cause I'm boss! (lifts him) (runs)

CHUNGOHAN: Hey, Wilma, It's about five o'clock, you don't want to be roaming the jungle at this hour!

WILMA: Why not, kiddo? (CRACK!) (CHUNGOHAN: That's why...)

(A parachuting elephant has dropped on Wilma's mecha suit and smashed it to pieces.)

CHUNGOHAN: I bet you didn't know why the crocodiles were so flat...

WILMA: Yes, I KNEW! (cries) Waaah, my thing with this family must be a curse...

CHUNGOHAN: Uf, man, if you are so desperate... I think yes, I'll go. You were right, I was wrongly used to live in this place, where everything's so easy... I must risk my life for the ones that trust me, and if I die... well, my sacrifice won't have been in vain.

(Wilma sweeps a tear. Back to Peskaito's planet, he is making his prerequisites known.)

PESKAITO: The rules for training under my guidance are very strict... and there exists an essential requisite for being admited! (GOKU: What is it?) You must tell me a joke of make me laugh somehow! It can get pretty boring here only with this monkey around...

GOKU: _What do I do now? I have no idea about joke-telling!_ You said 'laugh', right?

[Goku kicks Peskaito's ankle off-screen, and it gives him a teary-eyed fit of laughter.]

GOKU: Er, I only knew of this method, so...

(Meanwhile, in Roshi's rebuilt beach home, training is quite tough as well.)

LUNCH: Te Sin Pan, your drink!

OOLONG: We were lucky they finally wanted to train, right Master?

ROSHI: Not quite... the oncoming battle's outcome is still uncertain... I'm inclined to believe it'll be a good idea to ask my sis, Babosa the Fortuneteller, about the future of this conflict. I think she announces her telephone on TV. (Oolong goes to get it)

CHIQUILIN: Geez, that Te Sin Pan guy is hella lucky! It was by pure chance that girl with the personality disorder found him in the disco pub and stuck to him like glue!

YANSHA: Yep, lifes sucks that many shades of color... I'm still not sure myself about what Wilma really feels for me. And I tried to get some face-scars to show more character!

HAVOC: Hard cutter work, if I dare say.

(Wilma and Chungohan have reached the plains where Discolo is training.)

WILMA: Ep, Discolo! Chungohan says he wants you to train him for future battles.

DISCOLO: (0_0) _Son of a... he survived! _ Eeer, of course! The time you spent in that jungle was part of your special training, I had it all planned, kid! _Damm, he's still alive!_

WILMA: (cries) Waaah, I can't believe it, the boy is a true hero...! (sobs)

(In Babosa's office, the fortuneteller uses her ball while everyone gathers around.)

BABOSA: Oh magic ball of inmense power and 200000 Zenni price-tag that I still have to pay in easy-to-do installments... show us the inmediate future, the battle's outcome!

(In the ball appear Nacho and Alvaro, about to shoot their own brains out.)

ROSHI: What was that?

BABOSA: Dunno, there must be some interference... now I'm getting something! (ball image changes) Some powerful warriors coming from a far, far away world smash and destroy everything they find... but the war isn't over yet and it must continue on another place! It seems to be related to Discolo, king of demons... (finishes) Well, now for my fortune's fee, kiddo. It's gonna cost you half a million... or my boys will take care of ye.

(Back in Peskaito's place, he has regained composure and further explains things.)

PESKAITO: Well, once passed your, ahem, admission trial, let's begin the lessons.

GOKU: I said I'm sorry...

PESKAITO: For starters, you must concentrate all your energy in your exercises, as to make them more fruitful... (huba!) Once you have learned to channel all that energy, you'll know how to dosify it as to make the most of the battle... (huba!) You could use it all at once if the enemy is tougher than you thought. (huba!) If you excuse me... ARGN!

(The Kai chops his Marsu's tail off, and it transforms into a regular black monkey.)

MONKEY: Huba?

PESKAITO: Bah, let's forget all that theory and begin practising. Catch that bug here!

GOKU: (sprays Gregory) (GREGORY: Aaaag...)

PESKAITO: NO, NO! You had to use this mallet I was gonna lend you! (huba!)

GOKU: Ah, okay...

PESKAITO: Meh, let's leave that one too. We will start another practical exercise. You must learn to channel your energy with exercises that will serve you as a warming up...

GOKU: And what's that?

PESKAITO: You'll know soon. MWAHAHAHA! (huba?)

WILMA: (back in Earth) Are you sure this training isn't unnecessarily risky?

DISCOLO: 'course not, it's about time he became a real man.

(Chungohan is wearing only a sign saying 'I hate niggers' in a conflictive looking area.)

NARRATION: This is the 'indirect' training designed for Soson Goku.

(He is seen washing a car, painting a fence, sweeping leaves and building an underway.)

PESKAITO: His 'indirect training' is becoming rather productive, if I may say... He is making this planetoid look like new! I think I'll later make him wash Snake's Way...

PUYAJIN: Look out boss, here comes the Hubble! (clunc!)

PUYAJIN 2: We are running out of food and I need a shaving! We must end this now!

NARRATION: Chungohan continues his rigourus training... the best he's able...

DISCOLO: (in a hospital) When you pass these ones, I'll add anothers. _Ack, he did it! _

CHICHA: (outside the room) Where is my dear boy?

NURSE: Miss, don't panic please, put that nuclear head down!

(GOSH: Hum, the Puyajins are exerting great pressure on our control forces... we can't hold them in orbit for much longer. I sincerely hope our fighters are getting better...)

CHIQUILIN: Zzzz... (sleeps under weights)

YANSHA: Should I awake him or can I count on you?

TESINPAN: But do it quietly, if Master Roshi busts us he is able to make us continue!

CHICHA: (entered room) What's this thing I keep hearing about my kid fighting super warriors from another planet?

DISCOLO: It is what he decided himself. (CHUNGOHAN: It's true mom, I want to.)

CHICHA: Shut up, boy! This doesn't concern you!

CHUNGOHAN: But everything's part of his plan... you see, when Discolo killed dad...

CHICHA: He killed WHO?! (DISCOLO: Don't try to fix it, kiddo...)

(Chicha verbally fights Discolo, calling him 'monster' and 'kiwi-face'. Wilma waits.)

PESKAITO: A little more... okay, perfect! I've always wanted more floors on my hut...

GOKU: (atop the skyscraper) Whew. After all this, I must have done a ton of training.

PESKAITO: Hum, I'm fresh out of ideas... I think it's about time I send him back... a shame he couldn't wait. Now I'll think of the techniques he's supposed to have learned.

(In space, the Puyajins have finally escaped from Gosh's mind lock. He is shocked.)

PUYAJIN: Ha, I did it, finally we retook the controls!

GOSH: Oh no, they are free!

PESKAITO: (back there) And doing this hand gesture you'll pull out the Kai Asskick, of course, don't forget to shout out its name very loudly to make its copyrights clear...

GOKU: (narrows eyes) And this thing that suddenly appeared... what is it?

PESKAITO: I think something is happening on Earth... It looks like... a typographical symbol indicating 'admiration' or 'surprise'... I'll connect to check... (uses antennas)

GOKU: Well, if you can channel **Cadena Cien** it's good enough for me.

PESKAITO: The Puyajin invaders from planet Vegetal! They are landing on Earth!

GOKU: Ha, that's why I have been training for! I must get back at once!

PESKAITO: Not so fast boy, you can't return to the world of the Living if someone does not revive you first! Moreover, you still have to pay for your classes, of course...

ROSHI: (in Earth) So they are arriving! Well, I'll tell you my plan. I'll figure out where the space pods will land, and I will get Chiquilin, Havoc, Te Sin Pan and Yansha there. So Ulom and Miss Lancha, go to the hospital and retrieve Chungohan, and... Wilma...

WILMA: Yes I know, look for the Balls. I want to wish that...

ROSHI: That can wait! Make him revive Goku! (WILMA: You crazy?!) Don't question my orders now, this is an emergency! Go finish gathering them and do as I said!

WILMA: (grunts) (ROSHI: Discolo, help her, and make it on time!) (Discolo grunts)

COMPUTER: Fifteen minutes until landing... selecting landing point... biiip...

NARRATION: Guided by Roshi's trusty instincts our friends look for such landing site.

ROSHI: (from the airship) I can't be wrong, it is just ahead... due North!

NARRATION: ... quest which ends up being quite longer than expected...

TESINPAN: (looking at the pyramids) Er, Master Roshi, you sure it's around here?

NARRATION: Meanwhile, thanks to Discolo's power the Balls are gathered again...

WILMA: I think you overreacted when that lady didn't want to give you the Ball that landed in her living room. You didn't need to stuff it through her anus and back out...

DISCOLO: Shut up, I know how to handle this stuff...

WILMA: Well then... I summon you, holy dragon, Ke-huron! (FUOOOSSH!)

KEHURON: Here I am! Express your wish, then!

WILMA: We want... er, command you to revive Soson Goku, stuck in the Other World!

KEHURON: (0_0) Ahem, don't you want ANY other thing? If you are out of ideas...

DISCOLO: Heck, I personally...

(In the Other World, strings are being pulled so that Goku can go back to his world.)

ONI CLERK: Mister Soson Goku, your presence is required on planet Earth.

GOKU: Yay, good! (jumps outta Snake's Way) Well, later guys, we need me there...

DREDD: Wait a sec, kid! It's not that easy, you can't go to and from the Other World as if you traveled from **Villarriba** to **Villabajo**! There's paperwork, signing out and...!

(Judge Dredd keeps on rambling, while Ulom and Lancha sort of kidnap Chungohan.)

LANCHA: We are outta here! (shoots her machine gun)

ULOM: You know, Lancha, I'm impressed by the way you convinced Miss Chicha...

(She tied her up with hospital stuff, McGiver style. Roshi and the others keep searching)

TESINPAN: Master Roshi, I'm starting to doubt your sense of direction! (shivers)

ROSHI: (kicks a penguin) Blah... hey, wait a sec! They won't even go near where we were heading! Such a silly mistake... but then, WHERE the heck are they gonna land?

(Two shiny dots in the sky fly above Kame House. They are the pods, which crash it.)

VEGETAL: (emerges) Well, I'll say it's about time we get to work, right Napalm?

NAPALM: 'Course, boss! _If I get a hold of the orbiting-around dude, I'll impale him in a lamp post! _

*****************************************************************

_BABOSA: Means 'slug' in Spanish. Parodic name for Baba.  
__KAI ASSKICK: In the original it was called 'Golpe de Peskaito'. I needed something that sounded similar to 'Kaio Ken'...  
__ULOM: Funny way of pronouncing Oolong's name. I think.  
__LANCHA: Spanish for 'motorboat', here is Lunch's parodic name.  
__CADENA CIEN: Name of a radio channel, still broadcasted in Spain.  
__VILLARRIBA / VILLABAJO: Names of two cities featured in Fairy's detergent ads in Spain.  
__NAPALM: __Parodic name for Nappa. Exactly what it says on the name. _


	10. issue 10: Ye who plants

ISSUE # 10:

_YE WHO PLANTS..__. _

This time stuff happens between main characters who like to beat the bush, some evil seeds and a much-eviler-yet 'vegetable'. It looks like a gardening manual, you say? But it isn't. It's the craziest series ever conceived by human minds. Well, 'minds', really...

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GOSH: Attention all nimrods down below! I am Gosh, speaking directly to your human impeded minds! Those Puyajins have arrived, they are in Kame House's ruins! Go there inmediately or we all will be doomed! (ROSHI: My house...) Soson Goku is yet to get out of the Other World (LANCHA: Am I hearing _more _voices?) so you need to buy him time and keep them busy till he arrives! So move your collective asses, now!

WILMA: (piloting) Crap, that's why I gave up my wish?! I hope Goku arrives soon!

(While she pilots her airship to arrive there, Goku is still signing up emigration papers.)

DREDD: When you finish the B4 form you need to sign up in this red booklet, once per page, as to buy time while I get the family registry: you must fill it with yer detailed bio and then we will be ready to take your fingerprints... blah blah...

(Back to Earth. The big Puyajin is detecting incoming life forms in his scouter.)

NAPALM: Boss, I detect some sentient beings approaching at great speeds!

VEGETAL: Good, I needed some warming up after all that stupid spinning around!

ROSHI: (inside airship) Ack, I see them! I can see them now! My home... damm it!!!

YANSHA: (as well) Calm down master, leave them to us! And leave me alone already!

(As he doen't, the airship crash lands and the bunch of heroes finally can see the threat.)

TESINPAN: Those are the Puyajins?

YANSHA: They are only two, we still outnumber them!

CHIQUILIN: Don't trust their looks!

LANCHA: Wait a fricking sec! Why do you start without us? We brought Chungohan!

TESINPAN: Oh, yes... but we still lack someone... here they are! (engine noises)

WILMA: (disembarks) We wished Goku back to life, but he's still missing! I feel dirty...

DISCOLO: Me too, but for another reason... (has puked)

CHIQUILIN: Still missing? That's bad, isn't it? (YANSHA: Quite bad!)

ROSHI: Don't get discouraged, we aren't defenseless. (LANCHA: You tell them gramps!)

SOMEONE: But when Goku arrives... should we grant him the leadership? / Man, don't know if.. / I don't think of him as the most adecuate! / Discolo, you have the most, well, charisma, maybe you... / I won't be calling anyone on a first name basis, forget it!

PUYAJINS: (0_0) (VEGETAL: Hey, wait, time out! Let's remember why are we here!)

ALL: Oh, yes, we forgot...

VEGETAL: I am Prince Vegetal, from the planet of the same name, and I'm of the great Puyajin race, as well as my subordinate Napalm, and between the two of us we'll smash you good and later turn his planet into raw material to flavour up a fast food meal!!!

NAPALM: Hey boss, that green one... isn't he of planet Vietnamek? (VEGETAL: Now that you mention it...)

BOTH: Ahahahaha! Why is a Vietnamek's wussy stuck here?

VEGETAL: Those pea-heads are just a bunch of tree-hugging pacifist hippies! (laughs)

DISCOLO: So I am... I am an ALIEN too?!

(GOSH: I didn't... I didn't know I was a member of... a race full of pussies...)

VEGETAL: Now, enough beating the bush and let's get into business, shall we?

NAPALM: Lesee... there are about ten of them, we should reduce such difference a bit.

VEGETAL: Anyway, this could be fun... so bring out this concoction of yours, quick!

(Napalm brings out a flask and sprays many bugs and plants, Vegetal happily bounces.)

TESINPAN: What's this?! It was you who said to get serious, didn't you?

VEGETAL: Oh, I can assure you, what will come now... is quite serious business...

(A giant flytrap, a giant boxing ant and an overgrown salamander arrive at the scene.)

GOOD GUYS: (0_0)

VEGETAL: Anyone who survives these buggers' attack will later have to face us! Haw haw, I'm da bomb!

GOOD GUYS: This ain't gonna be easy... but here we go!

VEGETAL: When they are done for, we'll begin destroying the planet... easy, isn't it?

NAPALM: Simple and effective as always, boss.

(Goku is still signing up booklets and the like, while our heroes beat on the monsters.)

TESINPAN: Come one, give them no quarter! (goes multi-arm)

ANT: (punches Chiquilin) (YANSHA: That ant bitch is lashing at Chiquilin!)

TESINPAN: I'll go help him! (cartoon fight noises)

(Discolo stretches his arm and snatches the vulture from The Smurfs, now also an enemy.)

LANCHA: Look out for that plant thingy! (shoots it)

YANSHA: Well, we've finished the birdbrain, the lizard and the ant. Go for the plant!

CHIQUILIN: (bruised) Why the heck didn't you smack her before?!

TESINPAN: Er, you know, we had to distract her first, the surprise factor and all...

LANCHA: (flytrap grabs her) Let me go, bitch! (more shooting)

(Te Sin Pan cuts the plant down with giant shears and a straw hat, it releases Lancha.)

TESINPAN: Take that! (cuts) Huh?

VEGETAL: Heh, heh... gotcha.

(The flytrap's bulb opens and it releases some Saibamen, sporting Banzai bandannas.)

LANCHA: What are those things?!

VEGETAL: They are Sobai Men, a variety of mutant lentils who grab their victims and never let them go! They come equipped with an explosive jacket too! Mwahaha, I rule!

NAPALM: Hey boss, when are we gonna fight? (Vegetal facefaults) I'm getting bored.

(Two Sobais grab Yansha and Roshi, while another two grab each other, and explode.)

CHIQUILIN: Yansha! (ULOM: Master Roshi!) (WILMA: Those two morons!)

VEGETAL: What, did you think this was a game? Why yes, it is... but I make the rules! (pause) Now you, remaining ones, can try to defeat us if you want. _Heh, their ki is absolute crap..._

DISCOLO: (stares) I will go first... let's see what you are made of! (puts cape away)

NAPALM: Let me go first, boss! (VEGETAL: Okay then. _Poor guy was getting bored...)_

DISCOLO: WOOOOH! (runs) (NAPALM: IAAAAH!) (runs too)

VEGETAL: Maybe you should pay attention to WHERE are you running, imbeciles!

(They were running away from each other, fact that causes a giant collective facefault.)

DISCOLO: Er, let's get to the point then! I'll fry you with my Spectral Attack!

NAPALM: Oh yeah? Then I have an Earth Spells' Barrier and one 'Lord of the Pit'!

DISCOLO: Ha, you won't have an Air Elemental by any chance?

NAPALM: Take that, now I have double lands! (DISCOLO: Screw it, I'll use a God's Fury!)

(For the ignorant, they seem to be d-d-d-dueling with Magic the Gathering cards now.)

CHUNGOHAN: (out of his plaster cast) Arf, finally! (ULOM: Sorry, forgot about ya.)

TESINPAN: What the fuck are those two doing? (HAVOC: I haven't the foggiest!)

VEGETAL: (¬_¬) Ahem! (coughs)

DISCOLO / NAPALM: Er, yes, ahem... (put cards away)

NAPALM: Was my turn, right? (DISCOLO: I think.) HA! (punches) (DISCOLO: Ack, he tricked meee!)

VEGETAL: Good job, Napalm. How about killing that spider-man there next?

TESINPAN: Wha? Who, where? (LANCHA: (¬_¬).)

(DREDD: Here are the entrance registries, you must sign them up too... ??? HE FLED!)

(Napalm grabs Ten and tears one of his arms out. Doesn't seem to hurt him much.)

NAPALM: It'll be worse, I swear. Haw haw! (tears more arms)

HAVOC: Te Sin Pan! You still owe me those 1000 Zenni! I won't let you die!

(Jumps to Napalm and attempts to use a grenade, but bites the wrong end and it blows him up.)

VEGETAL: Napalm! Finish tearing up the bald one, I want some action too! (NAPAL: This is lasting too much!)

CHIQUILIN: Can we know just what sort of grenade did you give Havoc, Lancha?

LANCHA: Shut up midget, only I are allowed to save my boy! Any problem?

ULOM: Then hurry up, if you wanna have something left to save...

TESINPAN: _Must use my last strenght... to use my most powerful move..._ KI CANNON!

(Uses a capsule to bring out a missile cannon, then fires it. The Puyajin seems burned...)

TESINPAN: (Napalm fires) Fuck! (ki wave fries him)

LANCHA: Aaaarg! Fire at will! Kill that son of a bitch!

(Chiquilin and Chungohan pull out some firearms too and shoot Napalm all at once.)

VEGETAL: (explosion) Geez man, all that for... well, dunno...

(Incredibly, Napalm is only mostly bruised! At the same time, Goku dashes trough the skies.)

GOKU: I finally managed to escape! I couldn't stand it anymore, I see signatures everywhere!


	11. issue 11: It is about, well, fights

ISSUE # 11:

_IT IS ABOUT, WELL... FIGHTS._

This issue looks like a crossover between Rambo, Apocalypse Now and some Kelloggs adverts (because of the 'Smacks', tee hee...) Vegetal, busy with his fight agaisnt Soson, didn't remember to write his article this time. Aaaag, when I get him...!

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VEGETAL: Come on Napalm, kill whoever you want, but do it now!

NAPALM: Gñññ... (prepares a ki wave)

CHIQUILIN: What do we do?! (ULOM: Maybe you could block it?)

LANCHA: He would have to go over our cold, dead bodies!

(A twinkle appears above Napalm. It's Goku, who drops on his head and diverts the shot.)

DISCOLO: (0_0) Yikes! (is fried)

CHIQUILIN: It's Soson Goku, he is finally back! (WILMA: (cries) I knew there was no hope...!)

CHUNGOHAN: Mister Discolo! Don't die! I'm in your debt! (sobs) I'll avenge you!

DISCOLO: (burnt) _Shut yer trap, damm brat... let me die already..._

GOKU: (looks at Napalm) Wow, this one's out of conmission... sorry, was by chance...

CHIQUILIN: Soson Goku, you came FLYING! Did that Other World's sensei teach you how to, huh?

GOKU: Well, truth is, no one ever told me I couldn't... but then I realized it and dropped like a brick... (Chiquilin facefaults)

VEGETAL: _This guy's a Puyajin, I can sense our characteristic energy flowing through him! Then he's really Kagarrot... he must be a super skilled and seasoned warrior to be able to have killed Rolex and Napalm... and now it's my turn! Will this be my end?_

GOKU: Well, let's see! Where the heck are those Puyajins!? (collective facefault)

CHIQUILIN: Not even standing up, he lets me...

GOKU: Mmm? And who are you, by the way? (VEGETAL: Yer fucking mother! Don't mess with me!)

(Goku cries in his shoulder going 'Mommy, I finally found you!'. Everyone's shocked.)

VEGETAL: Enough nonsense! I am Prince Vegetal, from the planet of the same name, and I'll show you IM the most powerful Puyajin there ever was! Want a piece of me?!

CHIQUILIN: You see, those smartasses... calling him the same thing as the planet, heh..

ULOM: Yep, if I was baptized 'Saturn', I'll probably commit suicide or else... (Vegetal cries)

CHIQUILIN: Hey, what's the problem with that planet's dudes? They all react the same!

WILMA: Must be his eyes are irritated by our ever-poluted atmosphere or something.

VEGETAL: Waaaaaah...! They HAD to mention it...! (snifs) It's not fair... was not my fault... (regains composure) ARG, I'm fucking FED up with these humilliations! I AM the Puyajin, not them! You, kimono-clad braindead guy! I challenge you to a duel now!

GOKU: Me?

VEGETAL: To decide Earth's fate! We'll do it in that mountain range, we'll be alone and more comfortable!

(Vegetal grabs Goku and flies the heck outta there, while everyone else remains shocked)

CHIQUILIN: What will happen now?!

NACHO: (cameo) Is it a trick question, maybe?

CHUNGOHAN: If we were able to follow them... but they go too fast to do it on foot!

CHIQUILIN: Wait a sec, Soson said that in order to fly, you only need to not-think you could ever NOT do it... (hovers) You see? I did it! You only need to think good things!

CHUNGOHAN: Yep, me too! (hovers)

PETER PAN: Ha, I already knew dudes, that's cake for me!

CHUNGOHAN: Let's go! (they fly away) How does a duel between Puyajins look like?

CHIQUILIN: Knowing what we know, we should expect a truly spectacular match!

WILMA: What do we do then? Lancha?

(While Ulom tries to grope Blue Hair Lancha, the flyer two have arrived at the mountain range.)

CHUNGOHAN: Why do we stop here?

CHIQUILIN: They must not know we are here while we monitor the battle... Goku could use our help if things go wrong. I'm dead curious about discovering what a Puyajin duel looks like...

[Goku and Vegetal are insulting each other back and forth, much like Roshi and Dimwit did.]

CHIQUILIN: (0_0)

VEGETAL: Enough for now! Where the heck are those Ke-huron Balls? Tell me!

GOKU: How come? You just arrived on the planet and already know about those magic balls? I needed fucking YEARS to understand all that jazz! Not fair!

VEGETAL: Oh, yes, I already knew about the balls thanks to some documentary aired on **Canal Plus**, but I kept it a secret to my subordinates, as to not have them interfering! Although my mission was to reduce this planet to Happy Meal sauce, I first want my wish granted!

GOKU: (serious face) You'll have to suck it up and wait for your birthday cake. (normal) Ops! Did I say that out loud? I shouldn't have overreacted that much...

VEGETAL: Oooh, scary! Look how I tremble! I'll say it again: Where are my Balls?!

AUTHORS: We could have done many cruel jokes regarding this sentence, but decided not to.

VEGETAL: Answer me! Don't make me get violent, dork!

CHIQUILIN: No, he'll kill him! _Two consecutive times is too much!_ Destructo Saw! (CLONC!)

(He pulls out a giant handsaw and smashes Vegetal's head, making him cut his tongue.)

GOKU: Thanks for the help... I can die in peace now...

VEGETAL: Damm du, dittle baztag! Cug du to heg! (bandages tongue)

GOKU: Must stand up... and use my new powers... damm, I can't feel my legs...

CHIQUILIN: So, it wasn't funny... _Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..._ (PAF!) (smacked back to Chungohan) Boy, don't ever get in grownups' matters, promise me...

GOKU: Vegetal! (VEGETAL: Huh?) (CHUNGOHAN: Go for him daddy!)

(Goku tears his shirt and proclaims 'to go until the end' with the invader. Chungohan panics.)

CHUNGOHAN: Aaaah, for shame...! Daddy's becoming a faggot! (VEGETAL: (0_0).)

GOKU: Er, etto... bah, to hell with it! (pause) Vegetal, here comes... the Kai Asskick!

VEGETAL: _What's this strange aura around him? Did he increase his ki dramatically? Or did he fart?_

GOKU: With it I can power up my Kome-Jame-Ja Wave! You are doomed now, pal!

(With a KOME... JAME... JA! Goku blasts Vegetal and everything around him, but...)

VEGETAL: (instant movement) KIA! (smacks Goku)

GOKU: (emerges from rubble) I'm starting to get tired of this... Vegetal, this isn't fair! You have gone too far. _Aw, my head, the pain..._ You asked for it: Double Kai Asskick!

(Peskaito sneezes back at his planet, and Goku rushes to Vegetal and whacks him good.)

CHUNGOHAN: Oeooo! That's my daddy! (CHIQUILIN: Do your best Goku!)

YAJIROBE: (comes) What are those two doing?

CHIQUILIN: Who are you? (CHUNGOHAN: Your scruffy looks are quite suspicious!)

YAJIROBE: I am Yajorobais the Samurai, I wander around these lands looking for tails and then cutting them. It is like a sport to me. (they hug each other) Don't worry, I don't mean 'those' tails. I dedicate my life to such hobby to forget about my bitter past... I was a stupid youngster who wasted his savings and his parents' fortune –specially the latter- in publishing a super cool magazine with hollographic cover and all that stuff that was a complete failure –maybe because it was a monographic about the 'Little House on the Prairie'- and after hitting bankrupt and being disinherited, I decided to not stop being a fool...

(The two Puyajins keep lashing at each other. Vegetal spits and then stares at Goku.)

VEGETAL: Okay, 'corpse'... Let's rock!

(Pulls a lever on his suit and reenergizes. Yajorobais makes the other two back away.)

NACHO: Let's resume various facts that start to keep repeating themselves... Vegetal uses his newfound energy to smack Goku, he multiplies his Kai Asskick again and continues smacking him back...

ALVARO: Helped by a crib sheet to know how to pronounce the various multiplications. Hey, have you seen my new look? I made this ponytail myself. And if you don't like it, suck it up.

GOKU: You'll see! I will multiply my Kai Asskick by... Huh? My crib sheet! I lost it!

VEGETAL: Are you looking for this, by chance? (shows it) Am I quick or what?

GOKU: Give me back that sheet, cheater!

VEGETAL: Without this ridicoulus item, so typical of retards like you, you are doomed! Now get ready to suffer my Jumping Jack Flash... (looks sheet) Quintuplied!

*****************************************************************

_SOBAI MEN: In Spanish, 'sobar' means 'to caress'. Ewgh, yes it's true.  
__VIETNAMEK: __Parodic name for planet Namek, after certain conflictive Asian country.  
__CANAL PLUS: The name of a TV channel broadcasted in Spain.  
__DESTRUCTO SAW: The original named it 'Golpe de Sierra', just like the spanish dub.  
__YAJOROBAIS: 'Jorobar' meaning 'to screw up', in Spanish.  
__JUMPING JACK FLASH: Funny name for Vegeta's Final Flash, like the Kome-Jame._


	12. issue 12: It's raining whacks! Aleluya!

ISSUE # 12:

_IT'S RAINING WHACKS! (ALELUYA!)_

This time, our issue is about tails... Ahem... Vegetal gets his chopped down like a vulgar bull (next issue, the ears), there's also the Smurfs, with their blue little bottoms, my gym classes turn ME on my tail... and Soson Goku has the Intelligence Quotient of a turnip.

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VEGETAL: Ya'r deader than dung! (PAF!)

GOKU: (gets his tooth, throws it) (VEGETAL: Uck!) Heh, heh, that's called 'baring fangs'!

VEGETAL: You have spilled MY blood! Aristocratic blood! I won't ever forgive this!

GOKU: Geez, man, don't be so...

VEGETAL: I don't want this fricking planet anymore! I'll slice you along the Earth!

GOKU: (serious face) What?!

VEGETAL: (¬_¬) I said 'I don't want this fricking planet anymore! I'll slice you along the Earth!' Got it now? You should wash your ears more frequently, ya know.

(Back in Peskaito's planet, the king of Kais is meditating about such critical situation.)

PESKAITO: This doesn't look good... _I can't manage to masturbate without using my hands..._ And it seems that Vegetal is gonna destroy the Earth along with Goku... Meh, there are days you shouldn't hop out of bed... Come on, I know I can do it!

VEGETAL: I'll use one of my most devastating techniques! When I am done with you, you'll be good material to expose on a impresionist age museum, ya insolent redneck!

GOKU: (0_0)

VEGETAL: Get ready for my Garlic Lump! Become space dung along with the Earth!

GOKU: Er, but I don't know how to... if ya care to explain...

VEGETAL: Oh, don't worry, just let me. GARLIC-LUMP! (FOAAAM!)

GOKU: Grrr... I must stop that beam...! But how? If I were able to fire a Kome-Jame so powerful as to deflect it... (beam gets near) If I managed to power up my techs using the Kai Asskick... but with no crib sheet, it will be hard... (beam gets nearer) With it I could spell 'Kome-Jame-Ja multiplied by twenty six' but... (beam gets in his face) Ha, I know! KOME-JAME-JA x 26!!! (fires it, becomes bulky) Urk, man, I overdid it...

VEGETAL: The hell? (BROUUUM!)

YAJOROBAIS: Craaap! (covers) If I knew this was gonna happen I would have brought a Playdude!

VEGETAL: The bastard is surpassing my strenght! He is gonna win, geez, it's not fair!

(BROUUUM! The Puyajin is swept by the sheer force of the attack, up to the space.)

GOKU: Arg, I wasted all my energy on that one... I can't go on, my hair feels heavier...

YAJOROBAIS: Heeey, dude, you did it better than I thought! Good job! (Goku shocked)

(Vegetal is nailed into a monolith floating through space, swears not to let this one go.)

YAJOROBAIS: You did it, pal. You had everything under control, I never doubted ya.

GOKU: Er, okay, if you let me go already... by the way, who the heck are you?

VEGETAL: You haven't defeated me yet! (BOTH: (0_0).) I'll use your planet's moon!

(He fires a ki wave skywards to make the moon visible at daylight, but it is full.)

VEGETAL: Dang, I forgot that in order to transform I need a crescent moon, but I can't afford to wait for nightfall! Wait, I think I brought something for these ocassions... Ha!

(Lets go an Astro Boy-looking doll and it flies to the moon, moving a switch in its surface.)

DOLL: Well, so much for that. (switches)

VEGETAL: (looks) Ha, finally the moon is in its crescent phase! My power will be ABSOLUTE!

(Transforms into Ohzaru Vegetal, the growls and ferocious looks shock Yajorobais.)

YAJOROBAIS: Fuck!

GOKU: Man, if it is Michael Jackson! (PESKAITO: Nope, no way... can't do it.)

VEGETAL: Now I'm gonna erase you from the census, dork! Say 'Good night', spermatozoid!

(Far from there, seems like Chiquilin has forgotten something in the fight zone.)

CHIQUILIN: Let's get back, Chungohan! There is something we need to consult Goku!

(The two puyajins keep at it, or more like 'Vegetal punches and Goku luckily evades'.)

GOKU: Er, 'good night, spermatozoid'. Did I say it correctly?

VEGETAL: GRAAA! Enough crap! I'll turn you into fast food! (fails) Grn, almost...!

(Goku keeps evading and jumping, as if they were Gargamel and a random Smurf.)

VEGETAL: I'ts no use trying to flee! I'm bigger and stronger now, you won't ARCK!

(He has smashed agaisnt a rock wall, the one Goku used to hide in a cavern. He flees.)

VEGETAL: Get him Azrael!

GOKU: Smurfing! I mean... this is getting absurd!

YAJOROBAIS: (unsheats) This can't go on, I must act! Hey you, chimp-head, try and catch me!

VEGETAL: I'll get ya, bugger! Whatever it TAKES! (FOAAAM!) Crap, he escaped!

(He has fired a Chou Makohou and leveled a mountain, along with poor Yajorobais.)

YAJOROBAIS: (burnt) Ack, my best bluff ever... I think I'll let that boy do it himself...

CHUNGOHAN: (flying) You think we are doing the correct thing, going back like this?

CHIQUILIN: I said YES already!

(They fly back to the fight area while the samurai looks how the giant ape swats Goku.)

VEGETAL: You have bugged me enough! It's your end, cockroach. You'll scream your lungs out!

GOKU: Heh, if only I had strenght left to scream... IAAARRRG!

VEGETAL: Haw haw... Keep Your Fit with Jane Vegetal! Today, we'll work your legs!

GOKU: (crac!) IAAARRRG!

YAJOROBAIS: (looks) Huh? _A tail! Such terrible impulse to CUT it... but it is so big..._

VEGETAL: Now for the next exercise... let's crochet with yer guts! (CHAS!) Urk?

(The scruffy one has cut the giant tail and Vegetal reverts to normal form, then faints.)

YAJOROBAIS: Arf, I did it... I still can't believe it... at least those kids went looking for help...

CHIQUILIN: (arrives) By the way, Yajorobais! WHO did we need to ask help for?

(Next panel Chiquilin and Chungohan sport two very hurt, swollen faces for being fools.)

VEGETAL: (awakes) Curse you! You are gonna pay for cutting my tail like that! (pants drop down) Ops, I forgot that the tail was there for keeping my pants on, silly me...

YAJOROBAIS: Now's the moment boys! Attack him all at once, now that he's dizzy!

VEGETAL: (¬_¬) You trying to fight me, scruffy pig?

YAJOROBAIS: If you care to know, IM the one who cut your tail! Show more respect!

VEGETAL: So it was YOU! (CHIQUILIN: Uh oh, don't look back Chungohan...)

(The Puyajin smacks the samurai and sends him flying towards the two young wariors.)

GOKU: (pants) Must try something... must use last ounce of strenght in defeating Vegetal...


	13. issue 13: Leave already, Mister Vegetal!

ISSUE # 13:

_LEAVE ALREADY, MISTER VEGETAL!_

Soson Goku is a kid who grew up in the mountains, who had no contact ever with any civilization. A fateful day, a blonde girl in a wheelchair passed by... sorry, wrong kid. I mean, wrong anime. (NACHO: You happy, Mister Riera?) (ALVARO: We enjoyed it!)

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VEGETAL: (shuuush!) KIA! (Paaaf!)

(He moves instantly to Chungohan and punches him back to the fighting zone, Chiquilin shortly after.)

GOKU: Ah, it's you Chiquilin... I'm glad you could drop by, I need your help...

CHIQUILIN: Bite my ass! (pain)

VEGETAL: Now I'll reduce ya to dust! You will repent having tried to stop me!

GOKU: Chiquilin... this time it's serious, geez! You must use my energy... as I can't even move my eyebrows, I'll pass you the planet's energy I have been acumulating...

(They hold hands as Goku gives him various types of energy with comical effects.)

GOKU: Electric energy...! (zaps him) Hydraulic energy...! (floods him) Wind energy...! (inflates him) NUCLEAR energy! (BOUUUM!) (CHIQUILIN: I get it already!)

VEGETAL: Now let's lash at the little kid, all cowardly-and-despicable-like... Suffer, you rat! (Pafpafpaf!) If you manage to survive, your brain will have less functions than a pencil sharpener!

(Incredibly, Chungohan manages to zombily poke Vegetal's eye. He keeps on beating the kid.)

CHIQUILIN: I finally got all this energy... and now... uac! (trips)

VEGETAL: It's over for you, damm brat! (lifts a rock)

CHIQUILIN: Vegetal! (VEGETAL: Huh?) We are not done yet! Energy Ball! (fires)

(Yajorobais is holding the baldie while he shoots, Vegetal still has the rock on his hands and cannot move.)

VEGETAL: Crap, and I have my hands full! (FLOAM!) Uarg...! Damm sucker! (crac!)

(The rock has fallen on his own head and makes him dizzy, Chiquilin pulls out a remote.)

CHIQUILIN: Now you are toast! (operates remote)

(BRAAAM! The Energy Ball turns around and goes back, blasting Vegetal and the rock as well.)

GOKU: Hurray for Chiquilin! (YAJOROBAIS: Oeoooe! The ears and tail!)

CHIQUILIN: Arf... I knew it had to work. (CHAPULIN: **No contaban con mi astucia!**)

VEGETAL: (visibly injured) Heh heh... Puyajins are tough as nails, you see...

YAJOROBAIS: Crap, I didn't expect that! (CHAPULIN: **Lo sospeche desde el principio...**)

GOKU: Wait a sec! Chungohan! He is suddenly growing a tail! (everyone looks at him) Chungohan! Look at the hole Vegetal did in the sky! Look at the shining moon, NOW!

CHUNGOHAN: The moon?

VEGETAL: I won't allow it! I won't let him, I'll beat him dead before he can...! Huh?

(It's already too late, as the kid is now in his Ohzaru form. Vegetal suddenly chickens.)

GOKU: That's it, my boy! Use your new power, save us!

VEGETAL: Wait, after all, he is only a frightened kid... if I don't lose my calm...

OHZARU: ROWHRRR!

VEGETAL: (0_0) Heck, let's just cut his tail and end this foolery! I need to... WAAH!

CHIQUILIN: Gosh, he is gonna break his head! Don't wanna see it! (YAJOROBAIS: I do.)

(He grabs the monkey's tail, but it swings around and shakes Vegetal off him violently.)

VEGETAL: (bounces) Urk... luckily I have cat-like reflexes! (lands) Ha, I'm saved!

(Not. Monkey Chungohan pounds him on the spot. Then lifts a giant boulder to kill him...)

GOKU: Crap... Chungohan can't control his monster form... we are in for a fix...

YAJOROBAIS: Urk! _That tail! So big! Must resist...! But can't! _ IAAAH! (CHAS!)

(Cuts the giant ape's tail, and Chungohan reverts to naked, harmless kid, then faints.)

VEGETAL: Ha, you didn't had the guts! Now we'll both stop monkeying around!

(The boulder Chungohan was lifting falls over the two characters, painfully crushing the lot.)

VEGETAL: (crawls out) Gñññ... (blows whistle)

(The Puyajin space pod activates and it takes off, speeding through the mountains.)

FOREMAN: Lesee... the tunnel connecting to the main road must go through this zone.

BUILDER: But we have scarce time to do it. Gonna be hell to complete it on time!

FOREMAN: Sorry, my bosses need this to get promoted, so better it's done before they arrive with the press.

(Craaac! The space pod dashes through the mountain, drilling a perfectly round hole.)

BUILDER: (0_0)

FOREMAN: Well, I'm glad to admit you can be quite quick when you want, misters... The innauguration could be held tomorrow, as planed. As you were getting paid by hours, your fee will amount to... 17,50 spanish Pesetas.

VEGETAL: Arf, finally... come on, let's get outta here... aw aw...

CHIQUILIN: Wait, I won't allow it!

NARRATION: And we are witnesses to a last and desperate pursuit... (SNAIL: Move already, slow-asses!

CHIQUILIN: Stop right there! (VEGETAL: Shut up!) (Chiquilin gets Yajorobai's katana) Accursed murderer... (katana breaks) give me a week to rest, and then...

GOKU: No, Chiquilin, don't do anything! Let him go!

CHIQUILIN: Make yer mind! I do nothing, or I let him go? (ALVARO: He made a paradox!)

VEGETAL: Quick, let's take off now that they are chatting... (BRUUUM!) (took off)

CHIQUILIN: He's gone...! (GOKU: Heh, it's funny... I forgot why I told ya to spare his life.)

(While Chiqui and the samurai beat on the moron, some flying van arrives at the scene)

YAJOROBAIS: Someone's coming! (CHIQUILIN: Huh?)

CHICHA: (jumps out) Where's my boy? If someone lays a finger on him, I'll KILL!

GOKU: Chicha, sweetie, you have come too! (steps over him) (CHICHA: Where is Chungohan!)

(The angry housewife is wearing a mecha-suit for the ocassion, Wilma and Lancha get out of the van too.)

WILMA: Soson, Chiquilin! (LANCHA: And who's the fat guy?)

YAJOROBAIS: Are they friends of yours? (CHIQUILIN: That one is Goku's wife...)

CHICHA: Chungohan? Where's he? (grabs Chiqui) Answer me or you'll eat shield!

(Chiquilin sweatdrops and then points at under the big boulder. Chicha is shocked.)

WILMA: What about Vegetal? (GOKU: He vanished... he managed to escape.)

YAJOROBAIS: Bah, no one pays me any attention... not fair. _Dang, my good katana..._

GOKU: Where did you get that vehicle so quickly?

WILMA: It was Miss Chicha, she saw us while she was combing the zone and carried the group here. Of course, we had extra help in Master Sakarin. Do you remember him?

SAKARIN: (in giant ribbon and bell) I'll never travel again with only women! This is an outrage!

WILMA: Well, let's board the van at once, and prepare to get back to action! (YAJOROBAIS: Again?)

LANCHA: Waaah, look at those two! I wanna! (ULOM: Help me with the kid and stop fooling around!)

(Finally aboard, Yajorobais, Sakarin and Ulom are in the far back seat, Chicha and her family next to Lancha, Wilma and Chiquilin piloting. Nobody knows how to break the silence.)

YAJOROBAIS: Meh, I got stuck with the cattle...

WILMA: Yep, I changed hairstyle while we were waiting. You were taking quite long.

CHIQUILIN: I don't like the idea of this Puyajin fleeing. What if he brings reinforcements?

WILMA: Calm down, we have retrieved some samples of their technology, we'll analyse them in my dad's lab.

(In space, the giant spaceship is in a uproar because of Vegetal's defeat.)

SOMEONE: But Lord Vegetal, don't you think we should prepare and inmediate invasion, huh?

VEGETAL: No! We are returning to the base, end of story!

CHUNGOHAN: (awakes) Ah! Where's Vegetal? And everyone else?

CHICHA: A moment, young one! Let's talk about obedience and responsability, shall we?

CHUNGOHAN: But my friends... (CHICHA: If yer friends jump out of a bridge, you do too?!)

CHIQUILIN: That's enough! We are quite screwed just as we are! We need answers, and fast!

SAKARIN: We must ask someone of a higher plane for advice. Seeing as Discolo and Gosh have both vanished, we should ask Master Peskaito, on the Other World...

CHIQUILIN: But how can we contact him, then?

WILMA: (holds phone) Yeah, long distance call, please... (everyone facefaults)

(It seems to work, because the king of Kais is using his antennae to communicate with them.)

PESKAITO: Yep, I know of your current state... that Puyajin has fled after seriously injuring Goku and killing Roshi, Yansha, Te Sin Pan, Havoc and (sigh) Discolo. That's why his other half Gosh has died too.

WILMA: But how can you know all of this? What sort of clarividence did you...?

PESKAITO: No, no, truth is, I have been buying the Dragon Fall issues each month to be up to date... (shows it) Nah, really, I have been busy with another matter altogether...

(Pause to let him take a breath and we continue.)

PESKAITO: I'm afraid the only thing which can repair such damage are the Ke-huron Balls themselves, but without Gosh around, they have vanished too... However, there is a chance. It seems like Gosh was an alien that came from planet Vietnamek. I'll try and locate it... (looks guide) Yep, here! It's a kajillion light years away, but they have a Ke-huron Balls set just as yours!

WILMA: Good, then! So, ON TO VIETNAMEK!


	14. issue 14: Wilma, door to door fix it all

ISSUE # 14:

_WILMA, DOOR-TO-DOOR FIX-IT-ALL._

This issue is about what the good guys do after finishing Vegetal (well, 'finishing', not really) and they need to go to Planet Vietnamek (you get it? Ha ha...) and they spend the entire flipping episode trying. Will they do it? Who knows? (GOKU: Who was I again?)

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PESKAITO: A moment, please! This won't be that easy! Disregarding the freaking long distance Vietnamek is at, there happened some things that could have greatly afected its native population... A terrible atmospheric change wiped almost all sentient life from it!

WILMA: But then what can we do? Is there no hope left?

PESKAITO: Hum, lesee... no, they were not totally wiped out... a bunch of a hundred people remained, more or less... but later... an epidemic of stupidity reduced it to fifty...

(Wilma keeps listening, , to the sensei giving away a long list of troubles.)

PESKAITO: Then happened the frog plague... of course, it was a gigantic frog, it ate at least a dozen victims before being 'dispatched'... then that case of poisoning... and then the explosion of the gas pipe... and later the accident where a bus crashed into...

WILMA: But HOW MANY people are left, then?! Tell me!

PESKAITO: Geez, calm down, I was only listing! Yeah, there is still some people left. Exactly, a small group of natives who work in shepherding some dairy sea-bream, and in cultivating wild sweet-potatoes... quite a risky business, if I dare say.

WILMA: Ah, finally. And they are quite the big lot, or they are not?

PESKAITO: Well, Suso's there, Venancio too, Pacorro... of course Rufo and Segis too... no, I think the latter is not... he passed away in the bus accident and stuff...

WILMA: (0_0) There is only a fricking handful of people? And what about the Balls?

PESKAITO: Oh, yeah, of course the Balls are there, no problem with that...

WILMA: Okay, then we are headed towards my dad's house, there we'll think of something!

(Some time later, they are all gathered on Wilma's father's main laboratory.)

WILMA: Well, we have been recolecting all the Puyajin technology we could find: the energy-measuring gadgets, Rolex and Napalm's space pods, Rolex's reinforced armor plate, his matches... now we need to think what can we do with all of their stuff.

CHIQUILIN: A carnival?

(Chiquilin is crushed under a particularly big tool box in the next panel, for fooling around.)

CHIQUILIN: Well, now I know a carnival we won't be doing...

WILMA: We need to delve deeper into the space pods inner workings. Maybe we could use them to travel to Vietnamek. They are in the garage now, their potency and fuel cost being analyzed. It's very high! We will need to use a key code to translate their software and reprogram the pods to our likings. Meanwhile we should run a maintenance check.

GOKU: Why we don't simply press buttons till the thing gets to work? Would be easier.

(Presses a random button and the space pod selfdestructs, charring him up and pushing Wilma away)

WILMA: Grrr, thanks for your expert advice! Thank you very much, now we know the button we should NOT have pressed! Come on, there is still one pod and 37 more buttons!

SAKARIN: (burnt) This guy could find the selfdestruct button on a vending machine!

WILMA: Well, from now on we'll work MY way! Any problem?

CHIQUILIN: Of course not... what about these gadgets? Have you worked them out?

WILMA: Those are energy measuring devices, I'm still decoding their measure system.

CHIQUILIN: The unit used for measuring appears to be a shining triangle thingy. Look, if I focus it on Yajorobais, the device shows three flickering triangles in the screen.

YAJOROBAIS: How much is that?

CHIQUILIN: No idea... I'm now focusing it on the geranium bowl and it shows five...

WILMA: Ahem, it's clear now that we still have a long ways to go... be quiet already!

NARRATION: Some hours after that...

WILMA: Finally! I managed to decode its inner workings... now I can understand its mechanisms! The passenger seat has a life-support system for long-distance traveling, and the control panel is totally hand-activated... it's this thing over the passenger seat.

CHIQUILIN: And this squarish box must be a screen generator, I presume?

WILMA: No, it's the fridge. Watch where you put your hands! I'm going to check the ship's flying systems. Get out, this thing is single-seat. (CHIQUILIN: Why you?) 'cause I'm cuter! Gosh, why is it that I always have to work along people with the Intelligence Quotient of a clam? Huh? Oh, it needs fuel... luckily I had already decoded this symbol.

(The fuel screen has a thumbs-down icon next to an image of a fuel tank.)

WILMA: Good, in my home everything's handy... when it's ready I'll do a flight check.

(She fuels the pod with ACME-brand Rocket Fuel. Then proceeds to seat and pilot it.)

WILMA: Well, programming the start-up sequence... we'll begin with a short flight!

(BROUUUM! The pod has exploded from the inside out, leaving a charred up Wilma.)

CHIQUILIN: Indeed it has flown... its pieces, that is! (GOKU: Er, my method was faster...)

WILMA: This can't be! What could go wrong? (checks notes) AAAGH! The fuel! The space pod probably needed its own special mix! Why didn't I realized it before? (cries) Doomed, we are doomed! There's no Balls, no ship, no nothing! What can we doooo?!

CHIQUILIN: Looks like things got a turn for the worse...

VOICE: Listen, all's not lost! If any of you can accompany me, I have to show you something important!

CHIQUILIN: Mister Pompom!

POMPOM: Yep, now that Gosh isn't around, I'm getting bored, so I came here to help. I know of a place where a certain item Gosh told me about rests. If someone can come with me to check it out, we'll resolve this dilemma. Any volunteer? (all point to Wilma) Okay then...

(The magic carpet does an Instant Transmission and arrives at a windy wasteland.)

POMPOM: We arrived! (WILMA: Geez, I didn't even sit down...) Gosh arrived at this wasteland when he was but a child... the 'thing' is over there, may be a spaceship, but...

(It is. After comparing Pompom with Forrest Gump for even doubting it, they check it.)

WILMA: This must be the spaceship Gosh used to travel to Earth from Vietnamek. His parents surely wanted to save him from that climatic mess... (she finds Superman clothes?)

POMPOM: Yep, surely this was the case.

WILMA: Looks like the inner mechanisms are not damaged, but I will need to study them from scratch...

POMPOM: Gosh told me that this 'box' obeyed him, just by speaking...

WILMA: Let's check it. All systems on! (they activate) Good, looks like Gosh had to reprogram it to Earth's native language! See, check the mechanisms and to a short flight to the nearest planet, GO!

(The spaceship ejects them out and takes off by itself to a unknown destination...)

WILMA: It's gone!

POMPOM: Naturally, this software was designed to prevent misunderstandings in its commands... if you wanted it to carry YOU to wherever you wanted, you should have said so.

WILMA: So, following my orders, it will now be on the nearest planet, right? (whacks him)

POMPOM: (pain) Maybe using a secondary ship? (more whacks)

(Back to Wilma's dad's laboratory she's desperated and crying because of the situation)

WILMA: WAAAAAAH! We'll never be able to reach Vietnamek! I feel so bad, I feel so unhappy, and to boot... I am surrounded by idiots! (GOKU: Who's she thinking of?)

VOICE: Calm down my girl, someone told me your problem and I think I can be of help.

WILMA: Daddy!

CHIQUILIN: It's the owner of Gragea Corp, the most capable scientist in the world!

(There comes Professor Tournasol from the Tintin comics, he'll play Wilma's dad role.)

ROSBIFF: What did you say? Show more respect, youngster! We'll begin my project inmediately!

NARRATION: While the project starts... far far away from Earth... Frigo's fortress...

VEGETAL: (inside a giant bottle)

MEDIC: Yep, he was so beaten up that we had to put him INSIDE the medicine, boy...

(Later, wearing a robe, he finds his fellow soldier Cui, always picking on him.)

VEGETAL: I almost couldn't tell the tale... that Kagarrot moron is a dangerous one.

CUI: Well, well, look who we have here! It's commander Vegetal, beaten up by a dork!

VEGETAL: Do me a favor Eggplant, and don't remind me of that, gotcha?

EGGPLANT: Come on, Great Hero. Everyone knows already about your adventure in Earth. Looks like it was a massacre... of Puyajins, that is. A clockwork doll would have done better.

VEGETAL: YEEES? Then Mister Eggplant should tell me what to do in a planet full of dangerous madmen sporting brutish strenght and totally unbeatable bodies! What will Mister Eggplant do then?!

EGGPLANT: (0_0) (ROMAN: Where did I hear something similar...?)

VEGETAL: And Master Frigo? He sent me on that mission himself! He'll degrade me to sinks-washer guy!

EGGPLANT: Cheer up, man. He'll be comprensive. By the way, he told me to send you to his office...

VEGETAL: (¬_¬) Judah...

NARRATION: Back in Earth, due to the Relativity Principle and all that jazz, time is passing quickly... construction is two weeks on schedule... resources come flooding, and the workers reshape some conceptual mistakes... and finally, the project is finished.

WILMA: Well guys, this thing is done! When everyone has checked on the gear and the supplies, we will choose who will go to planet Vietnamek to try such a hard mission...

(The rocket is similar to the one depicted in Tintin's 'Explorers of the moon'. They board.)

WILMA: *technobabble* flying suits, engines, *technobabble* beds, kitchen, bathroom and... *technobabble* piloting, fuel, *technobabble* traveling for two months...

(End of technobabble, she is gonna talk about mission objetives and the like. Listen up...)

WILMA: This is the plan. Three of us will go to Vietnamek and will politely ask for the Balls to make the wish. Now we need to choose them. Ah, Goku, thanks for not touching anything here, dearie.

GOKU: Ahem, yes, when you have a spare minute... could you give me the handcuffs' key?

WILMA: Of course. As I was saying, I will be one of the three passengers, as to supervise the ship.

CHICHA: Honey, have you seen Chungohan around here? (alarm rings)

WILMA: Chungohan?

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention, launch sequence starting! Get out of the launch zone!

WILMA: Arg, I have an horrible, horrible hunch...! (runs)

CHIQUILIN: Hey Wilma, at least give us the key for Goku's handcuffs! (runs)

LOUDSPEAKER: Crew has 1 minute to fasten their seatbelts before ignition!

(Finally the girl has found the Puyajin boy, having recently pushed an inviting button.)

CHUNGOHAN: Er, I was only looking at the shiny, cool looking buttons... honest...

WILMA: It's a curse... must be a curse... (Only 45 seconds until launch!)

CHIQUILIN: (arrives) Wilma, the outer gate is closed shut, what do we do?

WILMA: Heck, I give up... what's done is done... please fasten your seatbelt at once...

(Everyone else runs away from the rocket as it begins making launching noises and all.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention, countdown from 10! 9... 8... 7... 6...

WILMA: It's possible to feel a slight pressure in the take-off, so don't worry about it...

LOUDSPEAKER: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... IGNITION! (clec!)

ROSBIFF: Huh? Weird, the launching should have been instant, I'm sure. _And speaking of weird things... I have been running for ten seconds and I have hardly moved two meters away..._

(In that moment the rocket DOES take off, burning him badly. Chicha cries in agony.)

CHICHA: My poor boy, he will get lost in the unknown, insurmountable outer space!

GOKU: Whadda le what? (ULOM: Geez, you sure can tell she is a teacher.)

SPACESHIP: Artificial gravity activated. Crew can unfasten their seatbelts now.

WILMA: (flattened) No shit, smartass... damm take-off pressure...

CHIQUILIN: Chungohan! Were you able to fasten your belt on time?

CHUNGOHAN: (flattened) Urk... (CHIQUILIN: Never mind, I see you couldn't...)

WILMA: Well, everything's been so quick, let's do a resume... Mmm, could have been worse, I could have gotten stuck with Goku but I'm stuck with his SON and Chiquilin... (cries) As there is no inmediate solution, I'll show you the systems and gear we have in the ship. And I don't plan on looking at your faces during 2 months, so we'll hibernate.

(They continue to touch things and desperating Wilma, meanwhile somewhere in Earth)

FIGURE: Doctor... how's things going?

DR-GORE: I'm still in a quite primary phase of my work, but I'm on my way. Where have you been?

G-CHUNGOHAN: I had bussiness to atend... I gathered info myself, I don't trust your little spy robot.

DR-GORE: My 'little robot thingy' hasn't abandoned the subjects of my experiment for five years or so, so don't worry about it. I have sent it looking for Soson Goku's son... I am afraid his genes will be much more useful for the project we are planning...

G-CHUNGOHAN: Any news on your stray lambs?

DR-GORE: Android N-VIII turned maverick on me and ran away with some rebel boy, nowadays I don't even think they are worth looking for. My latest models, who I've been working on recently are much more powerful and versatile, so they won't do the same.

(Inside a container we can see XVII and XVIII, but let's go to Frigo's space fortress...)

GENERAL: Let's see if I understood... you risked the mission's success for a bunch of BALLS?

VEGETAL: But they...

GENERAL: Yes, I know, they weren't run-of-the-mill balls... maybe they were Chinese balls?

VEGETAL: Heck, I'll tell... they are named Ke-huron Balls, eight plus the white one, which when gathered can grant a wish, whatever it may be... but they are lost as of now. And I failed the mission for naugh...

FRIGO: Mmm, I must say I find this Balls issue rather interesting. I'm gonna put our scientists to work on finding their trace, and we will use them for our benefit once located...

(Later, Vegetal is stuck on a special cell for insane people, to put it mildly.)

VEGETAL: I tell the truth! You gotta believe me! I am not CRAZY! (pounds)

FRIGO: Heh, of course I believe Vegetal... his story confirms the ancient legend about the magical balls on planet Vietnamek. If I don't want him near is because that way I'll be sure he doesn't put his goals ahead of mine anymore. The very moment we arrive at Vietnamek, we will extract all the info he posseses... and then we'll extract his GUTS!

******************************************************************

_ROSBIFF: Parody name for Doctor Briefs, but we won't be hearing his name for a long time...  
EGGPLANT: Cui looks like one, so it's only fitting.  
__FRIGO: The famous brand of ice cream products is now Freezer's parodic name. _


	15. issue 15: Invaders!

ISSUE # 15:

_INVADERS!_

Octopuses (octopi?) are little cephalopod critters, distant relatives of the squids, which are recognizable as having 8 legs, changing color when needed, and can spit out an ink squirt when angry. Oh, and they can't be cooked so easily. After such interesting tibdits it only remains to add: In space, no one can hear their screams. Thankfully.

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(On screen, Gragea Corp's rocket containing our three courageous explorers.)

**SCOUT VEHICLE:** Wilma 1.

**CREW:** Unlucky girl plus a pair of dorks.

**DESTINATION:** Where Saint Peter lost his cap.

(Alarm goes off. The insides of the ship look deserted. Camera focuses on hibernation tanks.)

SCREEN: 'Gragea Corp Auto Pilot System'.

(The hibernation tanks get deactivated and they spring their occupants off, violently.)

WILMA: (hurt) Ag, looks like we arrived at last. Well, everyone get their asses moving! I want you dressed, breakfasted and deloused inmediately! I await you at the bridge in 1 hour!

CHIQUILIN: Sheesh, it's not like we are at a mercenary camp, are we?

CHUNGOHAN: Yep, what with being only three people and stuff...

WILMA: And don't talk back! Let's keep some seriousness and discipline here, seeing as you men really need it! And be very careful with the toilet seats, I want them down!

(Back on solid ground, we get inside Rosbiff's lab, and Goku still wears the handcuffs.)

ROSBIFF: Let's see, I think we have a little problem here. The spaceship took off in rather 'hasty' circumstances, and without previously checking all its systems. Our computer has warned us of the technical problems that could arise after a certain amount of time had passed... and 2 weeks have passed since the last transmission the ship did!

(pause)

ROSBIFF: The failures detected by our computer could affect the secondary electricity source, the artificial gravity, the air flux, the radio transmissions and worst of it all, the Virtua Fighter arcade!

(pause)

ROSBIFF: But of course, all that could only happen if some pack of generators hidden in the deepest dephts of the ship is short-circuit'ed. However, I hope we can contact the ship and send then instructions.

(Insides of the Wilma 1, again. They are checking systems, speaking in technobabble.)

WILMA: Well, check all systems you couldn't before the take-off! Where is Vietnamek?

CHIQUILIN: Dunno, you should know already, don't ya?

CHUNGOHAN: This is not our Solar System! (BOTH: (¬_¬) Well, of course not...)

WILMA: It's weird, we have been de-hibernated hardly a month after we left Earth, and we are now in a dead zone... Wait a sec! The computer could answer all of those questions, let's consult it!

CHUNGOHAN: How do I put two and two together? (CHIQUILIN: Will I make out someday?)

WILMA: To ask qestions, and NOT this sort of questions, you need to use the num pad! (BOTH: Aaaah...) Heck, I'll do it myself and we will finish this before I get crazier...

COMPUTER: Answering first question: the ship has changed course and awakened its crew prematurely because of Emergency Procedure 08! Answering second question: it obeys an emergency-situation protocol, it received a help call so it started the E-P-08!

CHIQUILIN: Who was the that programmed such stupid procedures, huh?

WILMA: My daddy, who is quite humanitarian... such *%#... well, let's get this over with quickly. Computer, replay this 'help call' so we can hear this poor lost soul...

LOUDSPEAKER: Blargh, come on! Someone help me already, damm it! (swears)

WILMA: Ahem... looks like this poor fella is having a hard time... (heart pounds) Well, the computer made the ship head to the call's source, so... this is the planet from where the transimission was made!

NARRATION: A short while after...

LOUDSPEAKER: Preparing systems for landing sequence!

WILMA: Everyone take your seats! Fasten yer seatbelts! Pray to Saint Rita! (BRUUM!)

(The spaceship has landed quite noisy and violently, but it is still somehow intact.)

WILMA: What the... why am I in the next door room? I must do some repairs later... if I have to trust the computer, the air is breathable... and the temperature is totally normal, so let's go onwards!

(Hops outta the ship, only to crash-land some meters below due to the main door height)

WILMA: Agh... daddy forgot about the height issue... huh? (sees an octopus critter)

OCTO-KID: Heeelp! A monster from another planet! (runs) (WILMA: (¬_¬).)

VOICE: Wilma! You okay? We are on our way, we'll descend right now!

WILMA: Yeah, that... wonder how will they do it though...

(The other 2 also fall down and get some big bumps on their heads. Wilma bites dust.)

CHIQUILIN: Well, we are here... (CHUNGOHAN: Do you know how to climb back?)

WILMA: Grrr! _And funny thing is, they are the ones who can fricking FLY!_ Well, that's enough! You must know I had an encounter with a being from this planet! The creature had menacing eyes and disgusting, fierce looks. Despite that, the thing was only as tall as this, so we should not have any problem beating it (looks back) er, if we needed to!

(The octo-kid has come back with an adult. Soon, they are surrounded by lots of them.)

CHUNGOHAN: Wilma, look! We are surrounded!

CHIQUILIN: Maybe we can tell them we are here to, er, evangelize them and stuff?

WILMA: WHO are you people?

OCTOPUS: The same could be said for you! (OCTOPUS 2: Yeah, that!)

OCTOPUS 3: One thing is clear, they have alien invaders! (OCTOPUS: Of course!)

OCTOPUS 2: They have come to conquer our peaceful, free planet!

OCTOPUS 3: Well, 'free', not quite... (OCTOPUS: Yep, because of that tyrant queen...)

OCTOPUS 2: And her police force, so represive... and with bigs guns and crab mood...

OCTOPUS 3: But, first things first!

OCTOPUS: We will make a Resistance group agaisnt the invaders! (OCTOPUS 2: Donovan could be the leader!)

OCTO-MULDER: Well, get out of the way please!

OCTO-SCULLY: We are special agents designed for this type of situations, please get out of here!

OCTO-MULDER: I welcome ye, on behalf of our goverment. (WILMA: Thank goodness someone understands!)

(Some octo-soldiers arrive at the scene, and Octo-Mulder commands them to banish the intruders.)

OCTO-MULDER: You know, captain... we want NO witnesses. (WILMA: WHAT?!)

(In Peskaito's planet, the sensei is deep in thought, but not about what we think, heh.)

PESKAITO: Mmm. This does not look good. When, shortly after Vegetal's defeat, new pupils started to come flocking here to have me train them, it didn't seem that bad of a idea. Only problem is they destroyed my home to have fun, they emptyed my fridge and made me sleep in my car... and I don't even know if they plan on paying for my classes!

(In the ruins, we can see the ones that fell that fateful day at the hands of the Puyajins.)

YANSHA: I'll say it again: you are the guiltiest of us all for reviving that loser!

ROSHI: Yes? Then tell me again who was the first one to kick the bucket!

(Palace of the Octo-Queen. Their flag is suspiciously similar to the American one.)

OCTO-QUEEN: So you came here following a help call. In this planet we want nothing to do with strangers or visitors, nor we want their help, I assure you.

WILMA: Ah, good then... so, can we leave already? We won't tell anyone about the massacre your soldiers did with the villagers...

OCTO-QUEEN: You think I am... stupid? You will never leave this planet. I won't risk the FPF intervening and breaking our armonic lifestyle. Guards! Confine them in the underground!

(The guards lock them in an underground dungeon, and leave them there to rot away.)

WILMA: Well done, it's over! We shouldn't have come here, and now we have messed up things like we have never before in all this fricking comic-book! (pause) One thing is clear, none of this charming and hospitalary octo-heads sent the damm help call, so if I ever meet the one who did it, he will have BIG motives to call for help!

HAIRY-GUY: Must I assume it was you the one who answered my transmission?

WILMA: Huh? And who are you?

RIDLISCOTT: Marine sergeant Ridliscot, veteran from Acheron, Montjuich and the Purple Pants! Currently working for the FPF (**Federacion de Planetas Federados)** I was on a scout mission when I was captured. You see, these things can happen.

WILMA: Then you sent the help call after all?

RIDLISCOTT: Exactly. When I saw I couldn't get outta here by myself, I got my talkie and used it at maximun potency. It is a trick from my days at Beirut, you know.

WILMA: You sent the call with... a Walkie Talkie?

RIDLISCOTT: Yep, now that you are here, you can tell me your escape plan, come on!

CHIQUILIN: The truth is, everything went so fast... so we don't have any.

RIDLISCOTT: (popping vein) WHAT! No fricking plan? Then we will rot away here!

WILMA: (tears) Waaah, I don't wanna die here, so far from homeee...!

CHUNGOHAN: Hey, I'm gonna ask the guards when is lunch time around here...

(The boy tries to knock on the prison door, but takes it down a la Obelix. The guard is shocked.)

OCTO-GUARD: ALERT! ALERT! The prisoners are escaping! (flees)

CHUNGOHAN: Hey, I would want a sandwich, if you don't mind...! (CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬).)

RIDLISCOTT: Boy, you managed to make me believe in Santa once again! Now to get my gear back and escape!

OCTO-GUARD: (throne room) The prisoners have escaped, taking the FPF spy with them, your majesty.

OCTO-QUEEN: Neutralize them! Block the exits, then go destroy their spaceship!

CHIQUILIN: (passageway) Reinforcements are coming, and not ours!

WILMA: We must evade them somehow and get outta here... (CHUNGOHAN: I'm hungry...)

RIDLISCOTT: I don't think it's necessary to evade them, if you know what I mean. (he is heavily armed) Well, I have recovered my stuff already, so it's time to rock, dudes!

WILMA: I thought you only wanted to 'scout' the area...

RIDLISCOTT: Yeah, true. But you can't know what will you find in a foreign planet...

OCTO-GUARDS: (arrive) Halt! You won't get away! Throw yer weapons and surrender at once!

WILMA: Heck, they managed to ambush us! (CHIQUILIN: Again.)

RIDLISCOTT: They won't win without a fight! _I always said you were a fool, Scott..._

WILMA: _There must be a way to leave this hole other than sliced and diced, I am sure._ Er, Chungohan, come here! You are hungry, right? Our ship is full of food, but we are stuck here... oh, if we could get to the ship!

(Looks like it worked, as the boy is beginning to stare funny at the octopus guards.)

OCTO-GUARD: So, then? Do you surrender? Mmm? I don't like this boy's gaze...

OCTO-GUARD 2: Sire, the bowl-haired kid is looking at us with a HUNGRY face!

OCTO-GUARD: It is nothing but mind games! Don't give up! (OCTO-GUARD 2: I give up... a little.)

CHUNGOHAN: (bull-charges) ON TO THE SHIP! (WILMA: Heh heh, I did it!)

CHIQUILIN: (follows) Geez man, he sure is fast... hyperspace fast! (RIDLISCOTT: How boring, no deaths, no blood.)

OCTO-GUARD: (pain) Yep, majesty, they are storming their way to the main exit... don't ask for details...

(At the main exit, some more guards are awaiting them, but they're quite more armed.)

OCTO-SOLDIER: Stop there! I said stop! STOP ALREADY, DAMMIT! (PLAAAF!)

(Chungohan has finished bull charging everything on sight and the ship is near them.)

WILMA: The ship, it's still intact! Chungohan, as you are so strong and able to fly, why don't you open its gate?

CHUNGOHAN: Coming! (flies)

(CLANC! He smacked the ship and positioned it horizontally, as to reach its main gate)

CHUNGOHAN: Done! Now you can reach the door, can't ya? (WILMA: (0_0).)

OCTO-SOLDIERS: Get them, blast their spaceship!

CHIQUILIN: Wilma, don't waste time on the kid, we need to set off the ship quickly!

WILMA: (enters) If the ship has the slightest malfunction you will be dead sorrry!

RIDLISCOTT: Get yer butts inside the vehicle, fellas, I will cover you! (shoots)

OCTO-SOlDIERS: Activate the Buster Cannon! (RIDLISCOTT: Ha, that's my line!)

WILMA: (inside) Looks like the driving controls are okay, I'm gonna have to believe in miracles again! There is no time to do a launch sequence. Everyone get in, we are off!


	16. issue 16: Door to door fix it all bis

ISSUE # 16:

_WILMA, DOOR-TO-DOOR FIX-IT-ALL (BIS)_

After managing to make an octopus barbeque, our friends escape from the octo-planet and get lost in the bottomless space. They will figure out that the best aromas are kept in the smallest bottles. Or something along those lines.

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(The spaceship is speeding off and has run over the octo-soldiers and Buster Cannon.)

WILMA: Crap! As you knocked down this junk heap it's now stuck on low-level flight! We must recover its verticality before taking off! (crushes some octo houses)

CHUNGOHAN: If we keep flying we will take off anyway, right?

WILMA: Yes, if we don't crush a mountain beforehand! The worst of all is not being able to brake somehow to remaneuver this thing... the crash would be massive!

OCTO-VILLAGER: (laid down) I'm starting to get fed up with this low-level-flight!

OCTO-QUEEN: (throne room) WHAT! They managed to board their ship and escape? You are a bunch of inepts! And the other one is with them, damm it... (out in balcony) those useless twits... I wonder where can they be now. If I get a hold of them...!

(The ship is heading for the palace, both Wilma and the queen are like this: (0_0)...)

WILMA: (BROUUUM!) ??? INCREDIBLE! The ship has resisted the collision and it has impulsed us skywards! We are saved, guys!

OCTO-GUARD: (emerges from rubble) Your majesty... may we engage in a crazy chase?

OCTO-QUEEN: Bite my slimy ass... (pain)

WILMA: (in ship) We are doomed! All those hits have badly damaged the ship's controls!

RIDLISCOTT: That girl's mood sure is fickle...

ALVARO: Attention people! As we have been making this comic chock full of Ibañez style humour, we will do an Ibañez style ending! (NACHO: Don't worry, it is only an optional scene, but we couldn't hold back the chance to do something so typical!)

CHUNGOHAN: Gñññ, I am still hungry... I am on the verge of eating my seat here...

CHIQUILIN: Ah, well, I'll take care of that! I'm gonna make a truly delicious meal!

WILMA: What will you want? Maybe TNT garnished with some onions?

RIDLISCOTT: (¬_¬) I'll pass... onions give me winds...

CHIQUILIN: Here you are, an exquisite dish of **Pulpo a la gallega**! (ALL: OCTOPUS!!!)

(They hang him from a cord outside and let a giant space octopus try and catch him.)

CHIQUILIN: Guys, I swear that hadn't any double meaning! Don't be bastards...!

ALVARO: And now back to our regular plot. (NACHO: 'Regular' being a figure of speech.)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, I'm gonna get something to eat, I can't stand it anymore...

CHIQUILIN: Can we keep on despite the ship's malfunctions, Wilma?

WILMA: Duh, luckily, I think so... anyway, we can press onwards to Vietnamek with no need for repairs. The main energy source is resisting, although the minimal voltage drop would break it. Let's try to keep it that way, or we would need to go out and repair it.

RIDLISCOTT: Where did she say we are heading to...?

(On cue, there is a sudden blackout. After the confusion, the emergency lights turn on.)

CHUNGOHAN: Er, I only put an omelette on the microwave oven, but...

WILMA: (sweatdrop) Arg... Chiquilin, dear, can you pass me the space helmet?

RIDLISCOTT: _Where did she say we are heading to_...?

NARRATION: Space deepest depths, FPF's military station: 'Espacio Chungo 9'.

AL: Admiral, we have received a help call from planet Tako. It was send days ago...

ACKBAR: Kiko, Splok, come here to see! This is... Ridliscott's! (reads) Looks like his scout mission on planet Tako was a failure, we need to rescue him then...

KIKO: (mysterious) Someone will have to go where no other human has gone...

ACKBAR: I thought the same. So get your ship ready, Ridliscott is your responsability.

KIKO: Huh? Can't believe it Splok! There's finally some action for us after all that time in space along the Enterprisa! I can't wait to get there, that's for sure!

(Frigo's fortress. An alarm is noisily warning everyone of a certain character escaping.)

GUARD: (bruised) I won't bring food to any madman ever again!

(Vegetal has arrived at the guard station and threatens Daffy Duck in order to escape.)

VEGETAL: Come on, switch off the alarm or I'll switch your BRAIN off permanently!

DAFFY: Yes sire, of course...

VEGETAL: And now give me Frigo's spaceship current location, now!

DAFFY: Yep, let's see... everything points out to Vietnamek's area, they will arrive in a few hours.

VEGETAL: Dammit, there is no time to lose! Those bastards won't steal my balls!

DAFFY: _I wonder: who would dare to?_

(The Puyajin gets to the space pod hangar and boards a pod to quickly leave that hole.)

VEGETAL: I won't allow them getting near the balls! I found their secret, so they are rightfully mine! Although this makes me my boss's enemy, I have no other choice!

(Back to the Wilma 1, the girl is repairing something in the outsides of the spaceship.)

WILMA: Dammit all... why did I have to get stuck with that butterfinger duo... and now I have fallen through the hatch for the third time! My butt... lesee, I think it was here...

CHIQUILIN: (radio) Wilma, the scanner detects another spaceship nearby, what do we do?

WILMA: Ah, yes, I see it... but it is very far, we can evade it if I fix this thing quickly...

(Cloc! The spaceship bumps into Wilma's head, as it is minuscule. A gag of perspectives.)

WILMA: Wtf? What's this thing doing floating adrift in the fuckin middle of nowhere? The Toys'r'us chain sure has expanded! Guys, when I finish this I'll bring ya a present!

(Wilma enters her ship again and leaves the miniature one on the kitchen's table.)

WILMA: This is your 'space ship'. I wonder what could this toy be doing, floating in space like that. (CHUNGOHAN: Does it have lights and beeps?)

CHIQUILIN: (checks) 'World-of-Origin Shipyard'. This brand doesn't ring any bells...

RIDLISCOTT: Watch out, someone could have put explosives inside! I would do it.

CHIQUILIN: (shake) Looks like there IS something inside! (everyone flees) Geez man, you sure are a bunch of wussies... (looks) AH! Look this! This ship is no toy, people!

WILMA: Meh, I was having a hunch... are you going to check, Chungohan?

CHUNGOHAN: No flippin way!

(Over the kitchen table we can see some humanoids as well as robots, all mini-sized.)

CHIQUILIN: Look at what dropped from the ship when I shook it! The thing is real!

MINI-MAN: And my headache is too, you buckethead... aw...

WILMA: And where are those thingies from? The land of the Smurfs?

MINI-MAN: Milady, please! Actually, we want a temporary refuge. (pause) We are the Chibinauts, and we hail from an alternate dimension called the Chibiverse. We've been suffering pursuit from Baron Kogorza and his pooch soldiers. We'd want a place where we can rest and reorganize our force. Ahem: I am Rantanplan, leader of this group here.

MINI-ROBOT: I am Bizcotron and the small one is Minimatron –and no, we aren't juke boxes- and we are the onboard bridge robots.

MINI-GIRL: I am Titere, the onboard cute girl, and I have a huge crush on the commander! (HIM: Please!)

MINI-MERMAN: I am Bisho *hic* and my partner here *hic* is called Goodyear *hic*. He is not very talkative *hic*, but packs a good punch if needed *hic*.

CHIQUILIN: What do we do with them Wilma? May we engage in the Emergency Procedure again?

WILMA: I don't see why not. They can't have big necessities, so we can cover them. (THEM: Ha ha, very funny.)

RIDSLISCOTT: Mmm...

WILMA: Ah well, our ship is repaired and keeping on. With our current course we can reach Vietnamek in a few days. So for now, let's accommodate our guests somewhere.

CHIQUILIN: I'll go get the cookies' box. (NAUTS: HEY!)

(Meanwhile in Earth, Rosbiff has finished building another ship to pursue Wilma's.)

ROSBIFF: Well, I have finished the second support ship. (pause) To prevent any failure this ship is designed to search and find the other one, so it's prepared for max speed and potency. This time the crew will be me and Soson Goku, for who I have built a training facility inside the ship itself. But... could someone please remove his damm handcuffs?!

ULOM/LANCHA: (¬_¬)

(The secondary ship is launched and the remaining characters give their opinnions.)

ULOM: Geez, I suddenly felt a huge Deja Vu, didn't you too?

LANCHA: I hope this matter ends quickly, it's dragging on too much already.

ALVARO: And all the comic issues we could fill with it are bad? (NACHO: That is true...)

YAJOROBAIS: What will Goku's training be like, do you know?

(Goku is riding a giant hamster wheel inside the ship, as to power up its turbines.)

ROSBIFF: You know, while you work out you are also charging the ship's batteries. It is something I came up with while watching my hamster. It is true that the greatest things ever invented came to exist while observing inocuous events... at this rate we can catch up with the Wilma 1 in a week. You keep running, huh? Eight hours a day, of course.

GOKU: *pants*

NARRATION: In the other ship, its crew tries to return things to normality...

WILMA: All the transmiter circuit has gone down the flush... we would have to use the capsule's! Could anyone check if the capsule's controls are working fine?

(Goodyear flies around and is fried by Chungohan's ki, using him for target practice.)

CHUNGOHAN: Heh heh, I got him on the fly! Huh? (PAF!)

(Goodyear smacks him back and makes him collide with the capsule's control panel.)

WILMA: (Zoom!) Thanks, yer very kind! (capsule flies off) I WANT MY MOMMY!

CHIQUILIN: (runs) What do you mean 'Wilma got launched off in the capsule'?!

CHUNGOHAN: Er, I only... (RIDLISCOTT: Is that bad?)

CHIQUILIN: She is speeding away from us, she's already at 15 km, can't possibly save her!

RIDLISCOTT: Can't we redirect the ship?

CHIQUILIN: The engine was so broken up that Wilma fixed its course and removed all useless energy wastes. We can't maniobrate! We must hope that the capsule has enough power to make it back to the main ship... but that only Wilma knows...

CHUNGOHAN: We have no choice but to keep on to Vietnamek!

RIDLISCOTT: And why does the name ring a bell, I'd want to know...

(The outer, empty space. Wilma is floating adrift in the emergency capsule all alone.)

WILMA: Let's see. Stay calm. Is it possible, is it only possible that what I think it is happening to me is real? (pause) YEEEARG! Bah, this thing has some useable energy left, let's see if I can fly back to the spaceship... although, I don't really know how to pilot it...

(Back in the Wilma 1, everyone is having a reunion to check the course of actions.)

RIDLISCOTT: So Vietnamek you say... I'm finally remembering why I do know of that place. Some FPF members have gone there in scouting missions much like mine. But as we know, no one ever returned! Not even tried to communicate with our base! Nothing!

CHIQUILIN: We need to be ready for anything then... the less time we spend there the better.

MINIMATRON: Oh yes, we will finally have some action, commander!

(While in the Wilma 1 its crew gets mentally prepared, some other ships also advance.)

ROSBIFF: Enough for today. And I'm tired too, I have been trying to count the turns!

GOKU: (fainted)

VEGETAL: I'll get the balls, this time they have to be mine or I'll cut my...!

WILMA: Lesee... this one's the ignition... no it's the zippo lighter! Where is the radio? Arg, calm down!

NARRATION: Some days have passed, and finally...

CHIQUILIN: There is Vietnamek! We have finally ended this ardous travel!

RIDLISCOTT: Is there no trace of that girl yet?

CHIQUILIN: Nothing... we will have to land without her. I wonder where she is now... Ah well, get a hold of yourselves, we are entering orbit! Huh? Now that I think about it, seems like Wilma forgot that the ship needed to do one last maneuver before landing...

RIDLISCOTT: And why do we need to further maneuver the ship?

(The rocket crash lands head first into the ground, sticking into it like a needle.)

CHIQUILIN: In order to prevent THIS! (dizziness) Glglgl... that was to DIE for...

CHUNGOHAN: At least Wilma's seat isn't stuck in the second floor anymore.

CHIQUILIN: No, it's now stuck in the ceiling... bah, at least we don't need to worry about the hatch's height.

RIDLISCOTT: Hop, I'm ready to go all out! (heavily armed)

RANTANPLAN: We will explore too. Get going, Goodyear!

(The warrior extends his wings and flies off to the horizon to check anything unusual.)

CHIQUILIN: I hope he informs us if he finds anything weird nearby.

RANTANPLAN: Goodyear has received the order of scouting and not intervening. He will come back soon, carrying all this planet's data he can scoop off.

CHIQUILIN: Who cares about that! We are in the middle of fucking nowhere, without Wilma and with no fricking idea of what we need to do here, if anything!

(Goodyear flies above a namekian village, utterly destroyed. Not far, in Frigo's ship...)

HENCHMAN: The warriors have returned from their lastest 'raid'.

FRIGO: Good. All is going acording to plan... with that one we have four of the nine balls. Once we get them all... an mighty, omnivorous power will be ours!

APDREATOR: The onmi-what?


	17. issue 17: Go go Power!

ISSUE # 17:

_GO GO POWER...! (BEEP__)_

Vegetal wanted to do a barbeque at the beach, but Soson Goku (being as adorkable as we know he is) insists on looking for the Balls, in order to wish for... some peach and pineapple ice cream to eat. The poor boy is so dumb...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The heroes arrive at the destroyed village to further investigate the massacre.)

RIDLISCOTT: What happened here? (CHIQUILIN: The Atletic's parade, perhaps?)

RANTANPLAN: Minimatron has detected an energry trace left by firearms. It was recent...

RIDLISCOTT: Huh? My transmiter is giving a signal... it comes from behind that hill! Surely they're my partners! Let's inform the FPF of this mistery! So, RUN FOR THE HILLS!

CHIQUILIN: Hey, wait for me, I'm quite short-legged!

(They run to a cave entrance, as the marine gears up, Chungohan lifts a corpse's head.)

RIDLISCOTT: We are getting inside guys, so reinforce your positions with...

CHIQUILIN: Cut us some crap marine, we are not exactly mercenary material here!

CHUNGOHAN: Hey Chiquilin, look! I am Mister Discolo! (shows head)

RIDLISCOTT: Well, I'll do it alone! Don't succumb friends, I'm on my way! Huh?

(He sees his mercenary partners smoking substances and overall acting all hippy.)

PARTNER: Peace brother! What brings yer karma here?

PARTNER 2: Hey dudes, if it isn't Sergeant Scott! (PARTNER 3: Must have suspected it... what with the bad vibrations.)

RIDLISCOTT: (pop vein) What the fuck are you doing you bunch of druggists!?

CHIQUILIN: Throw that thing away already, geez! (CHUGOHAN: (¬_¬) Bah.)

(In Frigo's stronghold, some warrior comes and gives 'nother ball to his general guy.)

HENCHMAN: Sir Harkoñen, we bring the fifth Ball!

HARKOÑEN: Well, pass it here, Lord Frigo wants us to get things done quickly.

(As he's not watching, the henchman throws a giant Ball to his feet, visibly hurting him.)

HARKOÑEN: (cloc!) AW AW AW!!!... (pain)

HENCHMAN: Good god... didn't you know these damm balls are big as melons, sire?

APEDREATOR: Well, that's enough! We have much left to do. I'll be parting with the raiding group towards the new objective! Lord Frigo wants us to make haste, Vegetal is approaching to this planet and can give him his fair share of trouble, so...

(Back to the cave, Scott is gonna remain there and the space travellers will press on.)

RIDLISCOTT: 'kay guys, I'll be staying here and try to 'reeducate' this bunch of dorks, then I'll contact the FPF. We will have to part ways from here on, sadly.

CHIQUILIN: Good... we will use the ship's Ball Scanner to begin looking for them.

(In space, Wilma's capsule lets out some beeps, which awaken her from her sleepiness.)

WILMA: Mmm? It's the proximity alarm... ANOTHER SHIP! A Gragea Corp spaceship!

ROSBIFF: (radio) Attention, calling all the capsule's passengers! This is Bito Rosbiff!

WILMA: HEY, dad! It's incredible... help me, I have only three hours of oxigen left!

ROSBIFF: Listen, girl. Do you have some fuel left? (WILMA: Only a bit!) Well, I have put the ship horizontally, try and board with the capsule, I'll be waiting here!

(She does so and the professor comes to the hangar to greet her, floating at zero G.)

ROSBIFF: Be careful my girl, this zone is at zero gravity now.

WILMA: DAD! This is fantastic! It was so scary, why did ya come? Is there anyone...?

GOKU: (appears) Hey! Did you rescue her already? (WILMA: (0_0).)

(On cue, Wilma tries to dissappear from the scene and get back to outer space, yesss.)

WILMA: I'm going back to the capsule!

ROSBIFF: Calm down girl, don't make such fuss over it or I'll cancel yer cards!

(Vietnamek again. No more to say, it seems.)

CHIQUILIN: Lesee... acording to the Ball Scanner, the nearest one is to the southeast. However, it also points to a group of five balls situated more to the west... it's weird.

RANTANPLAN: Let's go to the solitary ball, maybe there are some villagers left.

(Next panel is of Chiquilin and Chungohan riding the small spaceship like a mobile platform.)

CHIQUILIN: What's wrong? We didn't want to go on foot having a vehicle that handy!

(In the Vietnamekian village, they really breed wild sweet-potatos... The mayor speaks.)

MAYOR: It's terrible! We are in grave danger! We've been receiving emergency calls from neighboring villages before losing all contact with them! The only thing we could understand was about some foreigners coming, then an orgy of destruction, and that was everything... we must be prepared for anything. I say anything!

CHIQUILIN: (far away) Look, the village is inhabited! Looks like things got better at last!

VILLAGER: Mayor, sir! Some foreigners have arrived at our village!

MAYOR: The foreigners! (shock)

CHIQUILIN: (appears) Er, hello there, good people... we are some stranded travellers in need of a certain item... if you were so kind as to give us a hand at... (CLOC!)

(The people there throw several gardening tools at the boys, and are forced to retreat.)

CHIQUILIN: Something makes me believe we have not exactly a fan club around here!

(But in the oppposite direction, Apedreator and some henchmen set their sights on the village.)

APEDREATOR: Target located. Ready to invade! Straight to the main building!

VILLAGER 2: Mayor, there are some more outsiders coming from there! (points)

MAYOR: Well, they will see! We may be veggans and pacifists, but still not idiots!

APEDREATOR: Massive damage! (BROUUUM!) (Ki waves) (explosions)

CHIQUILIN: (far away) Hey, look! All hell's breaking loose back there! (0_0)

APEDREATOR: I am Apedreator, and I'm servant of Lord Frigo, owner of countless worlds! We are looking for the magic ball which we know is in your possesion!

MAYOR: We are responsible for such holy artifact, giving it up would be dishonorable!

APEDREATOR: Yeah, that is the same thing the previous five mayors said too!

HENCHMAN: You can cut to the point, boss. We have the sixth ball already (shows)

APEDREATOR: Good, return to base with it while we leave for the next objective.

(He rips the mayor a new one, but suddenly another ki wave busts through the warriors.)

VEGETAL: (catches Ball) Well, well! Thanks for easening my quest for the first Ball, such detail will make me reconsider my initial idea of... erasing all of you from the map!

EGGPLANT: Ha, didn't think I would meet you again so soon! (VEGETAL: It's you!) Looks like you want to face Lord Frigo. This gives me the chance to fight and defeat you myself!

VEGETAL: So that is your idea. Good, let's see how you can handle this fight... If you want this ball you will have to come and snatch it from me. If you can. Eggplant!

(Meanwhile, back in the octo-planet, Kiko and Splok arrive at the palace's ruins.)

OCTO-BUILDER: Your majesty, some allies from the FPF. (they arrive)

OCTO-QUEEN: Well, well, aren't they some flamboyant FPF agents in one of their peace-making missions!

KIKO: Exactly... we don't want to start any hostilities, only came here for...

OCTO-QUEEN: How come?! Of course the goody-goody boys in the FPF never ever start any hostilities, they only come storming through a planet to rescue his members!

KIKO: Scott, wind us up...

FRIGO: (in his ship) What? Vegetal has arrived here? Damm it, it is too soon for...!

HARKOÑEN: A moment, lord! There is a chance to stop Vegetal dead on his feet: the special Ranger Force!

FRIGO: That sounds like Chuck Norris stuff...

HARKOÑEN: I meant, the special-operations command leaded by Captain GÑ! Their combined force makes them our army's best combat unit! They will stop that rebel!

FRIGO: Well, dunno... Vegetal is a Puyajin, and they are quite uncommon material...

HARKOÑEN: Yeah, well, I know they have two 'tails', but that won't be an issue!

FRIGO: Okay then. Call my main generals, Zafion and Dodotia, and bring Captain GÑ!

(Far from there, let's look at the results of Kiko's incursion in the octo-planet.)

ACKBAR: Admiral Kiko, we have received a call from the faraway planet, Vietnamek. It's from Ridliscott!

KIKO: What? Why is he there, of all places? I hope he has a good explanation, then! We almost had a diplomatic outburst back there because of him!

FRIGO: (back at him) There is no time for explaining, Vegetal is here and is willing to anything!

GÑ: Worry not, we will take care of him.

FRIGO: Only a warning: I won't accept failures. Although if you fail at beating Vegetal my oppinion on the matter will be the last thing you'll need to worry about...

HARKOÑEN: Please, boss! You are overestimating him.

(More likely. Because he is having the upper hand in the battle with his ex-partner.)

VEGETAL: Do you give up already, veggie-head?

EGGPLANT: Open your eyes, old pal! My orders were to stop you, at any price!

VEGETAL: Then this is my price: your life signs! (EGGPLANT: You kidding? (0_0).)

(Vegetal fires a giant ki wave and leaves the opponent charred up and under the rubble.)

EGGPLANT: No, looks like you were serious... (dies)

CHIQUILIN: (looks) Hey, one of Vietnamek's Balls! Finally, this is getting good!

CHUNGOHAN: But have you seen who is right next to it...? (close-up of Vegetal.)

CHIQUILIN: Vegetal! For how long has he been standing there, then?

CHUNGOHAN: Does it matter? We are SO screwed!

VEGETAL: Well, I had fun, but let's not waste time. This quest is gonna be long and hard...

(He is about to grab the Ball when some warriors with Power Rangers helmets arrive.)

VEGETAL: Who the heck... are you? (They jump, spin and approach him)

CHIQUILIN: Who are they? (CHUNGOHAN: The russian circus, maybe?)

ALL: (pose) We are the special Ranger Force! Surrender at once, Vegetal!

CHIQUILIN: (facefaults) (CHUNGOHAN: (0_0).)

VEGETAL: (0_0) Okay... I surrender...

ONE: You did the right thing, you are no match for us! (OTHER: You'll never defeat our combined force.!)

VEGETAL: (pop vein) Well, enough crap, fools! If ya are gonna fight, do it now or get lost!

CAPTAIN: You won't talk back to us ever again... Come on, Rangers!

(They jump and two of them do a double punch that knocks Vegetal out cold. In space...)

WILMA: Vietnamek! Finally, we arrived! We need to land, quickly! Preparing sequence!

ROSBIFF: Let's be careful, there could be turbulences along the way.

GOKU: What's this button for, huh? (clic)

WILMA: What have you done, moron?! You activated the emergency ejection! We are gonna CRASH!

(The cabin of the ship detaches and lands right on a lake, Apedreator has noticed it.)

APEDREATOR: What was that?

HENCHMAN: (radio) Lord Frigo, commander Apedreator informs us of an object that landed on water, towards the south.

FRIGO: I don't care about meteors falling, I want a report about how the Rangers are doing!

*************************************************

_RANTANPLAN: It's the name of the ditzy dog that appears in Lucky Luke comics.  
__TITERE: Spanish for 'puppet'.  
__GOODYEAR: Reference to the infamous Buzz Lightyear, from the Toy Story films.  
__APEDREATOR: Spanglish for 'one who throws rocks', the character looks like Predator.  
__ZAFION: 'Zafio' in Spanish means 'rude, unrefined'. Just the opposite of Zarbon, really...  
__DODOTIA: Dodoria's parodic name comes from the brand of diaper products, Dodotis.  
__CAPTAIN GÑ: 'GÑ' is a mostly spanish onomatopeia for the grunts one makes when doing an effort. And the Ranger Force is a clear parody of the Power Rangers and their several variations (Wild Force, Ninja Storm, etc...)_


	18. issue 18: Over 9 thousand elephants!

ISSUE # 18:

_OVER 9 THOUSAND... ELEPHANTS!_

This comic is about an alien kid who had a tail, but had it cut, and then went to a planet full of aliens, but without tails (and not for having them cut) and they fight. So yeah...

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VEGETAL: Don't think for a moment you have beaten me! The party has just begun...

GÑ: I don't think so. More like you are still standing because there's not much wind... it is time to give ya the coup the grace!

(While they are busy Chiquilin has grabbed the Ball and proceeds to flee with the rest.)

CHUNGOHAN: Do you think they would notice?

CHIQUILIN: No way, boy. Don't you see how distracted they are? Shut up and run!

NAUTS: Er, we have to object agaisnt our part of the deal... (carrying them)

(Not far, Wilma, her dad and Soson emerge from the lake where they crash landed.)

WILMA: Arg... we almost couldn't tell the tale... and this green water smells funny...

GOKU: Wilma, I don't know how to swiiim...! (ROSBIFF: Neither?)

(Momentary cut to Frigo's ship, a henchman gives him the last report on the situation.)

HENCHMAN: Lord Frigo, we have detected another space craft landing near, and the bio-scanner revealed there are people inside! Two terrestrials... and another Puyajin!

FRIGO: WHAT? Contact the special Rangers Force, I need to give them new orders!

(The Rangers receive a radio call, it is Frigo. He is gonna give them a new objetive.)

FRIGO: (radio) Leave Vegetal however he is! Go and intercept some newcomers, ya!

GÑ: But why? We were almost done with him...

FRIGO: Don't question me! There is a Puyajin among them. Kill him, SHRED him!

GÑ: (clic) Meh, we should get going. We don't want to see Lord Frigo angry, dudes.

ONE: I would say he IS already.

HARKOÑEN: (back at ship) But Lord Frigo! Why that insane obssesion about killing every Puyajin? We are getting side-tracked on our real interests here, aren't we?

FRIGO: I said already they aren't normal guys! I have my reasons to fear the Puyajin race...

(flashback mode)

FRIGO: The Puyajins were not the original inhabitants of planet Vegetal, it was ruled by an ancient and very advanced civilization, the Trufus -some closeted faggots- which the Puyajins totally exterminated by soundly farting, getting hold of his technology and discount coupons. All clues indicate that the key for their victory was the appearance of the Super Puyajin, a chosen one among them with exceptional skills and powers!

HARKOÑEN: My god!

FRIGO: However, despite the fact the Puyajins can be counted with one hand's fingers, there is the slim possibility that the Super Puyajin is among them! If that being appeared, I...

HARKOÑEN: I didn't know the thing was so grave... I now understand yer worryness...

FRIGO: Well, now that we've cleared that let's continue the mission. Where's the next ball?

NARRATION: In a village some kilometers afar from the last, to their southeast.

VILLAGER: It's an attack! Run! (VILLAGER 2: (strangled) Thanks for the warning...)

HENCHMAN: It's here! (lifts a chicken) Here is the magic Ball!

APEDREATOR: Tell Lord Frigo we have the 7th ball, there are only two left then!

(Far from there, Vegetal is still recovering from the beating the Rangers gave him.)

VEGETAL: Well, looks like they left me for dead... grave mistake! I'll get my revenge! They will be sorry the rest of their lives! Which can be a couple hours! (stands up) First thing is healing the wounds... I'll cover them in gunpowder, like in John Woo films...

(Pulls out a bottle and 'seasons' himself with gunpowder, then applies a match and...)

VEGETAL: (FLOAM!) ARG!

(In another place, the newcomers try to cope with the loses and begin exploring.)

WILMA: What do we do now?

ROSBIFF: We must use our survival gear and look for people using the bio-scanners.

GOKU: And who has all that stuff...?

ROSBIFF: ??? (looks the lake) The ship! It's all in the ship! And it is sinking away!

WILMA: (sweatdrop) I'll say it again: I'm surrounded by morons...

GOKU: Don't worry Wilma, some men are approaching us, let's ask them for help.

GÑ: Those must be the newcomers! (ONE: The stupid looking one must be a Puyajin!)

WILMA: And who are you, misters...? _I don't like this, they have the same armor as Vegetal..._

GOKU: Hey guys, could you lend us a hand, please? (WILMA: Shut up, idiot!)

GÑ: A hand? Of course, and two hands if you want. Boys, give them a 'hand'!

(A Ranger grabs Goku from the hand and throws him agaisnt some nearby mountain.)

WILMA: (0_0)

GÑ: Sorry, maybe we were a bit too rude! We're the special Ranger Force, and we take orders from Lord Frigo! And our orders as for now are... anihilate you all!

(Back to Frigo's ship. Zafion and Dodotia have arrived, a henchman gives a report.)

HENCHMAN: The Ranger Force has located and intercepted the newcomers, sir.

FRIGO: Good, I want no failures! Have them kill without mercy! We will take care of Vegetal later...

(Speaking of, he is infiltrating the ship hiding among shadows and being mysterious.)

VEGETAL: Heh heh. They are so busy looking for the Balls that they have neglected the ship's entrances... from now on this is cake. And I need to stop watching John Woo films!

(He is charred up from the last incident with the gunpowder. He gets into Frigo's room.)

VEGETAL: It's here... Frigo's private room. (clic) It is specially designed to keep his internal temperature under 0º, just like in his home planet. Almost no one is as tough as to stay here longer than one minute without freezing his brains out, well, except for me. (sneezes) Ha, there are the Balls, I knew that slimy weasel kept them here! (lifts one) I will now throw them out the window and thereupon I'll follow them. Out with da glass!

(Throws one to break the window, but it bounces back and smacks him in the face.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Alarm, alarm! Impact of great magnitude on window 48, floor 2!

FRIGO: This was in my privates! The balls are all there!

HARKOÑEN: _He hid them there? And by chance, they won't be inside a sock, too?_

VEGETAL: Blarg... why didn't I remember these windows are made of rubber glass, to prevent sudden pressure changes? (FRIGO: (runs) Everyone, to my private room!) Meh, playtime is over! Let's blast this thing open! (does so) Hop honeys, fly far away!

FRIGO: (arrives) Vegetal!

VEGETAL: Well, if they are those good-for-nothings. I'm off, sayonara faggots! (flies)

FRIGO: Stop him, he took the balls! (BOTH: Maybe we could if ye spared our necks...)

ZAFION: (follows) We will go separate ways to ambush him! (DODOTIA: Agreed!)

(Meanwhile another Vietnamekian village has been destroyed and pillaged for the ball.)

CHIQUILIN: Well, once more, we arrived too late... wait, look at this! The Ball scanner says that the five balls that were together have spread away! Something weird is going on...

KID: Aug! (bug bit him)

CHIQUILIN: Look, Chungohan! There is a survivor! Must have been buried under the ruins.

KID: _Yeah, buried... I hid away when I saw those beasts coming... damm that bugger..._

CHIQUILIN: It's only a kid, surely all his family was slain... he is defenseless now.

KID: _Well, I'll dedicate myself to recover the loses... I'll use the magic Balls to revive everyone who kicked the bucket, and then I will expel those invaders from the planet! _

CHIQUILIN: Look no further, kid. You will come with us, we will protect you.

KID: But my family...! The invaders...!

CHIQUILIN: Yes, I know this must be hard for you, but clinging to those ruins won't do you any good.

KID: But I am...

CHIQUILIN: Look kid, I know what to do! Don't try to talk back to us, you will come and you won't open yer trap again until we tell you to! Understood?

KID: (¬_¬)

(The Chibinauts have to bear with another passenger, and Bizcotron says that out loud.)

GÑ: (back with them) Well, we don't need the helmets anymore. My face is boiling!

WILMA: Er, I think I prefer them with the helmet on myself... 'cept for the long haired one, who is rather hot, if I may say... (ROSBIFF: Wilma, please, stop thinking about flesh!)

GÑ: Your opinion on the matter, fair lady, can be stuck up your butt for all I care. Now, you can close your eyes and everything will be over quickly, I assure you.

GOKU: (comes) Er, sorry, as I was saying before being rudely interrupted...

GÑ: He is alive! (0_0) It can't be! Everyone, do a combo attack!

GOKU: A comb? No thanks, my hair is perfectly fine the way it is... (FLOAAAM!)

BURTER: I have stunned him momentarily! It's time for the Power Gun!

GÑ: Hey, IM the boss here!

(Some huge gun floats in space and lands there, in typical Power Ranger fashion.)

GÑ: Ready to fire! (FLOAAAM!)

(They blast at Goku, who eats the shot face first... meanwhile Vegetal has fled away.)

VEGETAL: I am getting quite ahead, but I must not lose them, I need them to follow me. They will need to gather the balls too, but they don't know I can locate them with my special senses... something I learnt while on Earth. _I got hit in the head sooo many times that, well..._ I will get them near some traps I have designed... and they will die as ANIMALS! Haw haw!

(He arrives at a mountain range, and pulls out an ACME brand trap-laying-kit.)

VEGETAL: Here's a good place. I will use the gear I could salvage from my space pod.

(Zafion and Dodotia search for him while the terrestrial boys have a new travel partner.)

CHIQUILIN: Geez, this is getting tigher by the minute. I hope there isn't a riot anytime soon...

TITERE: It's hopeless, commander. They have sit down on the ship's hatch...

RANTANPLAN: Bizcotron, launch some missiles!

BIZCOTRON: I hereby object at keeping this situation any longer!

VEGETAL: (back at him) Good, now I will activate the detonator to have is set off if it notices the slightest pressure. Ha, that fat bastard Dodotia is coming! When he steps on the X mark trying to catch the bait... everything will go BOUM, then ARG, and finish!

DODOTIA: Huh? The white Ball! (comes)

VEGETAL: Heh heh, it's done! With the device I put under that rock, fixed to support only the Ball's weight, Dodotia will activate it with his over-9-thousand libs and it will sound the beep-beep, then the meatball will know what being a puzzle feels like!

DODOTIA: (steps) Vegetal must have dropped it... bah, if he didn't notice, it's his loss. Lord Frigo will be glad if I take it to him, maybe he will spare me from finding Vegetal!

VEGETAL: How come the device didn't explode?! (0_0) It must have... short-circuited because of that mammoth's weight. And one ball down the flush! (kicks a rock)

(The small rock hits a detonator not far from where he is, and it starts the beep-beep.)

VEGETAL: Oh gosh! I put the wrong bomb under the rock! CRAP CRAP CRAP! Five seconds to stop the device! Where the heck have I put the remote? WHERE?

(Looks to a nearby rock, where the remote is sitting atop the trap-laying-kit. He jumps.)

EXPLOSION: (BROUUUM!) (VEGETAL: ARG!)

DODOTIA: Huh? That sudden and isolated explosion seems quite suspicious...

ALVARO: See, in my town we simply say 'what the fuck was that', and end story.

NACHO: Alvaro, please, we try to culturize our readers, if only a bit.


	19. issue 19: Don't say I didn't warn ya!

ISSUE # 19:

_VIETNAMEK IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!__!_

Don't say I didn't warn ya!

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GÑ: It's done; no one can survive the Power Gun! (WILMA: Can you guarantee that?)

BURTER: By Saint Bill Waterson's immaculate pencil...! Look at that, captain!

GOKU: (crawls out) In my town we don't call this 'comb', we call it 'huge beating'... I am getting mad already!

GULDO: What do we do, boss? (GÑ: This kid ain't normal!) (WILMA: Yeah, I knew.)

GÑ: We have no other option than to use our battling mecha: the Megasskickerzord!

(Vegetal crawls from under the rocks that flattened him after the mine's explosion.)

VEGETAL: I'm getting sick of getting burnt every half hour... huh? Dodotia's found me!

DODOTIA: Ha, I knew that if I followed the smell of burnt flesh I'll get ya, cowardly rat!

VEGETAL: Hey, don't get ideas, IM the one who ate the bomb that was for YOU!

DODOTIA: That doesn't matter. I have orders of killing you and retrieve Frigo's balls!

VEGETAL: So what? He can't find them himself? Yeah, logical... then you...

DODOTIA: This has been your last insolence, Vegetal.

(Chiquilin and Chungohan have found a magic ball, lying like that out in the fields.)

CHIQUILIN: Look ahead! One of the balls! Good, now we have two! (VIET-KID: Something smells funny...)

CHUNGOHAN: Chiquilin, I think I'm sensing a presence nearby... we should move on.

CHIQUILIN: Wait a sec, kiddo. Let us catch our breaths. (kisses ball)

(Of course, the presence is that of Zafion, approaching them. Vegetal keeps at fighting.)

VEGETAL: Come on fat bastard, I don't fear you! I'm tougher than you expected, huh? _Though, if you keep beating me like that I am gonna have to start worrying, you know._

(Goku is still facing the Rangers Force, now with the extra of the Megasskickerzord.)

GÑ: Here it is, the Megasskickerzord! Attention Rangers, get on the Zord! (jump)

WILMA: Yep, they board the thing and it breaks away. Way to make an entrance, men.

ROSBIFF: No, my girl, you are wrong! It looks like it is transforming!

(The newly arrived ship transforms in classic MegaZord fashion, into its robot mode.)

ZORD: It's the ultimate weapon, Megasskickerzord! Resistance is futile, you will die... painfully!

WILMA: Daddy... I wanna go home... (0_0)

(Zafion has just found Chiquilin and Chungohan, and proceeds to threaten the pair.)

ZAFION: Well well, how kind of you, you found those balls for me, right, pair of brats? Now get here and give them to me, and I will forget I saw you meddling around, mmm?

CHIQUILIN: Dunno, that offer doesn't look good for us. (ZAFION: Obey!) Yes ma'am!

(Dodotia has finished beating on Vegetal and is starting to get fed up with this.)

DODOTIA: Vegetal, really... you sure you wanna keep fighting? You have eaten more smacks than this funny frog thing from the TV adverts. If it were just me, I'll kill you now, on the spot.

VEGETAL: Don't give me that crap... I was studying you... AAARG! (rushes)

DODOTIA: Sure? (stops him)

VEGETAL: Well, you have made me do this! I didn't want, but I'm gonna use the great weapon which will KILL you! I don't like such dirty tricks, but there is no choice now!

DODOTIA: What the heck are ya saying? (VEGETAL: THIS!)

(He opens a Gragea Corp capsule containing a big banquet. Dodotia gets all drooly.)

DODOTIA: So much FOOD! Is it for me?! (VEGETAL: Yeees, of course it is...)

(Dodotia eats the banquet and ends exploding from fatness, but there is no panel to show us that.)

ALVARO: NACHO! You forgot to draw page 16! What do I do now? Do I tell the Cow's Joke?

VEGETAL: Arf, finally things go smoothly for once. Now I hafta find the other balls!

PESKAITO: (interrupting) Good, did you see? I told ya my exercises are great! If you follow my training sessions you'll soon be as strong as Goku. He only did 417 more floors.

YANSHA: (building a palace) Do you think he is pulling our legs, master?

ROSHI: Well, dunno, I just don't want to be idle doing nothing, you know.

(In the planet, Zafion flies with two balls on his account when Vegetal detects him.)

ZAFION: Those kids were very kind. First I'll finish gathering the balls and then I'll kill them. Will be funny!

VEGETAL: Wait a sec... I sense Zafion's presence... with two balls! I'll go get him, he will fall more easily than Dodotia.

(Back with the spikier haired dork, the giant mecha is about to fight him.)

ZORD: You are doomed! Say yer prayers! (runs stomping)

GOKU: Do not fear, Wilma, I will face the villain! (ALVARO: Gee, how knightly of him...)

(On cue, the robot stomps on him and leaves him flattened, continuing his advances.)

GOKU: There, done... I LOST! Glglgl...

VEGETAL: (back to him) Stop right there, cutie! But don't get any ideas, this isn't a date. (Zafion smacks him) Damm it, it's always the same! Craaap...! (lands violently)

(In Frigo's ship, the lord is losing patience over this Vietnamek magic balls' stuff.)

FRIGO: How come you lost contact with Dodotia?! What about Zafion? And Vegetal? And the balls?

HARKOÑEN: (0_0)

FRIGO: I have conquered thousands of galaxies, I have ruled millions of planets... and when you think the universe is at your feet... some insignificant thing as those balls... get in your way!

(Above them, the Octo-queen is checking on the status of Vietnamek, we don't know why.)

OCTO-QUEEN: So what, my cartographers?

OCTO-SOLDIER: Coordinates have been fixed, your majesty.

OCTO-QUEEN: Good, here's Vietnamek... it's time to make a plan of action!

(In the fields, the Z boys have lost two balls, but try to cope with the loses... poor souls.)

CHIQUILIN: Let's see, boys. Don't get discouraged. We will use the Scanner to get the remaining balls, and we will later think how to recover those two. Where are the Chibinauts?

CHUNGOHAN: Well, they said they were fed up, they would be getting away and told me to shut up about it.

CHIQUILIN: And you obeyed?!

CHUNGOHAN: Mom said I should not meddle with grown ups' affairs... (CHIQUILIN: Grown ups?!)

BIZCOTRON: (far away) What is our new course, commander?

RANTANPLAN: On to adventure, Bizcotron! We are the Chibinauts!

(In another field, Vegetal has just crash landed near where Wilma and her dad see Goku fight.)

ROSBIFF: Watch out, my girl, that meteor's fall! One of the most unpredictable events of nature.

WILMA: (looks) Hell yes it is! Cause it's VEGETAL!

VEGETAL: ??? Ah heck, it's her again... what next? (loud) What the fuck are ya doing here?! How did you come?! _Wait a sec. How many of them have come? I sincerely hope that walking danger of Kagarrot isn't here too! _(Zafion arrives)

WILMA: Wow, such hot boy! (^_^) Do you study or work, dear? (Rosbiff facefaults)

ROSBIFF: Wilma, honey... leave the dirty thoughts for a better moment, please!

WILMA: But he is so hot... (VEGETAL: Heh heh, poor girl, if she knew better...)

ZAFION: It seemed to me back there that you were carrying a ball. If you are so kind...

VEGETAL: Oh, do you want it? Then CATCH IT! (throws it)

(Zafion has to drop the other two to catch Vegetal's one, he takes the chance and blasts him while his hands are busy.)

WILMA: Mouuu...! He was so hot! (ROSBIFF: (¬_¬).)

VEGETAL: Stop fooling yourself, girl. The guy is a faggot, IM more likely to hook up with him than you.

(Momentary cut to the Megasskickerzord, to see what the Rangers are doing now.)

BURTER: I have the two fugitives on the radar! (GULDO: Can't breathe...!)

GÑ: Good, let's follow them! Lord Frigo wants their total destruction! (JEICE: Leave room!)

VEGETAL: (lifts balls) Well, I now have three. This is hard work, I dare say.

WILMA: Are you okay?

ZAFION: ??? (recoils) Huh, no, please! Don't like girls, they have cooties! Let me go!

VEGETAL: I told ya... regarding you, Zafion... I suppose you will follow Frigo's orders until the bitter end, right? Are you willing to fight to the death for this bunch of Balls?

ZAFION: Don't make me, Vegetal. You know that to get over your power level I need to do a transformation that I don't particularly like.

VEGETAL: Ha, that sounds like a bluff. I doubt you can surpass me. Actually you must be dead afraid of me...

ZAFION: Grrr... you are on! Here goes the Super Change! (WILMA: *sigh*.)

(He flashily transforms into a female version of himself. Everyone stares dumbfounded at 'her'.)

VEGETAL: (silly grin) Er, why do we need to beat each other? Can't we have fun any other way?


	20. issue 20: Don't break your Christ!

ISSUE # 20:

_WATCH OUT, DON'T BREAK YER... CHRIST! (MAS)_

Kano is getting married, Jordi Sanchez Navarro has a new daughter and I, I think I am getting off topic here. But what can I say, life goes on, people's marrying and having kids, and one feels older each day and it is not fair... speaking of fairs, in Deusto there is one that...

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(We open with Zafion uppercutting Vegetal and sending him near Wilma and her dad.)

WILMA: I don't want to meddle in other's affairs, but... if you don't stand up you are gonna drown or something. (VEGETAL: Grrr! (spits dirt).) Man, I was only saying!

ZAFION: Are you convinced about my power boost? Or do you want to keep rocking?

VEGETAL: Screw my monkey ass... damm it all...

ROSBIFF: Truth is, my girl, I don't think this place is safe for us, so I want to suggest we get outta here before they remember we exist at all, okay?

ZORD: (arrives) GOTCHA! (WILMA: Too late for that, daddy!) (ROSBIFF: Glubs!)

GÑ: Now we can finish what we started! Prepare to die! It's nothing personal, I assure. Ha, I lied! I love to kill! MWAJAJAJA! (RECOOME: Blarg, he's grossing me out...)

ZAFION: Hey, you bunch of idiots! Let us be, I will take care of them all!

VEGETAL: Arg... _now, I have a chance... she's distracted..._ (gets behind her.)

WILMA: GO GET HER, COME ON! (VEGETAL: *frozen*) (ZAFION: Grrr!)

ROSBIFF: Wilma, dear... I know we can't trust anyone in this weird world, but if what you wanted was to help him... you messed up good.

WILMA: You think...?

(Zafion gets the chance and pounds at Vegetal, as Harkoñen gives the latest report to Lord Frigo.)

HARKOÑEN: Lord Frigo, the Rangers have found Vegetal, fighting with Zafion, they are asking for instructions.

FRIGO: Tell them to wait. If destiny screws us by having Zafion lose, have them take care of Vegetal. Until the end!

(In a deserted field, Chiquilin, Chungohan and the kid walk away, looking gloomy.)

CHIQUILIN: We are screwed... to reach the nearest village marked in the Ball Scanner we could be walking for days straight... with no food... or drink... or Playdude... or...

CHUNGOHAN: Or doughnuts. (VIET-KID: (¬_¬).)

(Chiquilin walks into a gulf, but doesn't fall. After understanding why, he screams it.)

CHIQUILIN: Christ on a pole! We can frickin FLY, damm it...! How could I fucking forget? Well, this simplifies things. We'll get to the village in a wheeze now! We will go to where the balls are gathered. Come on kid, how good are you at flying, huh?

VIET-KID: (trips) This is a stupid questioooooon...! (falls)

CHUNGOHAN: I think he could NOT fly, Chiquilin. (CHIQUILIN: Don't shit me, Sherlock!)

(They descend and find the kid nailed through a tree, broke in two. Looks painful.)

CHUNGOHAN: At least the tree seemed to cushion the fall, right?

CHIQUILIN: Dunno about that... well, now that we know you can't fly, it will be better not to take decisions without consulting you. Something more we need to know, kid?

VIET-KID: When you found me, I was on my way to meet Vietnamek's Elder, father to us all and owner of the magic balls. Only he can summon them at will, and call its spirit.

CHIQUILIN: You knew all that?! Why didn't you tell us before?

DISCMAN: _Look kid, I know what to do! Don't try to talk back to us, you'll come and you won't open yer trap again until we tell you to! __Understood_?

VIET-KID: Multi-track CD-rom, quite useful in this kind of situations.

CHIQUILIN: (silly grin) Er, well, my fault... then, guide us to this Elder guy's place, and we will teach you how to fly on the way, oki? (they fly away)

(We cut to the Chibinauts' ship, exploring the land and taking data for... something.)

BIZCOTRON: This planet does not offer much diversity, does it?

RANTANPLAN: My thoughts exactly, Bizcotron. Maybe we should look for a fertiler world.

BISHO: Commander! *hic*. I am getting readings *hic* on the proximity radars! *hic*.

RANTANPLAN: They are Kogorza's pooch soldiers! They have found us...! Now raise the defensive barriers! Or else, I suppose. ATTACK! (blasts some chibisoldiers)

CHIBISOLDIER: Fire the heavy weapon! (they do)

TITERE: They are lashing at us, commander! (explosions)

BISHO: Preparing *hic* evasive maneuver *hic*! (MINIMATRON: Not my fault!)

BIZCOTRON: The navigator's computer is broken down, sir... (computer sings)

RANTANPLAN: ENOUGH! DON'T PANIC! Goodyear?

(The warrior does a thumbs up and goes out to kick some rear. Zafion keeps at Vegetal's.)

VEGETAL: Arg! (lands upside down)

ZAFION: Ha, and you pretended to be Frigo's successor! That was for touching my butt, you sexist midget!

VEGETAL: Okaaay, I admit, I overdid my bluffs, but it's my nature... can't we reach a diplomatic solution?

ZAFION: Think not. There is no way outta this for you, I take orders directly from Lord Frigo. But I'll kill you with gusto! (VEGETAL: Crap...) Now I will bury you alive with all the rubble you left behind in this place! And without saying 'Jehova' even once.

VEGETAL: (thinks) Mmm. I can see your panties.

(Zafion is shocked at this and tries to cover them, the rocks all fall on, er, 'her' head.)

VEGETAL: Ha, distraction phase completed! Now this dart will make her ammesic of the last 200 hours.

ZAFION: (awakes) Huh? Where am I now? I was on a mission? Can't remember...

(Sees her breasts, and with her male-side mentality, is shocked and faints of disgust.)

VEGETAL: Heh. Twisted, but very effective. C'est fini, baby. (pause) Okay pussies, playtime's over! I am not gonna be everyone's sandbag anymore so to make the story somewhat funny! Because this arc is lasting too many issues already!

NACHO: Of course not, man... (ALVARO: You are imagining things...)

GULDO: Is this a bluff, captain? (GÑ: Don't think so. He really thinks he can beat us.)

ZORD: This robot here was designed to battle the giant apes which the Puyajins can transform into... but you can't anymore. How can you hope to be a match for us then?

VEGETAL: That can be worked around! (inflates himself) Hop, now I'm your size! Shall we start?

(The Puyajin punches the zord and inside it, a cameraman puts out the 'shaking' sign.)

GULDO/BURTER/GÑ: Aaah, I'm falling! (RECOOME: Hey you, pay attention! (Jeice starts to shake too) Not now, dude!)

GÑ: We will use our most powerful weapon, guys!

ZORD: Energo-sword! (unsheats) Energo... THRUST! (rushes)

ROSBIFF: Wilma, dear, this is our end! What can we do? (WILMA: Daddy, sit down.)

(The robot tries to impale Vegetal, but he is not there to receive the attack. He bluffs.)

VEGETAL: Did you really think you could surprise me?! You do the exact same every episode, I watched the series! Bah. Now is my turn, you giant Mecano advert!

(He punches the mecha and slices his head off, the cameraman puts out 'applause' sign.)

DIRECTOR: Wrong sign, man!

VEGETAL: Too sexy for my shirt. AAAAAAH! (rushes)

(He ends destroying the zord and expelling the Rangers out of it, ready to crush them.)

VEGETAL: Ha, let's see, pussies in a tin... what shall I do? I accept suggestions, guys.

RECOOME: What do we do, captain? (GÑ: We won't be returning to Frigo after this defeat!)

(The three kids are arriving at a mountaintop where some namekian house is settled.)

VIET-KID: Here it is, the Elder's shrine!

CHUNGOHAN: Do you think he will be at home?

CHIQUILIN: Looking at the landscape, I can say he hasn't got a lot of other options.

CHUNGOHAN: Hey, from up here, spitting has to be awesome! (CHIQUILIN: Shut up!)

VIET-KID: Great Elder? I am Tente, and I came with some foreigners.

ELDER: (is midget) Enough with the 'great elder' joking, kid! Well, what do you want?

CHIQUILIN: Are you really the father to all Vietnamekians, mister?

ELDER: Of course! What gives? It's pretty tiring work I say! Try it if you don't believe me!

CHIQUILIN: Er, but we need to ask you for something, see...

(In space, some ships are monitoring Vietnamek, no one knows who's. Back to the 'nauts.)

GOODYEAR: (soldier massacre)

TITERE: Certainly, their uniforms aren't the pooch-soldier's. Who can they be?

RANTANPLAN: We will know soon... (checks) Green skin, pointy ears and antennae? They are natives of this planet then! (VOICE: We are its guardians, we act in the shadows...) Huh? Who's there?

SNIX: I have teleported inside your ship. Don't fear, we want peace. I am Commander Snix, my soldiers mistook you as yet more invaders... while your champion was fighting with them I checked your ship and gear, so I know you aren't hostile. That is beneficial for both, as I want to request your help in expelling the ones who killed our giant friends...

(Back to the Viet-Elder, he is gonna explain and have them meet a certain someone.)

ELDER: Lesee... I already figured out what's going on with those space warriors' stuff, in fact I could detect them while they approached the planet some months ago.

CHIQUILIN: Yeah? How cool!

ELDER: Why do you think I came here to hide, in the middle of nowhere? Of course, I also count with my loyal bodyguard Nil. Say hello to them, my boy! (he appears)

NIL: (bodyguard getup) Hai! (^_^)

CHIQUILIN: Does that mean you aren't gonna help us or anything?

ELDER: Who did you think I am, boy? Some kind of Hannibal Smith? I have my own issues!

TENTE: But, er, Elder, I came here seeking for your wisdom so I could solve this threat!

ELDER: You have lost your loved ones, huh... Well, this is what I'm going to do: you, who are younger and stronger, will be receiving the secret of the magic balls from me! But before, let's put some Whitney Houston to rock up the process, shall we? (Nil sings)

(In the fields, Goku finally recovers from the robot's stomp and crawls outta the hole.)

GOKU: Etto... what the hell happened... where is the robot... I have an awful headache... huh? I can't sense their energies anymore, but there is one much greater! It's Vegetal's!

(Yep, giant Vegetal is about to crush the now tiny Ranger Force with a single stomp.)

VEGETAL: Bah, I'll pass of torturing and stuff. A good stomp is what you deserve!

GÑ: Quick, my knife! (pulls out swiss knife) KIA! (stabs Vegetal's foot)

VEGETAL: (deflating) CRAAAP! (flies away!)

ROSBIFF: Sweet mother Mary. When I thought I knew everything from your friends.

WILMA: It is true what they say about that... 'the truth is out there'.

NARRATION: Certainly, there is something out there, and I am not lying...

OCTO-SOLDIER: (piloting) Attack orders confirmed! Here we go, in the name of our Octo-queen!

(They crash with another space craft, but we don't know who's, at least for now.)

OCTO-SOLDIER: The heck? In the name of our Octo-queen! Who's invading our aerial space?

MARTIAN: Lookie, man, we have been planning this invasion for years and you are NOT ruining it now, get it?

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_MECANO / TENTE: They are the names of construction toy sets, akin to Lego's blocks.  
SNIX: They could be called Smurfs IN SPACE!, cause it's what Wikipedia says about them._


	21. issue 21: Space Adventure Turbo!

ISSUE # 21:

_SPACE ADVENTURE TURBO!_

Stuff happened. Wilma, Chungohan and Chiquilin took a walk around the outer space, and arrived at planet Vietnamek (you get it?) and they keep finding all kinds of aliens: octopi, chibinauts, snix, martians... so yep, the one who said 'in space, no one can hear them scream' was, well, pulling our legs. Maybe even the THIRD.

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ALVARO: Attention all personnel, we are gonna explain the plot thus far with an easy to understand diagram! Because this is getting quite messier by the day.

NACHO: That 'easy' part... it depends on who has to draw all of it, isn't it?

--- Lord Frigo wants to get all the balls, but lost the ones he once had.

FRIGO: Grrr! (HARKOÑEN: (0_0).)

--- His loyal agent Apedreator is searching for the remaining ones, few as for now.

APEDREATOR: Hai!

--- Vegetal, after beating Frigo's generals Zafion and Dodotia, has to face the Rangers.

(Goku runs there. Vegetal has 3 balls. Faces Captain GÑ. Wilma and her dad watch.)

--- Chiquilin, Chungohan and the native kid, Tente, want help from Vietnamek's elder.

ELDER: I want more tuition! If not, screw you! (CHIQUILIN: *sigh*.)

--- Despite that, Chungohan tries to teach Tente proper behaviors for kids his age.

CHUNGOHAN: (they pick their noses) _I don't know if those are boogers or his guts..._

--- The Chibinauts have contacted with the Snix and join forces for a common goal.

(Between the 'nauts crew and some Snix, are trying to get an apple from a tree.)

--- The FPF members have arrived at Vietnamek, and managed to find Ridliscott.

RIDLISCOTT: (hides drugs) Er, it isn't what it looks like... honest.

--- And the octopi are trying to get revenge on the FPF, but have found some rivals.

ALVARO: Well, that pretty much sums it up. I know this resume is not exactly full of detail, but you are supposed to have been following the story, aren't ya? And if not, go and buy the other comic issues, 'cause that's what pays our bills!

NACHO: Did you think we live at government's expenses? We are no Jesus Gil here!

(Back to the story, Vegetal manages to come back from wherever he landed beforehand.)

GOKU: Vegetal, man! Saw you flying by when I was getting here. Where did you land?

VEGETAL: (straw hat, bamboo rod) Arf... just guess it... ARG! It's HIM! The monster!

GOKU: (0_0) Me?

VEGETAL: _I am doomed! Only with him here, I already have no chance of surviving! But wait... _Ha, you are doomed, pal! You'll have to face my underlings here before fighting me!

GOKU: Okay, you will see! (rushes)

JEICE: Here comes that guy again! (RECOOME: Don't know why we bother anymore.)

(Goku manages to brutally punch Recoome, and the others reconsider his threat level.)

GOKU: Good, I'll beat your underlings one by one, Vegetal. And you will be the last!

VEGETAL: Oh no! Don't shit me! You will do that? I'm crapping my pants! (^_^)

(Cut to underground, in the facility used by the guardian Snix.)

SNIX: That's the situation. If we join forces, we can expel those invaders from here.

RANTANPLAN: But why didn't ya propose the same to the giants? They want the same goal as well.

COMMANDER-S: Truth be told, we don't care about the giants' welfare, as we want to raise arms someday and take control of the planet. We're vastly superior in numbers and weaponry, so the less of them remain, the less ammo we will spend.

RANTANPLAN: That's not fair! I won't help someone who doesn't care about the rights of their planetary partners and...!

MINIMATRON: If you don't agree, we can always dismantle your ship. Do you like playing Legos?

RANTANPLAN: But of course, I'm a man of my word... when I promise something, I never take it back... ahem.

SNIX: Commander Snix! We have detected another alien craft above Vietnamek, they don't look like reinforcements, but are a completely different fleet!

COMMANDER-S: Hum, that means a change in our strategy! Get all the information it is possible about that new space ship! Our situation is getting messier, I say...

SNIX 2: Commander Snix! We have detected yet another ship in orbit...! We knew that because its energetic trace is different from the ones before, of course!

SNIX: Commander Snix, another signal! A lot of them! Looks like an entire fleet. What do we do? (SNIX 2: Who do we fight first?) And our strategy to follow? (SNIX 2: Want us to prepare a collective suicide?)

COMMANDER-S: (cries) Please! Don't leave us... the matter is dire. It can be Vietnamek's end if we don't intervene!

RANTANPLAN: Dunno, Titere. This guy is looking so lame right now...

TITERE: Okay, I'll help, but because you asked me nicely!

(We go back to the fields where the spiky haired guys fight the ugly looking warriors.)

GÑ: This fight must end now! Use your specials, the rival is well worth the energy cost!

RECOOME: Agreed. I will use my special tech: The Breath Cannon!

GOKU/VEGETAL: (?_?)

(Recoome fires a Chou Makohou at the pair, but Goku blocks it with Vegetal's body.)

RECOOME: Crap. I only got one of them.

GOKU: That was close! I was hella lucky... (VEGETAL: Yeah, much... *cough*.)

RECOOME: This time's the charm! (inhales)

VEGETAL: Oh, no, I WONT let you! (rushes) Ha, now burn your own guts, ugly!

(Closes Recoome's mouth before he fires, but the attack gets off anyway, getting both.)

RECOOME: Arg...! My teeth! Where are they? (VEGETAL: Here, nailed in my face...) Now you made me mad! I'm gonna sweep you off this planet, sunuvas! (inhales)

VEGETAL: He is absorbing all the air...! (GOKU: I'm short of breath!)

RECOOME: Urg? No, not now! (farts) (flies away) AAARG!

VEGETAL: Well, we dispatched one already, and a quite strong one to boot. Who is next, pansies?

GOKU: Wait a sec... didn't he said they were... ah heck, I don't remember...

GULDO: Let me do it, captain. I will teach them!

VEGETAL: That... that free sample is gonna be your choice? It's a fricking midget!

(In the skies, Recoome has just nailed through the octo-soldiers spaceship's window.)

OCTOPUS: This is the last straw! Enough with that crap, let's charge at once!

(Vegetal rushes Guldo and he warps away, leaving the Puyajin to crash into a tree.)

VEGETAL: Ack! (cloc!) what the fuck happened...?

GOKU: I'll take care of that guy. KOME... JAME... JA! (shuuus!) Wha? (FLOAM!)

(Vegetal has been warped in front of the blast, and the midget is having a fit of giggle.)

GULDO: _Heh heh, they don't know that my power is that of the Time Stop nature. I can alter reality to my whim; thus I am the strongest among our group. I'm gonna have fun!_

(In the Elder's hut, he is transferring his namekian power to the orphan kid, Tente.)

ELDER: I now grant you my power so that you are the one risking it all... once you get my wisdom you will learn the spell that gathers the balls in one place. Meanwhile, my servant, see if his friends have a pure heart and thus, are worthy of accompanying him.

NIL: (surgeon getup) Checked it out, master. Their hearts, despite the cholesterol, are sufficiently pure for the task.

ELDER: Good. Now go and gather the balls. Remember that you can ask only 'Three Wishes plus the Bonus One'. Make the victims revive, expel the invaders, and then whatever you want.

TENTE: Ah! I see the light... I feel the power! Now everything is crystal clear to me!

ELDER: Now that you have all my energy, go for the balls and for those ugly enemies! I'll be visiting a relative... in Suiza or Miami...

CHIQUILIN: Only a question... if you didn't know how to fly... how the heck were you planning on reaching such hard-to-get shrine, kid?

TENTE: Try and ask the authors... they think about the gags before they plan the plot...

CHIQUILIN: Very well, let's go and gather the balls to solve this mess once for all!

TENTE: Hey, show more respect, I now have the Power!

CHIQUILIN: Yeah, so does He-man... move those legs!

(Goku and Vegetal are still 'fighting' Guldo, but perspectives don't look so good.)

VEGETAL: Change of strat! I will get the midget, you can fight the rest of the Rangers!

GOKU: Well, but I still think this does not fit with what you said earlier! _If I could remember it..._

GULDO: (stops time) _Heh. With my powered senses, I only need to concentrate, hold my breath, and I get isolated from the time stream. When I use my power I like to be creative with the little time I have available._

(He has relocated the two Puyajins so that they resume running... at each other's face.)

GOKU: (PLAF!) Arg... my knee! (VEGETAL: You stuck it on my eye, cretin!)

GULDO: Hu hu, I'm gonna polish the act even more than before, just you see...

VEGETAL: You will see, paranormal crapload! I'm gonna stick your eyes through the FIFTH!

(Guldo stops time, when it resumes Vegetal's punch lets go the stick that holds a giant boulder over them)

BOTH: (CRAC!) ARG! (flattened)

GULDO: Whew. This time I beat my own record. Now, for the grand finale, pair of dorks!

(Back to Frigo's ship's people, as we spent a lot of time without checking on them.)

HENCHMAN: Lord Frigo, we are receiving readings of many different space crafts, we could only recognize the FPF one, the rest of them are truly puzzling our researchers!

FRIGO: (solving a Rubik) WHAT?! _I can't let those full of crap FPF pariah-savers foil my plans. I must do something! I waited so long for the moment where I could gather all the balls. They won't screw me, I swear!_ We won't be waiting them with arms crossed! Get the counter-attack maneuver ready against any threat to our mission!

HARKOÑEN: But they haven't attacked yet, sir.

FRIGO: Better yet, then! That way we save on ammo. CHARGE!

NARRATION: While the first wave of Frigo's soldiers leave to find their preys, another force is also planning its next move on the board...

COMMANDER-S: We are all gonna DIE! (desperation)

RANTANPLAN: I think I'll take leadership here... he is not mentally stable to act as so.

NARRATION: And others, well, they try to overcome a painful obstacle, yes.

VEGETAL: (crawls out) You have gone too far, boy... you are starting to get on my nerves, seriously...

GULDO: And I have left the best for last, dorks. Give me a moment and... (shuuush!)

VEGETAL: Where...? Let's pay attention, he will have laid a trap and then hid away!

GOKU: Huh? The tree! That tree's gonna fall at any moment! Wait hidden in that bush!

(Goku throws Vegetal into a bush, which happens to be hiding some spiky cactuses.)

GOKU: Ups, looks like the tree IS like that... bent over... what a silly overlook, right?

VEGETAL: (jumps in pain) AAARG! That bush had alien prickly pears, you idiot!

GOKU: Geez, man... huh? Look, it's the bastard midget. He seems too purple to be green skinned, ne?

VEGETAL: He has drown, he was holding his breath but couldn't resist anymore. Then what the heck was he trying to do? (looks) A blueprint! He was making fucking blueprints on how to beat us!

GÑ: That moron... always was too perfectionist. And now he paid for his mistakes.

JEICE: Now WE will be fighting you! Because this foolery is lasting too much already!

BURTER: How can we do it? I don't want to fight the stupid one. He looks so lame...

JEICE: We will decide with Rock Paper Scissors. (BURTER: But don't cheat, smartie!)

VEGETAL: (0_0) They are raffling with us... (GOKU: I wanted too, as well.)

ROSBIFF: Wilma, how can you be so calm? When they finish with that pair of cretins they will follow with killing us both!

WILMA: Lookie, dad, after what has happened, I'm even curious as to what they could do...

JEICE: (ends raffling) Ha, Vegetal is mine! Take that, big boy! (BURTER: Ah sucks, he always wins.)

(Again in Frigo's ship, Harkoñen is the one to give him the latest report this time.)

HARKOÑEN: Apedreator is going for the second-to-last ball, but still hasn't found the final one's location.

FRIGO: Mmm, knowing that the ones I had were stolen, we should insure our agent's success. We can't send him reinforcements because we're in the middle of an offensive right now, but I can always use telepathy. It is not quite exact, as it is based on oneself's senses, but the results are marvellous. Lesee...

(He senses where are the balls' source of power, right in the Elder's shrine.)

FRIGO: Ha, I got them! Thank goodness, I was melting my brains out here.

HARKOÑEN: Good, we can send Apedreator here now, and be over with this!

FRIGO: Do what you want, but I'll go there alone. (HARKOÑEN: Wha?) See, I don't want to spend even one more henchman in the middle of such a crisis! I'll take the risk!_ Well, actually I want to do it myself to end this matter once and for all! _I'm out, boys!

HARKOÑEN: I'll message Apedreator to make him know you will be there, sir!

(Frigo flies out in his mobile platform, resembling an ice-cream cone, to the horizon.)

HARKOÑEN: Heh, that's my cue... Attention all personnel, Lord Frigo has left me in charge, so now I'll give the orders! Go get those other invaders, I want WAR!

NARRATION: Effectively, the invaders have just begun their attacks...

MARTIAN: They have opened fire! How do they dare? Get the radar working at ya!

KIKO: Observe, Splok. That concentration of battleships are from planet Tako, surely it is the offensive we were waiting for from that stuck-up queen...

SPLOK: It's only logical, Jim. Mind-fuckingly logical, I say.

RANTANPLAN: The attack has begun! We need to do something drastic, and fast!

COMMANDER-S: (gets a rope) I'm doing it already... now where's a hook...

GOKU: Hey, what are those guys up there making such a fuss over?

VEGETAL: Dunno, but the mood doesn't feel like making such a carnival just now!


	22. issue 22: Don't touch mah balls!

ISSUE # 22:

_DON'T TOUCH MAH BALLS!_

What a mess, men! It happens that our heroes are smacking each other good, and then a brutal invasion of martians and octopi fall over them. The aforementioned buggers don't have good intentions, but they don't quite know who are they facing... plot's thickening!

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NARRATION: Attention people! To my right, with the respective weights of '11,32 lb' and 'several tons' and both sporting inhuman strength: Rangers Pis and Albornoz!

VEGETAL: I don't like this circus... (GOKU: Miliki looks cool to me!)

NARRATION: And to my left, more or less of the same weight, because if one is short and big-headed, the other has his full of air... Soson Goku and Prince Vegetal!

GÑ: The winner couple will get the big prize and Mississippi's phone number! And the losers will lose their right to keep on breathing... you can start anytime now!

(In a faraway place, Frigo is approaching the Elder's shrine with murderous intentions.)

NIL: Master, someone is coming... someone with unfriendly and kill-stabity looks...

ELDER: Crap... I didn't expect him so soon!

FRIGO: (disembarks) Let's see! Who serves in this place?

NIL: (comes) Master is... currently unavailable. May I give him some message, sir?

FRIGO: (strangles him) Of course you can, pitted olive! Told him to do me a favor and drop dead already! On second thought, I think I'll tell him personally. May I?

NIL: Urg... come inside...

ELDER: So you finally discovered my shrine!

FRIGO: Meh, it wasn't that difficult. Now gimme your ball and your end will be relatively painless.

(Apparently Chiquilin and the others have sensed Frigo coming, and are fleeing away.)

CHIQUILIN: I have sensed that powerful guy... he reached the Elder's shrine already... thank goodness we were quick getting the hell outta there. Let's go to a safer place and you will be able to do the summoning to gather all the balls in place!

MARTIAN: Attack at once! Give them no quarter!

(The martians keep fighting the octopi. And they are starting to get overwhelmed.)

OCTO-SOLDIER: Your majesty! Our aerial space has been invaded by those cabbage heads and their flying saucers! I ask for further instructions!

OCTO-QUEEN: Annihilate them! Show them who's boss here!

OCTO-SOLDIER: Battler ship fleets number 14 and 15, focus on the martian invasion! Get those two fleets on the coordinates shown on screen, at once!

(The FPF quarters, they're monitoring the spaceship activity in Vietnamek's orbit.)

ONE: This is the situation, gentlemen: the octopi have unleaded a fleet of twenty battler ships distributed all around Vietnamek's skies!

ACKBAR: There is also an invader martian craft, which two nearby octo-ships started battling against, and one pertaining to Frigo's warriors which is just there, like a sitting duck.

ONE: Admiral Kiko asks for permission to launch a suppressive attack and expel those invaders once and for all. Make your minds already!

(In the Snix base, some workers have finished building some super weapon to use.)

SNIX: All's ready! (RANTANPLAN: Okay, deploy the thing outside!)

(Some big cannon emerges from a lake and is aimed at the sky.)

RANTANPLAN: Okay, next step is taking advantage of the distraction caused by the battle outside, we will cause more conflicts and force the mother ship to get alone, then we will destroy it with the cannon! Without their leader, the octopi will have to retreat!

TITERE: And the rest of factions?

RANTANPLAN: Easy. We will rinse and repeat until felling them all!

SNIX: Our mega-cannon can fire auto-propelled missiles with piercing nuclear heads. Only one shot is enough to cause a wreck of several square miles! And only one shot... will be enough to pierce in two their mother ship!

NARRATION: Meanwhile, Albornoz is giving Goku a hard time with his super-speed, on the other corner, Pis is confronting Vegetal in hand to hand combat...

(Pis and Vegetal are merrily clapping their hands just as kids do when raffling.)

NACHO: Er, sorry, I always wanted to use that hand-to-hand gag... (erases)

ALVARO: What a country.

PIS: Come on, Albornoz! Let's combine our powers to finish them! Special Fast Ball!

ALBORNOZ: Okay! (throws him) (PIS: To infinity... and beyond!)

VEGETAL: He's gonna crash on us! We need to stop him throwing something too!

(On cue, Goku grabs Vegetal again and throws him at the oncoming human missile.)

VEGETAL: _And I wanted NOT to be in the middle...! _(PAAAF!)

GOKU: Gee, Vegetal, you saw? Recently I am having faster reactions, haven't I?

GÑ: I don't like the looks of this... they are balancing the scales! Better ask Lord Frigo...

(In a deserted field, Chiquilin and co check the surroundings for any sign of threats.)

CHQUILIN: Well, looks like this place is totally deserted. There are no trees, no flora, no animals, no telephone, no dog craps... okay Tente, it's the ideal moment to do your summoning! Conditions can't get more optimal. Let's proceed!

TENTE: Good, first I will gather the balls in one place using the magic words only the Elder knew...

CHUNGOHAN: Finally! (CHIQUILIN: At least, after all we have been through...)

TENTE: G-e-t... h-e-r-e... n-o-w... d-a-m-m-i-t! (they facefault)

(And suddenly all magic balls vanish from where they were right on everyone's faces.)

WILMA: (shuuush!) Dad, look! The balls... have balled out! [you get it?]

APEDREATOR: (shuuush!) Hey, the balls! Where the heck did they go?

CHIQUILIN: Chungohan, look! The balls are gathering by themselves! (shuuush!) Now that they are all here... are you gonna summon your holy dragon, aren't ya?

TENTE: You mean the great horned serpent? Yes, I'm calling it. (pauses) Come forth, o great horned serpent! I summon thee, damm it all! (Skies blacken, dragon comes)

KEHURON: Here I am, the almighty...! (0_0) Ag, it's THEM! The same usual morons! Why me? Why ALWAYS me! Of all the magical ball sets in the galaxy... they got mine!

CHIQUILIN: Er, you see... (TENTE: Bad reputation, maybe?)

KEHURON: You need to forget those guys, they said... take a long vacation, they said...

CHIQUILIN: This time it's NOT about Soson Goku, geez!

KEHURON: But of course! I won't ever revive that guy again, not even for wild sex! I am calling my big cousin and you will have to answer to him! (Namek's dragon comes)

PORUNGA: Let's see, what is happening here?! (Everyone shocked)

KEHURON: See, HE is my big cousin.

PORUNGA: Are you the ones who traumatized my little cousin with your crappy wishes!?

CHIQUILIN: Er, of course not, the one wishing today is HIM... help us, pleaaase...

TENTE: Cowards... Well. Oh, mighty horned serpent, we ask to borrow your power to grant my friends the Three Allowed Wishes, plus the Bonus One!

PORUNGA: Okay, wish for whatever three things you want, if they are not related to those two dorks!

CHUNGOHAN: May we ask him to revive Mister Discolo and bring him here? As he is from Vietnamek, perhaps we can have that granted...

CHIQUILIN: Incredible! He had a good idea! Hey Tente, ask him this: bsss, bsss...

TENTE: What language is that?

CHIQUILIN: (shakes him) Don't try to be funny! It's a comic-book figure of speech! Ask the serpent to revive the Vietnamek native Discolo, and to bring him here NOW!

TENTE: Arg, 'kay! Lesee... I want you to revive the Vietnamek native called Discolo, and to bring him to this planet. Can you do it?

PORUNGA: There is nothing impossible for me. I even know the Cow's Joke! (pause) Done!

(In Peskaito's planet, Discolo's halo vanishes and everyone is shocked, of course.)

YANSHA: Discolo, your halo is gone! (ROSHI: Bah, hair gels are crap nowadays.)

DISCOLO: I have been summoned by our holy dragon... I sense a strong force calling!

TESINPAN: Won't it be a stitch? (Discolo vanishes) Oh my Gosh!

PESKAITO: Ah heck, another one that flees without paying me...

(Discolo appears in a ramdom field and gets emotional at discovering where he is.)

DISCOLO: Ep? Where am I? Those trees... the clean sky... the vast, open fields... I can hardly believe it, but it seems true! (pause) I am at the Promised Land! Woohoo!

NACHO/ALVARO: Ahem...

(In the Elder's shrine, Frigo has just noticed the balls disappearing and gets angry.)

FRIGO: What? The balls are being used without my consent! But who gathered them?

NARRATION: It's of bad taste to show an old man being beaten up, even for us.

FRIGO: I can't allow that! They will know who I am! (flies off)

KIKO: Alright, the motion has been passed! We are gonna sweep those bulb-heads!

SPLOK: I don't get the floral metaphor, Jim. (KIKO: Shut up, Splok!)

OCTOPUS: The martians are focusing on the mother ships. They have felled one already!

OCTO-GENERAL: Enough of playing 'Top Gun'! Let's throw 'em everything we got!

(The octopi throw some heavy house appliances at the martians' battle ships.)

OCTO-GENERAL: You didn't have to take that at word value!

RANTANPLAN: We have their mother ship at shot range! Ready to blast it!

(They load an angry-face missile on the cannon and aim it to the octopi mother ship.)

RANTANPLAN: Loading the missile! Lock on the target, we can't repeat the shot!

SNIX: Shoot it at the count of five! Five... four... three... two... one...

OCTO-SOLDIER: Your majesty, the martians are retreating. Something scared them...

OCTO-QUEEN: Ha, we are the best! We are da bomb, men! We are...!

SNIX: Zero! FIRE! (martians flee)

(After some weird trembling, the cannon does not fire, but unleashes a puff of smoke.)

RANTANPLAN: (0_0) The heck has happened?

SNIX: Ah, damm it! I was told the failure was solved already!

RANTANPLAN: What do you mean?

SNIX: Well, there is a key part in the cannon machinery that gives problems: the barrel in which the bullet is held. Because of an excessive preheating, the barrel spins more than necessary and puts the bullet heading in exact reverse. So, when we finally activated it, the missile has gone towards the ground. I thought it was already solved, but as we scarcely use it...

RANTANPLAN: (shakes him) Are you saying that we missed because of such a silly mistake?!

SNIX: Things aren't that easy! The missile has not exploded yet, it will only do when it reaches the insides of its target. At the moment it is heading... towards the planet's very core!

(We go back to the battle between Puyajins and the Rangers, just to change pace.)

PIS: Get ready for our Thunder Twister! (ALBORNOZ: Ha, ready for... that thing, yes!)

VEGETAL: They are planning something new! (GOKU: Gosh!)

(They fire what looks like a Marble Screw, many years before Pretty Cure was even created.)

VEGETAL: They have mixed the two beams! Evade it, and quickly! (they do so)

(The beam divides in two again and each gets one of them, charring them up good.)

GOKU: **Peaso de torpedo!** [what a missile!]

(The octo-soldiers are beating the group of Frigo's henchmen that were going to fight them.)

OCTO-CAPTAIN: These 'space warriors' are crap, guys.

OCTO-SOLDIER: Look, captain, the space marines are arriving!

RIDLISCOTT: Okay marines, I want a real dispersion, this is a fucking monster hunt!

MARTIAN: Blaster beams ready, as well as the torture instruments, sire!

MARTIAN 2: Let's charge, we are gonna conquer this planet!

NARRATION: And in the Snix base quarters... a certain scene repeats itself again...

COMMANDER/RANTANPLAN: We are all gonna DIE! And I mean ALL of us!

TITERE: Come on! What are the lectures like?

SNIX: 380.000 km, and keeps descending... maybe the device got broken with the failed shot and it won't actually explode... (violent trembling) or maybe it WILL...

SNIX 2: The explosion took off at 20 km from the core! It didn't reach it completely but the expansive wave has pierced it! The definite cataclysm is estimated in 15 minutes!

LOUDSPEAKER: Alarm, alarm! Everyone evacuate, get on the transporters!

ACKBAR: Admiral Kiko, we have detected a possible catastrophe signal in Vietnamek!

KIKO: (radio) But of course, Ackbar, it's only logical, with Scott roaming free...

ACKBAR: You don't understand! The planet could explode at any moment!

(And Frigo arrives at the place where the kids are summoning the dragon, so... uh oh.)

FRIGO: You were so kind gathering all the balls for me, kids. What is not funny is that you began wishing for things without me here... you have made me veeery angry...

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_MILIKI: A reference to the family of TV clowns, starting from Emilio Aragon senior.  
__PIS: Means 'pee' in Spanish. So__, yeah.  
__ALBORNOZ: Means 'robe' in Spanish. Who makes these names?  
__PEASO-TORPEDO: Expression of disbelief, created by Spanish comedian Chiquito de la Calzada. _


	23. issue 23: Fresh martians, milady!

ISSUE # 23:

_FRESH MARTIANS, MILADY!_

I admit that I'm starting to get lost with these summaries, which surely no one reads. And just by looking at the cover art (this very issue's, for example) I can't know if this is a comic book or the catalogue for some greengrocery. By the way, there are quick-change artists too! (Lord Frigo, for example. Again.)

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FRIGO: Well? Anything to say in your defence? It's to see if you can come with something funny before I murder you...

CHIQUILIN: (0_0)

CHUNGOHAN: Wait a moment, look there! The dragon... is vanishing!

PORUNGA: Urg, it's true. (vanishes) (FRIGO: What happened?!)

TENTE: Our wise man must have passed away... (FRIGO: WHAT?) The magical balls were created by the Elder, feeding on his own life force. Only if the Elder dies, the balls lose their power and become inert. That's what the legends say.

CHIQUILIN: Wow, what a sad and inopportune death, I say! (^_^)

CHUNGOHAN: (¬_¬) _That weasel must have known this, that's why he didn't object to us gathering them..._

FRIGO: CRAP! If I had known that, I would not have extracted his kidneys out through the mouth! Should have told me before!

CHIQUILIN: You did that? How cool!

TENTE: Does that mean it was YOU who killed the old man?!

FRIGO: Er, well, maybe... (reacts) The heck is this! I don't need to explain myself! I am Lord Frigo! I don't apologize, I assassinate! (everyone is shocked)

CHIQUILIN: Geez, and I thought for a moment we could escape unscathed...

(Far from there, we are gonna witness the last round between the Puyajins and Rangers.)

VEGETAL: (crawls) Do you still have any tricks up your sleeve, pretty boys?

PIS: Well, knowing that you can't do much worse than that, we are gonna use a relaxed and more refined killing method, but nonetheless mortally effective... just you see!

ALBORNOZ: Oh yes?

PIS: We are going to read 'Kabuki'! (shows manga) (PUYAJINS: (0_0) Aaarg!)

(Supposedly, such manga is still slower than Dragon Ball in its plot advancement, and quite gore-ish.)

PIS: Let's start with the leading article! (VEGETAL: Gñññ! (covers ears).)

(But doesn't happen anything. After a 'CLONC!' noise, Wilma has smacked him good.)

WILMA: (giant mallet) Is it possible what this fool was going to do? In front of a girl!

ALBORNOZ: Hey! Someone's gonna exit stage here... flying! (WILMA: Agreed!)

(Of course, smacks him with the mallet and propels him skywards, effectively winning.)

WILMA: This ends here! I can't stand it anymore, we are going back to Earth stomping over whoever is needed!

ROSBIFF: Speaking of, didn't you notice a level 10 earthquake some minutes ago?

WILMA: Dunno, but we are getting outta here now! Get your asses moving, guys!

ROSBIFF: But do you even know where we need to go, my girl?

(They grab Goku and Vegetal by their hairdos and run. The Snix are still evacuating.)

LOUDSPEAKER: The first transporter has left! Evacuate immediately!

SNIX-PILOT: Second transporter calling, everything's ready, give us the signal.

COMMANDER: And the foreigners?

SNIX: Allowed them to go, under the condition of getting themselves lost already...

TITERE: (inside ship) Get us outta here Bizcotron, asap! (RANTANPLAN: And fast!)

BIZCOTRON: I don't have launch coordinates, so I will have to improvise...

(The Chibinauts' spaceship leaves the Snix base, while Frigo beats on some poor kids.)

FRIGO: Not fair! It isn't, geez! There is no right! Ungrateful bastards!

KIDS: (pain)

FRIGO: With all I had to endure, and now I lose the prize I worked so hard to get!

ROSBIFF: (running) Well, my girl... where the HECK are we going?

WILMA: To any place we can get ahold of a spaceship, of course! (sees Frigo) Oh, very good! Hey mister, do you know where can we board a spaceship around these parts?

VEGETAL: (0_0) Er, hello there...

FRIGO: Ha, what a coincidence! It's you again!

VEGETAL: I said that too... on a past comic issue. Copycat...

FRIGO: Grrr! Must I take that as a disrespectfulness?

VEGETAL: (ignoring) Beeep, beeep, fortune's unclear... ask later.

FRIGO: Another insolence like that and I'll kill ya! Don't make me!

VEGETAL: Ha, I doubt it. I'm too hot, you wouldn't commit such a waste. I know you very well, queenie.

FRIGO: What do you mean with that?!

VEGETAL: Well, I think I'm not telling anything that cannot be verified at first sight. I am not the one who uses lipstick, pretty boy...

FRIGO: Aaarg, okay, I admit it, I bat for the other team! That's why I surround myself with bulky, handsome warriors! There, I said it!

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬) Well that WAS a surprise. (ROSBIFF: I'd never have suspected it.)

WILMA: Yeah, who would have told me? (GOKU: I was beginning to wonder, myself.)

FRIGO: You asked for it... I'm gonna increase my energy to sweep you all from here!

CHIQUILIN: What's this fruity saying? He's getting menopause already?

VEGETAL: Uh oh. We have gone too far. He is gonna unfold all his hidden power, and no one ever has lived to tell how strong he can become!

(Frigo morphs into his second form, huge and bulky. He is going to ask something.)

FRIGO: Only a question, future corpses. Before turning you into bird seed, let me ask...

CHIQUILIN: Er, what is it?

FRIGO: Did I really get hotter, honeys? (everyone facefaults) (GOKU: I don't get the joke.)

VEGETAL: Bah... hey, you! Don't think you can surprise us just by inflating yourself a la Pink Panther! Let's see how much more powerful you have become, shall we?

NACHO: Wait a sec, Vegetal! Following the 'Rules of Parodying' that this comic's been subjected to, we should show something regarding Goku being healed in a tank. Okay?

VEGETAL: (sticks a jar in Goku's head) There! You happy now? Come on, we are in a hurry!

ROSBIFF: He is right. My knowledge about weather's behaviour in special conditions allows me to deduct that the planet's core has been pierced...

FRIGO: Er, guys, I don't mind you ignoring me, really... but not just to say nonsense!

VEGETAL: Ha, here I go! Get ready! (rushes)

FRIGO: Hum! (stops him)

VEGETAL: (pain) Augh... did someone get that aircraft carrier's plate?

FRIGO: I think you are finally understanding... how my size was not the only thing that has grown...

JAIME: His cock too? (VOICE: Jaime, please!)

(Above the planet's sky, the FPF members are controlling the situation, until the core...)

ACKBAR: Attention all ships, move away from the planet! Catastrophe's imminent!

RADIO: The octopi are falling like dead flies, and the martians are being felled as well!

RIDLISCOTT: What? Retreat now? Ah, yes, I understand... seeing the circumstances, I would say it's the wisest. Boys, return to base! Move like if you were in a hurry, then!

RADIO: Attention all ships, this is Admiral Kiko! Every man for himself! The last one's a faggot!

(The rest of factions are also retreating from the doomed planet, about to disappear.)

SNIX: There is only 15 minutes left!

COMMANDER: This offence against our race won't be forgotten! Snix never forgive!

OCTO-QUEEN: And what really grinds me is that we could not get our revenge!

(Back to Frigo and his victims, he's amusing himself throwing them against a rock side.)

FRIGO: Now IM having fun! (VEGETAL: Couldn't you buy a Playstation?!) (thrown)

CHIQUILIN: (keeping tabs) Heh, not bad... got a little closer than four throws ago...

FRIGO: Still, I haven't developed my power just enough. I'm gonna change to my next phase of brute strength! (WILMA: He wants to body-build even MORE?)

ROSBIFF: He is gonna explode at this rate. (CHUNGOHAN: Not even with those home-shopping network's gadgets!)

FRIGO: I don't need your opinions, bunch of know-it-alls! Now you will see! Gñññ!

(Transforms into his third from, arguably the ugliest one. Everyone faints from disgust.)

VEGETAL: (gets up) Huh? What is he doing now?

GOKU: Wilma, did you see? (WILMA: YES! And I did NOT want to! It's gross!)

FRIGO: My power level has doubled! Now I'm stronger and uglier than ever, har har!

CHIQUILIN: Well, what are you waiting for? Get him, you brave lads!

VEGETAL: You say? No shit! I won't touch that monster with a ten foot pole, pal!

GOKU: Whatever, just do something and now!

(In another place, Discolo flies to the scene of a crime... the former Elder's shrine.)

DISCOLO: What happened here? All Vietnamek's inhabitants are dead, including the great Elder! This looks like the end of 'Excalibur'! And the old man's corpse is rotting away...

NIL: (agony) Hey, you... look down here...

DISCOLO: Huh? You are alive!

NIL: Yeah, but not for much more... I have been told the Cow's Joke... now listen...

DISCOLO: (stomps him) Ah no, you WONT tell me the damm joke! This is serious!

NIL: (pain) Arg... it's not that... auch... I meant, if you want, and seeing I have not much left, you could fuse with me and...

DISCOLO: (stomps) Ah no, don't come with yaoi stuff now! I am a very macho guy!

NIL: Aaarg... it's not what you think... (DISCOLO: It isn't?) It is a special technique of Vietnamek's warriors to transmit their energy... just like in 'Highlander', if someone is on the verge of dying, they fuse with a partner and their essence is stored in one body.

DISCOLO: Er, okay... if it is only that... but how can it be done?

NIL: You only need to grab me by the pinky finger and pull, then I'll concentrate and my soul will enter you...

DISCOLO: Ah well, let's go... for the mission's sake. _We look like two flipping schoolgirls... _

(FLUUUM! The two Vietnameks fuse, while in Peskaito's planet everyone is anxious.)

TESINPAN: Can you figure out what's happening with Discolo, master?

YANSHA: And Chiquilin? (ROSHI: And Wilma?)

PESKAITO: Calm down, geez, I only have two antennae! Wait... I have another call!

GOSH: Lesee. Master Peskaito? I am Gosh, who revived along with Discolo and I have evaluated the situation. The matter is dire, so I have decided to act according to this:

(pause to take breath.)

GOSH: I have sent Mr. Pompom in search of Earth's balls, which I reactivated already, so that we can summon Kehuron and make him revive Vietnamek's Elder, so that their holy dragon reappears and we can wish to revive the fallen ones and put them in a safe place far from their planet's destruction. Did you understand everything?

PESKAITO: Er, I got lost in the 'Earth balls' part, sir...

GOSH: Doesn't matter, just keep the communication line open, we need to contact our people there! What matters is that we remain synchronized at any given moment. Time is of the essence now. I know this looks complex, but 'Twelve Monkeys' was even worse...

PESKAITO: I think that one doesn't end well... (GOSH: Ag, just forget that example!)

(Pompom is looking for balls in a jungle, all the while Frigo keeps on terrorizing our heroes.)

POMPOM: 'I am not racist, Pompom, I am over all that poor mortals' prejudices, blah, blah...' then, I don't know who's doing the dirty work while he burns his salary on long-distance calls!

FRIGO: So well? No one's gonna challenge me? I need a challenge, I said!

GÑ: (arrives) Lord Frigo, the radar showed me you were here! Where have you been? I have spent all day looking for ya, there's no one in the ship, and everything is in chaos! Lord Frigo?

FRIGO: It's me, you dunce!

GÑ: Geez, I was told that in the mornings, before putting your make up, you lose a lot of points, but THIS...

FRIGO: It's not that! I have done a metamorphosis!

GÑ: Oh, well, in that case... I hope you get cured from 'that' and get well soon, and...

FRIGO: Arg, I'll kill him! (VEGETAL: (¬_¬).)

CHIQUILIN: (0_0) Attention, people! I'm now receiving a call from the Other World!

WILMA: Oh yeah, and I do diagnosis by belching. (ROSBIFF: You really do?)

GOSH: Chiquilin, it's me, Gosh. (CHIQUILIN: Oh, it's Gosh!) Listen well midget boy, tell the native kid, Tente, to be on the look for their planet's dragon, he needs to wish for the following...

POMPOM: (diving) Yes sir, I'm gonna make a complaint to the syndicate, to the league in pro of Human Rights, to the Anti-Apartheid, and the 'Panteras Negras'. This won't end well!

CHIQUILIN: (back) And he told me that when the dragon returns, we must use the two remaining wishes to ask for the resurrection of the ones fallen at the hands of Frigo and their men, and to get us outta the planet, as it is giving its lasts breaths!

CHUNGOHAN: And the Bonus One? _I could wish for the stickers I'm missing..._

FRIGO: Again they ignore me... you can't say I am much of a magnetic character...

GÑ: (crushed by a magnet) Of course not, boss... you are imagining things...

FRIGO: Well, they asked for it! I'm going to change to my ultimate power-level form!

WILMA: Gosh. He is gonna transform again. What creature can emerge from that?

CHIQUILIN: Dunno. If he's gonna get uglier, he has it rough. Not unlike Disney's Tarzan.

(He keeps morphing his limbs and suddenly creates a big explosion inside himself.)

CHIQUILIN: Bah, I knew this was gonna happen... he stretched himself too much.

VEGETAL: So he exploded? That's it? He died? Can't be that easy!

TENTE: I doubt it. I can still sense him inside that cloud. He managed to transform, yes he could... and now his power level is much greater than before. (ROSBIFF: Interesting...)

VEGETAL: What's gonna emerge from there? At any moment... he will get out of that smoke cloud, I must be ready! What will be this time? Do I even have a chance...?

VOICE: Ahem!

(Ultimate-form Frigo is just below him, he is sensibly smaller than his third form, yes.)

VEGETAL: (0_0) He is a midget! Surely the transformation backfired and he shrunk! AHAHAHAHA!!!

(But Frigo smacks him away and gets ready to do the same to those unfortunate fools.)

FRIGO: It's my ultimate form! Now my power is absolute! Just like digital television, but fighting-wise! Boys, you are deader than Leticia Sabater's musical career! MWAHAHAHA!

[And next issue... Vietnamek explodes! I swear!]


	24. issue 24: Stuff is gonna blow up!

ISSUE # 24:

_STUFF IS GONNA EXPLODE!_

We already knew that the Vietnamek campaign wasn't going to end well... The planet has become a mess in which everyone fights with their neighbours. What is supposed to happen to a planet like this? Of course, I'm not telling. Read the comic and you will figure it out.

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(The FPF members are keeping close watch on the planet, but someone remains inside.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Emergency alert! Seven minutes until total catastrophe! All ships get out of the impact radius! If there are still people who didn't evacuate... screw them!

(Frigo uses his ultimate form to smack around the characters still stuck in Vietnamek.)

FRIGO: (throws Chiquilin) And now's your turn, Vegetal. I have left you for last, that's why I hit you with relative softness beforehand...

VEGETAL: Yeah, 'relative'... thanks for nothing!

WILMA: (pain) I would have preferred him to treat me like a lady's to be treated! Bah, men are sexist only when it's convenient for them!

FRIGO: Ready for my final strike!

ROSBIFF: Geez, you can tell the guy reads a lot, as his language is miles away from your street argot... (CHIQUILIN: Bite my ass...)

VEGETAL: (explosion) Aaaarg... not faiiir...! (GÑ: I am only a decoration or what?)

(Gosh keeps communicating with Peskaito, just as Pompom returns with Earth's balls.)

GOSH: Attention, Master Peskaito! Pompom has already arrived with Kehuron's balls!

POMPOM: At least you could thank me!

PESKAITO: Okay then, make haste and wish already! My antennae are overheating!

HAVOC: It's so thrilling! This looks like 'Surprise, surprise'! (TESINPAN: If you say so...)

CHIQUILIN: Beeep, they got the balls... and are about to wish something... (PAAAF!)

(Vegetal has crashed into him, but Frigo quickly catches him back and continues the beating.)

FRIGO: So well? That's what you are made of, then? Good-for-nothing fool!

DISCOLO: (appears) Don't sing yer praises so soon! (FRIGO: Huh?) I am Discolo, the last champion of Planet Vietnamek, and I will avenge my dead fellows! So get ready!

CHUNGOHAN: Mister Discolo, you are back! Though I sense you have changed a bit. Something in your gaze...

DISCOLO: Of course not, you are imagining things. **Sera torpedo el enano pecador? **

FRIGO: Ha, let's fight then! (DISCOLO: Damm you to hell, **pecador de la pradera!**)

GÑ: Hum, I will help the boss with my special power, this way I will balance the scales. And I won't be part of the landscape anymore! (sees Goku) I'll swap my body with that guy there, the one with the great strength level, and I will use it to my advantage! Now I will throw my soul in the form of a concentrated beam and... (inhales)

CRAPPY FROG THAT WAS PASSING BY: Croac. (jumps)

GÑ: Move aside, bugger! You won't foil my plan! (smacks it) Ha, I can't fail now!

HENPHANT THAT WAS PASSING BY: Pweeet! (gets in the way)

GÑ: (swapped) Pweeet! Cooc, cooc, cooc! (HENPHANT: Gñññ... pweeet!)

FRIGO: Here goes the captain of my 'special force'... ah well...

DISCOLO: (stretches arms) You will see, **pecador!** (THE THING: Way to go, gummy!)

(But Frigo grabs his oncoming arms and does an air flip to stomp him on the ground.)

FRIGO: Vegetal is out for the count, and that useless Discolo won't be giving problems anymore. No one else wants to try as well? _Now that I think about it, I didn't even touch the stupid-looking guy stuck in a jar. He looked so lame that, well... _

(The gratuitous Spanish used by Discolo didn't work, but suddenly the skies blacken...)

CHIQUILIN: Hey, the sky has darkened! (TENTE: Again? Then that means...!)

KIKO: Hey Scott, don't you think the sky has suddenly darkened? (SCOTT: Even more?)

PESKAITO: WUUU! Vietnamek's dragon is back in action! The Elder has been revived!

TESINPAN: YAY! Everything will be alright! We will reunite with the folks! (ROSHI: And Wilma!)

TENTE: The dragon has come back. We need to formulate the wishes, and fast!

CHIQUILIN: Do it yourself, I have the throat paralyzed by the panic...

PORUNGA: Well, I'm here again! Express your wishes, and end this once and for all!

TENTE: Er, yeah, okay. Oh, great horned serpent, we ask you to return the poor souls who fell on Death's black abyss... (smacked)

CHIQUILIN: Faster, you brat! The place is getting dangerous; we need to end this now!

TENTE: Arg, well! Lesee... we want you to revive the ones killed by Frigo's henchmen. Please.

PORUNGA: Okay, done. Everyone has been revived. Now, what's your second wish?

(Effectively, the Vietnameks' been revived... with their still battered bodies, but oh well...)

TENTE: Now we wish to move all people on this planet away to Earth, safe and sound!

PESKAITO: Why on Earth, of all places? (GOSH: Well, the food here is very good...)

PORUNGA: Perfect, I will transport them there at once! (FLAAASH!)

(Suddenly our heroes are in an open field, but Wilma notices it isn't the same as before.)

WILMA: (reads) 'Drink Coke'... this is Earth! We have returned home, boys!

ROSBIFF: Then why the heck did I build those two hella expensive spaceships? Life sucks!

VEGETAL: You say it... considering I was fleeing from here...

CHIQUILIN: (sees Tente) Tente, you are late! Where have you been?

TENTE: Oh, asking for the Bonus Wish: Goku and Frigo's men have to STAY there!

WILMA: Wahoo! (high fives)

VEGETAL: Then... why did the dragon put me here with all of you?

TENTE: I suppose that, on the dragon's opinion, you were worthy of being saved, what with the beating you were receiving to buy us time...

FRIGO: (in Vietnamek) But... where has all the people gone? Hum, looks like NOT all people...

GOKU: (?_?) And the guys?

FPF MEMBER: We detect seismic activity; the surface is starting to break, molten stuff is breaking free!

FPF MEMBER 2: Evacuation has been completed, there are no signs of sentient life down there!

FRIGO: Don't know what's going on, but I don't like its looks... so better end this asap! (breaks jar) Come on, you free sample of donkey-brains! Fight already, damm it!

GOKU: Oooops... this is looking worse and worse... (trembling)

PESKAITO: (antenna-ing) Oh! Soson Goku and Frigo have been left on the surface of a doomed planet! They both are gonna...! (ponders) Oh, of course... hu hu hu... how didn't I notice before? (^_^)

(On Earth, Wilma and Vegetal are on the verge of making out. Rosbiff is quite satisfied.)

CHIQUILIN: What's up with those two?

ROSBIFF: Well... they realized they have so much in common... they both hated Goku, both are destiny's chew toys, both are still 'to be aired'... and thus they liked each other.

CHIQUILIN: But how?! Are you gonna leave Wilma flirt with someone who came here to destroy Earth and all that jazz?!

ROSBIFF: Look, young one. I was beginning to wonder if my daughter liked the colour pink, but now that I can leave her on the hands of a capable male, don't screw it, okay?

DISCOLO: Where is the Elder now?

NIL: Reorganizing his guts, which were quite a mess. But I don't think he will survive...

GOSH: In a matter of seconds we will be witnesses to Goku's tragic end... Pompom, get the champagne cooling.

POMPOM: I allowed myself to think that ahead of time, master!

(On Vietnamek, Goku has lost his patience and is about to settle things with the alien guy.)

GOKU: I don't know who are you nor what wrong I did to you, but something looks bad and I'm outta here! Huh? (BROUUUM!)

FRIGO: Ha, ha, he is so useless that the planet itself shook it off like a vulgar flea!

VOICE: You sure? (FRIGO: Ack! What is that?)

(The molten magma has tinted Goku's hair glowy orange, so it looks like... oh god...)

FRIGO: He's the Super Puyajin! That guy was the legendary warrior I've alway feared! You are my sworn enemy... my natural predator!

GOKU: Whadda what? _Geez, man, I got so serious now. Looks like I even got smarter! _

FRIGO: You won't beat me! I will stretch my power to its limit! (does so) Let's finish this!

(Above Vietnamek's orbit, the FPF members have their own problems to solve now.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Total annihilation estimated in five minutes, explosion of 2 million megatons, so escape immediately!

RADIO: Sergeant Scott, we have trouble with the boosters. We can't get to hyperspace!

SCOTT: What? If you don't jump before the explosion sets off, the expansive wave will turn you into pretty confetti!

LOUDSPEAKER: Ready to evacuate the cruiser, this ship is doomed! Evacuate now!

RADIO: Won't be necessary. (ELLY: Scott, don't try to pull off a McLane!) I won't stop now, Elly!

RIDLISCOTT: I'm entering through the maintenance hatch, let open the hotlink to the boosters and put the engines on preheating. We will ALL get outta here, I swear!

(The Super Puyajin form doesn't seem like it's doing Goku a lot of good, because, well...)

GOKU: (PAF!) Aaarg... that hurts!

FRIGO: I won't waste my last seconds! Before this planet goes kaboom forever, I want my last vision to be your idiot-looking face exploding! Heh... I couldn't have done the same with Vegetal. He had a greater potential, but you... will only be leaving a pretty corpse!

(Ridliscott floats in space to reach the broken engines of the FPF main cruiser.)

RIDLISCOTT: I am getting to it. You did it, Elly?

ELLY: Okay, it's done, but hurry up! We are risking our safety so you can be the hero!

RIDLISCOTT: Perfect. I have a slight idea of what the malfunction is...

FPF MEMBER: Scott, damm it to hell! Hurry up, there is only 2 minutes left and you are still there!

(Back to the two opponents, the alien overlord still has the upper hand in the fight.)

FRIGO: I will slice you like ham! (throws beam disc)

GOKU: Eeeep! (disc cuts his hair)

FRIGO: My beam disc works like a boomerang! When it returns, it will cut LOWER...

(Effectively, the disc comes back and it would cut Goku in half, if it were not for...)

FRIGO: You can't possibly escape! Its psychic guideline pursues the brain waves, and then... (0_0) oh god... (beam goes for him) looks like it was a mistakeee! (bzzz!) AAARG!

GOKU: What a mistake, indeed... (0_0)

RIDLISCOTT: I got it, I only need a minute to solve it and we are free to go!

ELLY: Damm it, we don't have a minute! Do it now, or else it will be the end for sure!

GOKU: Does it hurt? _Ew, gross._ (FRIGO: Bite my ass...) Huh? I sense something big!

(BROUUUM! An explosion bull-eyes him, and many more follow it along the planet's surface.)

ELLY: Scott, we are getting our asses burnt! There is no time!

RIDLISCOTT: I know, I AM in the ship's ass! Get the ignition going at once, hurry!

KIKO: All ships jump to hyperspace! We can't wait anymore, let Scott manage himself!

[Uber cool looking explosion, akin to Star Wars Special Edition, or something else.]

ELDER: Ooooh... Vietnamek has been nuked...

NIL: Don't strain yourself, great elder. You are not ready for such a big mental load...

CHIQUILIN: And Soson Goku? (DISCOLO: I can't detect him.) (CHUNGOHAN: Dad...)

VEGETAL: Well, Frigo and his men are history, and the smartass too, as well. I think it is about time I looked for a new job here.

WILMA: Don't worry dear, I can't pay for your living. It will be exciting!

VIETNAMEKIAN: What about us? (VEGETAL: You can stuff yer...)

WILMA: You can live in my house, at least until we gather the balls again. We will ask the dragon to build you a new home.


	25. issue 25: the Day of the Tamagotchi

ISSUE # 25:

_THE DAY OF THE TAMAGOTCHI._

Once upon a time a cute Tamagotchi lived happily in his virtual world full of electric circuitry. A fateful day someone called him from Earth, and he had to leave in his egg-ship and start living among the humans. The rest is history. And this... is the sequel.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROSBIFF: Okay, seeing the circumstances, you can go live in our home, but next time, don't go making decisions without asking me, my girl. You still don't live alone, right?

WILMA: Sorry dad, I was a bit euphoric...

CHIQUILIN: Well, by waiting one year we will be able to rescue the ones who kicked the bucket from the Other World! I was beginning to miss Moron Roshi's antics...

WILMA: Speak for yourself, midget...

CHUNGOHAN: Ag, I have it rougher, guys... not only for being a newly-orphaned, but because my mom will ground me for forty years at the least... life sucks that way...

(Time passed. Pompom has gathered Earth's balls again and they get ready to wish.)

CHUNGOHAN: Hey Wilma, the black dude has gathered the balls already!

POMPOM: Yeah, incredibly, I am able to do much more than travel the jungle and sell wristwatches... 'black dude' my ass... as if he didn't look like a walking mushroom...

TENTE: Come forth, Holy Kehuron! (dragon comes)

KEHURON: Here I am! Formulate your wish. And ask for rational things!

WILMA: Have you brought the corpses?

CHIQUILIN: Yep... but I don't think it'll be wise to revive them just like they are now. Maybe if we had preserved them in tins... (DISCOLO: Cool. I am a Tomb Raider. Ew.)

(Wilma whispers something to Tente, so immediately they know how to solve the issue)

TENTE: Oh holy dragon Kehuron! We ask you to revive, body and soul-wise –I mean, the old bodies don't count- all the friends who fell fighting with the space warriors!

ONE: Geez, not even the Micromachines' guy speaks that fast!

KEHURON: I will do it. Everyone will return now to you! (FLAAASH!)

(With a flash, Roshi, Havoc, Tesinpan and Yansha appear before them, just like new.)

YANSHA: Hey, we are back!

WILMA: Well, with that everything goes normal again. It could not end better, I say!

CHIQUILIN: What about Soson Goku? (Wilma facefaults) (VEGETAL: Shut up idiot, don't screw it!)

KEHURON: Soson Goku, you say... sorry, I can't revive him. (laughs) 'I can't revive Soson Goku'. Ha, it's great to say it! I love how it sounds. And it would be better if...

(pause)

KEHURON: If it weren't for the fact he is NOT dead! But still. I wanted to enjoy the moment. Hear myself saying such precious words. I didn't ask for that much, did I?

CHICHA: Then what happened to him in the end?

KEHURON: Don't know, don't care! Somehow, he escaped the destruction of an entire planet, I know because I can sense him. But I don't know any more data. Nor I want to!

VIETNAMEKIAN: Well, what about us? Weren't we going to travel to a new planet to inhabit it?

VIETNAMEKIAN 2: Calm down, brothers. The Great Elder, before definitely passing away, he passed on to me the power to make and use our planet's magic balls, the ones which can grant three wishes per summon. (ULOM: Gee, like the Kinders!)

WILMA: Okay then, everything's in order again. If Gosh wants to, Soson Goku will appear, sooner or later. So, all that is left is return to our regular life styles!

POMPOM: I doubt he will want. I doubt it very much.

NARRATION: And this way, another gap of time passed, in which the Vietnamekians left again, everyone retired to live their relative routines and... the authors of this divine punishment managed to make sense of the dammed script!

NACHO/ALVARO: A new era begins, right now!

POMPOM: Master! Gosh, master! (GOSH: What?) There is a disturbance in the Force! A terribly evil presence approaches!

PESKAITO: Hum, that is no good... an evil force looms above Earth... and I keep not being able to masturbate without hands.

ROSBIFF: Wilma, my dear! What happens? Why did you do that gazelle-like jump?

WILMA: The detector! The danger signal has been activated!

CHIQUILIN: Master Roshi, some terrible news!

ROSHI: (watching X-rated film) I am cuming! EEP, I meant 'I am coming'! Give me a minute!

LANCHA: (making out) So you say there is trouble again? Let me clean the Uzis and I am on my way!

TESINPAN: Aaarg... finally I could rest... when she's blonde she is a flipping tiger...

ULOM: (enters a bar) Hey, Vegetal, listen! There is an emergency, so if you don't mind, you could come...

VEGETAL: Blast, now that I got a free beer...

(In Gragea Corp's meeting room... every Z warrior is there already.)

VEGETAL: Okay, what's happening now, guys?

LANCHA: Yeah, that... it's very rude to interrupt other people's business, didn't ya know?

TESINPAN: Calm down, surely it's important... _please say it IS important... _(HAVOC:(¬_¬).)

ROSHI: Look, girly, I have serious business to attend, I have my HANDS full!

WILMA: Enough foolery! We have detected two beings of great power are approaching Earth. Discolo was the first one to notice. Let's see, what can you tell us on the matter?

DISCOLO: Well, they are two beings of great power level, they are approaching Earth... and I was the first one who noticed them. Apart from that, I haven't the foggiest!

WILMA: (facefaults) So you don't have anymore data?!

DISCOLO: Lookie, dear, I can only detect ki, but I am not the CESID! I won't know more until they arrive.

WILMA: Anyhow, there is more... I knew it the very moment when a detector I made to be put in a satellite reacted, a stupidity radar. Apart from what Discolo noticed... I have detected... SOSON GOKU! He is on his way to Earth!

VEGETAL: My gosh! We need to do something!

LANCHA: Get the defence systems ready, the attack plans, the barricades!

ROSHI: Penitenciagite... penitenciagite! (WILMA: Finally, I got them to react...)

GOSH: There is something more, Pompom... a powerful stream of quantum flux crosses the space time continuum as we speak...

POMPOM: (builds EVA-00 model) Howity what?

(A spaceship approachs Earth, it is King Cold's one and his army of space warriors.)

EARTH: Huh? Messing with me again?

HENCHMAN: This planetoid is already on the range of our laser tubes, my lord.

COLD: Keep it that way. We will descend personally to take a peek. Right, my son?

(In Earth, professor Rosbiff has detected whose signal it is and announces it to the group.)

ROSBIFF: I got it! I detected the energetic trace of a space craft which approaches our planet, and fast! Arrival in 30 minutes!

DISCOLO/LANCHA:/YANSHA/ULOM: Okay, here we go, the last one's a faggot!

ROSBIFF: Ah, such legendary heroes. Are you gonna fight with the alien invaders, then?

THEM: What are ya saying, fool? We are gonna get a ticket to West Patagonia! (ONE: Good grief, what was he thinking?) (OTHER: Hey, maybe we can meet that Curro guy...) (ROSBIFF: (0_0).)

HENCHMAN: Estimated arrival time: 25 minutes, my lord!

COLD: Landing site, selected! Prepare entry procedure! Assure the rubber-glass windows!

PESKAITO: Oh crap, oh crap! Frigo's warriors came back to Earth, and with someone sporting an even greater power!

REBEL LEADER: (in bed) Didn't you notice something... powerful, just now?

N-VIII: (with him) OH YES! Something has sparkled here.

DOCTOR STRANGE: Hum, a disturbance on the dimensional fabric... I think I'll have to explore using my astral form. Or maybe it's time I repaired my orb's energy tube...

NARRATION: Was about time we showed him... he's always the first to notice things.

GOSH: (panic) They are HERE! They are landing!

HENCHMAN: Ok, we will land right there. Tell the warriors to get their weapons read!

(The Z warriors have rented a van and are trying to escape the city's danger zone.)

ONE: What a 'marvellous' vehicle you managed to get! (OTHER: Hey, with the money I had, rented van and say thanks!) ('NOTHER: Can we reach Australia by riding this?!)

(The space craft lands JUST on the heroes' van, crushing it. The enemies noticed that.)

HENCHMAN: I think we have crushed some vehicle when we landed...

HENCHMAN 2: Screw them! If we are gonna conquer Earth, we would not be caring about urbanity issues!

VEGETAL: (bumps) Arg, what happened... (ULOM: My guts...)

WILMA: Holy cloned Cow, what a crash... arg, the ship! It's the ALIENS' ship!

COLD: (comes) I am King Cold! I have come along my son Frigo, who I rescued from Vietnamek's wrecks, to allow him to participate in our revenge, you bunch of buggers!

(pause)

COLD: Mwa ha ha, you only thought he died in the explosion... but I found some parts and seeing as he was still alive, I implanted them in a cyborg's body, making him much more powerful! Here he is, and he will be the one to make the first deathblow!

('Frigo' steps forward and we can see the flesh parts are of Goku's, it's clearly visible.)

WILMA: But that one... he is... he is Goku, right?

COLD: (stares) Hum... ah, crap. I knew I had to choose 'heads'. (Wilma facefaults) As there were parts of both floating adrift, I riffled the matter and got it wrong. I only hope my kid is good holding his breath.

(pause)

COLD: Well then, meanwhile, and to make something out of this voyage, I will start by killing you and later... we will take care of everyone else on Earth. Okay?

(But suddenly, some sparking noises mark the entrance of a time-traveling motorcycle!)

COLD: Who the heck is he?

FUTURE TRUNKS: I am the terror that flaps in the night. (COLD: (?_?).) I am the full stop that ends your sentence. I am that dog crap that ruins your new shoes. I am...

COLD: Aaarg, enough, we understood! Lookie, kid, if you want to fight me, do it now! Or maybe you were trying to gross me out to death? Come on!

FUTURE TRUNKS: Be happy, big billy. You are gonna beat the record on 'least screen time ever' in this series! Maybe you can be somehow salvaged for an OVA... Kiaaa!

(He rushes and does a cut in Cold's direction, but strangely he is still standing there.)

COLD: So what? I think you need better glasses, kid.

FUTURE TRUNKS: I did NOT fail, monster. In fact, maybe I have overdone it...

(At the end of his sentence, Cold breaks apart in tiny cube-shaped pieces, effectively dead.)

WILMA: Er, tell me, pretty boy. Apart from being so hot and your incredible sword play, where the hell have you come from, huh?

FUTURE TRUNKS: Well, it is easily resumed, Wilma... I am your son, Takatranks!

CHIQUILIN: But how?! Since we met her, she never managed to get la... I mean, she never showed any signs of...! (she facefaults)

TAKATRANKS: Because it has not happened yet... I am the son she will have with Vegetal!

YANSHA/CHIQUILIN: Wow, congrats, future dad! (VEGETAL: (0_0).) (ROSHI: Hum, lucky bastard.)

HENCHMAN: Well, if you don't need us anymore, we are outta here. Sorry for the inconvenience.

HENCHMAN 2: Bah, great! We are now unemployed! Must we tell the rest our boss died...?

HENCHMAN: At least we could apply for Michael Jackson's bodyguards. He likes them excentric.

(The aliens left, the heroes discuss what the hell to do with the robo-tomized Goku.)

ONE: I say we sell him to the scrap dealer. (OTHER: May we sell him to Toei as a Power Rangers villain?)

TAKATRANKS: No, we will need him later. I know how to return him to normality.

(pause)

TAKATRANKS: I have come from the future in a vehicle designed and built by mom, to warn and help you against an oncoming threat. (WILMA: Son?) (VEGETAL: I feel so old now.)

(another pause)

TAKATRANKS: See, I haven't come here on vacation! My mission is to destroy some androids who in the timeline I come from, killed almost all of you and conquered Earth. Doing so will prevent the dark future from where I travelled. You know, something like Marvel's dark-future comic books, just change it to 'lame parody manga'.

VEGETAL: So, you say some androids are gonna kill us all. Aren't you exaggerating a bit, kiddo? I mean, maybe those anaemic losers will fall like flies, but taking on me...

TAKATRANKS: *sigh*. Take this then.

VEGETAL: What's this? Why do you think I care? Looks like a broken seashell...

TAKATRANKS: It's a piece of your skull... mom signed it, she knew you would not believe me.

VEGETAL: (0_0) (WILMA: It's true... it's my signature!)

CHIQUILIN: My god! If they did THIS to him, we have no flipping chance in hell!

TAKATRANKS: I know exactly the very first place where the androids appeared and attacked. We must go there at once, because there is not much time left!

NARRATION: Later... ah, when they escaped in the van, they didn't remember they had an airship available. Well, geez, I WAS the one that did not remember! Okay?

WILMA: Considering who's your father, you are not half bad, did you know?

TAKATRANKS: Er, yes, thanks...

VEGETAL: Bah, isn't it great? Seeing he is more like his mother than like me...

RADIO: We interrupt Buenafuente's show to inform our citizens of some weird bots, they are very dangerous and are currently attacking the city's stream bed zone!

YANSHA: Did you hear this? They surely are the ones Butatranks warned us about!

TAKATRANKS: It's 'Takatranks', please. And moreover, it would be strange that they were the ones I told you about. It's not there where they should have appeared...

ONE: Doesn't matter! They surely wanted to get it out of the way in order not to miss the league's finals, so let's go!

OTHER: Be careful with that maneuver! I almost threw up the lunch!

(They land in the aforementioned zone, and get ready for the worst. Takatranks doubts.)

DISCOLO: Well, where are they? (VEGETAL: This is the place?)

TAKATRANKS: I keep thinking we are wrong. (CHIQUILIN: But the destruction is recent...)

WILMA: Here they are! But... what the hell are they?

GIANT GOTCHIS: (destroying) Come forth, fellows! Let's consume our revenge!

**********************************************

_TAKATRANKS: Finally, a new one! Trunks' parodic name is the onomatopoeia for a train rumbling. Yep, it's that easy..__. IN SPAIN! _


	26. issue 26: Cibernetic beatings

ISSUE # 26:

_CIBERNETIC BEATINGS._

Let's see if we can clear this: thanks to Kehuron's dragon balls, the authors have a good excuse to bring back a lot of characters, then they make Frigo's dad come there –only to fall prey to a Takatranks who looks like Clint Eastwood- and surprise! Soson Goku also returns, turned into a puzzle. Some Tamagotchis appeared too, but that's another story...

VEGETAL: I told ya. (GOKU: The red button was NOT the hair cleaner?) No, that was the green button... (GOKU: That one wasn't the tin-opener one?) No it wasn't, moron...! (GOKU: It hurts!) Well, at least now you look a lot more like the Prince of Bel'air...

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VEGETAL: Ha, are those your terrible androids? If they look like videogame material!

TAKATRANKS: But they...

GOTCHI: Don't get in our way, we don't plan on stopping! (GOTCHI 2: Move aside!)

DISCOLO: If they are the androids Takatranks warned us about, we don't need to take risks. We will beat them asap.

VEGETAL: Okay, I'm going! (GOTCHI: Options menu: Defense stance!)

(The Gotchi pulls out a shield and stops Vegetal's rush dead on, with a loud noise.)

VEGETAL: (dizzy) Arg... that was one o'clock... time for lunch break... I'll get to you later. _Why do I ALWAYS fall for the same trick?_

GOTCHI: Attack module! (fires a Thundershock)

YANSHA/CHIQUILIN/HAVOC: (bzzz!) Iaaarrrg! (thundershock'ed)

(Another Gotchi gets the unconscious Vegetal and awakes him with a well placed hit.)

DISCOLO: (pain) Maybe you didn't notice, but they have just beat the crap out of us!

TAKATRANKS: Bah, looks like I need to solve this myself. (jumps and slices)

GOTCHI: Be careful with him, he's dangerous! NEUTRALIZE!

TAKATRANKS: (bzzz!) AAARG! (thundershock'ed)

GOTHCI: Very well then. Let's finish this already! (resume destroying)

WILMA: Vegetal, man, don't stand there just like that! You must do something!

VEGETAL: (burnt) Well, how about screaming in pure terror? For example... glglgl...

ULOM: No, please, don't hurt me! I will give you my sub, okay? (does so)

(The Gotchi eats the sub and suddenly gets shrunk to a normal, pocket-sized handheld.)

ULOM: What happened, where did it go? (CHIQUILIN: Here! It looks like a calculator now...)

VOICE: Halt, let no one lay a finger on them! (VEGETAL: The heck?)

TIN-GLAO: I am Professor Tin Glao, I am afraid I must take responsibility about those 'pets' behaviour. I'm their... creator.

WILMA: I know him... he is friends with my dad. But what kind of pets are they, huh?

TIN-GLAO: Well, everything was an experiment. It involved some prototypes of a new virtual pet, designed for kids. They had to look after them, and at the same time to learn how to be responsible of a living being. All just an utopia, you know...

(pause, blended into narration.)

TIN-GLAO: It wasn't but much later when I realized the failure of such an experiment. The pets had been abandoned, neglected... They weren't fed, they weren't taken to any walks, their dungs weren't cleaned, they weren't allowed to flirt... and so they rebelled.

(general frame of Gotchis growing and destroying homes.)

TIN-GLAO: Now I have checked that if you give them the attention they crave for, they calm down and return to their original form. It has to be the solution to this crisis.

VEGETAL: Oh, well! What do you suggest we do with them? Cuddle them, take them to a walk and clean their dungs? They will KILL us before trying all that!

TIN-GLAO: Okay, do what you want, but I said...

VEGETAL: To hell with it! I'm gonna give them my Jumping Jack Flash, and vaporize those junk heaps! KIAAA!

(But he didn't have the chance. Wilma and Tesinpan are taming the beasts peacefully.)

TIN-GLAO: Looks like my method works. (VEGETAL: I'm getting old, I said.)

NARRATION: Once they got over this nonsense...

TAKATRANKS: I suppose you will listen to me now, right? The androids I told you about appeared, I mean, will appear in South Capital in a year or so.

ROSBIFF: (brings Goku) Be happy, guys, this fella has already recovered from all his mutilations –being from another planet has to have its pros- and is ready for action!

WILMA: Oh, golly. I am gonna cry. (VEGETAL: And I am gonna scream.)

TAKATRANKS: I came to warn you with ample time. Doctor Gore, their creator, still has to doublecheck them. It's our chance to attack and destroy his lab. If you want, I'll lend you a hand. What about it then?

VEGETAL: Ah, no! That's the coward way! A warrior's worth is only measured if he were to fight fair and face-to-face. So we will begin with... (GOKU: Yeah, that!)

WILMA: (bonks both) So tell me, Takatranks. Where is this place? I'll use the radar.

(Immediately they find the place in the map, and use the airship to get there quickly.)

WILMA: Very well, this is the place. Now we only need to start looking for Gore's.

CHIQUILIN: Dunno, but maybe it's here? (points at mailbox) (she facefaults.)

WILMA: Bah, okay then. What do we do?

CHIQUILIN: We could politely knock at the door and ask the doctor not to finish his robots, since they will give us trouble...

TAKATRANKS: I say to slice him to bits!

WILMA/CHIQUILIN: (stare) Yep, he IS Vegetal's son.

(They come to an armoured door with photo-electric scanner... it means a dead end.)

WILMA: This is his door... (CHIQUILIN: How do we open it? It has an electric lock!)

TAKATRANKS: How about like THIS? (goes SPJ)

GORE: (beeeeeep!) It's the emergency signal! There must be intruders!

CHIQUILIN: You saw?! He went blonde, like that Carmen Sevilla lady!

TAKATRANKS: It's because of my Puyajin genes. Dad and uncle Soson can do it too, or that was what you told me...

GORE: Chungohan, preheat the ship's engines; I'll distract them while we evacuate!

WILMA: (alarm noise) What's going on?

TAKATRANKS: They are trying to flee! Quick, get them!

ROBOT: (appears) Halt, intruders! You have 20 seconds to drop your firearms. It's the last warning!

TAKATRANKS: Hum... (ROBOT: I am authorized to fire!)

(It does so, but the Puyajin stops the bullets Jedi style and proceeds to slice its arms.)

ROBOT: Agression to authority? That's a grave crime. Dead or alive, you will come with me!

WILMA/CHIQUILIN: (panic) AAAAH!

[Now the boy should fire a Kome Jame, but since he never learned it, this was corrected in my version.]

TAKATRANKS: (fires) BUSTER... CANNON! (destroys bot)

CHIQUILIN: You did it! It was incredible, boy, how cool! (WILMA: That's my boy!)

TAKATRANKS: You could have helped a bit, couldn't ya? Since you were in for the ride...

CHIQUILIN: And missing on this spectacle? Why should we?

WILMA: Hey, they are escaping the base! (engine noises)

GORE: The work must be completed, and immediately. We will go to a secret base of the Purple Pants, they will never find us there!

CHIQUILIN: (stares at sky) We will have to wait... just like Vegetal said.

(Later, in Wilma's place, the boy from the future is going to allude to Goku's disease.)

TAKATRANKS: Ah, well, since there is nothing else to do, I am going to return to my own era to ask mom to get me a weapon that can thrash the androids. I will return next year in the exact moment needed.

VEGETAL: Okay, but I don't think it will be necessary. I am here, after all.

TAKATRANKS: By the way, give this to Soson Goku when the need arises. (gives bottle)

WILMA: What is it?

TAKATRANKS: It's medicine. In some months from now on, he will suffer a disease that will incapacitate him, but in my era, there exists a remedy. He never got to fight the androids...

WILMA: (devil horns) Okaaay, we will give him this... we can't allow such a terrible thing to happen to him, right?

TAKATRANKS: Er... (¬_¬) Suppose not.

(The soon-to-be-born Puyajin leaves on his time-machine bike, with the Back To the Future fanfare.)

WILMA: There, done! He has jumped ahead in time!

ULOM: That, or the damm thing has exploded and we will need to clean up your son's remains.

ROSBIFF: Now we need to get ready. We have a full whole year till the androids make their entrance. Or more, thanks to the interference provoked by those three... so we have a wide margin of action.

(In a secret base, Gore and the old Chungohan get to continue working on the androids.)

GORE: Here we can continue our work without being bothered... they will never detect us! Unsheathe those prototypes and let's start working, there is no time to lose!

G-CHUNGOHAN: I love how this guy pluralizes his sentences... and the one doing the dirty work is me! Man, I am really looking forward to the next astral conjunction...

NARRATION: As the year passes by, everyone trains hard for the event...

ROSHI: (rides scooter) Come on! Now you need to wade the mad-piranhas river, guys!

TESINPAN: Bah, great! (CHIQUILIN: Piranhas! And I though I'd seen everything...)

VEGETAL: (behind bedroom door) Wilma, please... I need to train and you only think about making a family! Moreover, we are not even married! What sort of example are we giving the readers then?

WILMA: Oh, please, it's silly that YOU are the one saying that! And if someone said that I will be having a kid, I just can't oppose to the idea! Haven't you seen Terminator?

CHICHA: Yeah, I see how you 'train'. You have to have guts, to be doing that now...

CHUNGOHAN: (with control pad) Can't you see we are training, mom?

GOKU: Take that, heh heh! Hadokeeen!

NARRATION: And the year passed by...

NACHO/ALVARO: Hey, stop! A year has passed so suddenly that the holidays have accumulated, so we wish you Happy Christmas! And happy Halloween! And the birthday, of course! And your patron's day! Anarchy, foolery, destroyyy!

NARRATION: Ahem. Damm alcoholic opportunists... the year passed! Okay?

DISCOLO: (atop a cliff) The hour draws near... I feel how the announced threat comes to us, slowly and unstoppable... I know what is gonna happen, as I was warned from the future... I am ready, of course. But I don't remember where the battle is gonna be held, damm it!

(Not far from him, the rest of Z warriors watch over South Capital together, just in case.)

VEGETAL: (new armor) Well, following the instructions of that Takatranks boy, this is the place the androids had chosen...

CHIQUILIN: At least it was, maybe because of our intervention they have changed their plans. Here they come Goku, Chungohan and Discolo!

VEGETAL: Geez, man. Why did he have to bring them along?

CHIQUILIN: No, they are the ones who bring him. He forgot the place. (VEGETAL: Gack.)

ROSHI: You arrived quite on time, guys. We are discussing the tactical part of the fight.

LANCHA: Yeah, give them a beating!

WILMA: (brings baby) Hiya pals! Aren't you gonna say hello to the brat here?

GOKU: Of course. Hi there, Chiquilin! (WILMA: Soson, you are as sharp as ever...)

CHUNGOHAN: You had a baby, then?

WILMA: Yep, with Vegetal. Isn't he cute? The naming issue was easy, he is my baby Takatranks!

BABY: _When I get a hold of my older me, I'll teach him to suggest such crappy names! Bastard..._

VEGETAL: There is only a couple minutes left to the H Hour! We need to be on guard! _If we keep looking at the kid they are gonna notice me drooling over him, man!_

CHIQUILIN: Look, a car is arriving! It's... Yajorobais!

YAJOROBAIS: Hi, pansies. I dropped by to see how you are handling the androids issue.

CHIQUILIN: Looks like life's finally smiling at you.

YAJOROBAIS: You can say it. I returned to my job as editor. I have sponsorized a pair of authors that make a lame copy of a popular manga that has a TV series and sells like gold, so the kids took the bait and always buy our 'version'.

GOKU: That sounds really familiar... (?_?)

VEGETAL: I suppose this time you will lend us a hand, won't you?

YAJOROBAIS: No hairy way, dearies. For starters, if they are robots, they won't have any tails. So they are not interesting enough. And today I wear an Armani's model shirt that I will never want to get tainted. So, suck it up, my heroes! It was good to meet you again, but I'm off here before it's too late. Chao, brave lads! (flies off)

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬) Bah, he is a stuck-up philantropist... much barking and then...

(When no one watched, the car explodes and Yaji falls, two shadows fly off the place.)

CHIQUILIN: There are two guys up there! Must be the ANDROIDS!

TESINPAN: They head for the city's centre... they surely appeared from nowhere!

VEGETAL: Ha, I was getting anxious already! Let's go and get them!

CHIQUILIN: Well, now that you are here again, you could lend us a hand. Or are you afraid you will taint your shirt?

YAJOROBAIS: (burnt) You are funny as crap.

(In the city proper, the cyborgs have already scanned the place for possible intruders.)

MAN: Who are they? (MAN 2: Maybe from the Bolshoi Ballet?)


	27. issue 27: Looks like its gonna rain

ISSUE # 27:

_LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA RAIN (WHACKS)._

Well, the case is... the main dudes faced some terrible androids (that were not so terrible after all, but that's off topic) and the blasts, the rushes, ki waves and the whacks do not stop raining. By the way, and speaking of rain: looks like the sky is getting dark... later, guys!

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VEGETAL: Those are the terrible androids? [déjà vu] If they look like Retirement Castle members!

DISCOLO: Don't judge them by their looks. Their internal energy is immeasurable...

TESINPAN: Why are you talking about that lame Ki stuff again?

A-20: Ho ho ho... you are SO scary. _Not._

GOKU: Hum, it's weird... one of them looks very familiar to me... (WILMA: And the other to me!)

A-20: ARG! It's that meddling girl again! (A-19: It's him! HIM!) (BOTH: Get them far from us! AAAH!)

WILMA: Talk about 'terrible' androids, yeah.

CHIQUILIN: Well, that eases our load! Have Goku and Wilma pursue them until their batteries run out!

VEGETAL: What are you saying, midget? That won't feel right! What we need to do is strike them now that they are distracted! (WILMA: Yeah, 'cause that feels so much righter...)

LANCHA: Bah, looks like I am only needed for my fast, crazy AND effective plans.

(Lancha loads her gun, Gore notices it and warps to her back, where he backhands her.)

TESINPAN: LANCHA! (YANSHA: Gack, she fell!)

A-20: Well, the match has already started. What will be your next move?

TESINPAN: You will see, old fart! I'm gonna beat the crap out of ya, even your ID!

A-20: It's all yours, 19. (A-19 intercepts Tesinpan.)

CHIQUILIN: Geez, man, did you see how capable are those two geezers? Looks like the tuition issues can really enrage some of them... (HAVOC: I'll try to recover their teeth...)

A-20: Any try at stopping us is futile! Our potential is so much higher than yours, battling-wise!

A-19: Er, yeah, that! What he said! Sounds so cool.

VEGETAL: Ha. Is that a challenge? To see how cocky can I be? On guard, robo-fossils!

WILMA: Wait, Vegetal! Don't rush them, it's a trap! You are my son's dad, damm it!

(Yep, they jump out of harm's way and land on him, noisily crushing his back.)

WILMA: Vegetal! (CHIQUILIN: Ouch... he looks like jelly now...)

YANSHA: Bah, it's time to risk it all! Here I go! _Let's see if I get lucky and the bastard dies, so Wilma can come back to me! _

(There's no such luck. Gore intercepts him, to let his partner keep on handling Vegetal.)

A-20: Hum! (pulls out a drill finger) (drills Yansha)

YANSHA: (hole) ACK! (CHIQUILIN: What's with that Terminator wannabe?)

GOKU: Look, guys, Yansha is now doughnut-shaped. (WILMA: Soson, I really admire your skill to say the right thing in the exact moment. And mess it up horribly.)

A-20: Well, the matter is being handled smoother than we previously thought...

A-19: Yes, considering that the real androids are still charging ther batteries and we had to come out ourselves posing as cyborgs... we are getting through it rather easily.

DISCOLO: Enough! This has to end now! I will take care of them!

A-20: Heh. Come here, green thingy. Come here to die as well, we have no problem...

(Gore is waiting for the attack, but Discolo stretches his arm and grabs A-19 by neck.)

DISCOLO: I knew that this time the enemy would be quite dangerous, so I won't hold back! You are finished!

(He throws the fat one against a building, crumbling it. Gore is not so sure anymore.)

A-20: Arg... I'm doomed for sure...

GOKU: Hey, wait. I know who is the fat guy! (smacks Discolo) Could this be possible? I finally find my grandpa, who I left for dead two years ago, and you only think about beating him! What sort of respect is that, towards the elderly? (Chiquilin facepalms)

[He is speaking about the comic release dates, not about the storyline time gap, clearly.]

A-20: _Hum, looks like the imbecile one can be useful for us. Interesting_.

GOKU: Grandpa! I didn't think I would meet you again! When did you cease to be a ball? (A-19 crawls outta rubble)

A-19: AAARG! Leave me alone! Shush, shush! (panic)

A-20: Shut up moron, leave this to me! (smacks him) Listen to me, Soson Goku. See, your grandpa is a little dizzy because of such emotional outburst, but a sample of his grandson's love for him could help him recover, like for example... killing all your partners here for good. Will you do it, for his sake?

GOKU: Okay. (A-20: _Geez, this guy IS a moron..._)

CHIQUILIN: Er, Goku is heading towards us... and his eyes want blood, I say...

WILMA: Ah, well... I already knew when meeting that boy in the mountain many years ago that I would pay for it later...

GOKU: This goes for my grandpa! (rushes) (PAAAF!)

TAKATRANKS: (smacked him) And this goes for mom! Who I promised I would not let you be killed! I am back!

VEGETAL: Hey peahead, stand up, this is getting good! Watch my boy from the future, he returned and is kicking ass!

TAKATRANKS: I see there has been a change of plans regarding the android invasion. Don't you think, doctor GORE?

A-20: Grrr, well, it's true... my helper and I had to become cyborgs... as because of the moving away, our work was delayed and we had not the androids ready for the D Day...

VEGETAL: Ha, what a pity. (TAKATRANKS: This will end today!)

A-20: Blast, looks like they are recovering... what do we do now, then?

A-19: Don't ask me, it's YOU the genius half of the group, remember?

VEGETAL: Charge! (GOKU: Hey, what are you doing with my grandpa?)

DISCOLO/TAKATRANKS/VEGETAL: Go for the fat one! (they thrash A-19)

VEGETAL: Okay, and now, let's take care of that Frankenstein geezer there...

A-20: Grrr... you don't know my real power, you naïve fools!

(Unleashes an explosive wave from his hand-blaster, which nukes the heroes for good.)

CHIQUILIN: Oh, the fearsome enemy has unleashed an almost apocalyptic power that he was storing for emergency cases. And why is it that I don't care anymore about this stuff?

ULOM: Heh, true.

VEGETAL: (hurt) You still haven't beat me... just let me call for my big cousin and...

A-20: This is no good. I need to return to the base and activate my androids. (flies) Ciao, dorks!

WILMA: The geezer escapes! We need to follow him, and fast! (YAJOROBAIS: Yeah, running. Get real!)

TAKATRANKS: Gore is returning to his base. I'll get him! (WILMA: That's my boy!)

DISCOLO: (Takatranks left) What do we do now, guys?

VEGETAL: I can follow Takatranks' signature energy, so we can get to him in no time.

GOKU: Count me out! You have killed my grandpa, you insensitive jerks!

A-19: (beheaded) Bah, this boy is stupid...

(Takatranks is pursuing Gore, and Vegetal, Discolo and Chiquilin are hot on their tails.)

VEGETAL: Man, they are fast. But the trail is clear. (DISCOLO: We can't lose them, I heard Gore talking about his androids.)

A-20: Finally, down there! They will be sorry...

(He gets to a locked door, and it does an eye scan to let him in. The others get to Takatranks, floating still.)

VEGETAL It's in that island. Look, Takatranks has stopped dead on his tracks...

TAKATRANKS: Stop! Before you continue, you must know the real androids are down there! And their power is ludicrous... you must be prepared for the worst!

VEGETAL: (ignores) Okay then. (TAKATRANKS: (0_0).)

A-20: (in lab) Central computer, start reanimate process for units XVII and XVIII to get maximum proficiency!

(The robotic siblings are awakening... while the Z warriors struggle to open the door.)

VEGETAL: The outermost door, huh... we need to go through it to get to the inside!

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬) _His shrewdness is quite shocking, indeed._ Wait, I am gonna blast it open like Takatranks did and I will come off as today's hero! KOME... JAME... JA!

(Inside, the android XVII was the first to awaken, shortly before his sister, he greets Gore.)

XVII: Good day, doctor Gore. What is your command?

A-20: Good day XVII. Your orders are to neutralize the intruders that will barge in here.

VEGETAL: Seems to me that the door is Komejame-proof, right?

CHIQUILIN: (burnt) Right... *cough*.

XVIII: Good day, doctor. I am waiting for your command.

A-20: I am glad to see you in good shape... ahem. Your mission is to help XVII to stop a bunch of intruders. I hope your workings will be totally satisfactory, I have no doubt.

DISCOLO: (touches door) Guys... I think it will be hella hard to decipher the code for the door's lock! Even with my skills, this operation can last many days! (ear smoke)

VEGETAL: Bah, leave it to me. It may have an electric lock and be energy-proof, but it won't resist good brute strength!

(Tries to rush-break the door, but it suddenly opens and XVII grabs him by the cheeks.)

XVIII: Hellooo, boys... (TAKATRANKS/DISCOLO/CHIQUILIN: (0_0).)

A-20: (in lab) Good, good. I have the upper hand again... but there are still things left to do. I will use the last battles' info and the one gathered by the androids to give form to my latest creation. Although there are still years left for the project to be completed, and I need to assure the androids will be still operative for their matrixes to be fused... yes, it is a long and hard process, but the results will be unbeatable... the birth of the ultimatest life form ever conceived! Ho ho ho!

(In the outside, the androids are facing the Z warriors, still dazzled at the discovery.)

XVII: It's time you leave this place with this message: we are gonna kill you all soon!

DISCOLO: No way, man. You will have to expel us from here. And we won't allow it! (CHIQUILIN: We won't?)

XVII: OK, we will do it your way. (CHIQUILIN: You messed up good, martian boy...)

(Discolo throws away his cape and jumps towards the enemy. XVII is mildly amused.)

XVII: Wow, he's agile. I'm gonna take his challenge. You can take care of the rest.

VEGETAL: They look very tough... you think Discolo stands any chance?

CHIQUILIN: Well, if I need to gamble...


	28. issue 28: Seems to me they are attacking

ISSUE # 28:

_SEEMS TO ME THEY ARE ATTACKING US._

Our friends keep beating around doctor Gore's androids and gynoids, but does not look like they have much of a chance. Meanwhile, something's brewing high in the sky, and it's not exactly the Ozone Layer's hole... so be careful, pals.

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XVII: You will regret having challenged me!

DISCOLO: You think so? I have heard the same line from so many smartasses like you, that I would need a yearbook to write them all down! How about some originality, for a change? Something like 'woops, I am dead'?

(Both accumulate ki in a ball, and get ready to fire it. The others watch astonished.)

TAKATRANKS: Both are storing energy for an attack! (CHIQUILIN: An epic clash!)

A-20: _If XVII manages to beat the alien, I still need to think of a way to make him tamer, but it's better than nothing..._

DISCOLO: (charging) I need to release it! (BAAAMF!) Crap, he bested me... (burnt)

TAKATRANKS: He has beaten Discolo!

XVII: HA! If all of you heroes are like that, this is gonna be easier than stealing candy!

NARRATION: Meanwhile, the doc watches all them from his lab's hole...

A-20: Good, my androids are in perfect shape! Now I will send them on the mission all according to my plan and...

XVIII: Tell me, doctor Gore. Didn't you wonder for a sec that, maybe, we have our own agenda of revenges, right?

A-20: Don't daydream, my dear. I can't switch you off anytime I want, with my... cell phone?

XVIII: Good swap trick, don't you think? Having so many of them laying around from the last Christmas, it was cake.

(On the outside, the door has been shut again, the heroes don't know what's happening.)

TAKATRANKS: What happened? (CHIQUILIN: The door closed... what will they be doing?) Hey, wait, it opens again! (VEGETAL: Don't shit me! How did you notice?)

(The beheaded doctor Gore rolls towards the exit giving a shock to the Z warriors here.)

HEAD: You're a bad girl...

XVIII: Your control over us is no more! Now we will do whatever we want! Smoking, drinking, group sex, late night TV... Ha, ha, ha! I'm brave and ferocious like a Spice Girl!

XVII: Now we could take a peek at what the doctor had stored in there. Shall we?

XVIII: Good idea. Maybe we could find some new toy to tinker with...

CHIQUILIN: We can't allow them to get inside again! We must stop them somehow!

XVII: (stops Chiquilin) Go get a look around, then. (XVIII: 'kay, brother.)

(The blonde girl looks around the lab and finds XVI's container. She gets starry eyed.)

XVIII: Wow, he's such a hot meat hunk! This one is just begging to get activated! Huh?

SIGN: Don't activate, needs further testing. That goes for you, # XVIII.

XVIII: Bah, the doc knew us very well, indeed... on the other hand, if he needs testing, I only know of a way... Hey, get up! (activates) XVII can test him on the battlefield. Then I will later test how skilled he is in... other areas, ho, ho...

XVI: Soson Goku! (grabs her neck) Me kill Soson Goku! Where Soson Goku? (runs)

XVII: (arrives) The prototype # XVI... Doctor Gore programmed him to murder Soson Goku years ago. He is quite dense... you could have asked me before touching anything! You're always thinking about the flesh!

XVI: WHEREISOSONGOKU?! (XVII: Shut. Up.) (clac!)

(Closes his mouth, doing so seems to switch him off. Of course, he's a full robot.)

XVII: He needs a certain... reprogramming, I say. (XVIII: Yeah, I noticed... *breaths*)

(Outside, the good guys are pondering what's up with the sudden calm.)

VEGETAL: Looks like they are busy inside there... shall we take the chance and act?

CHIQUILIN: Yeah, let's take the chance and run the hell outta here!

XVII: Let's leave for now! (heads for the door) We will test him as we go along!

XVIII: Hey, I am not carrying this hunk of metal all by myself! (lifts him)

(They blast the door and take the heroes by surprise, but they fly off ignoring the lot.)

VEGETAL: They are fleeing! (DISCOLO: Yep, but I am NOT following them...)

TAKATRANKS: Dad, right now we are thrashed, we should stop to catch our breaths!

CHIQUILIN: But if you have hardly fought, smartie!

VEGETAL: Okay, then I will follow them alone. You can go to hell for all I care!

CHIQUILIN: (follows) Vegetal, wait dude! I think I can resist a while longer!

XVII: (flying) That cocky fool, Vegetal, is following us... let's descend to that field so we can give him a run for his money, heh heh... (XVIII: Then we will go bankrupt!)

VEGETAL: The moment I catch up to them, they will pay! No one mocks yours truly! (CHIQUILIN: Say that to the readers...)

(In the city, everyone else is waiting for the others to return and tell how things went.)

GOKU: I'm getting bored...

WILMA: You should have gone with them, idiot!_ There was a good chance you didn't return! _(BABY: Immature.)

ROSHI: Hey, look, someone is coming! (Takatranks and Discolo arrive)

TAKATRANKS: Well, we are back, guys... (DISCOLO: Arg, even my name hurts...)

WILMA: Where did Vegetal and Chiquilin go?

TAKATRANKS: They went to take care of more androids, it looks bad for our team... By the way, I see you gave Goku his medicine, if not, he would be agonizing by now.

GOKU: (mouth foams) Aaaarrgll... I am sick... (TAKATRANKS: (0_0).)

WILMA: Er, if you mean 'that' medicine, then no, I did NOT give it to him... (BABY: I am gonna have THAT hairdo?)

TAKATRANKS: (panic) Quick, he needs to receive treatment! Let's make haste, guys!

WILMA: Geez, how was I supposed to know WHEN was he going to fall sick? Should have told earlier!

(Meanwhile, the prince and the shortie have reached the droids in a mountain roadside.)

VEGETAL: They are waiting for us, huh? Then let's not disappoint them!

CHIQUILIN: This does not give me good vibrations...

XVII: (saw them) Very good... now, XVIII! Activate that mammoth at once! (does so)

VEGETAL: What are they plotting? (XVI charges) I don't like the looks of this...

(XVI ends charging but doesn't move. A gust of wind adds the uncomfortable silence.)

XVI: You not Soson Goku. (Vegetal facefaults) Me not programmed to kill you.

VEGETAL: Enough crap! I'm fed up with your antics! Come here, Famosa Dolls, I am gonna kick your butts to the next Bethlehem! [reference to a Famosa Christmas advert]

XVIII: How come # XVI does not react?! (XVII: I now know why he needed testing...)

VEGETAL: Now you will witness if training and drinking Farmatint for a full year was worth it. GYAAAH! (FLOAAAM!) There, done! I am a Super Puyajin! And I have just skyrocketed the sales of this manga!

CHIQUILIN: Jesus! Him too? Maybe it is an epidemic...

XVII: You saw what I saw, XVIII? (XVIII: Yes I did, he has good taste in hair dyes...)

VEGETAL: Okay, who wants to be first? I won't stop for nothing! Aaaah! (rushes)

(But he stops his rush, as XVIII was in his way. He somehow did not want to touch her.)

XVIII: What's up? I will be your opponent.

VEGETAL: Don't give me that crap, girlie. This issue is the one featured in '**Salon del Manga de Barcelona'**, and I need to show off. Beating a girl has no point, no worth!

XVIII: (pop vein) So you think that, pig-headed phalocrat?! Worry not, you WILL show off!

CHIQUILIN: Bah, just great! He's too much of a bluffer...

VEGETAL: (gets uppercut'ed) AIING!

XVIII: That's only the beginning, you cocky bastard! (PAF!) Didn't you want to give us a show?

XVI: I didn't know your partner could be so beastly. (XVII: Me neither...)

CHIQUILIN: Vegetal, dang, move on! Aren't you stronger than hell now? At least fight back or something!

VEGETAL: (bruised) Er? Oh, yeah, I forgot...

XVIII: It's a little too late to try and recover. You already lost your advantage!

CHIQUILIN: (explosions) Bah, there is no way... maybe I could tape this for **Impacto TV?**

(Meanwhile, in Soson Goku's home, some other issue has our characters crazy.)

GOKU: (in bed) Aaauuf...

CHICHA: And you say that you CANT remember where you put the damm medicine?

WILMA: Well, no... right now I can't quite remember, no... (thought bubble: thrash bin)

TAKATRANKS: If all comes to worst, I can return to the future and bring another vial!

WILMA: No, no, you won't need to! If I think hard enough I will end up remembering!

CHICHA: Then go, and fast! If my husband dies, considering the scarce time he spends at home, it will be the end!

ULOM: No doubt about it.

(In Heaven, Gosh and Discolo are discussing the recent matters, the latter is whining.)

GOSH: Well, Discolo, now that you are somewhat refreshed, I can tell you there is something more that threatens our planet...

DISCOLO: Don't shit me, gramps! I've been thrashed around like crap, don't go telling me now there is more! At least tell me it is not worse than those raging androids!

GOSH: Exactly... it's something much worse. Doctor Gore created a being of incredible power that has reached our world somehow. In order to stop it... you and I need to do an irrevocable, forbidden act. You and I must fuse in a single, all-mighty being!

DISCOLO: Er, what, how?

GOSH: Don't play stupid now, you already know what I mean. Just as you assimilated Nil –and later ejected him out 'cause he was revived- you must fuse with me so that our combined power can finish the imminent threat.

DISCOLO: Despite that, the idea of fusing God with the Devil is quite morbid. Church inclined people will get violent...

GOSH: After having watched a green-skinned, pointy-ear'ed God, nothing will shock them anymore, I'm sure. Get going!

BOTH: Let's do it, for Earth's sake! For the kajillionth time! (BROUUM!)

(Quite far from there, XVIII's brutal beating continues, unfortunately for Vegetal.)

XVII: Hey, wait, XVIII! Stop already! You have had your way with him, it's enough!

VEGETAL: (stands) I'm not finished... I'm gonna use all my power... I know it sounds clichéd, but the script is just crappy...

XVIII: So, do you want to risk it all in a final bout? You won't look any more mature that way...

VEGETAL: Don't care! My warrior's honour is at stake. Fight or get away!

XVIII: Bah, as you wish. Let's finish this once for all. (VEGETAL: Ha, I will get my revenge!)

BOTH: (rush to the other) GET BENT!

POLICE CAR: Jesus, the Operation-Return has started!

(Back to Goku's house, Takatranks get ready to part to the future, but the phone rings.)

TAKATRANKS: Well, I am going back to the future. Don't worry, I'll get back soon.

CHUNGOHAN: (on phone) Takatranks! Master Roshi says he has your Time Bike, that it is rusted like heck and that you need to retrieve it before the tow truck takes it away.

TAKATRANKS: But how? That's impossible, my bike is right here, encapsulated!

CHUNGOHAN: But Master Roshi says it's the same one, the logo reads 'Gragea Corp' and there's a Totoro plushie in the glove compartment, along with some dirty magazines.

TAKATRANKS: But... this is MY bike, then! (0_0)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, Roshi says if he can keep the magazines. (WILMA: Magazines...?)

TAKATRANKS: Arg, okay, whatever! But tell him not to move from there, we are on our way!

(In the battlefield, some spiky haired fighter emerges among the smoke... but it's XVIII)

CHIQUILIN: Oh gosh...

XVII: There is still the bagel-faced midget left. Want to get him? (XVIII: Coming.)

CHIQUILIN: (trembling) I don't wanna hurt you... don't make me...

XVIII: Then let's made peace, 'kay? (kisses) (CHIQUILIN: (^_^) *lovestruck*.)

VEGETAL: (buried) Lucky bastard.

NARRATION: A while later, in a place we know well, at least I do...

ROSHI: (comes out) Hum, those youngsters are fast, when it's convenient for them...

TAKATRANKS: (lands) Let's see, what's this two-bike stuff about? How can that be?

ROSHI: Look, kid, I have no idea of how those strange contraptions work, but the bike is in that field over there, and it was left there for quite a while, judging by the dust and spiderwebs...


	29. issue 29: Cellulitis gives trouble

ISSUE # 29:

_CELLULITIS GIVES TROUBLE (GET BENT, FATASS!)_

The last issue ended... on the last page. In this one, the situation gets much worse with the arrival of Cellulitis, the most sexually-active critter in the known universe. Whacks fly around in an intense battle, between Takatranks and the villain sporting the ugliest costume in the history of all manga. Screws get loose everywhere...

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(We left Takatranks and Chungohan on the back yard of Roshi's summer house.)

TAKATRANKS: There is no doubt, it IS my bike... but this makes... (pause) no sense...

CHUNGOHAN: What it has made is a hell of a lot of rust!

TAKATRANKS: Look at that, there is something stuck to it... it seems like some kinda cocoon or something. By its looks, it's been here for a lot of time, we're speaking about many months at the least. _Geez, the bugs around here are flipping big!_

CHUNGOHAN: Takatranks, wait. I detect a small source of energy nearby. _Could be a used battery, though..._

(They follow its lead, and get to another shocking image... a dried larva of something.)

CHUNGOHAN: The trail leads us to that hill... and to that thing. Is it a dead bug?

TAKATRANKS: I would say it is the husk of something's larva form... but it does not look like anything from this planet! (lifts it) If this is the energy's source and it popped out of my bike's cocoon, what happened with the being which left it behind? And why is my time machine in TWO places at the same time?

(We put the Twilight-Zone fanfare, then we switch to the androids soaring the skies.)

XVII: We are approaching that city centre, we will stop there to plan and ambush them. By the way, why did you kiss the big-headed shortie instead of killing him?

XVIII: That way I have an 'insurance'... in the case he gets hold of another remote and tries to switch us off. Am I smart or what?

(Back to Goku's house, nobody seems to make him get better, and Chicha gets angrier.)

CHICHA: (strangles Wilma) You must remember what you did with the medicine! My husband is leaving this world! And he hasn't registered me as owner of the house yet!

WILMA: Glglgl...! 'kay, gal! Just give me more time! And breath...

ULOM: Hey, it's Master Sakarin! (points)

SAKARIN: (arrives) I'm here to bring some of my magic beans, which are even better than that Tauriton stuff. _And don't point at people, it's rude..._

CHICHA: Good idea! It they can't cure Goku, nothing will! (WILMA: Sounds good.)

SAKARIN: I am not sure at 100% they will work, but I brought the ones with the most efficient healing properties. I don't know what his disease is. Nor I am the 'Insalud'!

ULOM: Great, when you finish with the superhero here, you can do the same with the rest of our convalescent fighters.

(Points to a human pile made by Lancha, Tesinpan, Yaji and Yansha. They're whining)

SAKARIN: He's our patient, right? Well, eat this bean. We'll see if it is the correct one. If he reacts positively, we won't need to feed him more. (CHICHA: And if he doesn't?)

(He doesn't, of course... He pukes a big blob of vomit, dirtying Sakarin and her wife.)

SAKARIN: Ack, looks like we'll need to keep trying. (CHICHA: Ptuf! He got me with my mouth open!)

(In the mountain roadside where Vegetal was beaten, Chiquilin is STILL lovestruck...)

VEGETAL: Hey, you, snap out of it! You have been like this for two hours! I had time even to unbury myself!

(In the city, the androids have entered some big mall, and plan to make some havoc...)

XVII: Here we can get everything we need for sure.

XVIII: If they don't mind us buying on hire purchase...

XVII: Don't worry, we have a Gold Pass, don't you remember? (fist glows)

(Back to Goku's house. He does not seem to get better with any magic bean, sadly.)

SAKARIN: (umbrella) Well, there are not much beans left. We'll try the strawbery flavored one.

ULOM: (dirty) Cool, I have never tasted strawberry flavored vomit...

GOKU: *cough* Nooo... not anymore... I have only the kidneys left to vomit...

TAKATRANKS: (arrives) Mom, there are bad news! How is Soson Goku doing?

WILMA: You see, he de-evolves favorably... have you brought the medicine? As much as it bugs me, I'd rather have him healed than keep looking at his vomit's green blobs.

TAKATRANKS: Something weird and unnerving is going on. My time bike has gotten to the past by itself, a year or so ago, and it had an unidentified bug stuck to it that now is running wild in god knows where!

WILMA: Wa? It this is true, when did that bug board your bike...? Where did it come from... and where is it now?

(More Twilight Zone music, and we go to Heaven to look at Gosh and Discolo's fusion)

DISCOLO: (gaze)

POMPOM: Gosh, master! (pause) what did you do with Gosh?! You have left me unemployed, bastard! (punches)

DISCOLO: (pain) Ouch, arg, stop already, moron, it's me! Now I am the fused form of Gosh and Discolo, and get used to it: you are gonna see lots of them in the near future... with the minds of both entities, I can better detect our enemy... I know where it lurks! (flies off)

POMPOM: Jesus, what a sudden pin-up!

(In the city, the mall's been demolished and the androids got a bunch of new batteries.)

XVII: Heh, there is nothing like a shopping spree to kill some time. And other things... right? (XVI: Heh.) Hey, XVIII! Are you finished changing your old shredded clothes?

XVIII: Yep, I'm coming! (wears very tacky clothes) How's this? Isn't it a bit revealing?

XVII: (after facefaulting) Er, I don't want to bother you, but it would be better to choose something less flashy and more maneuverable... we need to get Soson Goku by surprise.

XVIII: Aw, I had chosen matching panties already...

XVII: Bah, would be better if I get you something. If possible, nothing very provocative. We may be siblings, but one's not made of rock, you know? _Jesus, what a torture. Years of not even touching a woman and my sister is a Veronica Blume wannabe! _

XVI: You're sad.

(Chicha is gonna take matters on her own hand and try something with the sick Goku.)

CHICHA: It's enough, damm it! I've brewed Grandma's dead-raising stew, if it doesn't work, I'll finish him myself!

TAKATRANKS: Will it be really effective? (WILMA: Well, the worst that can happen is him kicking the bucket...)

CHICHA: Now, swallow it while it's still smoking hot! (feeds it to him) (BROUUUM!)

(Discolo has arrived to the city and searches for the source of evil energy there.)

DISCOLO: I've detected the evil energy's source around that area... let's see who is my enemy today! (pause) The city is quite large, but it does not exude much ki energy... it is like it has been abandoned.. maybe they are on Holy Week break? (pause) Now I clearly sense the evil aura! It's absorbing life force... and approaches! It's right around the corner!

(He jumps over whatever is turning the corner, but turns out to be a wrinkled old lady.)

OLD-LADY: Ack... not even at my age you are free of crazy men... the only good thing about old age and he screws it...

DISCOLO: (thrown staff) Whoa! (evades) With such a weak aura, I got them mixed up!

(But on the next corner, there is the real dark being, holding Spanish president Jose Maria Aznar.)

DISCOLO: Who... what the heck... are you?

AZNAR: Hey, you, help me, I'm a peasant in need! That thing has swallowed everyone in the whole city, and I am its president! The fucker has eaten even my Dobermans, too!

DISCOLO: So you are the evil energy's source... drop that man now, and get ready to fight me, you villain!

CELL: Well. We will fight. (drops him)

AZNAR: (face on floor) Ouch! Ow ow, I feel like a basketball... and I know about it...

(Cell sticks his tail on the president and starts to absorb him, much to Discolo's shock.)

CELL: We will fight... when I am done with the breakfast. Want any? (AZNAR: Aaarg! Leave-already-mister-Gonzaleeez!) Shut up, don't get on my nerves more than you are!

DISCOLO: (0_0) He is getting much more smaller... the monster is eating him!

CELL: Transference completed. Now, what were you saying about a 'villain'?

(Cut to Goku's house where some famous character is gonna explain time travel issues.)

WILMA: Look, Takatranks, I've called a friend of my father's, specialist in time travel paradoxes and all that jazz.

DOC BROWN: You see, in few words... (technobabble) the space-time continuum is... (technobabble) returning to the past... (technobabble) androids surely caused... (techno babble) and then the exact point which Takatranks... (more technobabble)

TAKATRANKS: (faint) ARG! Need aspirins... lots of them!

WILMA: Well, doc, you can stop, the people here got lost a while ago... Thanks anyway.

DOC BROWN: They did? If it's crystal clear, damm it!

(Again to Discolo and Cellulitis. He is gonna finally introduce himself to clueless us.)

DISCOLO: For the last time, who are you?! Maybe Doctor Gore's monster? Or a new videogame inspired villain?

CELLULITIS: Exactly, I am the ultimate weapon, the Purple Pants army's trump card. Forget all that mana and earth spells crap. My name is Cellulitis, mainly because every fool who met me thought of me as a big fat bastard... before I ate them! Got it?

DISCOLO: (0_0)

CELLULITIS: Actually, I should not be here now, because I will be born ten years into the future, and I am still in embryo form in Gore's lab. I am an historic achievement: the first test-tube supervillain! But I'm not complete yet. I have to combine with two beings also created by the doctor to reach perfection...

DISCOLO: The what?

CELLULITIS: The two I have left to absorb are # XVII and XVIII, with them I will be perfect, and host the lottery show!

DISCOLO: You will be chicken seed before that happens... let's beat each other up now or the sales will descend! Hasta la vista, slimy bugger! It was a pain to meet you! (rush)

CELLULITIS: Nooo, my pointy eared pal... you still don't know what's the real PAIN!

(Back to Chicha and Goku's shack. Sakarin has ended giving beans to the hurt patients.)

SAKARIN: The beans have been quite effective with everyone else, they are fit to go on anytime you want.

WILMA: Well, what about Soson Goku? He did die or did not? (Goku lands there)

CHICHA: Ah, here he comes... the special remedy of Grandma's has never failed.

WILMA: Goodness gracious... he is gonna get well after all... anyway, hasn't Vegetal come back yet? He has to take the kid to the pediatrician! (he arrives there)

VEGETAL: Here I am, with the midget turned into a drooling mannequin! And he is heavy for his height!

(He drops Chiquilin on the floor and directs his anger at his future son... he has a plan.)

VEGETAL: You, kiddo, are coming with me! We are gonna train in order to kick those androids butts to Pluto!

TAKATRANKS: Huh? Me?

VEGETAL: I have been given a brutal beating... and the baldie here only was kissed in the cheek! Stupid wuss!

GOKU: (awakes) Where am I... what happened... is the Madrid FC champion again?

WILMA: Didn't you transform into a Super Puyajin? I thought you could already!

CHIQUILIN: Of course, he got Super and... (is smacked)

VEGETAL: Shut up, you half-baked Romeo. I tried, yes, but I am not ready yet. I threw some slashes around and they fled, though. Does not matter, we are leaving now, quick!

TAKATRANKS: (is dragged) But where? (VEGETAL: You will know soon...)

CHICHA: Well, now my dear husband is out of danger! A bit of rest and he will be new.

LANCHA: Yeah, that, on the bed! You can do the Arms Multiplier and make an orgy!

WILMA: _But I still don't know what happened with Takatranks' bike... and what is that bug they found... and where is Mulder's sister... how long until I switch hairstyles... why in the TV spots the liquid is always blue? Are they healthy to use? Too many questions..._

(Discolo and Cellulitis are still fighting, and they resort to fire concentrated ki beams.)

DISCOLO: (fires) Devil Beam! (explosion) Take that, Apocalypse Now!

(The bio android gets on his back and entangles Discolo with his tail, to suck his life.)

CELLULITIS: Slow, but potent... I think his energy will do me much good after all.

DISCOLO: (chas!) NYAAAG! It fucking hurts!

CELLULITIS: Despite the fact I already have your regenerating cells, this will be useful...

DISCOLO: Are you crazy? Don't you are about AIDS or hepatitis or whatever?

CELLULITIS: Nah, don't try to bluff now! I am immune to any disease or bio-weapon. Get with the lunch!

DISCOLO: Yeah, whatever! (bites) (CELLULITIS: AIING!!)

(The villain recoils and so Discolo breaks free, but with a dried up arm, thus useless.)

CELLULITIS: (swollen tail) Green bastard, that hurt! If I get tetanus you will be sorry...

DISCOLO: Don't say! Weren't you immune? Don't complain, you have left my arm all flabby and dry! Aren't ya giving me a sub like the Red Cross does? (pause) By the way, there are still points I don't understand. How the heck did you arrive here... and why do you say you posses my cells?

CELLULITIS: It's simple: I'm but a Valencian Cocktel-like combination of cells gotten from all of you! See... (he pulls out a robo-worm) Observe: this little bug I have here is the probe Doctor Gore programmed to prepare his ultimate weapon...

(Image of the worm, zoomed many times to see its components, called G.u.s.a.n.e.j.o.)

CELLULITIS: This probe's an artefact designed by Doctor Gore to get genetic samples and since years ago, it has gone wherever there were fights to recover the dandruff and booggers of the best warriors in this world... (pause) All the genetic data are transferred to the gestation system that holds me, in an automated fashion. To this day, despite the death of Gore, it keeps processing info and feeding my embryo. Hah hah, I'm da bomb!

(Flashback, to give the monster a chance to explain all the story, confusing as it is.)

CELLULITIS: As I explained earlier, I came from the future. Seeing as my adult stage won't be reached until ten years from now. In that era, I discovered those androids were already destroyed... by a quite punk guy who descended from the Puyajin race.

DISCOLO: Chungohan!

CELLULITIS: Although he ended up dying from his wounds, I had a big problem: until I discovered how to travel to the past! Due to Relativity and stuff like that, when I went back in time I was showered with reverse-current time plasma, which my unstable gene structure didn't resist and I ended up reverting to embryo state.

(He is shown in another flashback crawling out of the cocoon stuck to the time bike.)

CELLULITIS: I arrived in a quite earlier era than I expected... more or less three years before the first visit of that wussyboy, and I dedicated myself to grow up and mutate to this form, hidden among that zone's ecosystem. I needed many years to reach adulthood despite having already all your genetic data. But I am back, and the party starts!

DISCOLO: Arg... seems like I have the arm made of that Flubber crap...

CELLULITIS: The androids were conceived to be chaos bringers, but ther final fate was to be fused with me to reach my perfection... so I could get to my main objective! Utter destruction of all of Earth's life! Har har har, I am so unoriginal...!

DISCOLO: (0_0) Ack, he is a bad guy indeed...

CELLULITIS: Now I will use Goku's cells stored in me to launch a Kome Jame so big you will crumble from the upside down! (pause) (x_x) Kome Jameee? Whazziit? _Blast, I should not have taken Goku's cells..._


	30. issue 30: Cellulitis insists

ISSUE # 30:

_CELLULITIS __INSISTS (ACK!)_

Hey, it seems that, I've been told that the Cellutitis issue is getting worse fast. The boss says there must be a solution to this. Maybe going on a strict diet, I say... aaah! You say that is not the point! Then I don't understand anything. I swear.

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DISCOLO: (shock) He has Goku's cells too?! Then the world is doomed for sure!

CELLULITIS: (struggles) Agf...! I'm gonna use... his cells and I will be able to use one of that doofus' most powerful techniques! It's your funeral, man! KOMEEE...!

DISCOLO: He is going to use the Kome Jame Ja, Soson Goku's special tech! Not even I know if I can stop it! (CELLULITIS: JAMEEE...!) Arg, run run ruuun! (CELLULITIS: JAAA!)

(The tech is fired and a giant explosion shakes the entire city, Sakarin notices this.)

SAKARIN: Hey! A monstrous energy has manifested itself back in the East Capital!

GOKU: Er, what? Can't see it. I only see a chequered wallpaper. (Sakarin facefaults)

CELLULITIS: (sensing) Huh? I feel the androids' energy not far from here. I got them!

DISCOLO: Glgl... that was to die for... Mmm? I can't perceive Cellulitis' aura anymore... he must have fled when I was KO... I must locate him! No one is safe with that thing on the run! Especially having Goku's cells! And I am stuck here, with my gum-like arm...

(He pulls his arm off and it breaks, a new one growing immediately after, to his shock.)

DISCOLO: Oh my gosh! _I mean, 'oh myself'?_ Didn't remember that time when I lost an ear and it grew back! Well, I need to find that thing before he can get to the androids and increase his power. Let's go!

(In Heaven, Wilma's men are asking Pompom about the special training room there.)

POMPOM: What? You mean the training room?

VEGETAL: Of course! Your green friend told me about a room where he was training and a day lasts a year or so!

TAKATRANKS: Don't try to argue with him now, he's quite nervous...

POMPOM: Oh, I remember now. (gets a bucket) The thing is, it is not used very often, so I have unattended it for quite long. Please step on the papers, the floor is still wet...

VEGETAL: Heh, thought so.

POMPOM: (points) This is it. You will access a parallel dimension where you will be able to train. The door won't open until tomorrow, or until next year from your position. I don't want truants, so tell me, are you entering or not?

(Vegetal and Takatranks must be doing a slight nod off screen.)

POMPOM: I will come here tomorrow to open it. Well, next year for you... there is an omelette in the fridge, and you have the pizza-parlour number on the phone. Good luck!

VEGETAL: Great. (TAKATRANKS: (0_0).)

(In Goku's house, his wife is trying to make advances on him now that he is recovered.)

CHICHA: (wears sexy) Soson Goku, dear, all the visits have finished already... shall we take the chance now that you are fit again? (pause) What are you doing now, you damm masochist?!

GOKU: (gets dressed) What's wrong? Aren't there fights somewhere? Then I'm going there! If not, that Vegetal guy is gonna be paid more image rights...

CHICHA: But that is not fair! You are always out, and when you come back is usually in a gurney, or you have been left dumber than before! A woman has her necessities, and the broom handle smells fishy already! (pause) And it's not only that... you are my kid's father, we are a family... I want some stability, some peace... and love. (tears)

GOKU: Well, I don't have to leave right now... (audience awwws)

(Both Cellulitis and Discolo soar the sky trying to reach the androids before the other.)

CELLULITIS: I must find those androids. They'll be my food, and nothing will be able to stop me! I will be more terrific than Pedro J with a corset!

DISCOLO: I must find that freak before he completes his goal! Damm, my hat slipped!

NARRATION: Exactly, something big approaches, and it's not Florinda Chico...

ROSHI: (noise) Hum, the roads get noisier each day it passes... (looks back) But... but it's my house's wall!

XVII: (breaks wall) Hello, old timer. There is a pretty intense trace left by that Soson Goku guy here. Where's HE?

(Gragea Corp. Wilma gives instructions to Yansha and Chiquilin to retrieve something.)

WILMA: Lesee... Chiquilin, Yansha and you will return to Gore's lab and search for the androids' blueprints, to see what we can do. If you find Sunday's supplement, bring it.

(The two Z warriors use the airship to get to doctor Gore's lab again, and disembark.)

YANSHA: Come on, time is essential! Those androids are on the loose, and they must be stopped!

CHIQUILIN: Let's take our precautions... there must be some vigilance system or else.

YANSHA: How come? That's exaggerating it. Why should there be a vigilance system if the doctor is gone?

(On cue, a vigilant robot appears, snatches Yansha and starts bitch-slapping him.)

CHIQUILIN: How I hate to be right, sometimes. _Geez, what a beating..._ (breaks robot) Thank goodness I had my special-tool-for-dealing-with-robot handy. Does it hurt much?

YANSHA: (bruised) Bah, if I try to frown, I get a nosebleed...

(They keep searching, though this investigation frenzy only lasts a single panel.)

CHIQUILIN: Look, the main laboratory... what we need must be around here.

YANSHA: Wait! This time I am not falling into another trap. I'll use my Wolfang Fist when you open the door!

CHIQUILIN: Whatever... As long as I don't get caught in between... (pushes button)

YANSHA: Wolf Fang Fist! (rushes) (PLAAAM!)

CHIQUILIN: Gosh! Did you find any guard robot?

YANSHA: Arg... no, there weren't any... just that I rammed into a wall excavated in the rock... the pain...

CHIQUILIN: (enters) This seems to be full of samples in little jars and the like...

YANSHA: (dizzy) We must find the damm blueprints and leave this hole... _oouuuch, I won't leave it alive..._

CHIQUILIN: (points) Did you see that? What could it be? (YANSHA: Maybe an ugly goldfish?) No, it is some type of embryo... but of what animal? This is so weird...

YANSHA: In the sign says 'Cellulitis-A, Omega sample'. What can that mean? Whatever, you can be extracting the blueprints from the computer while I check for other useful things.

CHIQUILIN: 'kay. (types) Done, I'm on their data bank. I got them! These ones are the androids' beta sketches!

YANSHA: Come on, print them! (alarm noise) The printer sure does a weird beeping...

CHIQUILIN: (0_0) I have bad news, and WORSE news... the computer has busted me and activated the facility's self-destruct! And the worse one is: we have only 5 minutes to get our butts outta here!

(Ulom is reading a dirty magazine when his partners' voices reach him through the talkie.)

YANSHA: Hey, hamhead! Get the engines heating, we need to get the hell away, fast!

ULOM: What? (0_0)

YANSHA: You heard me! This place's gonna explode and if we are not far away in 3 minutes, we'll be sawdust!

(The Z warriors get to the airship and fly away, just as the base blows up like confetti.)

YANSHA: Fucking bitch...! At least Soson Goku didn't come to make it worse! Did we got the blueprints?

CHIQUILIN: Dunno, looks like something managed to come out of the printer after all.

YANSHA: (¬_¬) Wonderful. The list of Gore's battery suppliers is gonna be top useful for Wilma, I'm sure!

CHIQUILIN: Now we're doomed for sure. Wilma will have to work from scratch, man.

YANSHA: Well, at least no other invention of that doctor can cause trouble anymore...

CELLULITIS: (flying) I got them! They are down there, in that shack. Curious thing, it is the place where I was crawling in larva form...

NARRATION: Meanwhile, in Gosh's place...

POMPOM: Wha? Interrupting their one-day training session? Just ten hours since when they started?

LANCHA: There is no other option! Wilma has located the androids, and Discolo has found something still more hazardous advancing towards them at full speed! We need all our people in top form! (pause) If at least Vegetal, Takatranks, Goku and Chungohan can train for half a year, it will be enough to deal with that menace.

POMPOM: Well, it's up to you then. But I don't think Mister Vegetal will like the idea. I am only following orders... (pause) Hey, the ones inside, the reserves have arrived! Don't hit me, okay?

VEGETAL: (beard) The heck? What's the meaning of this? We were lasting 160 days and now you interrupt?

LANCHA: Sorry, but I bring explicit orders from Wilma. Soson and Chungohan must enter right now to train. All of you must be prepared enough for a very high level battle!

GOKU: (?_?) (TAKATRANKS: Oh, gosh...)

LANCHA: Wilma has developed a new strategy: as she has no data about the androids, they are to be fought and beaten on the field. Moreover, some new being has appeared, and has a ki level to crap your pants off! Only with this tactic we can surpass them!

WILMA: (talkie) Good, let's move on to phase B! Open the capsule, Lancha.

LANCHA: (opens it) Let's see, guys! In this package here, you can see there are several suits designed for battle by Gragea Corp, taking after the Puyajin model.

WILMA: (talkie) The material perfectly reproduces the resistance and flexibility of the originals, woven in cashmere, and sport a fashionable navy blue colour. Using these suits Goku and Chungohan will train while Vegetal and my boy use them now for the battle!

LANCHA: So you know already, put on the suits and get going!

VEGETAL: Ah, new duds. Was about time. Now I need shave foam and a lawn-mower...

CHUNGOHAN: What about you?

TAKATRANKS: Don't remind me! Five months with my father! I understand now why they will get divorced...

LANCHA: You had time to train enough, I hope?

VEGETAL: You want a piece of us, blondie? Takatranks, let's show them!

(They go SPJ, Lancha and the ones there react with a shocked 'Jeeesus!'. In Gragea Corp...)

YANSHA: We are sorry, it was disastrous... the doc had it all planed, all the information has been lost!

CHIQUILIN: And we almost didn't make it...! (sweats)

WILMA: Don't stress, matters are going prety smoothly anyway. Now that we've located our enemy, we only need to take our turn and do a good move! From our geo-front based on the Gragea Corp main quarters, we will control the situation. Let's keep our guard up!

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬) Yeah, and keep the evacuation module handy...

LANCHA: Something wrong, Vegetal?

VEGETAL: I... I felt it! Come on Takatranks, we are off! I know where's the enemy...

GOKU: (armor) Heh heh heh, we look the same! The same!

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention Geo-front, it's been located a very intense energy point in the level 8 layer!

WILMA: Those are Vegetal and Takatranks, and they are ready to rumble!

(They fly away and Lancha proceeds to get the remaining Puyajins on the time room.)

LANCHA: Well, Vegetal and his kiddo have left, get the other two twits... er, the next ones inside the chamber!

GOKU: Oki then, but... what do we need to do? Will we be there for much time? Is there a TV inside?

POMPOM: I am afraid I will have to impart MANY lessons this evening... (GOKU: Is there a console then?)

(Back to Gragea Corp, Wilma keeps monitoring the distinct factions' activities.)

LOUDSPEAKER: All the targets have gathered, including C-14 point 'Discolo-Gosh'.

WILMA: Chiquilin, go to the gathering point, Vegetal and Takatranks could use your help...

CHIQUILIN: Why me? (WILMA: 'cause you are the ugliest and most unnecessary here!)

(In the fight area, Cellulitis is giving his android colleages a deserved beating, but...)

CELLULITIS: Naïve kids... you still don't know your true roles! I own your butts!

NARRATION: And the training session begins... for Goku and Chungohan.

GOKU/CHUNGOHAN: (playing table-tennis) Here I go!

POMPOM: Er, do you think they know what they should be doing?

LANCHA: When did they? (¬_¬)

(Wilma's Puyajin relatives get to the fight zone and have to collect Discolo's pieces...)

VEGETAL: Hey, here is Discolo!

TAKATRANKS: He doesn't look too good, right?

VEGETAL: Tell us! (unburies him) what happened here?

DISCOLO: Arg... I just arrived here and... when I was facing the androids, he fell from the sky, just like that...

VEGETAL: And everyone else? What about Roshi?

DISCOLO: Him? He fled before I even got here, the real danger is that new guy, Cellulitis!

TAKATRANKS: He is that powerful?

DISCOLO: Powerful? He's fucking broken, that's what he is! A mutant with cells from all of us, and an endlessly increasing ki level! Talk about onslaughts! (VEGETAL: Hum, sounds interesting.)

(Chiquilin is arriving where the monster is beating on the siblings, far from Roshi's hut.)

CHIQUILIN: Here they are! Let's see what they are up to...

XVIII: You won't defeat us... monster!

CELLULITIS: Don't daydream, little girl. You don't have any authority over me. All our fates are bonded, and Doctor Gore knew this undeniable fact!


	31. special issue 0

SPECIAL ISSUE # 0:

_DRAGON FALL PURPLE SERIES._

[This issue is set after # 30, timeline-wise... but it is the very first Dragon Fall doujinshi ever published, hence the 'zero' in the title, and the graphical style taking a step back.]

Vegetal and his son Takatranks get ready to face the lethal attacks of Cellulitis (no, they are not going on a diet) but the android seems to be really fearsome. It proceeds to eat # XVII and XVIII, and reach perfection... but Chiquilin is there to prevent it! Will he be able to? Who knows?

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TAKATRANKS: You can't scare us, Cellulitis! We will smash you good between the two!

SIGN: This is his father, no matter how much they look like Pixie & Dixie.

(Cellulitis pulls out a fork, knife and an apron reading 'I eat androids'.)

VEGETAL: No. I will take care of him alone.

TAKATRANKS: But dad, it's very dangerous! You can take those risks now!

VEGETAL: I am sure I can beat him by myself! And don't call me 'dad', it's embarrasing. (rushes) I will crush him even with my eyes closed!

(He rams into a mountain side instead, and breaks it in pieces. XVII is shocked too...)

VEGETAL: (pain) Well, maybe I will open them a little...

(Cellulitis' tail pats XVII on the shoulder and gives him a spook, as well as XVIII.)

CHIQUILIN: Crap!

(Cellulitis eats XVII and his tail burps. All of a sudden, XVIII reacts and gets a sack of rocks to throw him.)

XVIII: (throws rocks) Spit him! Spit hiiim! SPIT! (Chiquilin sweatdrops.)

VEGETAL: Heh, looks like we are gonna see something interesting...

TAKATRANKS: What's gonna happen now that he ate one of the androids...?

(Exactly, Cellulitis begins transforming and stops XVIII abruptly, much to her dismay.)

XVIII: (0_0)

VEGETAL: Yeees! It's marvellous! (NARRATOR: I'd say he is uglier than a tumor...)

CHIQUILIN: I don't like the looks of this...

CELLULITIS: I am no longer the Cellulitis you knew. I took a step towards perfection, but I need yet another...

XVIII: That goes for me... (TAKATRANKS: Crap!)

XVI: (rushes) I won't let you lay a finger on XVIII! (CELLULITIS: Hum.)

(In the time chamber, looks like Goku and Chungohan are somehow following the events in the battlefield.)

GOKU: Don't do it! That is not the way!

CHUNGOHAN: Think before acting! (pause) Pass the ball to the one in the sidelines!

GOKU: Dribble him or that will count as a penalty! (Pompom sweatdrops)

(After that useless gag, we can see XVI shooting a rocket punch, then a eye beam, then a belly-missile.)

CELLULITIS: (blasts him) Huh? Well, well, it's just as I thought...

XVI: (inner frame is Mazinger's) (NARRATOR: I don't have anything to say. Comedy nonsense is like this.)

VEGETAL: Heh, I like the guy...

XVIII: Lesee... (behind a rock) I had some clothing for emergency cases... Chiquiliiin!

CHIQUILIN: What? (looks her way)

XVIII: (wears sexy) You won't allow Cellulitis to harm me, will youuu? (wink)

VEGETAL: What a wonder... what a beauty! (circles Cellulitis) You really seem built to fight! Such power!

CELLULITIS: But I can get much stronger, did you know?

VEGETAL: (fanboy mode) OH YES?! Then do it pleaseee! (*v*)

TAKATRANKS: No, damm it!

(The purple haired boy's curse is because of Vegetal's fanboyism and Chiquilin's love blindness had doomed XVIII.)

CELLULITIS TAIL: Gnaw, chomp, glubs! (chomping noise)

VEGETAL: _Good, he did as I wanted, now he will achieve perfection and I'll show him my best! _

CHIQUILIN: Crap, what a waste of a hot girl! (CELLULITIS: She was tasty, indeed...)

(With an explosion, the monster reaches its perfect form, and Vegetal is eager to fight.)

VEGETAL: Well, you did it! Now we can finally fight. Come on, let's start!

(Cellulitis backhands him without anyone expecting it, and crushes him against a rock.)

VEGETAL: Wooow! (CRAC!)

CHIQUILIN: Crap. (NARRATOR: Sorry for overabusing this curse word, but it's the only one the censors allow us to use.)

TAKATRANKS: I must stop him... I'll have to use all my hidden strength! AAAAGH!

(He goes SPJ 2, or whatever... Chiquilin is shocked, while Cellulitis is hardly impressed.)

CHIQUILIN: I never imagined you could muster such power level... but why don't you move already?

TAKATRANKS: I can't... I am numb or something... but don't let him notice...

CELLULITIS: Come here, then. Let's see how much stronger you have become.

(Takatranks, true to his word, is numb by his muscles' mass and takes forever to reach Cellulitis and strike him.)

TAKATRANKS: Aaaagh! (punches the mountain) Huh? (0_0)

CELLULITIS: (warped to his back) Tsk, tsk, you have disappointed me. Your current state puts you at a disadvantage over me. I can react to your attacks, as strong as they may be, but you can't do the same with mine. Let me show you just once... (PLAF!)

(Smacks Takatranks and sends him crashing against a mountain. Chiquilin sweatdrops.)

CHIQUILIN: (x_x) I must be dreaming...

CELLULITIS: Well, what's gonna be your next move?

TAKATRANKS: Crap... he's... he's defeated me...

CELLULITIS: Of course! Now that I have reached perfection, I am unbeatable! No one will be able to surpass me! No one... will be able... to fight... (pause) WAAAAH! (cries) HOW BORING! No one will want to fight me! I will never have fun again! (collective facefault) WAAAAH! I don't want this to end so soon! Don't wanna!

SIGN: Sorry for the inconvenience. (panel is missing)

ALVARO: Ep, you, what was it that had to go in there? (points at panel)

NACHO: Can you believe I have forgotten...?

TAKATRANKS: He doesn't want this to end? Hey, Cellulitis! I have an idea, see...

CELLULITIS: Mmm?

TAKATRANKS: If you want to fight us that badly, why don't you give us a chance? Give us some time to get ready and then prepare a tournament where we all will fight you!

CELLULITIS: (^_^) YES! It is a fantastic idea! I will spare your lifes till you have got ready, and then I will announce the Great Tournament! (pause) I give you ten days to train. More would be overdoing it, heh heh...

TAKATRANKS: Tell me something, Cellulitis... why do you do this? What is your goal?

CELLULITIS: My goal? (^_^) Er, I haven't thought of any one yet, really. (Takatranks facefaults) Bye!

CHIQUILIN: What the heck, man! Are you stupid? Why did you have to give him any ideas?

TAKATRANKS: Calm down. He does not know that Goku and Chungohan are training in the chamber where a day lasts a year. In ten days, every one of us will be more than ready to take on him. Right? (pause) RIGHT?

CHIQUILIN: (x_x) I must be dreaming...

NARRATOR: Hey, if Toriyama can photocopy his own panels, we weren't going to not try it ourselves.

(Cellulitis has flown to a wasteland where he is planning to build something big...)

CELLULITIS: This looks like a good place. Well, let's do some bricolage works. (cuts rocks) Ha, perfect! Like me.

(He has built a tv station, parodying Spanish Antena 3, renaming it 'Antena Cell'.)

NARRATION: Next day, in all TV sets worldwide...

NEWSHOSTER: News report: In Penguin Village, Arale Norimaki has again cut in two the local policemen's car while she pursued a butterfly. 'Yo!' was all she said. (jammin)

ROSHI: What now? Has the antenna broken down again?

TV: **El Gran Juego de Cellulitis!** (cuacks) Don't miss this very important event in ten days from now, where the fate of the entire Earth will be on the stake! (ROSHI: It's him!)

TV-CELL: Because if no one of the participants manage to defeat me, Cellulitis, Earth will have NO future!

NARRATION: That day the oncoming catastrophe became clear. The last TV program ever would be a reality-show!

(Later, in Heaven, the Z warriors discuss his possibilities in the future TV event.)

DISCOLO: So, you saw him on TV too...

CHIQUILIN: Yes, we were on Moron Roshi's house when it was broadcasted.

VEGETAL: That monster won't destroy a thing while I have an ounce of breath left!

CHIQUILIN: By the way, Takatranks, what a new hairdo! (TAKATRANKS: Was my mom, I didn't wanna...)

POMPOM: Goku and Chungohan should be coming out of the chamber anytime now, the time's about to expire.

DISCOLO: After all that time training, it's most possible they will have changed a lot.

TAKATRANKS: (points) They are coming!

(The Puyajin and his son exit the chamber, while in SPJ form and wearing cool shades.)

CHUNGOHAN: (flash) Wow, heavy, dad!

GOKU: Sorry for the glasses guys, but the change of environment is rather abrupt...

EVERYONE: (shock) (0_0)

DISCOLO: _I sense a change in those two... did they increase their level that much? Could be the glasses, though..._

GOKU: Cellulitis is still alive, isn't he? I know, I can sense his energy...

VEGETAL: _Kagarrot has increased his power level by a lot, I am sure..._

CHUNGOHAN: Hey, Mister Discolo. I need new clothes, can I have yours, please?

DISCOLO: (undresses) _These humans are so weird_...

CHUNGOHAN: (in Discolo's clothes) I think you didn't quite understand me, Mister.

GOKU: (new gi) Well, now there are some issues that need solving.

CHIQUILIN: You mean about Cellulitis?

GOKU: No, I really meant... now that there is no Gosh in Heaven, we won't have balls either, so we need someone to substitute him... I will use the Instant Transmission to go find one.

NARRATION: Using the IT, Goku managed to arrive at the place where the last people of Vietnamek lived.

(He gets a Vietnamekian kid and returns to Earth the same way he left, at an instant.)

GOKU: This kid is Tente, I think some of you already know him, I have been told he is quite capable despite his ugly face, and he will be a good Gosh from now on.

POMPOM: Good! I will bring the Dragon's model here.

CHIQUILIN: So, you are gonna reactivate the holy Ke-huron's powers, aren't ya?

TENTE: Of course, but first, we should be talking about my fee, if you know what I mean... (Chiquilin facefaults)

VEGETAL: Listen, wussyboy, you've been brought here from a forsaken place because you are the only one who can reactivate the dragon! So do it, or I'll send you back with a good KICK in the ARSE!

(Tente focuses on the dragon's model, and after thinking a bit, he kicks the crystal urn.)

TENTE: There, done. (collective facefault)

GOKU: Well, seeing as we solved that problem, I suggest going down to Earth in order to prepare the battle.

VEGETAL: _Grrr... he is taking it a bit too calmly..._

NARRATION: On the way down, they do a brief detour to say hello to Master Sakarin.

GOKU: Yep, we have been training on Gosh's palace, look at how strong I've become!

(The tower explodes and collapses at the sheer strength of the trained Super Puyajin.)

SAKARIN: (falling) Gr*#4$!!!

GOKU: (0_0) (flees) I think not even I know how strong I have really become, I say...

NARRATION: Time passes, during the first 5 days of the allotted deadline, our heroes dedicate themselves to some warming-up exercises, nothing too extraordinary to start...

(They play soccer with the two-star Dragon Ball. Goku kicks it and scores another point in Discolo's goal.)

EVERYONE: OOOOOOH! He has surpassed the power of a Super Puyajin!

VEGETAL: (arms crossed) Blah blah blah... (TAKATRANKS: (¬_¬).)

NARRATION: After that Goku decides to use the remaining 5 days to have fun with his son, the rest keep at training.

(While Discolo brandishes a tennis racket, Goku takes Chungohan to a X rated cinema.)

VOICE: Okay, we will play doubles, but don't stretch your arms, cheato!

CHUNGOHAN: You sure this is correct, dad? (GOKU: Heck yeah I am sure, son!)

NARRATION: And suddenly... on TV... with only three days until the event...

REPORTER: A clear contestant to the dreaded Cellulitis games has appeared! He is no other than our worldwide champion of martial arts, Mister Patan! (camera focuses on him)

PATAN: I have seen Cellulitis ad on TV and I must say it didn't quite impress me. That guy is a fool, no one can destroy Earth by himself. I will face that show-off, I will make him realize his own stupidity, and I will grind him to bits and put his face in a spear!

(Chiquilin is watching this same news on Roshi's TV, and is quite unimpressed too.)

PATAN: I will smash him! I will crush him! I will burst him! I will leave him very hurt!

CHIQUILIN: I feel there will be an extra corpse lying on the battle grounds that day...

NARRATION: And the fated day arrived! Millions of people –most of them under their beds- have put their attention on this building. (shot of 'Antena Cell') And the partakers of this tourney are coming!

CHIQUILIN: Did your mother let you come here to fight?

CHUNGOHAN: Well, truth is, when she saw me with this hairdo, he fainted violently and hasn't woken up.

GOKU: Looks like this will be a great day, right Vegetal? (VEGETAL: Hum.)

TAKATRANKS: Hey, do you remember we got # XVI to my mom's lab to repair him? He is fixed and renewed!

XVI: (Gundam armor) Hello. (CHIQUILIN: Hey, look who is coming, guys...)

PATAN: (arrives) I didn't think there would be so much people attending my fight. Well, I will give them a good show.

GOKU: Look, the doors are opening!

(Once inside, the spotlights turn on and Cellulitis appears dressed as a show's host.)

CELLULITIS: Welcome all, to the Great Cellulitis Games! Fun is about to start!

EVERYONE: Huh? (0_0)

CELLULITIS: Please, take a seat while I explain the rules... It's very simple. You will take turns in fighting me. Ye who dies, loses. We'll later see if he has to pass a trial too. In the improbable chance that I lose, well, you will save the world, but as I said, that is highly unlikely. (Patan's hitting him)

CHIQUILIN: Er, Takatranks, I am seating behind you, 'kay? I have a bad hunch...

VEGETAL: _That Cellulitis guy is an arrogant... he needs to be taught a lesson._

TAKATRANKS: Er, Goku... how come you're smiling in such circumstances? Do you know something we don't?

GOKU: Ah, no, it's not that... it's just that I remembered a very good joke, hah hah... (collective facefault)

TAKATRANKS: This is serious! It looks like you don't care about Cellulitis destroying Earth if we lose to him!

GOKU: *gasp* He will do THAT? (giant facefault again) AAAH! I'm scared! What's gonna happen?!

CHUNGOHAN: But dad, we have been training for this day, you are stronger than any one here now...

GOKU: Oh, yep, I know... how silly... (DISCOLO: This guy is flipping dumb, I say!)

CELLULITIS: Hey! Isn't anyone coming here to fight? I am getting bored!

GOKU: Okay. I will be the first. (spotlighs)

CELLULITIS: Perfect... (powers up) This will be an exciting start up...

(They engage in a silly tag game. Everyone else facefaults. Goku suddenly stops running.)

GOKU: Well, now let's get serious! KOME... JAME... JA! (fires)

CELLULITIS: Kia! (bounces back) (BROUUUM!)

PATAN: It's a trick!

GOKU: (charred up) Arg... okay... I give up... *cough*. (VEGETAL: (0_0).)

CELLULITIS: (upset) Then who is gonna fight now? Don't make me destroy Earth so soon, geez... what a drag. Let's see, next one in the line can take a step forward. Ready?

CHUNGOHAN: (suddenly alone) Bastards... (¬_¬)

CELLULITIS: Ok, Chungohan... you've chosen to take after your father, right? In the end, it's all in the family...

GOKU: _Good, all's going according to plan... Cellulitis doesn't know that Chungohan has a latent power greater yet than mine, he only needs to try and enrage him and..._

CELLULITIS: I sense in you a latent power quite greater than your dad's... it's only a matter of enraging you!

CHUNGOHAN: But Mister Cellulitis, the thing is, I don't like to fight... (waves flags)

CELLULITIS: _Damm it all! I am gonna make this twerp get angry or my name is not Cellulitis!_ Hah, I am sure you don't want to fight me because you are scared! _There, I got him for sure!_

CHUNGOHAN: It's not that, it's just that I don't feel compelled to fight right now...

CELLULITIS: I see! So what will happen if I kill your friends, huh? Won't you get angry just a bit?

CHIQUILIN: Hey, don't get us involved in his affairs!

(Cellulitis tries instead to enrage him by scratching a dish with a fork. XVI attacks.)

XVI: (no effect) Er, hi, how's things?

CELLULITIS: Did you think you could get me by surprise?! You think I'm that silly?! You could have hurt me!

XVI: (cries) Waaaaaah, sorry, I didn't want to! Waaah!

CELLULITIS: Well, okay, but don't do it again! What was I doing... ah, yeah, trying to enrage that brat.

XVI: (eye sparkle) DIE! (energy swords)

CELLULITIES: Don't say I didn't warn ya. (BROUUUM!)

(He blasts XVI in tiny pieces, his robotic head rolls near where Chungohan is standing.)

XVI: Chungohan, arg... do something, don't be a wuss...

CELLULITIS: (kicks it) Well, I think there won't be any more silly interruptions.

CHUNGOHAN: (shadowy eyes) So, you just HAD to make me angry... you must have growth tired of living...

(The boy goes SPJ 2, burning his cape. Discolo gets big-eyed, and Vegetal drools.)

VEGETAL: Wooow! When he finishes Cellulitis I want to arrange a fight with him!

CHUNGOHAN: I think your plan backfired big time, Cellulitis. KIAAAAAH! (punch)

(The brutal gut punch makes the monster puke out android XVIII, strangely still alive.)

CHIQUILIN: It's the # XVIII! She is alive! (^_^)

CELLULITIS: (downgraded) Urk... IEEEEH! I am not perfect anymore! What a shame!

DISCOLO: He has lost his advantage over us! (PATAN: It's a trick.)

CELLULITIS: Aaaarg! Crap, crap, and a thousand times CRAP! UUUURG! (inflates)

CHUNGOHAN: He's inflating! (DISCOLO: He lost control of his power... he's suffering from cellulitis!)

CELLULITIS: Har har har! (CHIQUILIN: What now?) (VEGETAL: Must be a laughing fit of desperation.) Poor naïve fools... the moment my body can't resist anymore, it will explode and release all my destructive energy wiping you and your planet out! Got it?

GOKU: No, I didn't... mind explaining again? (Cellulitis facefaults)

CELLULITIS: What I said, you flea-brain, is that when I explode I will destroy you and Earth just the same!

VEGETAL: WHAT? You, killing ME? Just try it, pal... just fucking try it! (gets cocky)

DISCOLO: (restrains him) Vegetal, stop being a fool, you are gonna get us all killed!

VEGETAL: (with a needle) No such luck, monster!

GOKU: (0_0) I just remembered something important! Wait for me here, right, guys?

(He uses Instant Transmission to take Cellulitis away from there, to god knows where.)

TAKATRANKS: Where... did they go? (CHIQUILIN: Dunno, but Goku must have a plan, I am sure!)

GOKU: (at King Kai's) Hey, Master Peskaito! I forgot you haven't ever met Cellulitis, and he is gonna die, so...

CELLULITIS: Beaten... by a retard... (BROUUUM!) (planet-nuking explosion)

VEGETAL: (on Earth) Huh? That big energy unleashed just now... Cellulitis has exploded!

TAKATRANKS: And Soson Goku's aura has vanished! (CHIQUILIN: Goku has died...)

(Everyone has either a sad face or a I-could-not-help-it face, unlike Vegetal, who enjoys it.)

CHUNGOHAN: My dad... has died... (PATAN: It's a trick!)

DISCOLO: Wait, I feel a presence nearby! (TAKATRANKS: Where?) (is smacked)

(The smacking was due to a mechanical hand used by Perfect Cell, who just appeared here!)

CHIQUILIN: ??? CELLULITIS!!! But how?!

CELLULITIS: Poor fools, I have a special organ in my pinky finger that can regenerate me completely! Luckily the explosion didn't even scratch it... and now you are too weak to even try resisting my attacks! No one can stop me now from destroying your world!

PATAN: (pose) NO! I will stop you!

CELLULITIS: (0_0) You? WAHAHAHAHA! YOU! WAHAHAHAHA! (faints)

DISCOLO: Hey! (checks) He has died... from that fit of laughter!

VEGETAL: How gross, he has even disjointed his jaw! (CHIQUILIN: Can't believe it, but cut his pinky, now!)

XVI: I never thought I would say this, but Patan... has really killed Cellulitis!

(Later, on Heaven, Mister Pompom resuscitates XVIII with a quick bucketful of water.)

CHIQUILIN: Pompom, man, you are unique when it comes to first aids, really.

XVIII: Wha... what happened?

CHIQUILIN: Everything's a-OK now, Cellulitis puked you in the midst of battle, and Goku took care of him. I brought you here while you were unconscious. Shall we fuck?

XVIII: Not even in my wildest dreams, midget! You... octopus!

(While we see an image of Octo-Chiquilin, the others are already trying to summon Ke-huron.)

CHUNGOHAN: At least, we will meet the almighty Holy Ke-huron!

(But from the balls emerges a convention booth, with a sign reading 'Desires Service'.)

TENTE: Looks like Ke-huron has succeeded in his business... what a cool booth!

CHUNGOHAN: (enters) Er, someone here?

CLERK LADY: Are you a client? Then use the micro and express your wish. How do you want to pay?

CHUNGOHAN: Well, let's see... we gathered the balls and summoned the dragon...

CLERK LADY: Oh my, another one with VIP option... at this rate, I don't know when we'll earn something...

TAKATRANKS: We'd want to communicate with Soson Goku, he's in the Other World now.

CLERK LADY: Okay, this service is included in the promotion. Connection is done!

TV-GOKU: Well, guys, long time no see! Glad to see ya! (CHUNGOHAN: Dad!)

VEGETAL: Goku, you've blown my mind off with your strategy of taking Cellulitis down with you! You don't care about my feelings or what? If I knew sooner...!

GOKU: Truth is, it was an idea I had on the moment, don't pay attention to it, 'kay? However, Cellulitis managed to recover and return to Earth. What happened in the end?

CHIQUILIN: Don't worry, we've taken care of him already, everything's alright now.

TAKATRANKS: And this leads us to a question... Goku, when do you want to be revived?

GOKU: (serious face) (pause) (ponders) (?_?) Huh? Am I DEAD? (collective facefault)

TAKATRANKS: But how... you still haven't realized it?!

GOKU: Oh, yeah, true! (^_^) It's 'cause my deaths are so sudden I can't perceive them anymore, ha ha...

DISCOLO: Well, what are you planning to do from now on, then?

GOKU: Ah, this is an issue I have to discuss with Master Peskaito. Excuse me a moment, please.

VEGETAL: What can be... that matter which needs to be 'discussed'? (CHIQUILIN: No idea...)

GOKU: (returns) Done, we are finished! Looks like... it has been decided that, after my move regarding Cellulitis, I am a dumbass who doesn't deserve being revived... but, I think Chungohan will grow to be a fine man without my tutelage, maybe I could see ya soon!

PESKAITO: Of course, he has blown my planet, that fricking moron! I have only the monkey left!

TAKATRANKS: Soson... (CHUNGOHAN: Dad...) (Discolo and Vegetal dance)

CLERK LADY: Hey, the wish hasn't been expressed yet, no one wants anything today?

CHIQUILIN: Ahem! Can I be the one who makes the wish?

TAKATRANKS: Well, after this I think everything's in order again. I will return to my own era. I'll miss ya...

CHUNGOHAN: We will miss you too... you are better partner than your dad, at least. And you, Chiquilin?

CHIQUILIN: Heh heh, I wished for a slight readjustment of XVIII's emotional chips. (She's lovey dovey)

CHUNGOHAN: I have to return home. Now we will have to go separate ways, right?

CHIQUILIN: Yep, I hope we can meet again soon, boy.

(Everyone descends Sakarin's tower doing a cool pin-up, happily shouting VICTORY!)

PATAN: It's a trick!

CHICHA: Oh, just great, Mister Soson Goku goes and gets me pregnant again and then he fricking DIES! That is called 'evading your responsibility'! What do I do now?!

CHUNGOHAN: But mooom...

*************************************

_PATAN: Long time without a parody name! Satan's one means 'useless' in Spanish. Fits like a glove._


	32. special issue 00

SPECIAL ISSUE # 00:

_VENUSIAN CHRONICLES._

[This issue is set after # 0, timeline-wise... but it was published just after # 30. Yeah, it is confusing.]

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(Martian Chronicles logo on screen. Mr. Sardá appears on his desk.)

SARDÁ: Good night to all martians. Tonight we have a quite full schedule. The ronin and his things, Dr. Grijander, the Star Wars Fan Club and of course, Mariano, Galindo and Fuentes kicking some serious ass!

GALINDO: Of course, Mister Sardá.

SARDÁ: Before any other thing, we are gonna discuss about the topic that thrilled the world not so long ago. The menace of Cellulitis. (points) They are... the Z Warriors!

CHIQUILIN: Hi mom!

(In the sofa, Chungohan, Discolo, Chiquilin, Vegetal, Takatranks and XVIII await.)

SARDÁ: Last weeks' events are more than enough of a motive to run an interview and debate in our show, with certain involved characters.

GALINDO: Let's begin already, Sardá, if not, you know… Boobs and butts!

SARDÁ: Our polemic guest clergyman, Father Apeles!

APELES: I'm gonna unmask those fakes.

SARDÁ: Our reliable researcher of everything Earthly, Mariano!

MARIANO: Nuff said!

SARDÁ: And a new guest, he comes to represent the rabid Star Wars fans!

SW-AVATAR: Is that Lucas guy watching this?

SARDÁ: We must thank his present to Pepe Mari, from Madrid, who sends us a piece of furniture which was in his house when he moved. Another horrible thing we are glad to put out of commission. Thankies, Pepe!

(Sardá has a bonsai tree on his hands, and shows it.)

GALINDO: How horrible... and vulgar!

SARDÁ: And now we start with the question that opens our debate: who was Cellulitis?

(That part is being watched by Wilma, her father and baby Takatranks.)

_DISCOLO: Well, in a nutshell, it was a genetically made monster created by the Purple Pants army, or what remained of it. Its only goal was to destroy the Earth…_

_GRIJANDER: A destructive rage caused by its sexual frustration, no doubt…_

_SARDÁ: Dr. Grijander, please…_

_DISCOLO: To do it he had to reach perfection by absorbing androids XVII and XVIII and turning all-powerful. _

_(Cellulitis appears on a separate screen, devouring the androids.)_

_DISCOLO: After reaching perfection, nothing seemed to stop him. He shoved us off like fleas and announced his plan to destroy the Earth if nobody appeared to defeat him. _

(On the separate screen, Perfect Cellulitis boasts 'I am the man'. Again in the studio.)

SARDÁ: Oh, yeah, we know that there was someone who first accepted the challenge. It was our beloved world champion, Mister Patan!

GALINDO: I have the official action-figure, Sardá! (PATAN DOLL: It's a trick, it's a trick!)

DISCOLO: Yeah, right. Patan came and did all he could, I mean, crawl around and spit teeth.

CHIQUILIN: But he was stylish at doing it...

DISCOLO: We were falling out, one by one, but he suspected Chungohan to have an enormous power reserve and tried to taunt him into releasing it, by all means possible.

(The TV-screen Cellulitis taunts Chungohan threatening to kill his Tamagotchi.)

DISCOLO: In the end, his plan backfired on him, the outraged Chungohan beat him within an inch of his ID card, and we retrieved android XVIII harmless and safe.

APELES: False! Everyone knows it was Patan who defeated Cellulitis! (DISCOLO: Hey, you didn't let me finish!) And I don't want to! I am paid by minutes, and still have to buy a new boat...

SARDÁ: It seems we have some discrepancies. What our Star Wars man thinks about?

SW-AVATAR: Dwanawanga?

SARDÁ: Mariano?

MARIANO: I am laughing my ass off with those earth-walkers!

SARDÁ: How funny, isn't it?

DISCOLO: The point is, he got so furious afterwards that lost his control and suffered a material expansion, inflating himself a la Tetsuo. Furthermore, when he were to burst he would do it with the strength of a gazillion-kilotons nuclear bomb.

GRIJANDER: Surely, his repressed sexual potency ended exploding, like, you know...

SARDÁ: Dr. Grijander, that's off topic. What do you reply, Father?

APELES: Logically, I don't pay any attention to him, because the guy is a moron and does not deserve any. More so, he is ugly as a bald monkey.

VEGETAL: Duh, for once the damm priest and I agree on something.

APELES: And the other one! The spiky haired punk, it seems he put a banana bunch on his head! Surely he has mixomatosis and his head grew more than his body or else...

VEGETAL: Come here, you cassock-wearing faggot! (PAF!)

APELES: Ourgh! (camera moves out.)

SARDÁ: Have you recorded it? Well, let's finish the thing. How was the mess solved?

DISCOLO: Finally, Soson Goku, in an amazing twist of originality, as he had not have Cellulitis and Master Peskaito meet, he carried the monster over with him to his planet, where the thing blew off without causing 'many' innocent casualties.

SARDÁ: And Soson Goku?

DISCOLO: He was not innocent, he was a dumbass.

SARDÁ: And all that could stop Celulitis? Because the official version was that...

GALINDO: Mister Patan! He beat the monster, everyone knows!

TAKATRANKS: That's the reason we're here! We want the truth to be told, and only here we were allowed to speak!

APELES: Yeah, logically. (VEGETAL: Shut the hell up, asshole-priest.)

DISCOLO: We were already thinking the bugger was dead, when the sucker reappeared by regenerating himself from his toenails or else... the authors had to think of something to make the scene somewhat believable.

APELES: (bruised) And then was when our hero entered the scene!

VEGETAL: Yeah, and killed the monster out of laughter when he began to show off.

GRIJANDER: It's a typical reaction of the male species when in a critical situation, to reaffirm his masculinity, because as you already know...

SARDÁ: Dr. Grijander, off to the catapult!

DISCOLO: After the oh-so-pathetic death of the damm bugger, we took our precautions and made ourselves sure to cut off his toenails once and forever.

(Separate screen.)

CHIQUILIN: Damm it, I'm the manicure of a freaking corpse! And this isn't cutting...

DISCOLO: Now we will revive Goku with Kehu-ron's balls. (VEGETAL: Is it really necessary?)

(Again in the main stage.)

DISCOLO: Although Goku couldn't be revived due to him having some issues with the Other World's staff... I think he destroyed Master Peskaito's shack or something.

PESKAITO: (off screen) You won't leave from here till you pay me back my residence!

SARDÁ: And Patan? Because if he was given such importance, would be for a reason.

GALINDO: Evidently, Mister Sardá. HE won! The rest are only some troublemakers.

(That part is being watched by Chicha, pregnant with Chungoten, and her father.)

_TAKATRANKS: Absolutely not! This is the real version of the events. That Patan guy was given all the glory because he is a famous __man and all that jazz! _

_APELE__S: You wouldn't have had the glory anyways, you bunch of bad looking losers. _

_VEGETAL: Wanna some more? (cracks fist)_

(Back in the studio.)

SARDÁ: But if you were the real heroes, how's that nobody seems to confirm all of it? I mean, apart from the usual and predictable family, friends, lover, pets and the like...

SW-AVATAR: Those things aren't needed, the Force is within us, it's a powerful ally...

GALINDO: Geez, how freaky!

(That part is being watched by Tente and Pompom, from Heaven.)

_XVIII: Easy! That type of events are covered without considerations, so it only remains the usual, the powerful people's fame. And that Patan guy has a huge empire! _

_SW-AVATAR: Yes, everything was better before those horrible days, before the Empire._

_VEGETAL: The bearded dude is asking for it too! _

(Regular mode again.)

XVIII: It pissed us madly to see such important information was manipulated... Unlike this Patan guy, we were not involved in all the fuss for the glory. (CHIQUILIN: Well, I was...)

SARDÁ: All right, now's the moment of contrasting opinions and get some conclusion. Must we believe the great champion, super star and kid's friend Mister Patan, or believe the group of bums of doubtful fame and looks of RPG users? Not now, after the adverts!

(The adverts are being watched by N-VIII and the rebel's leader.)

N-VIII: Do you think they care the slightest about them?

LEADER: Bah, it does not really matter. It is only a show made for fun, nothing more. A thing is for sure, they won't care for them if there is not a good economical reason.

(Return from the adverts.)

SARDÁ: Well, we resume our show when it's about 1:00 in the morning, and only the kids are watching this, after carefully hiding from their parents.

FUENTES: The atrocity! I think I saw a cute Galindo. (GALINDO: (loads gun) Back off, Fuentes, I won't repeat myself.)

GRIJANDER: Yeah, because sex does not end when in your sixties, as you know…

VEGETAL: (beating Apeles) How corny is that granny. Maybe I should check how her libido is working after sixty years. Are you ready for a sandwich, cockroach?

SARDÁ: Well, it is time to get conclusions. What do our guests think about it?

SW-AVATAR: I believe the rebels' version, check your feelings, you know it's true!

MARIANO: As freaky as he seems.

(That part is being watched by the Chibinauts, or else.)

_SARDÁ: The opinions are clashing at each other. What do the Dr. has to say? _

_GRIJANDER: I detect in those youngsters an insecurity feeling, no doubt provoked by their search of their sexual identity, which as you know…_

_VEGETAL: Hey, granny, should I show you my sexual identity or what! _

(Back in the studio… arg, I am tired of this!)

SARDÁ: Good for us is to remember we also have Mister Patan's version of the events, who we contacted with by phone for tonight. Good night, Mister Patan!

PATAN: (screen) Good night, my rabid crowd of fans! (GALINDO: Champion, champion!)

SARDÁ: Seeing all those bruises, it's now clear who fought against Cellulitis.

CHIQUILIN: Such lame liar! The only thing he got broke was a tooth and a fingernail...

PATAN: I am gonna tell the story exactly as I experienced it from the very moment I accepted Cellulitis' challenge. Be careful, it could be gross, so kids go to bed!

SARDÁ: No way, man, we will lose half our audience!

PATAN: Instantly I began to prepare my technique. I trained very hard, every part of my body had to be a lethal weapon. In the very day of the battle I got the Patan-mobile and headed off to the date's place. Nothing could stop me in that moment!

(That part is being watched at the Purple Pants' rebel base.)

_PATAN: Once there I stared at the bunch of freaks who intended to do my dirty work. They tried to save the day and later ended apologizing to me! _

GIRL: How courageous of him. (GUY: That dude has no grandma, hasn't he?)

RIDLISCOTT: Neither he has much future...

(Back to the studio… again and again.)

PATAN: Then the monster appeared. That arrogance-inflated bum, my first attack was decisive and he had the fight lost from the very beginning…

(Separate screen, Cellulitis says 'Please, don't try to tickle me, it is bothersome'.)

PATAN: Those poor losers who accompanied me tried to surprise that fool with their cheap tricks, the distraction was somewhat useful for me, so I then attacked again...

CHUNGOHAN: How is this possible? (CHIQUILIN: Not having him right here!)

(That part is being watched by Goku and Master Peskaito.)

_PATAN: And this way the monster fell annihilated by my ferocious strikes! Although it could recover for a moment and beat the crap out of those fellow fighters, I managed to stop him again and win the battle once and for all, battle wh__ich damage still haunts me_.

GOKU: How weird, I would swear that... (PESKAITO: Hey, did you missed on Sesame Street when little?)

(The action returns to the studio.)

VEGETAL: That's it, I am fed up! Please pass me that phone. Patan, listen to me!

PATAN: Any questions around there?

VEGETAL: Yeah, only one… IIIAAAAAAH!

(Vegetal hands over the phone, Patan seems dizzy after the scream.)

SARDÁ: I think Patan won't add anything more after this...

SW-AVATAR: The Force notably influences the weak. (GALINDO: (aims gun) Don't make me kill you.)

VEGETAL: Well, not even here anyone will listen to us, but at least I vented my rage!

APELES: Of course, what did you think about it? If you want, you could come to my show later in order for me to keep humiliating you, it's your choice...

(The warriors start smashing Apeles, with screams of 'pighead', 'loudmouth', 'bastard', 'Final Flash!' and that sorta things. The camera zooms out.)

SARDÁ: Well, that's all for tonight, see you again on Monday. If we still have a studio...

GRIJANDER: Violence is no doubt related to the sexual frustration, as you know...

[Next page is dedicated to Vegetal's omake section, The Greengrocery: Vegetal's Corner.]

A NEW ERA!

NARRATION: About ten years have passed since the lethal Celulitis kicked the bucket. All convinced that Patan was the one who finished him, the world government named the most important city in all civilization after him: Patan City. Earth has returned to a calm, for now. (pause) Honouring the champion, the streets are always adorned with his face in billboards and the like. Memories of the past begin to get blurred, and only a few remember why the heck's this guy everywhere... it surely is a monument to arrogance, designed to make the first redneck that arrives there go 'Wooow'.

CHUNGOHAN: (0_0) Wooow! This is flippin big... let's see where is the high school. (checks map) Geez, starting from here it's... on the other side of that street that crosses all the city, at the other end! Ah, well, get going... huh?

VOICE: Heeelp, a robbery!

(Some thugs have assaulted a bank and try to escape in a slider, past Chungohan.)

THUG: Move yer asses, the police's on our tails! (THUG 2: So easy for you to say!) Sayonara, morons! (flee)

POLICEMAN: (radio) The bank has been robbed, all available agents, follow them!

CHUNGOHAN: Bah, I will have to take care of this... (FLOAAAM!)

(Goes SPJ and flies after the criminals, but soon descends and gets to them on foot.)

THUG 3: Hey boss, is this vehicle fast or not?

THUG: Of course! Using this slider we have thrown the police off our scent millions of times. Why?

THUG 3: Nothing, just that there is a schoolboy who is overtaking us... going on foot.

THUG: (0_0) Okay, don't panic... we are pros on this job... so I say... every man for himself! (accelerate)

CHUNGOHAN: Ack, I will have to go nitro-boost on them!

(Flies over them and tries to stop their vehicle with his bare hands... the boss gets shocked.)

THUG: You are dead, pal, I am going to ride over ya! (BROUUUM!) (car explodes)

CHUNGOHAN: Whew, I managed to save the day. I think. (^_^) (THUGS: Yeah, you are a hero... *cough*.) Oops, with all that mess, I will arrive at class awfully late! That is all I needed, arriving late the very first day! (powers down, speeds off)

(In the other end of town, Patan City High School: a draft of wind speeds through the building.)

CHUNGOHAN: *pants*. Hey, I arrived on time, right?

(As he talks his way out of the issue with the teacher, ponytailed brunette Videl frowns.)

TEACHER: Okay boys, pay attention. Here we have a new student, Chungohan. I hope you treat him better than the last one who came from the villages. Are we clear on that?

BOY: Heh, the boy sure is expressive, right?

TEACHER: No, no, I already told you, DON'T even try to involve him in your hazing, like the last one!

BLONDE BOY: Heh heh, we have a fresh new prey today, Bidet. (BIDET: Hum.)

TEACHER: Take your seats and let's begin with Science class. (they do so) We were speaking about minerals: Metamorphic rocks, also know as cornubianites... Gutierrez, I'm watching you!

GIRL: Say, the new boy is rather cute, don't you think? (GIRL 2: Be quiet! If your boyfriend finds out...)

CHUNGOHAN: _What are these guys plotting, anyway?_ (teacher frowns)

(The bell for recess rings, and everyone leaves the classroom to go to the cafeteria.)

CHUNGOHAN: (opens locker) Ah well, let's get the books for next class. AAAAARG!

(The Cellulitis he saw gazing at him from the locker is only a poster. No one else reacted.)

CHUNGOHAN: Oh, great, how funny. I was about to Kome-jame the locker to hell and back. Who could...?

BLONDE BOY: Ha ha ha, welcome to school, redneck! Now that you passed the trial, we'll leave you alone.

GIRL: Don't hold a grudge to him, the poor guy has socializing issues. Shall we be friends?

CHUNGOHAN: Er, okay, dunno... if you are leaving the practical jokes behind. _What's up with them? And the ponytailed girl who looks like Dani Moonstar, why is she always frowning? Does she have facial paralysis or what?_

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_BIDET: Parody name for Videl, it means exactly what it sounds._


	33. issue 31: Rock n Roll in High School

ISSUE # 31:

_ROCK 'N' ROLL IN HIGH SCHOOL._

In this issue we will take on the typical problems that a high school super hero has in his life, when he has to look after a troublesome little brother and a jealous girl classmate as well. All of it seasoned with Nacho and Alvaro's politically correct humor.

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NARRATOR: In an evil place of villainy and bad vibes, new dangers loom over the unsuspecting humankind.

SHADOW: Oh, powers of the Necronomicon, awake from your slumber and give me the key to the Alpha and Omega! May the empress of hell awake and unleash the force of the Holocaust! Commend to my pleas, inner circles of evil!

(The statue, vaguely resembling JENOVA, opens its eyes and watches the little being.)

SHADOW: Oh, it has really awakened, at least!

STATUE: I sense a strange presence, of little life energy, but a great magical prowess. Who are you, sorcerer, who dares to perturb the peacefulness of my crypt?

SHADOW: I'm Babosidy, a level 7 Sorcerer with a +4 bonus in Summon: Devil Being, in other words, a badass. I've awakened you to learn of a way of bringing the Destroyer to this plane.

STATUE: You will have your key, sorcerer, the moment you finish an arduous travel...

(Chicha's country house, she goes out to the door to call on his eldest son to attention.)

CHICHA: Chungohan, come here, you have to take your brother to school!

CHUNGOHAN: Coming, mom, I am fishing right now! (fishes a shark out!)

(Later, the two boys are ready to go to the city, but the firstborn one seems not so sure.)

CHUNGOHAN: But mom, I can't understand why you had to send us both to the city, aren't you a teacher?

CHICHA: Look Chungohan, I want both of you to enjoy a first class education and not have to end up beating on superbrutes like the dork of your father! And don't be late or the teacher will hate you.

CHUNGOHAN: Okay mom... come on, brat, move your ass... huh? (looks outside)

(Outside the house, the ever frowning brunette has arrived there in her private copter.)

BIDET: Hi, I... I saw your house from above and, well...

CHUNGOHAN: _Oh no, the psychopath girl! Has she come here to beat on me?_

BIDET: If you want, I can carry you to school in a whim... with me.

CHUNGOHAN: Er, we don't mind, in fact, it would be great... _does she want to throw us off board on the fly?_

(Finally in the school, the short-haired girl from the previous issue comments on the fact.)

GIRL: You say she brought you here? That is a good sign!

CHUNGOHAN: Well, I... you think so?

GIRL: Of course, man. Maybe I should not let you get your hopes too high, but if a girl like her took the bother of bringing you to school, that has to mean something, right?

CHUNGOHAN: Like her? Truth is, I don't really know who is her... exactly.

GIRL: Well, almost everyone knows, her father is the heroic Mr. Patan, and they are filthy rich...

CHUNGOHAN: You mean she is Patan's daughter? This city's overlord? _The planet's biggest asshole?_

GIRL: She is. Isn't it curious? If a girl who can afford to date anyone sets her sight on you, is to be proud!

CHUNGOHAN: _Goodness... so she is that bum's daughter... I never though that guy could be father to anyone... life's sure unpredictable... maybe that's the reason behind her constant frowning? I suppose she'll know better than any of us..._

(On Chungoten's kinder garden class, the teacher is calling to Chicha on the phone.)

TEACHER: Miss Chicha? We should talk about your son, the younger... (pause) no, he is not into bullying, and thank god, because... (pause) no, the thing is, in crafting class... he kinda overdid it.

(Chungoten has made a bowtie with his DESK, instead of the cloth. Does the V sign.)

WILMA: So Patan has a daughter? I had heard something... but really, I kinda feel sorry for her.

CHUNGOHAN: Yes, well, she's my classmate, and she's always with that bulldog face on her...

WILMA: And you like her, right? One doesn't look at a girl only for her frowning. So, is she pretty?

CHUNGOHAN: Er, well, she reminds me of that Pocahontas character... (blushes)

WILMA: Aw, the teenager days... I remember when I was 15 and I got a mad crush on my P.E teacher. I had to get over it, especially when I saw him making out with another hot man. *sniff*

TAKATRANKS: (backhand) Hey dork, are we fighting today or not? (CHUNGOHAN: 'kay, I'm coming!)

CHUNGOTEN: (lifts ambulance) Hey Takatranks, look! I lifted something heavier than yours!

TAKATRANKS: You will see, brat! I am gonna beat that record in a wheeze! Where is that moving van...?

CHUNGOHAN: You think it was wise letting them meet? It is like mixing gunpowder and TNT...

WILMA: Of course, they need friends who have a lot in common with them, moreover, they look so happy! But let's talk about your issue. I've the suit done, but I don't know why you want it.

CHUNGOHAN: It's to be on the safe side. With it I'll be able to use my power without being recognized. It would be too meddlesome towards my studies, and my classmates.

(He puts on the suit we know as The Great Saiyaman's. Wilma gets a fit of laughter.)

CHUNGOHAN: How do I look? (Wilma lols) Ya, you are pretty impressed, I can tell. Anyway, as long as I am not recognized, the suit will work fine. I will use it in my next heroics feats.

WILMA: Ah, if you are going downstairs, tell Vegetal he has to give back the exercise bike to the store. He only gave it a ride and I am still looking for the missing pieces...

CHUNGOHAN: Vegetal? Dunno about that... and the kids?

ROSBIFF: (reading) Ah, they went to the docks, to try and drag some ferry around...

WILMA: Isn't it cool to be the happy granddad of such an energetic boy?

ROSBIFF: Yeah... just as energetic as an uncontrolled Chernobil plant...

CHUNGOHAN: (looks for) Etto, hey, uncle Vegetal! Auntie Wilma says that... huh?

VEGETAL: (exercising) Don't bother me now! I am trying to focus here!

CHUNGOHAN: Aren't you doing anything but train non-stop?

VEGETAL: Of course, kiddo! I'm a Puyajin, and my genes ask for constant fighting, like Mar Flores! If you had some respect for your bloodline, you'll also feel the need to battle. More so, my instinct has never failed me, and I feel we'll soon be tangled in a new mess. I'm sure!

CHUNGOHAN: Come on, don't say that, I was trying to work on my image... and sound.

VEGETAL: Trust no one, boy. My son and your bro must begin to exploit their potency soon, the enemy can't be far... and when it arrives... I won't have a Goku near to put me in the shades.

NARRATION: Vegetal isn't exactly wrong, because in the cosmic remoteness...

VOICE: That is the ridiculous planetoid inhabited by the ones who defeated Frigo...

VOICE 2: Mi liege, do you want us to prepare the offensive?

VOICE: No, I want to measure their strength myself... (VOICE 2: But my lord, there will be danger!) No, it's my will! I seriously doubt they are that powerful. Frigo always was a pussy!

(The voices are that of Lord Cooler and a random soldier. He faces the camera.)

COOLER: Those doofs took advantage of my useless brother's weakness, but they'll see I'm not that easy... the wrath of Cooler is about to be unleashed! (evil face)

(Back to Earth, Chungohan is leaving Gragea Corp, and something's gonna happen.)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, let's get the brat home soon before he crashes some car. I'll have to study later...

POLICEMAN: (driving) Squad # 7, detected an incident on the docks! Come there fast!

CHUNGOHAN: The docks? The kids are there! I must go! I will take the chance to use my suit. Quick!

(Enters a phone booth to change, and flies off leaving a confused old lady inside it.)

OLD LADY: It's true, Vicentina! I said a youngster has stripped right in front of me while I was talking to you! Whew, you can't imagine the scene... it was fifty years ago...

PEOPLE: (panic) The horror! Every man for himself! (more panic)

POLICEMAN: (radio) Yes, this is squad # 76. We are in the scene of the 'crime'! Some docking crane is moving by itself... and it seems it is hopping on ONE leg!

CHUNGOTEN: (in it) Ha ha ha! It's like walking on stilts, but mega-sized! (TAKATRANKS: Now I'll drive!)

POLICEMAN: (stepping) It has stepped on another car... and it's heading for the center!

(Chungohan flies there to stop it, but fails to brake down and crashes against the cab.)

TAKATRANKS: Bah, the fun has just been spoiled...

PEOPLE: Oh my gosh! / Look that! / It's a bird? / It's a plane? / It's Ruiz Mateos...?

CHUNGOHAN: Gññ... bah, I didn't stop on time... those brats are in for a fix! (climbs)

CHUNGOTEN: I think it's my brother... dressed as a scarecrow or something.

TAKATRANKS: Bah, just now that we were reaching the city centre to smash O.N.C.E booths... _It's pretty cool to see the blind guys getting sprouted out a la pastry bag..._

CHUNGOHAN: Okay rascals, this time you have rang the wrong guy's bells! (Clanc!)

(The crane arm has loosened and hit him in the head, and so the teenager falls down.)

CHUNGOTEN: You think he's angry? (TAKATRANKS: Well, can't say for sure...)

(On the school grounds, the girl from before is the first to notice the rampaging crane.)

GIRL: Did you see? There is a outraged crane on the loose right there! (points)

BLONDE BOY: Are you drunk? (sees it) Hell, it IS true! (Bidet gazes too)

CHUNGOHAN: (pain) Damm it all... arg, calm, be calm... I can't let the wrath get the worst of me. Hey, boooys! How about leaving that thing... before I KILL ya!

GIRL: (gets dragged) But why do you want to see it up close?

BLONDE BOY: You dumb, gal? When are we gonna see a mad jumping crane again? That's hella cool!

CHUNGOTEN: So what? Do we jump out? (TAKATRANKS: Bah, your bro is a spoilersport. And this lever?)

CHUNGOHAN: I am not kidding! If no one gets down in a minute...! (clanc!) AARG! I'M GETTING MAD!

(Flies and punches the crane, destroying it and all its pieces, and grabs the two kids.)

BLONDE BOY: You saw, guys?! This looks straight out of a fricking comic book!

CHUNGOHAN: You brat... when mom gets notice of this she will ground you for 40 years! And you, Takatranks, it's clear who you are son of... what an earthquake!

TAKATRANKS: Blah blah blah you are not my mom, you know?

(Bidet stares at him, as he has lost the helmet in the previous clash, and get weird faces.)

BIDET: (?_?) Chungohan?

CHUNGOHAN: Eeeer... me? We look so alike, don't we? They're always mistaking us for each other, ha ha...

BIDET: Hum. (stare)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, I am gonna drop my bro... I mean, this little monster at his home and... (CHUNGOTEN But onii-chan!) Don't mind him, he is rather confused, the poor kid! Then, I am off here, and you stay, of course it's only logical, because I can fly and you can't! Right? Ah, doesn't matter! BYEEE! (flies) We will talk at home, kiddo!

TAKATRANKS: (forgotten) Hey, what about me? _Bastards..._

NARRATION: Let's divert our attention to another forgotten place... the shrine of the Gods, the palace of Gosh. Where a being with power to raise hells meditates looking for the calm its divided soul wishes.

(Discolo is meditating in the front yard of Heaven's palace.)

NARRATION: Before him it's Mr. Pompom, servant of a higher power, always on the look for any signal either of his masters send him. (DISCOLO: Mister Pompom!)

POMPOM: (0_0) Yes my lord?

DISCOLO: I asked you for a ham sub half an hour ago! Were you daydreaming, man? (Pompom facefaults)

POMPOM: (runs away) Coming, sire! Whew, what a silly overlook. _However, I don't like his fatherly tone when he scolds me. Is it because I am black, or what?_

(He arrives at the palace's kitchen, where Tente is assaulting the fridge in cold blood.)

POMPOM: Ah, Tente... I mean, Gosh. Why are you having a midday snack? Its not like you to...

TENTE: I am affected by anxiety, Pompom. My soul is clouded by worryness. In my last checking of the astral plane I have witnessed an event that can have evil and deadly consequences to all universe! The seal of Necronomicon has been broken open!

POMPOM: The what?

TENTE: (chews) The Necronomicon is a spell that binds together the infernal powers, and prevents them from breaking free, without it the servants of darkness would be able to invade our plane... and someone has opened it. Freed the key to Armaggedon. A very powerful mage... right now I only know that he is distinguishable by this emblem here.

(Tente makes a holo-drawing of the Majin's M mark, Pompom compares it to the feet of an arab man.)

TENTE: This isn't a Rorschach test, Pompom! But the thing that scares me the most is: they can awake the Messenger of Holocaust... a power without limits nor mercy, called Booboo. Such power was restrained years ago by the Peskaito Shin, guardians of order in the galaxies...

POMPOM: So, there is nothing to worry about. I was scared for a moment, you silly.

TENTE: No, my friend, the guardians managed to seal him in a temporary containment, at the price of many of their lives... the Destroyer's prison CAN be unsealed, and he can be freed. Be very afraid...

(On Earth, a big mansion's sign reads: 'Patan village. Non-snobs are not allowed'.)

LOUDSPEAKER: (fingerprint scan) Authorized entrance. Miss Bidet has arrived at the manor.

BIDET: Someday you'll have to remove all those security measures. I remember when I was 10 and I almost fell into the pit of man-eater crocodiles.

PATAN: Security is important, my girl. Many bums would want to steal our luxury and status.

BIDET: Why do we have that many anti-robbers gadgets? Aren't you the 'strongest one under the sky'?

PATAN: (0_0) (very BIG pun)

BIDET: You become the most important and famous guy in the planet, and what do you do? Buy a big hotel, remodel it into a manor, and then leave your butt's mark on every beach chair it has and cultivate some more fat in it... I can understand now why mom ate that pill-ridden sandwich...

PATAN: Girl, don't use that voice with me ever again! I am your father, if you didn't know!


	34. issue 32: Super super man

ISSUE # 32:

_SUPER, SUPER MAN._

Problems only add to Chungohan's teenager life. To the well known pimples, now gets added his secret identity as a superhero... and the awakening of his, er, animal instincts. A real mess, I say.

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(Bidet glances at the TV screen to see Chungohan speaking about yesterday's disaster.)

TV: The mysterious caped guy managed to stop the catastrophe and saved the city from a sure disaster...

REPORTER: Anything more to say, boy?

CHUNGOHAN: Er, yes... hey, Bidet, if you are watching this, I am NOT Chungohan!

BIDET: (¬_¬) 'kayyy, of course not...

(In Chicha's house, her family is also watching the report about the incident.)

CHICHA: Really, my boy, when you need to go unnoticed you sure don't need any help...

CHUNGOHAN: It's all because of that brat here who...! (CHUNGOTEN: Bully...!)

NARRATION: At a quite far distance, above Earth's atmosphere...

COOLER: So then have you found already the ones we're looking for? (pause) Exactly, the energy signatures are located where we calculated them to... good. Now I will hunt them one by one, like in 'Predator'!

(Gosh's palace. Discolo has narrowed his eyes as the Z warriors do when detecting someone.)

DISCOLO: ??? It's Frigo's signature energy... I felt it again, but quite stronger...

COOLER: I will kill all those bastards! They'll regret having travelled to Vietnamek! I had no esteem at all for that faggot brother of mine, but his defeat is a stain in the family and I'll be washing it with BLOOD! (IKKI: I can understand you, pal.)

TENTE: How come?! Is the key to Armaggedon already here? (POMPOM: Geez, cut that crap already, you are looking more and more like a Jehova Witness!

DISCOLO: No! It's a bit different. I sensed Frigo's aura, but quite more powerful! I am warning Vegetal and Chungohan. This situation needs to be further investigated! (flies off)

WILMA: (in Gragea Corp) Vegetal, what happens?

VEGETAL: (Travolta getup) I sensed a telepathic call from Discolo, we need to look for Chungohan, Chiquilin and the others! Heh, I haven't had a real battle since a lot of years ago. This makes me feel young again!

(Far from there, XVIII and Chiquilin, now sporting some hair, are busy shepherding.)

XVIII: Look, honey, it's Vegetal! (CHIQUILIN: Oh god, and I haven't fixed this hairdo yet!)

VEGETAL: Well, well, Heidi and Joseph... what's up, lovebirds? Did you use the barn already?

CHIQUILIN: Erm, Vegetal, if you are here for the money you lent me to settle the farm...

VEGETAL: Forget that now! I came for you 'cause there are whacks in the horizon. I'll tell ya on the way...

DISCOLO: (in the sky) Good, Vegetal has recruited Chiquilin and XVIII. Now I need to get Soson Goku's son! I hope we make it on time. The issue is getting rushed badly!

NARRATION: In Chungohan's house proper...

CHICHA: Boy, you have a visit! (CHUNGOHAN: I'm having lunch now, mom! What bad timing...)

BIDET: I can return later, if you want.

(Chungohan hears this, and gets a spitting reaction. Proceeds to babble uncontrollably.)

BIDET: You have always been that talkative, now I see... so I want to talk to you. Only us, if possible...

CHUNGOHAN: Ah well, let's go outside... and beware my mom, she gets emotional quite easily.

CHICHA: Yay, I am going to be a grandma! What can I wear the wedding day? I'll tell all my friends!

(Finally outside the house, the boy still plays dumb about that day's incident.)

CHUNGOHAN: So well?

BIDET: Yes, see, it's about yesterday's issue. I saw you on TV. You looked like a great star, you know?

CHUNGOHAN: Wha? But that guy wasn't me! I already told you when... arg, I messed up, didn't I...?

BIDET: Totally, man. Moreover, it's not that easy to fool a woman. I wanted to propose you something.

CHUNGOHAN: Ein? Propose... what?

BIDET: I won't blow your secret if you MAKE OUT with me! (^_^) Seal my lips with your body!

(Image of both teenagers wildly making out in an unknown place, with the lights off.)

_BIDET: Oooh, it's wonderful... I always wanted my first time to be out of love... _

_CHUNGOHAN: Wow... and I always wanted my first time to be FREE... so cool! _

(Back to reality, the boy is drooling over that image, with some incriminating saliva.)

BIDET: Hey man, are you listening? Earth to idiot! Well, let's get to the point. I won't blow your secret...

CHUNGOHAN: Yeeees? _This is my lucky day, man..._

BIDET: If you teach me to fly and lift up cranes and stuff! It's cool! (Chungohan facefaults)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, okay... *sigh* We will begin tomorrow, if you don't tell anything to anyone.

BIDET: (¬_¬) What's up with the sudden mood swing? I would be proud...

CHICHA: What then, kid? Do you want me to start getting the ceremony ready or not?

CHUNGOHAN: Mom, she is not even my girlfriend! (goes over to sit)

CHICHA: Well, it's not that important. Look boy, if all comes to it then you can do a shotgun wedding. It's not that dishonourable, it almost happened to me and your father...

(Bidet was passing through the front door and heard it all. But let's change the scene...)

DISCOLO: Hahahaha, what a punky hairdo! (lols)

CHIQUILIN: And here I though nothing could alter the serious face of this pea-head...

VEGETAL: Come on guys, here's Chicha's home! (at door) Chicha! How's doing this country's hottest widow?

CHICHA: Ah, Vegetal, how long! You didn't have to use the back door, the front one's always open...

VEGETAL: I wanted to see if I could bust you screwing the duster's handle, as always. Where's your big boy?

(The eldest son is in the front yard, seeing off his new 'student'. There is a commotion.)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, beggars can't be choosers. I suppose I can always do some warm-up massages to her. (noise) What's up now? Another cosmic threat to Earth or whatever?

(Vegetal and co ran out of the house while Chicha angrily throws them kitchenware utensils.)

CHICHA: Beasts, psychopaths! I already gave away a retard husband who nonetheless fucked like a tiger... and now you want my boy as well? Never! (throws things)

CHUNGOHAN: Vegetal, Discolo! Er, and who is the punk haired one, anyway?

CHIQUILIN: I am Chiq... (Vegetal covers his mouth)

VEGETAL: Kid, I was looking for you, there's trouble! Discolo once more has detected a powerful presence approaching! Weird thing is, it's similar to Frigo, but stronger, as if he wasn't a wuss anymore. But we know he's deader than Spielberg's Jaws saga, so we need to investigate and...

CHIQUILIN: ARGF, man! (breaths) You know I have no NOSE and you cover my mo

VEGETAL: Well, maybe you were half-mutant and could breath by you navel or else...

CHUNGOHAN: Why did you get your hair so... well, like that?

CHIQUILIN: Dunno man, must be my girl, who rocks my socks more than needed. And of course, about the face... bah. I am starting to look like that Niñotaku kid...

VEGETAL: Hey, is anyone listening?! Enough fooling around, we are gonna get him!

DISCOLO: But where? (CHIQUILIN: We don't know where he'll be.) (CHUNGOHAN: Yep, true.)

(They begin arguing without ever advancing the solution. Vegetal is getting annoyed.)

CHIQUILIN: Hadn't you discovered his presence? (DISCOLO: But I couldn't pinpoint it! You think I am Paco Lobaton?!) (CHUNGOHAN: Should we ask in the Information Hotline?)

VEGETAL: _Ten years, ten years bearing with these dorks... why did I have to travel the space looking for fortune? Bah, I'm dropping this and starting a trading card career or something..._

(They enter the house again, and the TV is on. The news are being broadcasted now.)

CHUNGOHAN: Ah well, we'll have to be on guard. (CHIQUILIN: If he appeared on TV, or even...)

TV: Next on our channel, an interview with Mister Cooler, from outer space. (THEM: Huh?)

COOLER: Exactly, my friends, I've come to this planet looking for some people... a bunch of distant relatives who travelled to another planet looking for a job when I was a kid. I have been looking for them forever, traversing the galaxy along my monkey pal Amedeo.

CHUNGOHAN: (0_0) You saw THAT? (CHIQUILIN: Holy pirate parrot...)

COOLER: I've arrived here at last, but I need to locate them. Chungohan, Vegetal, Chiquilin, where are you?

(Some fake tears, everyone else facefaults, except the reporter.)

VEGETAL: He's mocking us! (CHIQUILIN: (shock) Gack!) We're gonna put an end to this foolery at once! Have you got his trace? (DISCOLO: I got it. He can't escape...)

REPORTER: Mister Cooler and the show's host have decided to arrange a meeting with his missing family in this exact TV set, where the happy reunion will take place!

COOLER: Oh, good! I will hug them, I will smooch them... _I will KILL them..._

CHUNGOHAN: Okay, we will be going there, but first... let's get geared up for battle!

(He clicks a secret button to open something resembling the Bat Lair, but Puyaman themed.)

CHUNGOHAN: This is my secret refuge! Here I get ready to fight crime. Wilma settled all of this for me.

(He reachs for the computer seat, while the others glance at the creepy surroundings.)

CHUNGOHAN: I will use the Puya-computer to identify the enemy. (types) I got it! Now I understand!

(He means the 'alike to Frigo's energy' part, as the profile reveals the invader is his brother.)

CHIQUILIN: Geez, your computer rules! Is it connected to some intergalactic network or what?

CHUNGOHAN: No, it's connected to the MLM, the online otaku network. They're always mainstream!

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬) Mmm.

CHUNGOHAN: Now we know who's he and where he's waiting for us! We'll equip accordingly to get him!

BUTLER: The master will be bringing a sandwich, by chance?

COOLER: (in TV set) _All is going according to plan. Really, I am so skilful and clever. Dad always said that what I lacked in looks, I was given in smarts. They have no other option than to show up..._

REPORTER: Oh, dear audience, don't switch channels! We will be here all day on the look for Mister Cooler's lost relatives! Meanwhile we will auction some famous guys' stuff, to see who can surpass a million Pesetas!

NARRATION: Meanwhile, in a vast far-away desert...

(N-VIII and the rebel leader, from the Purple Pants story arc, are fighting someone.)

LEADER: Lay a finger on her and you'll DIE!

BULKY GUY: Heh heh heh... (evil glance)

N-VIII: Let it be, we can't do a thing about him! We must warn the others!

LEADER: No way! I didn't come here to fail like that! We were given a mission, and I will finish it!

BULKY GUY: (powers up) GYAAAAAH! (explosion)

N-VIII: (shock) NOOOOOO!

(Okay, we won't play dumb anymore: their enemy was Brolly, the legendary Saiyan. Back to our heroes.)

ROSHI: (watches TV) Did you see the news, guys?

YANSHA: I hope they aren't so dumb as to take the bait and go... (ULOM: Wanna gamble?)

REPORTER: Attention, I have been told that the relatives we're looking for are coming here! We will witness a happy reunion after the adverts... I took the chance to put on here about 30 minutes of them!

ROSHI: (0_0) Oh gosh... (YANSHA: (facepalm).) (ULOM: My five bucks, please.)

COOLER: Good, er... oh, my lost family, come here to be murd... er, hugged by old me!

PUYAMAN: (sentai pose) What do you think now, villain? We are here to unmask your evil plotting!

CHIQUILIN: Maybe we should be unmasking ourselves first. (VEGETAL: Shut up idiot, we'd be busted!)

COOLER: (visibly rofl-ing)

PUYAMAN: Anyway, I don't take kindly anyone mocking me! It was enough with my father. Get him!

CHIQUILIN: _Oh my god, my wife's watching this..._ (ALVARO: You see too much TV.)

(Exactly, XVIII and Wilma are watching the special report as well, from Gragea Corp.)

XVIII: Hey hon, are our husbands looking sexier in those meshes or it's me? (^_^)

WILMA: (¬_¬) Well, dunno... (TAKATRANKS: I'd rather see the Coca Cola guy...)

FIGHT CLOUD: (plaf!) Arg! (crunch!) take that! (gnash!) that's my knee, idiot!

REPORTER: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a greatly moving event... our guest and his relatives have melted in a tender group hug! The kisses -and the teeth- are flying around!

PUYAMAN: We have him cornered guys, now...! (FLOAAAM!) (aura explosion)

REPORTER / WILMA / XVIII: (0_0)... (TAKATRANKS: Coooool!)

COOLER: (final form) I was ready as well for your arrival, I've waiting to use my most powerful form. In this state I can turn you into pastry flour effortlessly! You killed my weakass brother and tainted our family name!

CHIQUILIN: By the way, what is your family name? He never mentioned it before...

COOLER: Ruiperez... but that's off topic right now.

REPORTER: Ooooh, what a mistake! It all was actually a deadly trap designed to kill those cosplayers who came here! Nevertheless, we will broadcast the entire fight, live. Let's see if we get an audience record!

CHIQUILIN: You're reminding me of a half-baked commentator who hosted the past Tenkaichi Budokais...

REPORTER: Ah, yes, that was my dad... (VEGETAL: Now it's clear why you are totally 'unbaked'!)

COOLER: I feel a bit compressed in here... I'm making more room, if you don't mind!

(After another explosion, the rubble falls near Ibañez's comic character Rompetechos.)

ROMPETECHOS: Mmm, first was lightning and now hail... better get an umbrella out.

COOLER: (back in the TV set) I am gonna unleash Hell! You are deader than my grandma!

CHIQUILIN: Arg, what can we do? (PUYAMAN: Dunno, maybe we should put the popular characters in a parallel dimension... and leave here the ones who don't help sales!)

VEGETAL: That's enough! An entire comic issue, and I haven't been beaten to a pulp yet! Get the bastard!

DISCOLO: _Why did I let them convince me to do THIS?_

PUYAMAN: Stop, Vegetal! This one is my responsibility, as the son of his brother's murderer and...!

(Is stepped on by Vegetal, who keeps rushing the enemy, but is stopped by an unknown force field!)


	35. issue 33: The arrival of the Kingdom

ISSUE # 33:

_THE ARRIVAL OF THE KINGDOM (SIGH)._

After their first showdown, Cooler seemed to be tougher than he looked. But at the end, our team of 'heroes' manage to dispatch him. But as the wise folk say: happiness is but temporary in the poor man's home... some other threat looms over planet Earth. What it can be?

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VEGETAL: (pain) Urg... where the hell did that wall come from?

COOLER: I made it myself! (pin up) Today many things are going to change forever... I will leave this world without its heroes! I will also cause several spinoff series and some team-up specials with fold covers!

EDITORS: Hey, hold your horses! Let's discuss budget issues first. This series is quite expensive as it is...

PUYAMAN: He is a tough cookie, guys. What can we do now? (CHIQUILIN: Dunno... die painfully?)

COOLER: Har har, I love those cracked up jokes. They give me even more reasons to kill you!

DISCOLO: This critter exudes a defensive force field like those Evangelion buggers... and is even uglier! We need to figure out a way to null it if we want to even scratch him...

COOLER: Just try it. If you want to die fighting, I don't mind. I am sooo clichéd...

PUYAMAN: Okay, here I go! Suck on my special tech...! (pose) KOME...JAME...JA!

CHIQUILIN: Oh gosh, he's gonna do it! (DISCOLO: Yep, he's gonna mess up big time.)

COOLER: Hum! I will unleash my field! (does so) (BROUUUM!)

CHIQUILIN: Ha, bull's eye! Gotcha! (DISCOLO: But he put up his shield, we don't know if he was struck.)

PUYAMAN: Okay, pal, looks like dad was a good teacher... what do you have to say now?

COOLER: (emerges from cloud) You really wanna know? (PUYAMAN: (0_0).) It was PATHETIC!

(He fires back all the stored energy and the teen superhero gets charred up badly, man.)

CHIQUILIN: Way to go, people. Who's next, then?

COOLER: How about you, shortie? (CHIQUILIN: Ack!) So, let's make a masked pizza!

(The alien rushes towards his intended target, but another force field stops him silly.)

COOLER: (bzzz!) HUH? An energy field?

DISCOLO: That one's mine. Chiquilin, get the boy outta here, I'll be restraining him!

COOLER: Dammed green worm, you won't stop me for much time, I'll beat you! Give me a minute...! (pause) Well, maybe half an hour...

DISCOLO: I don't have that much time! (rushes, punches him) (POW!)

CHIQUILIN: What's that martian-boy doing...? He is looking for Cooler inside his own energetic sphere, that way he can't defend from his attacks! (VEGETAL: Bah, pure faggotry.)

(In Heaven, Tente is sensing Discolo using a dangerous amount of his power reserve.)

TENTE: Discolo is using a part of his power that remained unused until now, I can feel it!

POMPOM: Oh, such surprising and inspired quotes this comic book has...

TENTE: Don't joke about this, Pompom! The matter is dire! Discolo hadn't fought with such energy in quite a long time, and we will need him handy when Armageddon rises...

(Back to Earth, Cooler has reverted to his basic form and is crawling out of the rubble.)

COOLER: You haven't beaten me yet... (DISCOLO: Yes, that's what's always said.) Don't think for a moment I'm like my brother! I refuse to be compared with that useless dork! I'm Cooler, my power and fury are way stronger than his! So, look at this! (finger glows)

DISCOLO: So what? A glowy finger? It's for screwing it too much? And I don't mean on the nose...

(A flash of light emerges from it and blinds everyone here... even Chungohan, who had recovered.)

PUYAMAN: Can't see...! (CHIQUILIN: Bastard!) (VEGETAL: Arg, I won't be able to read dirty mags!)

DISCOLO: And Cooler? (SIGN: Sayonara morons!) He has balled out! He blinded us in order to flee! As he was not emitting any dark energy, I didn't expect it in the least!

VEGETAL: Ah, great, our martian boy has gotten an amazing victory! (sarcasm)

TENTE: (senses) Hum, the enemy has escaped... the worst has been Discolo's excessive energy waste... go get him and be sure he recharges his batteries. (POMPOM: Yep, like the alarm clock's...)

(In a park not far from the clash site, Cooler is taking a break under a tree's shade.)

COOLER: I'll lay low for a while and recover my strength... later I'll plot a cunning plan, like The Coyote.

PASSERBY: You mean the western novel's legendary and sneaky hero made by J. Mallorqui?

COOLER: No, the one who's always after the Road Runner!

PASSERBY: Arg, the lack of culture...! (faints) (COOLER: Such meddling morons...)

WILMA: (in Gragea Corp) How come that he 'escaped'?!

VEGETAL: (heals) Come on, gal, we will get him later, don't get so excited...

WILMA: You crazy? That guy's a lot like Frigo and can be just as dangerous as him! What if he attacks Gragea Corp? We have got KIDS living here, if you didn't remember!

ROSBIFF: (interrupts) I wouldn't worry about that, my girl. I've taken measures in that matter. (VEGETAL: What?) I have just finished building a defensive system that will protect Gragea Corp from any oncoming threat...

VEGETAL: Geez, your old man is da bomb!

(They go to the outer yard, professor Rosbiff points to the pool standing in the center.)

ROSBIFF: Here it is!

VEGETAL: Yeah, I see... the pool. Have you filled it with piranhas or else? (WILMA: Will you put on a sign of 'Beware the duck'?) By the way... ew, water! So wet and cleany!

ROSBIFF: Heh, ignorant youngsters. I will show you the iceberg's body... (clicks button.)

(The pool opens and something emerges outside... a Mazinger-like robot with big horns.)

ROSBIFF: That's Gragea King, our defender! (WILMA: You overdid it, daddy...)

ALVARO: You just HAD to draw one, hadn't ya? (NACHO: Well, it's way better than a lvl 4 Goku.)

ROSBIFF: When a massive threat of destruction gets near, we'll activate G-King to keep it at bay. Due to the immense capacity needed to store in a battery the power of a Puyajin, I build a giganormous robot with big energy-storing horns.

WILMA: But we already have Vegetal for that kind of situations. Or do you think he won't be up to task?

ROSBIFF: Well, my girl, once your father finds something to do, cut me some slack! Having you in my family business, I either do the folkypoke or I might as well retire...

VEGETAL: This is what your old man does on his free time? He must be very bored... looks cool, though.

(On the Puya Lair, Chungohan unmasks and stores the costume in front of the butler.)

CHUNGOHAN: Bah, today's turned out great... everyone and their dogs should have recognized us on TV, and the evil guy has escaped. This looks like a lame thriller flick.

BUTLER: Quite sad, master. _Like going out dressed as Luis Candelas just to fight a punk alien..._

(Later, there is a split screen showing Chungohan and Bidet in their respective rooms.)

CHUNGOHAN: Ah well, tomorrow I have to start Bidet's training. We'll have to split the day between our homework and this... _heh, if I finally get to hook up with a girl..._

BIDET: Tomorrow I will start training with Chungohan... I will be as strong as him and able to fly, how cool! _And well, who knows... the boy is quite cute..._

(Some days later, Patan and a businessman are talking important issues... for him.)

MAN: Of course, sir, it would be a great idea. The merchandising based income would be substantial.

PATAN: I know, and it wouldn't be half bad for my public image.

MAN: But sir, ahem, I know you were known as the 'strongest under the sky', but...

PATAN: Please, I am not an old fossil! In these ten years I've been keeping my fit, if we are gonna organize a new tournament I won't be only watching from the champion's seat! I have a daughter who is quite a fine young woman, and she has branded me as a lazy ass. Heck, I have my own pride! I will participate against whoever reaches the finals.

MAN: That's good, sir, we will move the necessary threads, but the insurance company will get upset.

PATAN: The new Tenkaichi Budokai will be held, and I'll host it... but I'll also fight! That way, the whole world will see that Mister Patan still is the strongest man on Earht! The one who own'd Cellulitis!

NARRATION: Bidet's training keeps going...

CHUNGOHAN: You are getting the hang of it! You only need to empty your mind and forget all bad issues about yourself. Er, I suppose that would be the hardest part for you, thought...

BIDET: (hovering) Why do you think that?! (FLY: Hey gal, I can do better than that!)

CHUNGOHAN: Well, we should leave the flying lessons, at least until you work on your concentration...

BIDET: I am serious, I want to learn to do this, and the sooner the better, because... huh?

TAKATRANKS: (flies) Wooow, I am Luke Skywalker! (CHUNGOTEN: And I'm Dark Helmet's ship!)

CHUNGOHAN: Okay kids, did you HAVE to come play here?! You are gonna depress Bidet!

CHICHA: (peeks) Chungohan, you are gonna be late to school! If you were making out, well, sorry...

CHUNGOHAN: Moooom! (BIDET: (¬_¬).)

(In another place, Patan is gonna broadcast his intentions in his own TV station or else.)

PATAN: So well? Are we ready?

MAN: Be patient, sir, you must consider the fact that the studio was totally destroyed... (VOICE: Some gas pipe malfunction...) Well, yeah, it's said the cause was a fart from one of those super punks...

PATAN: Those super brutes? Bah, nonsense, I know them all too well...

MAN: The thing is, we had to reinstall this improvised studio, and for that I ask for your patience...

MAN 2: Okay, get in your place, sir! The antennae is already adjusted and connected!

PATAN: Come on, let's get this over with! Are we ready yet? (MAN: A moment!) Are we ready now?

MAN 2: Ooops, we forgot the make-up! His face's gonna shine like a newborn piglet...

NARRATION: We connect to Patan City's high school 's dining hall, on lunch break.

BOY: Hey chaps, look at the TV! Mister Patan is still alive!

TV-PATAN: Good morning, Patan City's dear citizens! I have decided to appear before the cameras to announce an event that will shake this city to its very grounds!

(pause to take breath, and keep on.)

PATAN: In a month from now on, there will be held a new martial arts tournament. The great contest sporting the best fighters in the world, brought together to offer all of you an even greatest show is back! The event will mean a genuine flock of visitors and press representatives that will make Patan City the center of the universe! Apart from injecting a considerable amount of income that will revitalize our treasury like no other one before...

CHUNGOHAN/BIDET/STUDENTS: (0_0)

PATAN: I will participate as well, as head of the contestants. I do this to beneficiate the city that got named after me and my heroic feats. And for some young woman's sake as well, who has as much right as anyone to meet his father again in his role of champion. That's all, we will keep our city informed!

CHUNGOHAN: huh? Bidet! (she flees) Should I try to...?

GIRL: You're better not trying. When she's upset, her fists get slippy. And she hits like Jackie Chan!

BOY: (off camera) Heya, Bidet, where are you going? (PLAAAF!) Urg, my spleen...!

GIRL: It's only logical... she was very young when her father killed Cellulitis. She grew up watching how he spoiled away. It's very important for her to recover his self-respect.

CHUNGOHAN: Geez, this looks like soap opera. So dramatic. _And I considered her a sex toy..._

(In Gragea Corp, Wilma is going to bring the news to the already knowing Vegetal.)

WILMA: Vegetal, honey...? Did you watch the news on the tournament yet?

VEGETAL: Hell yeah! And that idiot bum has promised to pick a fight with the winner! He's in for a beat! (shouts) Hey, bring me another sandbag, this one's done for already!

(On the high school's roof, Bidet ponders what her father tries to get with all this...)

BIDET: Dad... you silly...

NARRATION: But not everything is gonna be lame drama-queen'ery, oh no...

(Meteor falls near Chiquilin and XVIII's farm fields, because she could get to hear it.)

XVIII: (noise) What was that? (CHIQUILIN: Wasn't me. Honest.)

(She goes outside lantern in hand, to check the surroundings, and sees the disaster.)

XVIII: Holy dairy cow! Chiquilin, come here! Something has nuked our barn! What has happened...?

(She narrows her eyes, as she detects an incoming presence... jumps and immobilizes it.)

XVIII: Gotcha! Who the hell are you? (CHIQUILIN: What's going on?) Got her, honey, it's an android!

CHIQUILIN: Of course she is! She's Number VIII, made by Doctor Gore! I never had you met her...

N-VIII: I, er... I came seeking help... something terrible happened... and the world could be in danger!

(They come inside and have some tea. The newcomer tries to explain the situation.)

N-VIII: Thanks... I still can't believe what happened... it was truly horrible.

CHIQUILIN: Calm down and explain it all. You have blasted our barn to pieces, girlie!

N-VIII: My boy and I accepted a job about dispatching a dangerous guy who terrorized a small planet's citizens... but said guy could develop a monstrous strength and matters got difficult...

(Pause to take breath, blended into flashback images.)

N-VIII: He happened to be a super warrior, able to launch ki attacks much alike Soson Goku's. I almost couldn't tell the tale, and my boy... *sniff* well, he didn't make it... I escaped that hell the best I could, and took the spaceship we used to arrive there in the first place. I fled without stopping my tears, in honour to my boy... I have not heard of our client ever again, the issue got too much out of hand. But we can't leave it be! That guy is devastating the planet as we speak, and if he gets a hold of a ship he will extend it wherever he wants!

CHIQUILIN: Well, I don't know how many people you can count on... Soson Goku is long dead, his son sucks as much ass as he did, Vegetal is training to pwn Mr. Patan, and we, well...

XVIII: We've decided to have a love nest away from our world's violence... cute, isn't it?

N-VIII: I don't care. All who can fight must come back with me to that planet. I'll crush that monster!

CHIQUILIN: _Lesee, I have it rough then... I had just escaped by a narrow margin from a super villain who luckily fled away before I got even my ID card trounced, and now I must go to a faraway planet to fight another, surely with a Terminator-level strength... _

XVIII: When do we leave, honey? (CHIQUILIN: _Traitor..._)


	36. issue 34: But where is Soson Goku?

ISSUE # 34:

_BUT... WHERE IS SOSON GOKU?_

On one hand we have our main chars embarked towards that outer space thingy, looking for the usual villain. Such villain, however, is on his way to Earth. Weird, isn't it? And on the other hand we have Bidet, who has finished her training and now that she is hella strong, treats Chungohan like crap. Bah, women...

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NARRATION: The next day, on Gragea Corps' main building. An emergency reunion.

WILMA: EEEH?! Going again to outer space?!

CHIQUILIN: It won't be for long, Wilma. (pause) The job is simple. A bunch of us go with N-VIII to the planet, we dispatch the rampaging beast and return back. Four days total, if we work together.

WILMA: And who will go? 'cause I'm needed here, and lacking Soson Goku, we have no other 'meatshield'...

CHIQUILIN: I already thought of something! The idea is to bring XVIII, VIII, Discolo and myself. With our forces combined, we are... er, I mean: we will destroy that threat!

(Wilma ponders about how to travel, and Chiquilin continues explaining his plan.)

CHIQUILIN: The only thing we need from you is a spaceship modelled after the one N VIII has brought, but it should be bigger, of course. We are speaking about four seats...

WILMA: Well, that's rather easy, if I start immediately, that is...

VEGETAL: If you are going to be in need, I can accompany you. Things are calm here, and I'm getting bored.

WILMA: I thought you were training for the new Tenkaichi Budokai! You are always picking fights!

VEGETAL: Bah, that's faggotry. If there's a better plan count me in, and I feel this will be a smack-fest!

NARRATION: Meanwhile, Bidet's training is advancing favourably...

(She is lifting a truck while in mid air, so she has gotten the hang of both techniques.)

CHUNGOHAN: So what? Am I a great coach or not? Look at her, brat. In only four days!

CHUNGOTEN: Wow, boy... (TRUCKER: My truck...!)

BIDET: (shouts) Am I doing OK, Chungohan?!

CHUNGOHAN: Very good Bidet! Now descend carefully please, the trucker wants his vehicle intact!

BIDET: (descends) I think I have made quite the progress these past days, haven't I? I would want a change of looks from now on. Do you have an electric shaver or else handy?

NARRATION: And in the city centre, there is a focus of intense work activity...

PATAN: How are the modifications going, huh?

MAN: Good, although this mega-stadium wasn't used to his full potential since quite a while... there are voltage drops everywhere... we must do some enlargements to the ring, it didn't adjust to our security rules because it was never used. Apart from that, and the installation of a protection device for the audience we still need to put up the TV camera system which will film the event.

(Pause to take breath, and to go inspect the front seats in the stadium.)

MAN: The building's improvements will take several weeks, meanwhile, the publicity ads will create the needed expectations... we will begin tomorrow with the pyjamas and t-shirt's sales.

PATAN: Mmm, good. I want those improvements to be announced several days in advance, that will create a good atmosphere. And I want Emilio Aragon as host! (MAN: OK sir, it's as good as done.) Har har, this is gonna be more epic than that lame Titanic stuff!

MAN: _If he is going to participate, I highly doubt it..._

(Back to Chicha's household, Bidet has entered the kitchen sporting her new hairdo.)

BIDET: How do I look? (CHUNGOTEN: (0_0) Cool.) Yeah I know, this looks horrid, doesn't it? I thought so. I should have let my hairdresser try and fix it...

CHUNGOHAN: _She's... smoking hot..._ No, no, you are way prettier this way, serious!

BIDET: Well, then it's OK. I wanted a change of looks if I am gonna participate in the great tourney.

CHUNGOHAN: (shock) WHAT?! You want to participate THERE?!

BIDET: Yep, why not? I am more than ready, with only a few weeks more to train...

CHUNGOHAN: But it can't be, you're still very green and you can't go showing off some things you've learnt!

BIDET: So what! It's because I'm a girl?! Or because I'm daughter of you-know-who?! I am fed up with all that shit, if I want to change my image is precisely to break apart of that system!

CHUNGOTEN: Yeah, fight!

BIDET: I am gonna find my own way, and no one will stop me! (slams the door out)

CHICHA: Oh, how romantic, your very first quarrel... (^_^)

NARRATION: A couple days later, in the Gragea Corp quarters...

ROSBIFF: Okay mates, what do you think of it? (CHIQUILIN: Wow.)

WILMA: Fine work, isn't it? We have amplified the boosting system of N-VIII's ship to install it in a bigger one. With the improvements made, it will cruise through space at a quite faster rate!

ROSBIFF: Our old aircrafts had limitations in their propelling force, and lacked enough self-maintenance...

WILMA: This time we've nulled all inertia using magnetic fields, and its propeller system is top notch.

DISCOLO: (arrives) Greetings. It's here the place to board the ship heading for Pluto?

WILMA: Ah, Discolo, you are on time! We were checking the ship's inner workings.

ROSBIFF: The ship has energy for several years if it were needed. I have salvaged the original's ship energy cell, propelled by pulsar waves: radiation which is collected from nearby stars...

DISCOLO: Okay, cut that crap, please... this thing can fly or not?

ROSBIFF: The flight systems are way easier to handle than in our previous prototypes, you only need to drive like you would do in a simulation game. (CHIQUILIN: Wow, I will look like Han Solo!)

XVIII: And why do you assume you will be the one piloting, hon?

CHIQUILIN: Well, dunno, seeing as I was the one piloting the other ship, I thought...

XVIII: And me? My cybernetic brain makes me a better and more adequate pilot, I can't make your mistakes.

CHIQUILIN: Are you saying I am the one who MAKES the mistakes around here?!

N-VIII: (¬_¬)

WILMA: I have the impression that this voyage got troublesome from the very start...

DISCOLO: Why is it that I am not surprised...?

NARRATION: Back at the high school grounds...

GIRL: Bidet? No, I am afraid she doesn't want to see you. She told me to give you this, if I saw you...

(Chungohan gets plastered a dunce cap, reading 'sexist pig'. Everyone else there lols.)

GIRL: (off screen) It's nothing personal... (CHUNGOHAN: Yeah, of course... *sigh*.)

(In what looks like the gym facilities, Bidet is lifting weights in true Puyajin style.)

BLONDE BOY: Geez gal, I didn't know you were into body-building!

BIDET: A certain moron gave me some lessons... it's the only good he's done for me.

(Back to Gragea Corp, everything is ready and the pilot's been chosen as well, finally.)

WILMA: I'm glad you solved the pilot issue already.

N-VIII: Well, it wasn't that hard. Only I know the way to the planetoid... and my plasma balls are bigger.

(The ship leaves, and everyone else sees them off, except a certain someone.)

ROSBIFF: Now we only need to worry about them eliminating that threat.

WILMA: By the way, have you seen Vegetal? I have looked for him all day. He has to go pick up the kid!

N-VIII: (pilots) Huh? This panel here is moving. (CHIQUILIN: A malfunction so soon?)

VEGETAL: (comes out) Pssst, have we taken off already, guys?

(Guh, a stowaway... but, at Cooler's ship, an idea suddenly emerges into his alien head.)

COOLER: I got it, the best plan! If I want to make a move that really pelts their chances, I only need to take a shot at the place they care most about: their base of operations! I will destroy Gragea Corp and leave them without the support such organization provides them! Now they are MINE! (flies off)

NARRATION: Again at the high school, time to leave class.

GIRL: No, I am afraid she still doesn't want to see you. Ah, she gave me this for you.

(This time it's a timed bomb, hidden in a suitcase. Explodes, charring up most of the area.)

GIRL: (off screen) It's nothing personal! (CHUNGOHAN: Yeah, I know... *cough*.)

(The still unnamed girl reaches to Bidet in the hallway, and can't help but feel sorry.)

GIRL: Don't you think you are being a bit too harsh on him...?

BIDET: Forget it, it's not your concern. I'll have you give him something, later. How much is a napalm head...?

(Cooler reaches Gragea Corp's aerial space and rushes into the main building, outside.)

COOLER: Okay, I will rush the place to find them and...! Huh? (beep noises) What the hell's this?

(An electric field activates and gives him a good shock, stopping his rush immediately.)

COOLER: Crap, thunder element... I am weak to polarized electrons... how did they know...? (faint)

WILMA: (reads screen) I think we've stopped an intruder... the computer has analyzed the subject and fried it with electricity. Let's go outside to check what was that!

AGENTS: (radio) There is only a trace of ash left... it surely had to be a stray pigeon.

WILMA: I'm still worried, though. Let's put the defensive systems on green alert. Where is Vegetal?

(Cooler has had enough time to go hid in a bush until the security agents get away.)

COOLER: _Yeah, a stray pigeon... of course... but I won't fail the next time! _

(Wilma has realized just now that Vegetal is on the spaceship. Or they told her, whatever.)

WILMA: Repeat that again, please? You say Vegetal is aboard?!

CHIQUILIN: (radio) Exactly, he says he's fed of smashing the gym and needs action, so he went with us...

DISCOLO: Just great...

WILMA: Then, tell that Master-of-the-Universe wannabe on my behalf that this is the last time he vanishes without letting anyone know, and when he comes back he'll have a long chat with my lawyers! He's gonna see his kid again on a Christmas card, if EVER!

COOLER: (spying) The main gate... the only access to the most vital parts of the place. Any other entrance isn't useable, and my energy has diminished greatly after the shock. I must rest and recover, I can't force my powers now...

(Goes to hide in another bush, until he is ready to rumble again.)

COOLER: In half an hour I'll have enough energy to unleash my potential, meanwhile I'll sleep here...

WILMA: (throws lab coat) I am leaving to pick up Takatranks, you know where I will be! _Bah, males... _

(She gets into a car and exits the building, someone notifies this to Professor Rosbiff.)

ROSBIFF: My daughter has gone to the city? I hope we don't have a sudden emergency just now...

(On Patan's manor outskirts, Chungohan has gone there to meet Bidet and settle things.)

BIDET: What... are you doing here?!

CHUNGOHAN: Bidet, I had enough of your silly tantrums! Let's settle this issue, now!

BIDET: Okay then! (fight) (explosions) (AGENT: Call security, someone is attacking Miss Bidet!)

GUARDS: Patrol # 12, let's go to the main gate! Get ready for police brutality. (PAF!) (fly back) Patrol # 12, returning from main gate! Chief, looks like they don't want to be interrupted...

(Incredibly, Bidet is the one with the upper hand from the beginning, as weird as it sounds.)

CHUNGOHAN: (pain) Well, if you are finished, I am outta here and we forget all this happened, okay?

BIDET: Not yet! I will keep at it, get a hold of your guts or they will fly out! (rage)

(Explosions... no one knows how the heck she learned to manipulate ki, but oh well...)

BIDET: You won't even fight back? You still insist on going 'easy' on me or else?

CHUNGOHAN: That's what you want?! (goes SPJ) Okay, then, I won't take responsability for this!

BUTLER: (phone) Mr Patan? A grave accident! Miss Bidet's fighting with some punk in the inner garden!

CHUNGOHAN: _I am in Super Puyajin form... and she is kicking my butt just the same! Her power is...! _

BIDET: _I'm feeling a limitless power increasing within me... what's happening to me_?

(In another garden, the alien invader has stored enough energy and is ready to storm the place.)

COOLER: I'm READY! (rushes) I'll storm the building. I've located the defensive system, playtime's over!

(Explosion, after the smoke clears, Cooler is seen munching on the core keyboards.)

MAN: Alarm, alarm! (COOLER: Their defense is no more. Revenge is mine now!)

ROSBIFF: No, we still have THAT...

(Clicks the open-the-pool button and Gragea King emerges to put a stop to the intrusion.)

COOLER: What's that noise? I detect an energy source nearby... huh? (0_0)

(Gragea King zaps him with an eye beam and destroys much of the area, Cooler's pissed off.)

COOLER: Oh, just amazing, indeed! You surprised me! (anger) Are you ready to become a heap of wires?!


	37. issue 35: Smacks to stop a train with

ISSUE # 35:

_SMACKS TO STOP A TRAIN WITH._

A summary is a summary, and generally speaking, this paragraph often features one. In the present issue however, we have decided to question if it's really needed, dear reader. Perhaps you would rather find a delicious cooking recipe here, or maybe a listing of the favourite taverns frequented by Nacho and Alvaro. Ah, well... this place is reserved for whatever you wanna suggest. Ciao.

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ROSBIFF: (observes) The G-King is activated, but that bugger is tough... what are our chances?

(G-King again blasts Cooler with some eye beams, which the alien manages to evade.)

COOLER: It's powerful, but I am faster... (jumps) I am here, little robot! Suck on this, horned tin-man! I am gonna unleash the heavens upon you! (ASTERIX: Sounds familiar...) Take THIS! (fires ki)

ROSBIFF: (explosion) The G-King has taken a brutal hit! How much more can its super armor resist?

ASSISTANT: Doc, I believe he's pissed off... (G-King's eyes glint) (Rocket-punches)

COOLER: Oops! (PLAF!) Urg! (ROSBIFF: He's grabbed him! It's over!) You haven't beaten me yet...!

(Another explosion, and after the smoke clears away, Cooler emerges in his final form.)

ROSBIFF: (0_0) (jaw drops)

NACHO: Hey, he has opened his mouth! (ALVARO: For the first time in all this series!)

(G-King doesn't even wait for another strike, he attacks Cooler with another eye beam.)

ROSBIFF: The G-King reacts brutally, and having no qualms about collateral damage! Such violence...

ASSISTANT: Well, this is a shonen manga, right? If you want fair fights, try reading Don Miki.

COOLER: Ha, if this is your best shot...! This is my final strike, you oversized toaster!

NARRATION: Quite some light-hours far from there...

N-VIII: We have arrived... this is the planetoid.

CHIQUILIN: Good... etto... can you find some safe and clear zone in order to land?

N-VIII: Don't worry, I know the place like my back hand, we'll go to a plain which was deforested earlier...

(The ship gets stuck in the undergrowth and they don't know just where it has landed.)

N-VIII: Er, it's incredible the speed at which the flora regrows in the vicinity, right?

CHIQUILIN: Come on, just admit you have gotten us lost! (VEGETAL: Like your back hand, yes...)

(We soon see our heroes travelling around the jungle to get to the crime scene, sickle in hand.)

CHIQUILIN: Well, I suppose that after several weeks of pruning and deforesting it our ship will be free from foliage and vines... we can safely leave it there, there is no way in hell someone will find it!

NARRATION: While a battle is going to start, another is about to cease...

AGENT: Attention, the fight stopped! Everyone behind the barrier! Let's see if they killed each other or what...

(The smoke clears -again- and Chungohan and Bidet appear bruised and thrashed.)

CHUNGOHAN: Arg... *pants*

BIDET: (teary eyes) *snifs* (cries) I am SO sorry...! (throws into his arms)

CHUNGOHAN: Ah, I am sorry too... (pats her) shall we turn a new leaf, then...?

AGENTS: Awww... (cry) So beautiful... (AGENT 2: Careful guys, the old man's here!)

ALVARO: Waaaaah...! (cries) I remembered the few times we are meeting recently...!

NACHO: (cries) And I am sorry for running late with my drawings' deadlines...!

ALVARO: (more crying) I am sorry for shouting at you in desperate moments...!

NACHO: And I'm sorry for lending you my 'Dark Knight'! (ALVARO: Did you think I didn't like it?) No, it's because I haven't seen it again in like... three years!

OMAKE VEGETAL: Bah, faggots...

NARRATION: We come back to Gragea Corp's battle field... arg, I feel so dizzy!

WILMA: What the fuzz's happening here?! (TAKATRANKS: (0_0) Cooool!)

GUARD: I haven't the foggiest, madam! See, I retire this very week, and I want nothing with those fools...!

COOLER: It's over! Now it's your turn, poor wretches! Huh? (G-King lifts him)

ROSBIFF: Good, our work has shown its worth, G-King is unstoppable! (ASSISTANT: I feel so proud...!)

VOICE: G-King, Recharge! (COOLER: Watch this pal, you're gonna crap your shiny metal pants!)

(Cooler expands his energy just like Vegetal did against the Rangers, growing huge.)

COOLER: Take that! I have expanded my energy and now I am as big as you! So let's rock!

WILMA: (arrives) Dad, what's this all about?!

ROSBIFF: Don't miss any detail, my girl, you will witness how my invention gives its best results!

COOLER: Enough crap! (rushes) (explosion)

(The explosion can be seen even in the city centre, where some policemen keep tabs.)

POLICEMAN: Another explosion, this time located in Gragea Corp's building! Shall we go there, sir?

CHIEF: Screw the Gragea Corp! Mister Patan's manor has top priority right now!

WILMA: (crawls outta rubble) Arg... anyone, go and check how's my kid doing!

VOICE: Lookie, madam, we are quite busy already looking for our missing livers...

COOLER: (stands up) I did it! The damm robot is finished! Now I'll sweep this place with everyone inside!

(G-King isn't done for yet! He stands up and grabs the alien with his only useable arm.)

COOLER: (zapped) Aaarg! Those loose wires...! Let me go, bastard! I must escapeee...!

ASSISTANT: (flash of lightning) What a flash...! Can't see a thing...!

GUARD: Get everybody here behind the perimeter's barrier! _If I can see where the heck is the perimeter...!_

(The smoke clears for the umpteenth time in this issue, and they look at a roasted alien.)

ROSBIFF: He did it! He has reduced the monster! _In more than one way..._ G-King has triumphed! My invention worked, after all this jazz! On the fifth try, but it DID work!

NARRATION: The night comes over a far away world's skies...

N-VIII: Well, I finally pinpointed our location. We're several kilometres away from the place where we first landed. Tomorrow we will go there. (VEGETAL: Good grief...)

DISCOLO: If that guy is just like N-VIII described him, we are in for a tough battle to beat. It may be a really weird case... what if we are trying to face a legendary Puyajin?

NARRATION: Next day, lunch time...

N-VIII: There's the backwater town where my boy and I came to help! That guy came from nowhere, made all citizens flee in terror and began devastating everything he found...

CHIQUILIN: Where must he be?

N-VIII: I can't sense any trace of him. It's very possible he fell into a dormant state in wait for new opponents. Let's investigate and look for any might-be survivors...

(They enter town, it happens to look like those ghost villages seen in western films.)

CHIQUILIN: There isn't a soul here...

N-VIII: Let's split up to find someone who knows what happened. (VEGETAL: Bah, this seems OK Corral...)

DISCOLO: I feel a slight energy source... come with me, guys. (takes Chiquilin)

N-VIII: Good, then I will take these two this way...

(Then, Discolo and Chiquilin will search for survivors, while XVIII and Vegetal check the fight scene.)

DISCOLO: (walking) I have detected a presence there, maybe it's a survivor.

N-VIII: I am sensing thermal markings around here. Surely they have hid away inside cellars and such...

(Discolo and Chiquilin are investigating when Regular Brolly appears before them.)

BROLLY: Etto, misters, have you seen the rest of this town's people around?

DISCOLO: Who are you? A native of this town, perhaps?

BROLLY: Yes, well... I think. I live here since several months ago, but I remember nothing before that.

CHIQUILIN: Then you don't know where the people are, either?

BROLLY: Hum, no... thing is, they don't usually leave the village if they don't plan on going to gather mushrooms, and right now it's not the season, so I can't tell you for sure.

(Vegetal blasts open a rusted door and they enter to check what hints could be found.)

N-VIII: I only asked you to blast the LOCK... well, this is a sorta cellar... hellooo! Any one here? (darkness) Bah, I can't see a thing... let's adjust our visors to night-vision.

(They see a horrible sight... many rotting corpses fill the room, more than it can hold.)

N-VIII: AAAAAAH! It's horrible! This is full of corpses... like a communal grave!

VEGETAL: Cool!

NVIII: All those bodies have been much time here... maybe since I left... what the heck happened while I was gone? Did that monster wiped ALL life out of this planet or what?

NARRATION: Alleviating some tension from the scene, let's return to Earth...

WILMA: What can be roaming through his mind?

ROSBIFF: Right now, his cold and calculating mind must be analyzing all possible ways of killing us...

COOLER: _I want to pee..._

(The alien is enclosed in a test-tube tank, filled with electrified water and reinforced glass.)

WILMA: Do you really think this recipient is safe? After such battle, we can't underestimate his skills...

ROSBIFF: Worry not, the tank is filled with a no-toxic super conductor fluid, a constant electric current keeps his defenses at zero... we will study his organs and locate his focal points of energy...

(Pause to take breath, and continue.)

ROSBIFF: When G-King is fixed and reformatted, we will use it as a base platform to develop some experiments... finally, the key to the space warriors' power will be able to be synthesised...


	38. issue 36: A pretty hot Super Puyajin

ISSUE # 36:

_A PRETTY HOT SUPER__ PUYAJIN._

The G King, that prodigy of robotic architecture, managed to (hardly, though) give that Cooler guy a beating he couldn't stand. Meanwhile, in a far away planet, the rest of our friends discover a strange civilization which was completely wiped out, so they set up to investigate what happened...

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N-VIII: We must warn the others! (runs) This looks like that Texas' slaughtering shed!

VEGETAL: I don't know why she is so scared... you Miss Whiner!

(Team Discolo is still trying to extract info from Broly, not getting anywhere.)

DISCOLO: We need to locate the rest of the peasants. Surely the other team must have located them...

CHIQUILIN: Ep, sorry, you dropped this. It's yours, right? Fell from your pants. Is it a kind of headdress?

(Chiquilin hands Broly a mask that looks like the titular item from the Jim Carrey film.)

BROLY: (0_0)

DISCOLO: Wait a moment... this matter is giving me really bad vibes...

CHIQUILIN: Are you tuning **Cadena Cope** in with your antennae or what?

DISCOLO: This boy is the only living being I have detected within a several kilometres radius... and this village has a scant eight hundred square meters! Doesn't that bug you?

CHIQUILIN: Yeah, true... wanna know what I think about this?

BROLY: (0_0) (busted)

CHIQUILIN: All the townsfolk left on vacation, and this guy overslept and was forgotten! (they facefault)

(Team VIII's members are running towards their mates, foreboding a grave disaster.)

N-VIII: Where do those two can be now? We should have handed out some kind of communicators!

VEGETAL: Heh, I just have here at least five cell phones from last year's Christmas!

N-VIII: A moment...! (senses) I'm beginning to receive that monster's wave signature... he's coming here!

(While Discolo detects the very same thing, a big, ominous shadow looms over them...)

DISCOLO: I am sensing a very evil presence, and it's pretty close! Must be the guy we are looking for!

CHIQUILIN: Er, look... (pats his shoulder) (BROLY: RAAAAAGH! (ki explosion).)

XVIII: Discolo! Chiquilin! (N-VIII: It has started... he is HERE!) (VEGETAL: (^_^).)

(Nailed inside a wall, the green warrior still has strength to try and make sense of this.)

DISCOLO: Are you seeing what I'm seeing?! (CHIQUILIN: With two black eyes? Can't promise anything...)

SPJ-BROLY: Ggggrrr!

DISCOLO: He is a Super Puyajin! He must be! But his looks are rather weird, though... His signature energy is similar to the Puyajin race, but where the heck did he come from?

N-VIII: (arrives) It's him, I knew it! (BROLY: Grur?)

XVIII: Then HE is the monster we came to annihilate? What a waste of a hot guy...

N-VIII: He's not what he seems! He acts purely by instinct, like a wild animal!

DISCOLO: Be very careful with him! He's some kind of Super Puyajin, and still not in his max level!

BROLY: AAAARGH! (powers up)

CHIQUILIN: He's charging up, the gravity is faltering! (VEGETAL: Bah, faggots...)

N-VIII: Quick, now's the time to strike. His power will increase beyond beatable if we don't stop him!

VEGETAL: Heh, must have told earlier! (puts on armor) This Flash-suits from Gragea Corp are da bomb!

(He has put his Puyajin armor in a flash of light, as automated as the PoiPoi capsules.)

VEGETAL: You will see now, hunk of drunken hormones! (rushes)

CHIQUILIN: Okay, I will activate my flash-suit as well and... (XVIII: And me too!)

(They both done battle-oriented suits, although Chiquilin is weirded out by his wife's.)

XVIII: So what? I was fed up of thrashing my other dresses! (CHIQUILIN: (0_0).)

VEGETAL: Take this, FINAL FLASH! (does scratch damage) The Final Flash hasn't affected him! He has sweated it out like a beach breeze! _Ag, what a corny metaphor..._

(Broly retaliates with his own ki wave, which leaves the Puyajin prince charred up good.)

CHIQUILIN: Geez... I could almost spread butter on him... (VEGETAL: (burnt) Thanks for comparing me with a toast... makes me feel slightly more alive...*coughs*.)

N-VIII: Cover me, I am gonna launch a plasma ball towards him!

XVIII: Let's join forces! I know it sounds clichéd, but it's necessary! (CHIQUILIN: Ok!)

N-VIII: Here goes my PLASMA-BALL! (fires)

(Again, the ki attack seems to do little to no damage to the spiky haired blonde beast.)

CHIQUILIN: NO! Can't anything put a dent in his defenses? He seems Brazil's football team!

N-VIII: What is he gonna do now...? This is not cool at all... I have a horrible hunch...

BROLY: (charges) RAAAAAH!

CHIQUILIN: (covers ears) Arg, what a scream! He is not the type to suffer in silence...

XVIII: I will make him shut up! (BOTH: Get him! Go for a headshot!)

(He stops them in their rush off-screen, and splats them on the street's floor head first.)

VEGETAL: (still burnt) It's not that easy, huh? (CHIQUILIN: Alright, it really was a head shot...)

BROLY: Any other suicidal fool wants to mess up with Broccoly?

DISCOLO: He talked! So he's conscious of his acts! I thought his transformation nulled his free will... maybe it's something far more complex... a case of multiple personalities. This one's seems to be his 'other-me'...

N-VIII: Hey, XVIII, you okay? (XVIII: I think so.) We are gonna take advantage of our common systems. We will launch a combo attack. Ready? (pause) Start the combo hit!

(She fires a ki shot at Broccoly's underbelly, while XVIII shots hers to his face.)

XVIII: Ha, we did it! We finally hurt the big boy! (N-VIII: Don't get so confident...)

BROCCOLY: Well, well, the sweet babes can hit hard. I wonder what other things they can do.

XVIII: (0_0) You heard that? (N-VIII: Of course... maybe you could let him grope you while I look for his weak points. Or you could electrocute him while you make out...) Whaaaat?!

DISCOLO: (rushes) Ha, I am fully recovered! I will get him! (PAF!) (bounced back)

XVIII: Well, you know... your idea is looking nicer the more I think about it...

NARRATION: Back to Earth, which we left forgotten behind, the poor thing.

ROSBIFF: (Gendo Ikari pose) We're going to approach Gosh... I will go spend some days in his palace. We must talk about the future... this time, Gragea Corp will have a responsibility: to stop the Apocalypse...

WILMA: Yeah, of course... (¬_¬) _Daddy is seriously weirding me out... he is like this since Pompom spoke to him a week ago... well, as long as he doesn't plan on making a clone of mom..._

(Pause to take breath, while she continues pondering.)

WILMA: _I only know there is something important behind the scenes... but he does not want to tell me anything... and meanwhile, in the city, that triviality of the martial arts tourney is being prepared..._

ROSBIFF: _If things come to worst, I will have to bring here the Third Child...should I call the Kame staff to bring me the Third Cat? Bah, we look so stupid, staring at each other without crossing a single word..._

(On TV, a news host gives the news about the oncoming Tenkaichi Budokai or else.)

HOST: There is not much left for the new Tenkaichi Budokai, which will be hosted on our city! The streets are crowded with expectation! The great champion Patan looks over the last preparations to be done in the city's stadium!

(In the stadium proper, Patan and his right-hand man supervise the last-minute details.)

MAN: The first sign-ups were done a month ago. Since then we have listed many more participants... won't they be too many to fit them all in the final roster?

PATAN: That won't be an issue. Half of them will rule out the other in the first rounds. Everything's planned!

MAN: With the income from the shirts, action figures and condoms' sales we were able to finish installing the broadcasting system. No need to sacrifice show quality by leaving out participants. The audience wouldn't forgive us...

(Zoom out to see the area of the fighting arena, surrounded by hundreds of seats.)

MAN: The arena's been concluded, its sensors' equipment are in the middle of testing. All is going OK...

PATAN: We have only a week more to make final adjustments. I don't want to mess up in front of the world!

MAN: Of course, sir... but then again, why are you participating?

PATAN: Ah, it's something personal, you wouldn't understand...

(In the high school's training facilities, Bidet ends thrashing a pretty big sand bag.)

CHUNGOHAN: Gee, Bidet! Didn't know you had improved so much! Your power does not look human...

BIDET: I don't understand it either, but I am dying to fight. It's like this tourney stuff awakened something...

BLONDE BOY: Heya guys, the exam listings are being shown on the billboard. Aren't you gonna check?

BIDET: And why? I can do those exams whenever I want as long as my dad keeps givin his subsidies to the school. Now the most important matter is the oncoming tournament!

CHUNGOHAN: _Wow, what a woman._

BIDET: From now on, we will stay on my home's private gym to train. This last week is decisive!

CHUNGOHAN: Er, my uncle has an awesome gym at Gragea Corp, and he isn't home!

BIDET: Okay. We will check that gym. If it has good and modern props, it can be as useful...

(In Gragea Corp proper, Wilma is finishing Gragea King's repairs while her dad's away.)

ASSISTANT: And Professor Rosbiff?

WILMA: He is on an important meeting. I'll manage the G-center in his absence. (pause) Meanwhile, the priority is recovering G-King's functionality, now that we've witnessed his efficiency, we will perfect it...

ASSISTANT: To me, this iron mass is still scary... is it really necessary?

(In Heaven, Tente is meeting professor Rosbiff, just where he said he will be staying.)

TENTE: The matter's simple. We must detect the Destroyer's location, and the one who is trying to use him.

ROSBIFF: That won't be an issue. The way I see it, the matter depends entirely on our own skill. Having no Discolo, Vegetal or Goku, our strongest warrior now is Chungohan and yet, he's still developing his potential...

TENTE: Let's drink a toast for our triumph over the evil forces, and may our conjoined effort not be in vain.

NARRATION: In the Other World's other world...

PESKAITO: Then, are you sure you want to go? You are not forced, and in fact, you'll have a hard time...

GOKU: I don't care. I want to take part, and moreover... I want to see my little kid. I have only seen him by telepathy, and encoded... I will be ready for the tournament in a couple days.

PESKAITO: It's your 'life', ahem, but ten years of eating couch and cheetos will come to haunt you. I don't think you will manage with only two days. _I could even do the no-hand masturbating feat before yours..._

NARRATION: We go back to the source of the Pow, Crash, and Ouchs...

CHIQUILIN: (pain) Arg... hey mister... would you mind telling us, before sending us to that harp-playing place... where in the seven hells did you come from or something?

BROCCOLY: As you wish, worm... My name is Broccoly. I am the last of the proud race of the Puyajin warriors. Somehow I escaped from our dying planet, and was taken in by this planet's inhabitants when I was but a kid...

(Pause blended into flashback images, to better understand.)

BROCCOLY: For many years I ignored my true nature, but when I reached puberty... it manifested in the form of uncontrollable violence fits in which my strength increased in spades. When kids my age got pimples and such, I got biceps, triceps and crab mood...

(Image of Regular Broly standing on a pile of corpses, not knowing shit about him...)

BROCCOLY: Although I lost all memory of it when I reverted back to normal form. For a time it was like Jekill and Hyde over again. Soon I began to control my transformation and figured out that my power was greater than a normal Puyajin. I searched in some old documents, and it came to me... I am the Super Puyajin of the legends, the mythical being who appears in each generation and whose power surpasses that of his entire race's! The universe's most lethal fighter!

VEGETAL: Ahem, I don't agree...

BROCCOLY: After my last transformation, I finished the people that still remained in here and started building a spaceship that would let me travel to other worlds and extend my reign of terror, haw, haw!

N-VIII: (narrows eyes)

BROCCOLY: I have it hidden in that house's cellar. Now that it is almost done, I will celebrate my departure by annihilating you all! (points)

VEGETAL: Don't know if you noticed, pretty boy, but yours truly is a Puyajin warrior too, and to boot, the planet's royal family's last heir. So, do you want us to get SPJ and start rocking?

BROCCOLY: Come on. If you really think that high of yourself, mister Prince of Fists, try and get me!

VEGETAL: Okay! (goes SPJ) Scared yet, pal? What do you think of my new looks?

BROCCOLY: Well, I can buff myself to hell too, you see? (goes L-SPJ)

VEGETAL: (0_0) Er, wow... I didn't expect that... I am starting to get why you came for our help, gal...

N-VIII: Grrr, if Vegetal is scared, I am NOT! I will fight to the end of my strength, to destroy you and avenge my lover, who you massacred along all this poor townspeople!

DISCOLO: Same here, I won't let you beat me!

XVIII: Neither I will! No one beats on my dear peachy boy! (CHIQUILIN: The peachy boy is in too!)

BROCCOLY: Oh, well, such a suicidal fool epidemic has suddenly appeared! As you wish. I will take on all of you, and I'll still have time to clean my hands from the mess!


	39. issue 37: Remix of fists and Kome James

ISSUE # 37:

_REMIX OF FISTS AND KOME-JAMES._

Hey, otaku! Look no further! Ignore that Evangelion crap, Escaflowne, or any of those shitty fests worthy of pussies which you spend your money in. Here you have the biggest percent of whacks per square meter that you can find nowadays in any sort of doujinshi available in your favourite vendor-stand. You've been warned.

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VEGETAL: We should combine our skills. He's gonna eat a combo not unlike the Justice League's one!

CHIQUILIN: Discolo, immobilize him! (he does) Take this: Destructo Saw! (pulls out the giant saw)

N-VIII: Ready, # XVIII? Get him! (XVIII: No problem! Discolo, release him!) (PLAF!)

(After eating a hit with a giant saw and now XVIII's gut punch, Broccoly flies back.)

BROCCOLY: (pain) You won't catch me off guard again... arg...

N-VIII: _Okay... ready, N-VIII?_ My plasma ball! You are gonna eat Hadoken... ANGEL ATTACK!

SACHIEL: Hey, that's my cue!

VEGETAL: Well, all is going according to plan! Now, for the cherry on top: My Jumping Jack Flash!

(The energy released explodes and levels some nearby houses, along with Broccoly.)

CHIQUILIN: Good, with this mega-combo I seriously doubt he will be standing up in less than a week!

N-VIII: Don't sell your skins yet...

NARRATION: Back in Earth, events are getting rushed...

ASSISTANT: We have obtained the genetic data on the captured specimen; it's being spliced right now.

WILMA: I wonder what my dad wants to do with it... (opens door) I only want to know why he hides so earnestly whatever the hell is in this floor... huh? (crucified Lilith) My dad is rushing things a lot, it seems...

(In Chicha's household, the two teenagers are getting dressed and such for the tourney.)

CHICHA: Well, kids? How's the training? Are you ready for the tournament? _This isn't quite thrilling for me, but seeing as they don't study squat, at least I hope they will get the cash prize._

CHUNGOHAN: Everything's solved, see? I'll go with this same suit, so you won't be embarrassed 'bout me!

CHICHA: Okay son, you are very kind... and Bidet? What will she use to hide from her dad? A paper bag?

BIDET: Me? No way, ma'am! I will use this atuned schoolgirl uniform and let everyone know who I am! I will demonstrate the world, my dad included, that I'm very worthy of his fame!

CHICHA: (0_0)... (CHUNGOHAN: Does she look hot or what? (^_^).)

BIDET: Moreover, I do this because of you, Miss Chicha, who participated on the past Tenkaichi Budokai to win your love's heart! It was a very touching gesture, I assure you.

CHICHA: Oh, well, I am flattened... you are a good girl Bidet, I promise to see you on your battles... _heck, if she knew that I dumped the one I really wanted to marry because my husband's was bigger..._

BIDET: Then it's settled! I have done the sign ups already, with a fake name, as to not let my dad stop me from taking part –Sakura, or some variant- So few days left, guys!

CHUNGOHAN: (puts Puyaman glasses) We have a good one ahead of us...!

NARRATION: And in the faraway ghost town's battle field...

DISCOLO: I don't see his remains anywhere... (rummages)

CHIQUILIN: Of course, we are the best... there isn't even a single piece left.

N-VIII: Maybe he managed to flee?! (VEGETAL: Ha, if he is still kicking after such an attack, I will...!)

XVIII: Look, there is something here! (checks) It seems like... (glint eyes) AH, he's alive!

(Broccoly emerges from the rubble and snags XVIII's leg, the others rush to her help.)

BROCCOLY: Heh... I am tougher than you thought.

CHIQUILIN: NO! XVIII! Let her go, greaseball, or you will regret this!

XVIII: You heard my husband! Let me go or I'll tear off yer arm with my OTHER leg!

BROCCOLY: Well well, the kitty shows her claws. Okay, I will take on your request. Everything for a pretty girl! (swings her) I'll throw ya towards your husband! You will be closer than ever!

VEGETAL: Combo attack again, there is no time to lose! (N-VIII: But we lack XVIII...!)

DISCOLO: We must take that risk. Rocket Punch! (stretches arms)

(Broccoly catches Discolo's arms with only one hand, leaving him with a 'oh shit' face.)

VEGETAL: He is out of hands! Now, N-VIII, at once! SPECIAL-FAST-BALL!

(They fire a big fireball which engulfs Broccoly face on, XVIII is released from his grip.)

CHIQUILIN: Now for another Destructo Saw! Back off, honey, you won't want to eat this! _And don't get ideas..._

BROCCOLY: Not this time! (shoots ki) (BROUUUM!) I am the Legendary Puyajin, my power knows no limits! Bring it on, my lines are overkill! I can devastate more than any other super villain in this series, HAR!

VEGETAL: Hey, we should have unleashed that dork Goku to fight this monster... if he wasn't dead, I mean...

N-VIII: There is no time to complain. Let's do another combo, rinse and repeat until we are all pooped!

(With no word, Discolo stretches one arm again smacking the beast and stopping him.)

DISCOLO: Ready! Now I will launch my attack as well! Come on, one after another, I call first dibs!

BROCCOLY: I am fed up with this plastic man fool! (pulls his arm)

DISCOLO: ONE! (pulled in) Heeey...! (N-VIII: TWO! Ready for my plasma ball!) No, waaait...! (BROUUUM!)

VEGETAL: And THREE! Here goes my Jump Jack Flash! (ki goes towards him) Aw, don't shit me... (0_0)

(BROUUUM! Another explosion, but this one thrashes the heroes, not the spiky-haired villain.)

NARRATION: And farther away than all knowledge... I mean the Other World, dang it!

DREDD: So you wanna visit the people down below? You know the rules, chap! If you go, it has to be in ethereal form, only visible by your closest relatives, with blanket, ball and chain, green slime and all the jazz... unless you manage to fill up the forms for the 'temporary reincarnation', that is...

ONI CLERK: You think it's wise to let this guy roam around freely down there?

PESKAITO: Truth is, getting him out of my sight for a while will feel like a vacation... how could they make me become his guardian? I have even lost weight taking after him!

DREDD: In accordance with these forms I have in this cart and which the claimant will have to sign up, he is granted permission to descend to Earth for the time period specified in such forms!

(Judge Genma -still in panda form- closes the case with his gavel. In Gragea Corp...)

WILMA: Dad, you are going a bit too far with this Project Armageddon issue! What is the matter with the LCL tanks and a biological supercomputer? _And adding a fig leaf to Gragea Corp's logo... _

ROSBIFF: (Gendo Ikari pose) Look, my girl, the revelation I was subjected to is of vital importance for the future of mankind, so from now on, you should understand I'll act as if I gave a shit about everything, including you...

(Pause to take breath, and to let him polish his Gendo Ikari impersonation.)

ROSBIFF: From now on, the plan I devised is up and running. Call up our kids' school, we will spend our time analyzing each one's features, and also we'll begin splicing the organism we stored in the lab. And I don't care about your opinion!

NARRATION: In the far away planetoid, the battle is about to get decided...

N-VIII: (pain) You haven't... beaten us yet... (VEGETAL: Shut up, idiot... (x_x).)

BROCCOLY: My patience has grown thin! You are tough to beat, but it's over. I will exterminate you one by one, and then I will use your ship to travel to your home planet! _I'm not eviler 'cause I didn't work out!_

DISCOLO: (semi-buried) I've wasted my energy... I can do nothing... _and I wanted to die of old age..._

N-VIII: XVIII, listen! I didn't think this would be needed, but it's now or never! You an I must fuse together!

XVIII: (0_0) Eeek, don't tell me you are of 'those' ones! Well, er, I have nothing against you, and I should not judge if I haven't even tried... I know we love each other because of being sisters and all... but you are going too fast, don't ya think? Ag, give me a week to consider...!

N-VIII: Oh gosh... (¬_¬) Why it's always the same joke about the 'fusion' term? Such a poor scripting...

(She dones out a blackboard with drawings of both of them, and explains the situation.)

N-VIII: Look, gal, we both are members of the same line of combat androids, designed to develop great ki potential. You have a magnetic field generator that allows you to do super powered punches, while I can unleash plasma balls at great speeds... (pause) Our OS's are compatible, and the only way of besting this monster is to combine them in a new, more powerful unit. Are you willing to?

XVIII: Etto... well...

BROCCOLY: (reads paper) When you agree, let me know, okay? _I am going to read Garfield's strips..._

(The both of them make a flash of light and temporarily blind everyone else there.)

VEGETAL: Holy Gosh's mama! (DISCOLO: Hey, don't mention MY mama!) (CHIQUILIN: Honey, it's you?)

NXVIII: I feel how all my battle systems remodel and reinforce... you are done for, bag of hormones!

BROCCOLY: Well well, the fusion of two kitties. I don't know if she got any stronger, but it certainly is good eye candy... then, ready when you are, kitty! I sure as hell am, myself. Let's see how much tougher you got! (fires a ki wave)

DISCOLO: (she evaded) She's improved in reaction speed, yes. I wonder if she also has the power of both!

NXVIII: Ready for my Raining Fists! (pafpafpaf!) This tech came to me when I saw that useless Seiya guy...

BROCCOLY: Urk... if you think you can beat me with those crappy punches... _arg, but they do hurt..._

NXVIII: Oh, that was only the beginning. This is the main meal! PLASMA-WAVE!

(She does a ki-powered tsunami that sweeps the Puyajin warrior. This is getting better...)

CHIQUILIN: Wow, I feel this time we can win for sure... (VEGETAL: Yeah, but watch out for the shrapnel...!)

NXVIII: Commence High Voltage! (bzzz!) I am gonna toast you good, retard! (thunder)

BROCCOLY: Your little sparks don't scare me! I will SMASH you dead!

(BZZZ! That meant, Broccoly just got Thundershock'ed. Now he knows how Team Rocket feels.)

NXVIII: Die, you damm aborted psychopath! (pause) If I discover another phrase which can better enrage the associations of media watchdogs, then I will use it too!


	40. issue 38: Saving Private Ryan!

ISSUE # 38:

_SAVING PRIVATE RYAN!!!_

The summary: etto... well, there are some fights and... (clanc!) (clanc!) (PAF!) Mommy! (Hadoooken!) (ANGEL-ATTACK!) (BROUUUM!) The flash suits or something else... (Rocket Punch!) (Special Fast Ball!) (BROUUUM!) The fusion dance, whatever, then... Holy God's mama! (ZAP!) That Seiya guy firing meteor fists... Die, you damm aborted psychopath! ... Does it look like a summary to you?

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VEGETAL: (thunder storms) Yeees, she's gonna do it! That guy's doomed! (CHIQUILIN: Honey...?)

(The lightning doesn't let them see the fight, and now the explosion... they take cover.)

DISCOLO: Okay, okay! Is it over or not? (VEGETAL: Wow, what a show, pal!)

(The smoke clears and Broccoly appears charred up and with a confused expression...)

NXVIII: (0_0) He is STILL kicking! (everyone panics) (Vegetal and Discolo hug.)

BROCCOLY: (x_x) Mommy loves me... I love mommy... (collective facefault)

DISCOLO: What's this about?! (VEGETAL: He went insane from the shock...?)

CHIQUILIN: Heh heh, how cute. He sounds like one of those doll babies that spit corny sentences...

BROCCOLY: (x_x) **Pablito clavo un clavito, que clavito clavo...** (NXVIII: (¬_¬).)

VEGETAL: Let him be, he is totally braindead... let's get the hell out of here already.

DISCOLO: Not yet... I sense something in the town center... behind that door! (points)

(Vegetal opens the door blasting the lock again. Of course, he is severally criticized.)

DISCOLO: Are you always that refined? (¬_¬)

VEGETAL: Hey, XVIII, or VIII, or whatever! Enter in first place, and scan the area.

NXVIII: Hum... (scans) There are no life form signs inside... but wait, there is somethin big in here!

CHIQUILIN: Heya, man! There is some kinda space ship, yes! Who built it... that brute from before?

DISCOLO: He said he planned on travelling to other planets on this thing. I wonder if it worked already...

NXVIII: Here is the engine's lid, I will check it... (HEAD: Ah, finally!) Wha? What are you doing here?!

LEADER-HEAD: Well, you know I'm tough to take down, sweetie, and that berserked guy decided to connect my robotic head to his ship to make it work as a navigator. Must have read the manual...

VEGETAL: Yeah, good, but we aren't here to watch Isabel Gemio's show. If you wanna save that head guy, take it and return to our ship. The Tenkaichi Budokai's about to start and I am signed up...

(Meanwhile in Gragea Corp, Cooler is still trapped inside the test tube with no way out.)

COOLER: _Those dupes do nothing else apart from analyzing me. They took samples of my tissues, inserted probes in all kind of orifices, feed me with fish fodder, and I still do not know what they want..._

(Rosbiff and his assistant come into the room, the alien gets distrustful about his visits.)

COOLER: _I must figure a way out... but this dammed electric current...! Mmm? Someone comes..._

ROSBIFF: Get ready for the tests with the Unit-00! (ASSISTANT: Yes sir!)

(Cut to a room being flooded, and a close up of a robot that can only be... the EVA-00!)

WILMA: It's official now, dad has gone crazy... What is next? Move the quarters underground or something?

NARRATION: A day and a half has passed since that...

CHICHA: (doorbell rings) Heeey, kids! You could come open the door, can't ya? _Having a maid handy..._

CHUNGOHAN: (off-screen) I am training with Bidet, mom! (CHICHA: Yeah, now it's called 'training'...)

GOKU: Hi, honey! (^_^) What's for lunch today? (CHICHA: (0_0) *faints*) Er, Chicha...? honey?

CHUNGOTEN: (comes) A stranger has raped mom!!! (0_0) And copied my hairstyle...!

BIDET: (storms in) Stop it there, pervert! Don't lay a finger on her or...!

CHUNGOHAN: No, Bidet, wait! I think he is... DAD? (GOKU: Do I really have a son that grown up?)

(Half an hour of double-crossing explanations, everyone there more or less understands.)

GOKU: Oooh, so ten years have passed and what not... (CHUNGOHAN: Finally!) And what's a year...?

CHICHA: *holds crosses/garlic/monk charms*.

BIDET: _This family is very, very weird... although, after knowing mine, I don't know...._

CHUNGOTEN: Cool, I won't be the class' orphan anymore! (^_^)

NARRATION: Some space travellers finally arrive at home...

DISCOLO: (disembarks) Ag, finally some firm ground. This sort of travelling makes me motion sick...

CHIQUILIN: Eooo, guys, we have returned! (VEGETAL: Bah, what a drag.)

WILMA: Thank goodness you are finally home. My dad has suffered a nerd-itis attack or something, because he is making a Lucas movie-level of fuss over a certain issue... (¬_¬)

(And the big day has come! Our characters are gonna meet near the great stadium.)

REPORTER: Today starts the Tenkaichi Budokai, organized at national and planetary level on Patan City! Our beautiful West Capital has become the center of everyone's attention!

LOUDSPEAKER: The bulk of the planet's better fighters have reunited at the qualifying rounds hall!

REPORTER: The great champion, Mister Patan, is already welcoming the celebrities who came to attend the most important event since our dear infantas' weddings!

(In the outer side, Goku and his male family are approaching the Rosbiff's group.)

CHUNGOHAN: How did mom take it?

GOKU: (black eye) Well, when I explained her I didn't return for her sake but 'cause I wanted to take part in the tourney, she got really mad... just why did she? (CHUNGOTEN: Do I have a father that moronic?)

WILMA: Oh, look, here is Chungohan... (whisper) and stop floating, you are scaring the old ladies here...

TAKATRANKS: (¬_¬) Screw them.

(Wilma recognizes the spiky haired man besides Chungohan, and promptly faints, of course.)

GOKU: Geez, you saw how I make them faint? I must look like the Martini man or something!

(Inside the building, all the fighters are awaiting for their turns in the sign up queue.)

CHIQUILIN: Wow, what a scary bunch... (YANSHA: Yep, this time they look potent...)

VEGETAL: Okay pals, I am signed up. You sure of not wanting a piece of the action?

YANSHA: Nah, thanks. My time has passed, I don't have a chance against those brutes.

CHIQUILIN: Don't worry, we came for the show, and we won't miss on it, we bought a full-tourney inscription.

NXVIII: I am participating too! (VEGETAL: Oh, the fused one! Didn't they separate already?)

CHIQUILIN: Don't mention it... they still don't know how to revert the process, and the worst part is, the boy of the other one also holed up in my house, so now we don't have any intimacy!

NXVIII: That is of no concern now! I have sworn to win this tournament and clean our honour, dirtied by Mr. Patan, smashing his sorry face! (VEGETAL: Hey, I already called dibs on that!)

(On the outside, Goku and Vegetal's families are still putting their peers up to day.)

GOKU: So I decided I wanted to participate, and seeing my wife while at it... (WILMA: *sweats* Ah, yes...)

BIDET: (holds tickets) Ah, Chungohan, you are finally here! I already did all necessary sign ups and stuff.

CHUNGOHAN: Good, now we only need to wait till the qualifying rounds start! This is such a thrill!

WILMA: Yes, nice, but I'm only here because Takatranks wanted to attend it. The ticket was hella expensive...

(Back to the insides. Patan and his cohort get ready to make their entrance at the stadium.)

MAN: Mister, the contestants are waiting for the qualifying rounds to start up.

PATAN: Okay, here we go. Looks like my loyal fans are dying to glance at me!

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention people, here comes the one to inaugurate our event, the world champion, Patan!

PATAN: Hi there, simple and thankful crowd! (does the V) Now, brave and naïve bags of punches, the qualifying rounds to decide the tourney's final roster are about to start! I hope you do best to show your skills, because when you lose... you'll be mercilessly ignored! Now jump to the arena, and let the smacks fest begin!

CHUNGOTEN: Hey Takatranks, did ya bring the 'thing' we needed? (TAKATRANKS: Yes, it's in the bag!)

WILMA: What are those two plotting? (?_?)

(The fighters are on the inner hallway checking on the latest opponent-selecting device.)

CHUNGOHAN: You saw? They've improved in organization. Now the rival is selected with a computer!

REFEREE: Finish picking your keycard, the results will be shown on the monitor!

GOKU: Where's the monitor? I only see a wall. (CHUNGOHAN: Er, Bidet, watch after him for a while...)

VEGETAL: Bah, bunch of faggots... _and this card allows me to pick an opponent?_

BIDET: Where is mine? (CHUNGOHAN: Here. I couldn't get more than two at a time, this is overloaded!)

(In a mysterious place, the shadowy figures of Babidi and Dabra lurk, watching it all.)

BABIDI: The moment's near, my agents are roaming around the tourney's grounds, there's no way we can fail!

DABRA: I hope so, midget, I don't trust your own power anymore.

BABIDI: You won't dare doubt my power again, when those slaves get a hold of what I need. They key to the Armageddon will be freed! And our power will be limitless, we'll conquer this world, MWHAHAHAHA!

DABRA: Yep... by then, I hope we will be able to pay the electricity bills. (BABIDI: *visible silence*.)

NARRATION: The qualifying rounds begin, contestants fight by rigorous turn, and the monitor shows... huh?

MONITOR: (girl voice) Oh, Victor Fernando Javier! You DO love me, or you won't tell me until episode 305?

TECHNICIAN: Hey, bring someone to check on the monitor's connection!

LOUDSPEAKER: Zakura is qualified! Great Puyaman is qualified! Contestant Vegetal is... but let him go, man!

VEGETAL: Ah, so they don't need to die? Should have told earlier! _Bunch of wimps..._

PUYAMAN: You have given us a good show... (BIDET: Thanks, you weren't half bad yourself, either...)

VEGETAL: I have not seen those ones before, they have arrived just a minute ago...

PUYAMAN: Are they from some hidden school or something? It could be, seeing those tattoos...

BIDET: I don't know, but I don't like their looks at all...

(They are pointing to Babidi's two mind slaves, Yamu and Spopovitch. It's NXVIII's turn.)

REFEREE: It's NXVIII versus Slumber! First Round! (NXVIII: Chaaarge! Huh?)

SLUMBER: Im Slumber, and my power consists on burying you under my most tedious stories' drowsiness...

LOUDSPEAKER: Ooh, contestant NXVIII has fallen into the most absolute sleepiness under the psychic attack of Gaiman's complete works! If she doesn't awaken in 10 seconds she will lose the round!

SLUMBER: Stand up, William Shakespeare, let's go on a whore hunt and then...!

SIGN: It's amazing what a flipping gas mask of the 30's can lend itself to!

SLUMBER: How come? The density of my works' most elaborated plots are too much for you? Maybe you would rather read that merchandise driven crap called 'manga'? To me, they aren't better than thrash...

NXVIII: (awakens) Now I will take you to your DEATH bed! You intellectualist son of a...! (combo's his ass)

LOUDSPEAKER: Contestant NXVIII is qualified! When we can check if contestant Slumber still breathes...

NXVIII: (holds lungs) Don't waste your time. (VEGETAL: This girl fancies me! (^_^).)

LOUDSPEAKER: Next Round: Zabel, aka Raptor, versus Great Puyaman! (RAPTOR: Let's rock!)

PUYAMAN: My turn, I will see ya later. (BIDET: Okay, but stop it... it's embarrassing.)

VEGETAL: (stares) Those guys keep giving me bad vibes... _if Discolo were here we'd know for sure..._

(The round starts, Raptor uses spinning spikes against Chungohan, but he stops him.)

SPOPOVITCH: Is he the one? (YAMU: Must be.)

BIDET: He is doing great, another hit like that one and the ugly guy will be kissing Hell's ground!

VEGETAL: I am afraid he hails from just there, girlie...

PUYAMAN: Eat dirt, pal! (rushes) (RAPTOR: Okay, now I am serious!) (chainsaws)

LOUDSPEAKER: Contestant Puyaman must stand up in ten seconds or he will lose!

PUYAMAN: (sees Le Malta) What's this?! Mommy...! (is swallowed)

RAPTOR: Blitz off! (grabs ball-shaped Puyaman)


	41. special issue: Super Dragon Fall Turbo

SPECIAL ISSUE:

_SUPER DRAGON FALL TURBO._

[That Power Ranger-ish title in today's issue denotes a new direction which the doujin is about to take. The authors (not me, I am only the fan subber) scrapped the Boo saga and made a totally different storyarc. Also, from now on there will be no more leading articles nor summaries to translate.]

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RAPTOR: (slams Puyaman) Strike... and HOOP! (PUYAMAN: Mommy...!)

BIDET: Chungohan! (RAPTOR: Screw ya!) (LOUDSPEAKER: Puyaman is out!)

PUYAMAN: Arg... did someone get that aircraft carrier's plate? (pain)

SPOPOVITCH: I'm afraid we judged him wrong. He is not the one we are looking for. He failed miserably.

YAMU: Then I think we should be switching our target... (VEGETAL: (?_?).)

BIDET: Chungohan! (tends to him) Come on, tell me where does it hurt you...!

PUYAMAN: Arg, no, mommy, I don't wanna go to school today... (still pain)

YAMU: In fact, I have decided on one already... did you see?

SPOPOVITCH: Yeah, true... has incredible potential, and was devastating in battle... the power, the speed...

VEGETAL: Heh heh... (mental Pinocchio nose)

SPOPOVITCH: That GIRL is perfect! We must steal her power! (VEGETAL: *shock*.)

(In the shadowy area where Babidi and Dabra lurk, seems like they found Boo's egg.)

BABIDI: We have found the receptacle of his power! The Destroyer CAN come to this plane!

DABRA: I hope you are not wrong this time.

VOICE: No, my sad and ignorant comrades... you both are wrong this time... (BOTH: huh?)

(The voice belongs to another shadowy figure, in the shape of Jedah from _Darkstalkers_.)

JEDAH: (PLAF!) (pwned them) To think they could take advantage of my protégé was their worst mistake... and now, to Earth! To announce the arrival... of my KINGDOM!

(In Gragea Corp, Cooler is still trapped and Wilma has returned to ask him something.)

COOLER: _Ah, here she comes... that damm girl with the funny glasses..._

WILMA: Well, as for now, dad is the one who has researched you the most. This is something I wanna know...

COOLER: _What does she want with me? _(?_?)

WILMA: Won't you know by chance just what my dad is plotting? (he facefaults) It is driving me nuts!

ROSBIFF: (comes) My dear, if you are so worried about what I'm preparing, come with me and you'll know...

(Back to the stadium. Babidi's slaves have gotten themselves to attack and kidnap Bidet.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention ladies and gentlemen, there is an alert in the qualifying rounds area, where a non-regulated fight has broken out and is destroying the arena stage!

MAN: Crap, no! It was too expensive! (PATAN: What, they dare not to obey my rules?)

PUYAMAN: Just where did these two come from?!

BIDET: No idea...! Bah, don't move from behind me. Vegetal, man, why don't you help a little?!

VEGETAL: Pfff, why should I? They don't consider me a match for them. Come on, go and show off!

SPOPOVITCH: Ha ha, looks like your friend has crapped his pants! You won't beat us, girlie! We'll take you!

BIDET: Who are you? And where the hell did you came from, freaks?

SPOPOVITCH: Can't you tell from the mark on our foreheads? We are the **Malos!** [bad guys] This is what the big fat M stands for! Honestly, you are a bunch of illiterate dorks!

VEGETAL: Hum? (narrows eyes) I sense a very powerful aura, it... (BROUUUM!) (ex plosion) *cough* It can mean... the arrival of... *cough* a new threat... (charred)

PUYAMAN: (cape rolled over) Arglgl... Bidet, you there? I got blind all of a sudden...!

BIDET: Shut up for now! There is something roaming inside this smoke cloud!

(Jedah has appeared before the lot, carrying a charred up Patan who laments the loses.)

SPOPOVITCH/YAMU: Are you our master? Are you here to... reward us? (^_^)

JEDAH: You are right saying I am your master, but don't expect me to reward you...

(In Heaven, Tente has finally broken in panic, sensing the coming of the Destroyer.)

TENTE: The Armageddon is here! It's finally here! It's our end, Pompom!

POMPOM: Ah, the worryness fit again. I know, being the damm Gosh has to be hard... _Just like Stan Lee..._

ROSBIFF: (reads screen) What's happening? The energy measuring devices went crazy!

WILMA: Something is going on, I have a bad hunch... I wish I hadn't left the kids back in the stadium!

VOICE: Who are you, intruder? (JEDAH: Hum... who wants to know?)

DISCOLO: (appears) Me, Discolo! King of Demons, Politicians and all those Hell-ish beings!

NXVIII: Get him, now that he is distracted! (BIDET: Go for the head!)

(Jedah prepared a shiny energy ball, which blinded everyone... after that, no one knows what happened...)

*****

RADIO-CLOCK: Good morning, citizens! The weather forecast for today is favourable, some clouds will descend above G-Capital over a clear sky... district 25's streets are still being repaired...

GIRL: Shut up already! (throws grenade)

(The gunpowder bun doesn't explode, thankfully. We're in a cheap apartment building, 'Rally' Vincent awakes.)

RALLY: Awww, another sunny day at work! So cool! (camera pans over her Die Hard videogames) I love this job... it's so thrilling, so full of surprises... and most of all, being able to see my sexy little boss... is such a turn on! (gets flowery)

(She goes over to have a shower, while still updating us on this new-fangled plotline.)

RALLY: Moreover, today we've been appointed to go to Gragea Corp's main quarters. What will they want to discuss? Ah, uncertainty is killing me! I never had patience for surprises, whatever it is, must be important...

(In Gragea Corp, Wilma and an assistant are waiting for her arrival, she is announced.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Miss Montecarlo has entered the building.

WILMA: Okay, take her from the main hall and bring her to my presence.

RALLY: (arrives) Hiii, ma'am! Glad to hear of you! What's the reunion's motive today?

WILMA: You will know soon, Miss Rally Montecarlo. We are waiting for your partner.

VOICE: I'm here doctor. Hello there, hunnie. (RALLY: Bossie!) Please, just plain 'boss' is enough, thanks...

(The partner in question is Chungoten, dressed in what looks to be an Inspector Gadget cosplay.)

WILMA: You see, we have been working in what you requested... a potent and versatile vehicle.

RALLY: Oh, yep! We need to catch the bad guys, and they always go too fast for us, ya know? (car noises)

CHUNGOTEN: Excuse her, doctor, my partner isn't as sharp as I would want her to be.

WILMA: Well. (¬_¬) Then, and considering your suggestions, we built a prototype that can be rather useful...

RALLY: Is it big? I love big cars! But size doesn't really matter, right? What do you say bossie?

CHUNGOTEN: You see, I'd rather not talk about that...

WILMA: Judge for yourself. (shows car) I present you Gragea Corp's G-600 model, to be used in advanced missions!

(The car seems to be a Volkswagen Beetle, to which Rally puts a disbelief-ridden face.)

WILMA: This vehicle is fitted with everything you would need for your future tasks...

CHUNGOTEN: Show us, doctor! I like it, just my size...

WILMA: For starters, this prototype has at its disposal a module for pursuit purposes, weapon systems and more trinkets we'll be checking on the go. Furthermore, it's more heavily armoured than Aznar's car...

CHUNGOTEN: Say no more, we'll be taking it! I am eager to try it. (RALLY: I don't! It's ugly...!)

WILMA: By the way Chungoten, I really need to talk to you in private.

RALLY: Don't try anything funny on my bossie! (CHUNGOTEN: Calm down hunnie, don't be a jealous bitch.)

WILMA: Em... I haven't found yet... a way to revert the process, but I didn't notice any bad side effects.

CHUNGOTEN: Don't worry, it looks good on me, doctor. Still, now is not a good time to be testing anything... we finally found a clue about the balls! (Rally storms in)

RALLY: Bossie, we can't spare any more moment! Should I take the bike, or maybe...?

CHUNGOTEN: No, I refuse to keep travelling in your motorbike's glove compartment having a new car handy! I was starting to get a Happy Meal complex because of it...!

(They take the car, and Rally can hardly fit her attributes inside its narrow inner space.)

RALLY: (drives) Ouch! This car is so narrow, the wheel is crushing my...! (CHUNGOT Pull out the list, now!)

CLARA: Really, he is taking it very well, his current state I mean...

WILMA: Yes, but still it was a stupidity stuffing himself with my husband's Viagra stash thinking it was candy... seeing as he isn't totally human, his alien genes reacted in an unexpected way, giving him an IQ of 200...

(The doctor and her dark-tanned lab assistant return to the building, discussing the plot.)

WILMA: When we tried to get Kehuron's balls after the Second Smack and discovered they had banished without trace, he committed himself to gather them. He put on his old Inspector Gadget cosplay from his graduation party, and I don't know how he ended up paired with that bounty hunter wannabe girl...

CLARA: I wonder if all this is really necessary...

WILMA: Meh, as long as I don't have him here all day telling me how to do my work...

(The boy and his aide de camp drive around the city, he tells her the last instructions.)

CHUNGOTEN: Well, we are in the city centre. Let's check over the plan. Do you know what's your part?

RALLY: Explain me again, please... I find it hard to focus with the knees pushing on my chin...

CHUNGOTEN: (explained) Can't miss them. We followed its signal, and that marble players' club has a ball!

(Background image changes to represent the missing Kehuron's balls flying away.)

CHUNGOTEN: We figured out that after all the time we have forgotten about them, Kehuron's balls ended up in the black market, and some skilled dealers scattered and hid them all around the place... now they are in eight very different locations, ranging from socks, picture frames, garden statuettes and even pets...

RALLY: I will say it again: I don't like this car in the least...

CHUNGOTEN: It's not a matter of liking it, but of taking advantage of it. Then again, we got it for free, missy...

(A giant foot tramples over the street very near of them, roughly missing the G-600.)

CHUNGOTEN: The heck was that...?! The Marshmallow Man or something...?

(Gragea Corp, the staff there has located the giant monster and is taking measures.)

CLARA: Boss, we have a blue alert in the G-Capital's city centre. Should we send some battle airplanes?

WILMA: What planes are you talking about, dang it? Send out the AVE's, of course!

TECHNICIANS: The AVE unit is in the launch pad! Five minutes until it goes out to bash some skulls!

CLARA: The AVE's already set, but we still lack a suitable pilot. (WILMA: Worry not, one has arrived...)

(Chiquilin, sporting a new mohawk, drags a slightly older Takatranks to the launch area.)

TAKATRANKS: NOO! DON'T WANNA! I would rather be a jury in a karaoke contest! (stands up) Geez mom, I told ya thousands of times this just doesn't fancy me! Why do I have to pilot that thing?

WILMA: Because there is no other one, dear. We have no Goku handy nowadays. Chiquilin, get the kid ready.

CHIQUILIN: Okay, doctor. Let's get to business, brat. (drags him)

CHUNGOHAN: You must hurry, people! Three minutes until contact with the enemy!

TAKATRANKS: But isn't here that weird new girl, Rei Awmommy? Can't she do it?

WILMA: Ah, yes, her. She suffered an accident. You'll have to substitute for her, dear.

(Said while she pushed a button labelled 'accident' and a girl's pain scream echoed there...)

TAKATRANKS: (plug suit) Bah, I look like one of those lame reality-show dancer boys...

CHIQUILIN: The suit is needed for piloting, it will protect you from external injuries.

TAKATRANKS: You sure? (CHIQUILIN: Well, no.)

(A giant mechanical foot kicks all civilians from the danger zone, and the robot emerges.)

LOUDSPEAKER: The objective is over Gragea Front! Civilians are being evacuated! The AVE-01 is out!

TAKATRANKS: Ah... I don't like the looks of this... huh? (0_0)

(The giant monster is a huge Cobi, the mascot for 1992's Olympics. It has a glowing core.)

CHUNGOHAN: Oh gosh, it's freakier than I thought... (WILMA: Takatranks, don't be impressed, just fight!)

TAKATRANKS: Okay, don't rush me! How can I beat this thing? _Should I poke it to see if it deflates...?_

(The big Cobi glints his eyes and immediately after he begins to play Spanish music.)

TAKATRANKS: Aaaarg...! Country pop at full volume! No! (pain) I can't take it...!

CLARA: (covers eyes) I can't see it...! Too gross! (CHUNGOHAN: The Third Cherub has spread its AT field!)

RADIO: The Cherub's attack is injuring the pilot's brain functions! If it doesn't stop it will mind-kill him!

(The 'Cherub' then does a physical attack and the AVE heavily stumbles backwards.)

RADIO: The pilot is a-OK!

TAKATRANKS: Of course. (¬_¬) I don't do a victory dance because there's no room. Oh, shit... I'm not cut out for this! I am only a snobby kid! Why did mom chose me to do this?

VOICE: Bah, wuss! (Vegetal's ghostly image.)

TAKATRANKS: (0_0) Wha? DAD?!

VEGETAL: Why are ya crying like a pussyboy?! Are you gonna wear you mom's skirts too? Stand up, damm it!

TAKATRANKS: But the situation is all fucked up, so I...

VEGETAL: Please! That's why I let the AVE-01 swallow me in the synch tests? If you can't do it, let a real man!

RADIO: Unit-01 is still motionless, and the objective keeps attacking! (WILMA: Ah well, N2 bombs then...)

AVE-01: GROAAAR! (belch)

WILMA: He's awakened...! It's Vegetal, I am sure! Only him can belch in such way!

AVE-01: Now you are toast, surrealist plushie! I am gonna turn you into a Paralympics mascot! (attacks)

(Some buildings collapse, while the robot has the monster pinned against the ground.)

AVE-01: Do you like the Ska, freak? Should I dance some over your crushed balls?

CHERUB: (glint eyes) (jumps) (AVE-01: Heeey, what are ya, a giant Flubber mass?!)

(The giant Cobi self-destructs or something, leaving an Olympic-rings shaped cloud.)

RADIO: The Cherub has been destroyed! AVE's frame damage is minimal! (AVE-01: *coughs*.)

CHUNGOHAN: Yeah, we did it! (BOY: We are da bomb!) (WILMA: Vegetal, I hope there isn't another girl!)

RALLY: Hey, bossie! Look, the ball appeared among the rubble. It was inside a giant bocce-ball idem...

CHUNGOTEN: Yeah, nice... (crawls outta G-600) Aw, that hurt...

CHIQUILIN: (opens plug) That was terrifying, wasn't it, lad? (TAKATRANKS: You don't know half of it...)

(Some citizens were not evacuated or else, because there are charred people near many of the buildings.)

RADIO-CLOCK: Today, a huge scale event has shaken our city again: nothing like this since the Second Smack dark times! Gragea Front unleashed its **Aniquilacion y Violencia Exagerada** 'AVE' units, with optimal results!

CITIZEN: (charred) Sure they were...*cough*.

(Back in Gragea Front, Wilma is talking to her dad about the recent alien invasion.)

WILMA: The objective was destroyed, but... a good chunk of the west neighbourhood was too as well. If this keeps going on, I'm afraid we'll only be watched with good eyes by the construction companies...

ROSBIFF: Well... the important part is having beaten the Third Cherub. We would earn good money by founding our own real-estate agency. (pause) by the way, my girl: could you move me to a bigger tank? Maybe with some penguins or some kinda little animals to make me company, you know...

(The man is encapsulated in a big test tank, much like the one Cooler was 'jailed' in. In a faraway place...)

DISCOLO: We are still far away from the last signal... doesn't matter, keep going on.

POMPOM: (drives slider) I have been driving for 15 hours straight, I'm getting tired! What about resting a bit?

(In the apocalyptic landscape they're exploring, the human and robot main characters from 'Contra' appear.)

HUMAN: What are you looking for? And where do you come from?

DISCOLO: You could call us 'stalkers of the darkness'. We look for a source of evilness. Could you help?

HUMAN: Can't do much for ya... another guy who also looks for that source roams this place, along with a little girl and a flipping big sword... (DISCOLO: Heh, then let's look for him! He can help us...)

(Gragea Front again, Chungoten and Rally leave the quasi-crushed G-600 on the hangar.)

CHUNGOTEN: We are sorry, Wilma, the G-600 was damaged in his very first mission...

RALLY: I'm not. It's ugly! Couldn't you exchange it for a Mustang? (technicians arrive)

WILMA: Don't worry, the G-600 will be repaired, and tomorrow will be useable again.

(The main characters sit around a table and discuss matters, to update us on the plot.)

WILMA: The important thing is, the Cherub conflict ended smoothly. This time only a neighbourhood exploded... with the two previous ones, we lost the last cities remaining intact, apart from the G-Capital...

RALLY: And the Toys 'r' us case was a low blow... (WILMA: Please shut up, Rally...)

CHIQUILIN: But then again, it was not something to victory-dance over, you know.

WILMA: Three years have passed since the Second Smack reshaped the Earth, and the Cherubs arrived to our world... Kehuron's balls are becoming vital in these desperated moments of need...

CHUNGOTEN: Got it, gal. We already have a bunch, and when the car is patched, we will resume search.

WILMA: How is the Unit-01 doing?

CLARA: Wasn't as damaged as the G-600, now it's being infused two hundred liters of valium and a pacifier...

WILMA: Okay then, let's summarize a bit: since the Second Smack, the world population has been reduced to almost the number of Ruiz Mateos' party members... its defence forces are us, Gragea Front, and the only city still standing is this same one. The rest of the planet is plagued by little settlements of survivors, much like in Terminator. Truth is, the fact that entire cities were turned into salt, cardboard or frikkin ice-cream was, really... shocking. We haven't gotten over it yet...

CHUNGOTEN: Very tragic.

WILMA: My own father is living an ironic hell, because of having locked up in a tank that alien villain called Cooler. Something made him assume the consistency of jelly, and we had to keep HIM inside a tank...

(Image of Kid Buu on a shadowy background while the doc continues her exposition.)

WILMA: We are confronting a power not of this world. Something truly fearsome was born during the Second Smack... something still more destructive than the Dance version of 'Macarena'...

CHUNGOTEN: More? You sure? (¬_¬)

WILMA: We haven't located the enemy yet, but Discolo is looking for his trace. Gave him a sock to smell...

CHIQUILIN: And Soson Goku? I know it's like fertilizing a corn field with napalm, but he would be minimally useful. Does anyone know where did he go? No offence intended, 'kay Chungohan?

CHUNGOHAN: Nah, none taken... *sigh*.

WILMA: The Goku issue's still a total mystery. We only know that some day he told us he would be travelling to a parallel dimension to train his resistance to pain and what not, but he got sidetracked with a Rubik puzzle a hobo sold him, and eloped with some piercing freaks or else...

(Let's take a breath as we put out the horrifying background to return to Gragea Front.)

WILMA: Well, while we wait for Discolo's news, let's end repairing Unit-01, continue the tests with the Unit-00, and have the G-600 fixed for tomorrow. Come on, get to work, session's adjourned!

BOY: Er, the technicians say that 'for Saturday, or they resign'. (WILMA: Promise them some extra, then!)

BIDET: (walking away) Chungohan, dear, you look worried... you have had that poker face all week. Is it about that radioactive platypus bite...? (CHUNGOHAN: You say it, it wasn't nice at all!)

(They continue walking along a hallway on their way out of the meeting, and building.)

BIDET: But we already tested you on the medical labs. You are out of danger, there is only a minimal trace of radioactive waste on your blood, as innocuous as a non seasoned burguer... then why?

CHUNGOHAN: Dunno... maybe it's only an unfounded mania... truth be told, I never was quite normal to begin with, having a moronic father and an education-mama... then I hoped to find stability working in Gragea Front, but well... bah, as long as I don't grow a beak and a swatter tail I'll be alright...

CLARA: (still there) Should I stay to supervise the fixings?

WILMA: You can go to bed, Clara. Tomorrow will be a hard day, I'm sure. Thanks for your interest, though.

CHUNGOTEN: Well, hunnie, now it seems I'll have to suck it up and return home in your suckier-yet bike.

RALLY: Okay bossie, I can carry you on my lap! You will travel more comfortable in such way, ne?

CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬) Don't want to snuck my nose, but back in my village, girls like her were stoned alive...

NARRATION: And to end this, a peek at the villains' dark and gloomy lair...

SQUID-DEMON: (looks pot) They destroyed the third Cherub and they're still tracking us... they're so stubborn.

CHAINSAW-DEMON: Bah, I won't worry about them. If I ever face them, we'll play 'surgeons'... and amputees.

DANDY-DEMON: Don't underestimate them, boy. Furthermore, we don't want them in pieces. Just wait...

(Kid Buu is there, torturing a fly in his hands. The rest of demons wonder about him.)

ONE: Someone should try to tell him something...

OTHER: And who? He only ever pays attention to Jopeh. It would be like playing bowl with hand-grenades...

JOPEH: Effectively... he will only trust me, gentlemen! (ONE: Jopeh!) As you already know, Booboo is still developing his mind and powers. We must give him time, and we will see results in a not so far future... when we kill all those Gragea Front goonies with our Cherubs, the world will be ours, and no one will interfere in our plans ever more!

DANDY-DEMON: _What plans? I don't know about his, but I have my own agenda!_


	42. issue 39

ISSUE # 39:

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NARRATION: It is a dark time for the Rebellion... –wait, that has been done already... let's see- [lyrics of Smurfs' theme] [lyrics of Maya the Bee] Ah, heck... 'In a place at La Mancha whose name isn't remembered even by its mayor –what a drunkard he must be- not long ago happened an event that reshaped our Earth's surface, much more strikingly than 'El Corte Ingles': the Second Smack, after which our heroes looked for a way to settle right what once got wrong... _what a sorry way to skip drawing a page!_

SIGN: I like creamed potatoes. And Gloria Fuertes too. It's one of those days...

(Donovan and Anita from _Darkstalkers_ walk around the barren landscape, while Disco lo and Pompom scout.)

DISCOLO: It's very near now, come on! (POMPOM: Arg, I'm sick of having the wheel!)

(Some bandits of various appearances are waiting in some ruins to ambush them.)

PUNISHER-BANDIT: How many suckers are there? (WOLVERINE-BANDIT: They're two, and a bag, in a slider.)

DISCOLO: I sense a dark, stifling presence... (POMPOM: Yep, sorry, must have been the canned beans...)

(But the Vietnamekian knows it's something worse, so he orders his partner to stop the vehicle.)

DISCOLO: Pompom, I think things got a turn for the worse... (WOLVERINE-BANDIT: You said it, peahead!)

(A ninja-like bandit comes from above, to sum his forces with Punisher, Wolverine and Ghost Rider bandits.)

POMPOM: (0_0) We are surrounded! And I didn't even pass the red-belt exam when I was in grade school!

DISCOLO: Who are you? I warn ya, we are not interested in the Watchtower...

NINJA-BANDIT: Hu hu, don't worry, we're humble and respectable bandits who live in these ruined cities... Now, let us relieve your vehicle from its heavy looking cargo...

DISCOLO: Sorry, but this pack won't be of any use to you. However, it's invaluable for me... I can't lose it.

WOLVERINE: (unsheats) I don't recall ever asking you for it, peahead. It was a damm order, okay?!

NINJA-BANDIT: You are very daring, chap. Well, have it your way! (pulls out juttes)

DISCOLO: (¬_¬) You have watched too much Karate Kid. (PLAF!) (punched him)

BANDITS: (0_0) Huh? (NINJA-BANDIT: Get him!)

(The Ghost Rider bandit tries to snatch him with chains, but Discolo uses the Special Beam cannon.)

RAT: (explosion) People's trying to sleep, hippies!

DISCOLO: Okay, Mister Pompom... we are off. The objective is very near.

POMPOM: Yeah, like yesterday, and like last week... near WHERE, I say?

(Scene changes to an office. Chungoten, in clown attire, and Rally, in a tuxedo, talk to a ringmaster guy.)

RINGMASTER: Then, are you the ones we were expecting?

CHUNGOTEN: Well, when we were summoned for the job, we didn't give it a second thought, sir.

RALLY: Yes, we didn't think about it. (CHUNGOTEN: Ahem, she almost never 'thinks'. About anything.)

RINGMASTER: Okay... this recommendation letter gave me excellent adjectives about you both, and there is no time to be looking for any more applicants, so I have to say the job is yours!

RALLY: (^_^) Weee! (CHUNGOTEN: Rally, please, don't act so kiddy, this is serious!)

(They exit the office inside a wagon, and make their way through the circus grounds.)

RALLY: We were so lucky getting the job here with such ease, right bossie?

CHUNGOTEN: Hunnie, that was hardly difficult... considering that the previous clown sniffled a lethal dose of itching powder, and the magician pulled a C4 packet out of his hat... the letter part was cake.

RALLY: Let me see if I understood... there's a Kehuron ball hidden somewhere in these circus grounds?

CHUNGOTEN: Your logic astounds me, girlie. Yes, exactly, but we don't have any clue of where. The only thing we know is that it was hidden in a quite big picture frame. But where can you find one in a circus?

RALLY: Well, maybe they have a museum or something?

CHUNGOTEN: (¬_¬) Ahem... for now, let's mingle with the artists that are rehearsing to earn their trust.

RALLY: (0_0) Those are REAL elephants?! (CHUNGOTEN: Very discreet, this girl...)

CLOWN: Aha, you were here! (grabs Chungoten) Hey guys, found the little one! Shall we start or not?

RALLY: Bossie! While you look that way, I will go check the big top!

TAMER: Hey missy, they want you over there for your magic act. Hot stuff.

CLOWN: Lesee, is the cannon ready? (CHUNGOTEN: The cannon?! (0_0).)

CLOWN 2: Yep, and this is the target. It's settled already, so in with the boy!

(They stuff Chungoten inside the cannon, and are very able to try and blast him off!)

CHUNGOTEN: Pardon me, but...! _Ew, this thing smells like firecrackers..._

CLOWN: Nothing to say, pal! You know, tonight you will be blasted and land where I put the mattress.

CLOWN 2: _Thing is, I didn't really met this boy until today..._

(Rally has been returned to the Ringmaster's presence to rehearse the magician's act.)

RALLY: So, what do I need to do? _I only know how to shoot guns... and drive cars..._

RINGMASTER: Let's see, you are the magician, aren't you? Then, start doing a couple tricks for tonight's act!

RALLY: Yeah... something easy... like pulling things out of a hat... _Come on, can't be that hard, I saw it a million times on TV... _(checks) Look, I pulled out a handkerchief! Or is it the hat's bottom...?

RINGMASTER: I'm afraid tonight's performance will be a tough trial. (TAMER: Calm down boss, we'll manage.)

CHUNGOTEN: (lands there, painfully) Ack! (CLOWN: I told ya, the shot is misaimed towards the left!)

(We go to Jopeh's lair of demons, a Freddy demon comes with news about a visitant.)

FREDDY-DEMON: Where is the boss?

DANDY-DEMON: He went to check on the Cherubs, in the development plant. He will be late, why?

FREDDY: We have a visit... so tell him as soon as possible.

(In the plant proper, Jopeh is showing Kid Buu the bunch of all their available Cherubs.)

JOPEH: I will soon have to leave you, Booboo, and that day, the Cherubs will follow only you. Although I know it will be hard for you, I hope you'll learn to control them. It is a matter of time...

(Pause to take breath, and to show a doctor like character charged with their creation.)

JOPEH: All of them were designed to look terrorizing, destructive, or intimidating at the very least. Doctor Emp was the one to give life and develop the different Cherubs. (EMP: No prob, boss.)

BOOBOO: *amazed*.

JOPEH: In a short while we will send another one to G-Capital. It can fail, we'll pierce their defences!

NEEDLE-DEMON: (arrives) Is that you, Booboo? I was told I would find you here.

BOOBOO: Gee, the pincushion guy...

NEEDLE-DEMON: I came from a plane not far from Hell. I have something here you could be interested in.

BOOBOO: Hey, how could you put all those needles on? I wanna try.

JOPEH: (covers mouth) Shut up, don't mess with him! Lookie, Mister Hedgehog, what the hell you want?

NEEDLE-DEMON: Judge by yourself. This is a picture we got this very same morning.

(In the picture appears Goku, chained at a post, grinning stupidly and doing the V.)

NEEDLE-DEMON: That moron guy from the picture summoned us thinking we were a fitness centre and has been chained there since. We've loaded him with hooks, hanged gas bottles from his nose's hairs, made him watch all late-night TV adverts, and he's still grinning like an idiot! The bastard does NOT suffer! We haven't had problem like this since the Marquis of Sade!

JOPEH: As I see it, you are the ones suffering... why don't you stay with him for a little while? I know you love rocking his socks... so enjoy it while I find a suitable solution.

NEEDLE-DEMON: Ah, right... I haven't thought about it 'that' way... (leaves)

BOOBOO: Hey, did ya know who the guy in the picture was? Why did you leave him with them?

JOPEH: If he is who I think he is... it's better to hold him prisoner while I plot something to do with him...

(In Gragea Front, lab assistant Clara takes a printed paper and reads it to her boss.)

CLARA: Boss, a mission report! Chungoten and Rally are on the good road about the balls, it's in the outskirts' circus. They think tonight will be the best moment to grab one.

WILMA: Can they guarantee it?

CLARA: No, but it's better than nothing, I suppose.

WILMA: Alright then, have them keep searching. If there isn't excessive destruction of property, I don't mind.

CLARA: (^_^) Good!

(In the circus outer wall, a robber sets his eyes on the G-600's shiny-shiny bodywork.)

ROBBER: A little car left alone and with no nearby vigilant... doesn't look too shabby, but beggars can't be choosers. Nowadays this model is pretty rare, so it must be owned by a nostalgic rich gramps.

(Begins to tinker with the keyhole, but it traps his hand and the alarm starts sounding.)

ROBBER: Aaaarg, my hand...! (pain) What the fuzz is up with this piece of junk?!

G-600: Anti-burglar system initiated... (beep) (takes off) (ROBBER: Heeelp, police...!)

(A policeman enters the station's office and alerts the chief about the busted robber.)

AGENT: Chief! You remember Rufo, the cars burglar? He has arrived just now at our door running behind a Volkswagen beetle, he locked himself up in a cell and the car took off already... with no driver!

(Back into the circus proper, the two spy agents are getting more and more desperate.)

CHUNGOTEN: We are out to perform in a minute and there is no trace of our target!

RALLY: And the only thing I managed to get out of the hat were some pinches in the butt...

RINGMASTER: (megaphone) And now the performance of our amazing cyclist bears!

RALLY: We only have the main ring left to check...

CHUNGOTEN: But this is absurd! Have you ever seen a big picture in the middle of...!

(The big sign reading 'Circus Popof' hanged from the big top says hello.)

CHUNGOTEN: How didn't we realize it before? Now, go control the main ring's crowd while I check the frame!

RALLY: Roger, bossie!

CHUNGOTEN: (offs nose and hat) Finally, the clowning around it's over! I'll get the ball and off we go!

LOUDSPEAKER: Give an applause to our cyclist bears! They are pros on their two-wheels, they even take drugs!

BEAR: _This is un-bear-able..._ (BEAR 2: _Mine has no saddle...!)_

CHUNGOTEN: (climbs) I hope the frame's not very stuck. If they bust me, I'll have to flee with the picture...

RALLY: Hum, seems like they haven't noticed bossie yet. I'll call up the car and move it near the exit...

(But she gets discovered roaming around, and they make her go out to perform inmediately.)

LOUDSPEAKER: And now, the magic act of our great sorceress, Wha-did-cha-call-her No-one-really-knows Shes-a-last-minute-addition We-hope-she-doesnt-suck! First, her disappearing trick!

RINGMASTER: Come on, mister, now our magician will make you disappear in thin air! Isn't it thrilling?

RALLY: Ah, yeah, a moment please... (gives him a bomb) hold this thing for a while... (backs off)

MAN: Hey, pardon me... do I need to blow the fuse or something? (BROUUUM!)

RINGMASTER: Er, good manners would dictate this performance needs to be stopped now, but our audience is sacred to us, so... I am outta this place!

(While Rally does the trick of 'sawing in two', Chungoten keeps his screwdriving labor.)

CHUNGOTEN: I don't know what the heck's Rally doing, but they're having fun. Kids are laughing their ass off...

RALLY: And now for the swords and box trick! Huh? (PLAM!) (picture fell)

CHUNGOTEN: (shows ball) I got it! Let's get outta here!

RINGMASTER: Someone get that criminal! He is destroying my dear circus top!

CHUNGOTEN: (angry crowd) Uh oh. I don't like this. (0_0) If you want, my company will pay for the damage...

G-600: (dramatic entrance) (RALLY: Oooh, G-600, you came without me calling you up! Let's exit stage, now!

CROWD: Get the midget! Unleash the elephants on him! (CHUNGOTEN: Ooops, this suddenly got sticky!)

(Rally grabs the kid by the collar without even stuffing him inside the car, and nitro's.)

CHUNGOTEN: The pole! Mind the pole! (RALLY: What pole...? AAAH, the pole!) (CRAAAC!)

(They crash against the big top's main pole, and it collapses covering everyone there.)

CHUNGOTEN: The fence, mind the fence! (RALLY: The wha? AAAH!) (CRAAAC!) (CHUNGOTEN: Never mind...)

RINGMASTER: (phone) Police station? Yes, Popof Circus. Two barbarians impersonated my artists, destroyed an irreplaceable picture, smashed my audience and took down the big top. Arrest them, bombard them, aaarg!

TAMER: Master, I can't find the cyclist bears anywhere...

(The two agents are already far from there, and plan what to do with the newfound ball.)

CHUNGOTEN: Well, this makes two balls. Let's go home, I wanna clean my face from all this make up...

RALLY: (^_^) I find you cuter that way, bossie. (CHUNGOTEN: Shut up and drive, or I'll have to shower ya.)

NARRATION: We cut again to the inhabited wastelands, nest of villainy and home-shopping networks.

POMPOM: You sure it's here? I can't sense any unusual aura or anything.

DISCOLO: I supposed as much. I don't pay you for doing that, you know.

POMPOM: Let's leave it at 'you don't pay me', period.

DISCOLO: Let's try this... (shouts) who serves in this place?!

POMPOM: _'Who serves in this place?' I'm afraid the prolonged contact with humans has made their vulgarity stick to him... ah well, as long as he doesn't start calling me 'hey paisano'..._

VOICE: Who are you? You exude a powerful aura... (DISCOLO: Please, leave the 'ki' crap already, pal.)

(Donovan comes out of the shadows, and brings Anita and his sword Dhylec with him.)

DONOVAN: I am Donovan –not the one from 'V', kay?- and I am a stalker of the darkness... just like you.

DISCOLO: Then join the end of the line, mister, because yours truly has the priority! Did I explain myself?

NARRATION: When the famous Second Smack occurred, and the world's surface reshaped, one of Fate's most hilarious quirks was that the gas pipe which held the palace of Gosh turned into Italian pasta... and of course, the crash was ginormous...

GAUL: (buried) This time, Toutatis went overkill... (GAUL 2: Heya, Sakarin, long time no see, dude!)

CACOPHONIX: But I did NOT sing, I swear!

(Back from the flashback, Discolo continues narrating to his fellow stalker of darkness.)

DISCOLO: Due to such irreparable damage, we found ourselves homeless, and to carry less baggage Gosh and me fused to become Goshcolo... now my servant Mr. Pompom and me are travelling in look for our destiny... and our sworn enemy.

POMPOM: More like, the townsfolk would spank us if we didn't flee the place. (DISCOLO: No one asked you!)

DONOVAN: I see we are looking for the same enemies... it's better to travel together. But no faggotry, 'kay?

DISCOLO: I couldn't care less, as long as I don't have to share the spoils at 50/50%...

DRAGON: (crawls outta robe) Aaarg, finally some fresh air! (DISCOLO: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot...)

SIGN: Yep, he is the one on the cover art. We had to put him somewhere, right?

DRAGON: It's okay to carry me in there to save on tolls, but I also need to breathe...!


	43. issue 40

ISSUE # 40:

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DRAGON: Don't give me those looks! If you were having your nerves busted for years being summoned for the stupidest of things, and stressing your ass out, you would also shrink away in pure agony! And to boot they're trying to gather the balls again! Ha, they are in for a surprise!

DONOVAN: That balls part... won't this lizard be by any chance the mythical Kehuron, the one with 'eight balls plus the White One'? I think I saw him once, in a weekly news report...

DRAGON: Don't touch mah balls, or you are asking for trouble!

DISCOLO: Yep, it's him indeed. But he's been screwed over much more than us, since quite a while ago...

VOICE: Enough chatting! You have come for me, right? (DISCOLO: What?)

(The voice is that of a bull demon, who has come there to wreak some havoc and that.)

BULL-DEMON: Then, let's start cracking some skulls! (pose) I am the guardian of this realm! Are you gonna fight or keep on with the confidences? (pause) Hum, what is that? It's a 'stalker of the darkness'! You, the ponytailed pansy! Do you plan on defeating me with that overgrown paperknife?

DONOVAN: That is my goal, and I will succeed at it. I'm going to shut your blaspheme mouth forever! _Geez, these earrings are too heavy... they are making my ears look like Pluto Pup's!_

DISCOLO: No, Donovan, wait! We can't rush things now! (PAF!) (DONOVAN: Urg!)

(Gragea Front. Wilma is punishing Rally and Chungoten for making such commotion.)

WILMA: A destroyed circus! More than twenty casualties! Wild animals loose on the city, and a car that brings its own robber to the police station! Is this your idea of a 'discrete' operation?!

BOTH: (pain groans)

WILMA: Now you will sit down there thinking about what you did, and then I will tell Albertito to stand up.

('Albertito' is a big humanoid robot, crushing the two Gragea agents with his rear end.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Blue alert! A new Cherub attacks Gragea Front! (WILMA: Baiba...!)

(This time, the cherub is a giant prism with a hole in the centre, and an angel halo.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Objective 'Cherub # 4' is in the city centre! Initiate the evacuation!

CLARA: The AVE pilots are in school at this moment! (WILMA: Then bring them here immediately!)

(Chiquilin enters Takatranks and Rei's classroom and carries them out by their waist.)

CHIQUILIN: Heh, you know, brat, it's such a small world... I was just passing around here, and bam!

TAKATRANKS: Yeah, now to top it, you try to be funny... (REI: *autism face*.)

(The cherub fires piercing lasers that nuke some buildings and cause serious tremors.)

WILMA: The Cherub has begun attacking! Evacuate the civilians, and fast!

CHUNGOHAN: At this rate it can penetrate into G-Front in less than half an hour! And the pilots?!

CLARA: They are on the way, they're being geared up!

NARRATION: On the other side of such a crisis, some other beatings take place...

BULL-DEMON: Har har, you have been too naïve underestimating my power! And all those typical lines...

ANITA: *sigh* Come on, let's leave... (carries Donovan by his ponytail)

BULL-DEMON: Now you can think about coming back home with your mama, and not returning here ever! (evil laughter) Har har, I am sooo evil... and I sucked on Clinton's!

DISCOLO: Aren't you forgetting something, mister? I'm still here, and I walked a long path to just return now!

BULL-DEMON: Very well then, as you wish. You will have your share, and I will have a new victim!

DISCOLO: You talk too much. (DEMON: Taste my Hell Fire!) Ha! Demonic Field!

(The demon fires and Discolo raises a barrier... but Dhylec has eaten the blast whole!)

BULL-DEMON: That sword... it is the demon hunter's! It has a mind of its own?!

DISCOLO: Ha, this has been providential... now, no weird tricks! You'll have to beat me fair and... huh? (0_0)

DHYLEC: *glomps demon*. (DEMON: Arg... poor thing must have been hungry.)

DISCOLO: Er, well... Mister Pompom! You can come out from... wherever you hid away as a lowly bugger.

POMPOM: The 'lowly bugger' part... is it because I am black? (DISCOLO: Again with the same nag!)

(We had left Gragea Front in the midst of a Cherub attack, and Wilma explains things.)

WILMA: The security operatives are deployed already. This time, the enemy attacks at a range, and the monster's leftover debris gets turned into peanut jelly... iced one, to boot.

(She shows a blackboard in which the two AVE are fighting with a knife and slingshot.)

WILMA: The plan is simple. Rei Awmommy and the prototype-00 will attack at range too, while Takatranks and his model # 01 will approach the cherub and fight it at close quarters. Understood?

BOTH: (?_?)

WILMA: Please, I want no artistic criticism. There was no time to draw a Rembrandt's.

CLARA: (peeks) Quicken the theoretic class, miss! The cherub is just over G-Front!

WILMA: Go and board the AVEs! You will all find the necessary gear on the surface. Move yer asses!

(The robots go out, and we can see Unit-00 for the first time. Takatranks orders the girl.)

TAKATRANKS: Good, get the ranged weapon and I'll keep on. At least I hope it's better than the picture's...

(Rei walks back one street, and what do you know, the weapon IS a giant slingshot...)

CLARA: They are finally off, what a thrill! It reminds me of when I watched Gatchaman on TV.

CHUNGOHAN: What was that? (?_?)

CLARA: Oh, just like Power Rangers, but on cartoons, and with plots that didn't make people cringe...

WILMA: I worry most about the civilians... we need a faster and safer method to evacuate them...

TAKATRANKS: I'll show my father I don't suck on my thumb anymore! Charge! (laser) Heck! (rebounds)

(The AVE tumbles and is going to fall flat backwards, crushing whatever is under him.)

TAKATRANKS: Watch out down there...! (CRAAAC!)

LOUDSPEAKER: Some buildings of street # 57 have been sunk, they're nailed through our main ceiling!

WILMA: Goodness... (^_^) It isn't such a bad idea after all. (CLARA: Pardon me?)

RADIO: Rei? (REI: I have it at fire range. I am getting bored.) Don't worry girl, that is normal on you. Wait for Unit-01 to get out of harm's way and then shoot! (REI: If that's my mission...) Jeebus, this girl is a handful...!

(Unit-01 stands up again, but this time Vegetal is in charge. And he taunts the monster.)

UNIT-01: Knock knock... (sadist face) I am gonna leave you more creamed than stew, pal! (charges)

RADIO: Now, Rei, shoot! (REI: Okay. *sigh*.) Wait, stop! Unit-01 has entered the danger zone!

(The bomb falls into Takatranks' hands, and it explodes to the tune of 'Macarena'.)

WILMA: (tremors) Everything's tumbling!

CHUNGOHAN: _Huh? My spider senses are tingling! _To the ground! (pushes her)

WILMA: Boy, mind those hands! (monitor falls, misses her) (CRAC!)

CLARA: Boss, are you okay? (WILMA: Er, yes, I think...)

CHUNGOHAN: _Now that I think about it... I had NO stinking 'spider senses' before! Then..._

LOUDSPEAKER: Objective 'Cherub # 4' has been destroyed! What about the AVEs?

VOICE: (offscreen) Rei's one shows almost flat brainwave readings... (WILMA: That's normal, try the other.)

(In Unit-01's readings' screen, appears Vegetal's burnt outline, he's not very happy...)

WILMA: Vegetal, you slob! You went to pilot the AVE just like that one who left for a tobacco pack, and if they ask, 'never knew her'! There is another girl involved, right?

VEGETAL: Listen gal, I'm not exactly inside a caribbean paradise, if you want to know! Instead of lecturing me like a stuck-up parrot you could do something useful, like, don't know, FREEING me!

WILMA: (screen blackens) I hate him when he acts like that...

NARRATION: The pilot for Unit-01 was rescued unconscious from inside the robot...

REI: I was told to ask you if you feel better.

TAKATRANKS: (respirator) Ah, well, apart from not knowing what the heck went on, I think so.

REI: I was told to be glad. Well, I am off, I was told I need to pee. (leaves)

TAKATRANKS: *sigh*. _I don't recognize this ceiling... have they repainted it again?_

NARRATION: And meanwhile, in that den of vice and perversion... nooo, I don't mean a comic-book store!

DEMONS: Aaaarg! / Flee at once! / The boss is angry because of the Cherub! / He will turn us into cookies!

BOOBOO: (silent rage) (sadness fit) *snif* Buaaaah! Why do they break my toys?! Not fair! (big facefault.)

DANDY-DEMON: I don't want to sound inopportune, but I think we should reconsider our strategy, sir.

JOPEH: I know... we have felt too many backhand hits. Someone, call that guy in the pincushion mask!

(Back to Gragea Front. Chungoten and Rally have been spared and are ready to leave.)

WILMA: I suppose you would have reconsidered your attitude... right, boys?

CHUNGOTEN: (back aches) Etto, well, yes...

WILMA: Good, then. The G-600 has been fixed again, now go home and tomorrow you can return to work!

RALLY: But I really think she was too harsh... we didn't do as much damage as to...

CHUNGOTEN: Shut up, don't make things worse... and don't kill anyone if I don't tell you so!

BOY: We'll have to remake the city's maps again... (WILMA: What about Chungohan?)

CLARA: He left home, he felt sick and asked for a time off.

(In Chungohan and Bidet's apartment, the guy is angsting about his newfound powers.)

CHUNGOHAN: It's my end! I'm changing, I know...! Strange perceptions manifest in my body, ones I never had felt before! Not even when I still had my Puyajin abilities!

BIDET: Come on, Chungohan dear... this job is stressing, I admit it. Aren't you simply having a crisis period?

CHUNGOHAN: No, can't be that! I felt what was gonna happen, it wasn't a mere reflex reaction! No one could have told that screen was gonna fall on us! I AM A MUTANT! _I will be pointed at, like dad..._

BIDET: My poor man, you are really scared... (0_0)

CHUNGOHAN: It's useless trying to hide what I am, tomorrow my new life as a street avenger will start, doomed to use my inhuman powers to defend a world who will always hate me! _Take that!_

BIDET: (¬_¬) Chungohan, dear... if you are so tired of your job, why don't you ask the boss for a change of section or even some days off, instead of looking for such a lame excuse? So to speak.

(We cut to Jopeh's lair, he's discussing the Goku issue with the demons who hold him.)

JOPEH: Well, then we all agree on this. Tomorrow I will make an announcement to the whole world! I will proclaim we have that Soson Goku guy in our hands. Booboo, stop messing with the milkshake!

BOOBOO: Guh? (stirs glass) (JOPEH: And then... we will FORCE our conditions on them!)

NEEDLE-DEMON: Ooooh, it's so mean and cruel... tell me again, I am getting such a turn on!

JOPEH: With this conjoined work, I think we can admit you into our society. Alright?

DANDY-DEMON: What do you mean? Since when do we admit in our group the first guy that does us a favour? I am saying: since when have we needed so many members in the team? We aren't a football club!

JOPEH: Let's be realistic for once, clown. Since I unleashed the Second Smack my power has been diminishing. I am consuming my time here, soon I will leave this plane. On the other side... Booboo will take quite a time to develop his judgement... and he will need a powerful and loyal sequitur... got it? So now, shake your hands as proof of good will between associates!

(Dandy and Needle demons shake their hands, but Needle gets something nailed on his.)

JOPEH: Let's go ahead with the plan. I need to do a spectacular entrance, so call that Lucas guy!

NARRATION: The sun rises over Gragea Front... and the rest of the city as well, of course.

RALLY: Aw, bossie... I am dying to sleep... did we really need to get up that early?

CHUNGOTEN: The surprise factor is key, hunnie. Furthermore, take a look at where we will go today.

RALLY: (reads file) WHAT? A construction site in the middle of the city? No way, I will get my hair dirty!

CHUNGOTEN: Gee, it's the first time you aren't eager to 'get dirty'. Come on, Detective Barbie, put on a helmet!

(In Chungohan and Bidet's, Patan's only girl awakes without her husband at her side.)

BIDET: Dear? (?_?) It's weird, he doesn't usually get up so early... has his salary been raised or else? (walks to kitchen) Chungohan, what are ya doing in the kitchen so early? Did you get a bulimic fit because of the stress? (0_0) HOLY MARY! What the fuzz has happened here?!

(Her dearie has sewed a Spiderman-like suit, but platypus themed, and he has it on.)

CHUNGOHAN: Ops, Bidet, I didn't expect you to get up early. Well, you see, this will be my official costume when fighting crime doers. I was just trying it on.

BIDET: You have broken all my sewing-machine needles to make a Super Grover costume?! It's smoking!

CHUNGOHAN: You have to understand, dear! I can't just ignore my new obligations! I have a power, and a responsibility! From now on, and knowing a platypus bit me, the world will call me PLATYMAN!

BIDET: Oh yes, I understand it very well! You are a walking inferiority complex! Why do men can't assume that women CAN get a job?! And why do you have to solve your neurotic fits making such big fusses?! Why don't you GROW UP already?!

CHUNGOHAN: (0_0) Ah...

(The almighty Gragea Loudspeaker puts everyone up as the blue alert warning sounds.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Beeeeep! Emergency, blue alert all over Gragea Front!

RALLY: You heard that, bossie? (CHUNGOTEN: Yes, stop the car on that corner and see what's up!)

WILMA: (pyjama, Vegetal plushie) Arg, attacking at seven in the morning... now that's pure evilness...

BOY: (pig pyjama) Ha ha, what a scruffy look! I didn't know you were into that stuff!

CLARA: (tigress pyjama) Oh well, look who's talking... (¬_¬)

WILMA: Hey, that's enough! We have an emergency, so get on your places!

VOICE: It's an energy sphere, it has manifested above the city centre!

CHUNGOHAN: (arrives) Sorry for the delay, I couldn't shake off my... pyjama! What is up this time?

WILMA: We still don't know. Are the pilots on their units or not? _And where are my glasses...?_

RADIO: The two AVE pilots have been geared up the moment the alarm went off, now they're waiting orders!

TAKATRANKS: *snores*. (REI: *autism face*.)

(In the energy sphere begins to appear Jopeh's shape, ready to make his announcement.)

JOPEH: I salute you, brave rebels of Gragea Front! I'm Jopeh, the chosen one to bring the kingdom of darkness to this world. Having broken the Necronomicon seal, the god of chaos Booboo has revived!

(Pause to take breath, and to see the agents' reactions.)

JOPEH: When the event known by you as the Second Smack was unleashed, Booboo's forthcoming made all superpowered beings disappear. Only your technology's advances allow you to resist, using those grotesque colossus to stop the invasion of the titan-like Cherubs we send to subdue your cities!

BOY: Yeah, we are that and a bag of Cheetos! (WILMA: Shut up, don't ya!)

JOPEH: Now I am gonna show you a guest who has been spending some time with us...

(In the sphere appears Goku's face, with a 'is this switched on?' expression or else.)

JOPEH: You do recognize him, right? Then if you don't surrender G-Front and the city... we'll RELEASE him!

CHUNGOTEN: Grrr... (RALLY: (?_?).)

JOPEH: You have until this month ends, so you have time to pack and leave for another planet to keep rocking. Now the Earth is ours to command! We will turn it into a theme park for netherworld-ers... see ya!

BOY: Is this bad...? (WILMA: No... it's way worse!)


	44. issue 41

ISSUE # 41:

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NARRATION: When it seems that things can't get any worse...

(A cyber looking samurai boy and a girl in armour appear in middle of the street, emitting warp-like sparks.)

BOY: We did it! Now we need to move!

NARRATION: Over in Gragea Front, Wilma stands up to Jopeh's threat to the best of her will...

WILMA: BUAAAAAH!!! (desperate wail)

G-BOY: Is that Soson Goku guy so terrible? (CHUNGOHAN: Ahem...)

CLARA: Let's return the AVEs to the hangar, now we need to call an emergency meeting. And bring kleenex!

TAKATRANKS: (elevator) It seems we got out of trouble for now, but I'm afraid thing can only get worse. On the other hand, you have an enviable iron will. Does this matter not worry you?

REI: I don't worry about anything, really.

(Cut to the barren wasteland where Discolo and Pompom just defeated the bull demon.)

DISCOLO: Overcome the first barrier, we only need to check what that monster was hiding so earnestly.

POMPOM: Dunno. The entrance to Fraggle Rock?

(They see two rods magnetically connected. Then Discolo lifts a rock from the ground.)

DISCOLO: Could it be that? (POMPOM: Maybe it is where they leave their thrash?)

(Throws the rock he had and it disappears in the nothingness, as to confirm his theory.)

DISCOLO: It's what I thought. A dimensional gate! Now someone should try to pass to the other side...

POMPOM: Shall we look for a guinea pig? (pause) (Discolo gazes) Brmglfx...! (enters)

(Bzzzz! In another dimension, a two-headed demon checks on some thrash compactor.)

HEAD: What happened just now?

HEAD 2: Don't know. Someone entered the compactor and then left immediately... like trying a new bathtub.

DISCOLO: Well, looks like your suspicions, albeit ridiculous, were right... it IS a place for disposing thrash.

POMPOM: (cube'd) I am so glad to hear it...

NARRATION: Back in Chicha and Chungoten's house...

CHICHA: (cleans) Bah, this Chungoten boy! Since his brains changed he's gotten way more obnoxious! He goes out at such late hours just to look for the infamous balls, and with that girl who could pass for her mother! Dear lord, he's only ten! Ah, well, if that's the price for not being an idiot like his father... and just look at this room! I don't have a son here, but a bachelor!

(Samurai boy and armor girl have reached the ogre lady's house, and check the area.)

BOY: Is this the place? (GIRL: The readings can't be wrong, it really is here. Where is that moron...?)

CHICHA: Who's there?! (cracks door) Are you thiefs?! You don't know who you are dealing with!

GIRL: Enough! (backhands her) (CHICHA: Agh! *faints*.)

BOY: (0_0) Is she...? (GIRL: No, I only knocked her out. We didn't come to kill her.)

(Gragea meetings room. The complete staff is reunited there, still in their pyjamas.)

WILMA: Are the AVEs stored safely?

CLARA: Yep, they are already disconnected and sedated.

WILMA: Let's begin then. The matter is dire, contact with Goshcolo as soon as possible and have him return immediately. We need to think fast. I want an evacuation plan for the G-capital, now!

CHIQUILIN: _The boss looks hot in her pyjama, guys..._

(In the mid of the city, Chungoten and Rally arrive to the aforementioned construction site.)

RALLY: (parks) Is this the site, bossie?

CHUNGOTEN: So to speak... if we are to judge by the scaffoldings, the cranes, diggers and the total lack of security measures... and by the way, I still think your helmet is not adequate for this job.

RALLY: Geez bossie, don't give me that crap, it was the only one I had at home from the last Mardi Gras...

(The girl has adorned her head with a Storm-trooper helmet... they go further inside.)

CHUNGOTEN: Lookie, leave the helmet issue and go to the point. Hey, could I speak with the foreman?

FOREMAN: It's me. What do you want? Maybe organize a costume party at this site?

CHUNGOTEN: (shows ID) We are inspectors from the Ministry! We came to do some analysis's on the building. We want to be sure it complies with the regulation, as to not need to close it, 'kay?

FOREMAN: Yeah, of course... _I'd swear he showed me a Megatrix Club ID..._ (leaves)

RALLY: (helmet off) What are we looking for exactly, bossie? Won't be a picture, of course...

CHUNGOTEN: Wow, how smart. Did you figure it yourself? We look for a sock. The ball's hidden in its inner lining. We should start by checking out the worker's barracks...

(Back in Chicha's, the foreigners have tied her up and are now interrogating her.)

BOY: I will only say it once more: where is Soson Goku?!

GIRL: There's no time to lose, don't pity him! He must die as soon as possible in order to prevent a catastrophe!

CHICHA: I... I am fed up with this... I only wanted some love... a family... and I had to fall in love with a chimp with an IQ in the negative numbers... after all those absences, shocks, beatings and apparent deaths, he takes that damm puzzle and disappears again. When will all this stuff end...?

GIRL: What? You mean he took the puzzle already?! (BOY: It can't be! Unless... miss, what day is today?)

CHICHA: It's Wednesday... 10th of October... why? _Is there some league match held?_

BOY: God, I knew it! That damm junk didn't work after all, it couldn't be that easy!

GIRL: Then... oh, no... (cries) Grandma, I am so sorry...! (hugs) (CHICHA: (0_0).)

(Again with the Puyajin boy. They have found a suspicious looking covered hole there.)

CHUNGOTEN: Ha, look at that well and its lid! It's a perfect hiding place for the sock, if they found its content!

RALLY: But there is a steamroller on top of it, bossie.

CHUNGOTEN: Exacly, it's quite suspicious that such machine is parked just here... move it, I will check.

RALLY: But it's very heavy. Should I switch it on? With this button here... WAAEY! (is dragged)

CHUNGOTEN: Meh, looks like it was designed to be handled by someone bigger and stronger. Anyway, she will stop when she finds a wall... for now, let's head down here.

(Bzzzz! Craaac! Those two noises alert the foreman and he comes to them shouting.)

FOREMAN: The hell was that?! (bruised Rally) What happened? I demand to talk to your boss now!

CHUNGOTEN: (crisped) Arg, in the end, the well had just a junction box... how was your ride, hunnie?

FOREMAN: Stop this inspection before there are casualties! And tell me what the heck you have done!

RALLY: Should I start...? (pause) Look, we wanted to retire a steamroller that covered a well's lid and...

FOREMAN: And why do you put your hands on things without asking first? No matter if you are inspectors!

CHUNGOTEN: No, of course, you are totally right... I must have realized it was a junction box before...

FOREMAN: Aaaarg! All neighbourhood's power network... to hell!

RALLY: Thing is, when switched it on I couldn't control it and dragged me over to that zone there...

FOREMAN: There?! There is where we have been building the site's main pillar!

RALLY: Nah, calm down, I didn't even scratch it.

FOREMAN: Thank goodness... I would have killed you with my own hands!

RALLY: I mean, as it headed downwards a slope, it crashed against a big blue car, and so the ride ended...

FOREMAN: (heads over) Arg, what a terrible hunch...! (RALLY: Are you listening?)

(The big blue car is apparently the foreman's, as he has a fit or rage at such a sight.)

FOREMAN: IIIIIRK! I KNEW IT! My dear SUV!

CHUNGOTEN: (drags her) Come on, expert roller driver! Let's find the dammed sock before this place becomes the next Death Circus! (RALLY: But it isn't yet?) Enter this barrack, we'll hide inside!

FOREMAN: Where are those inspectors? I'll sign an all-risk insurance to the one who hands them to me!

BUILDER: Define 'all-risk' technically.

(Inside the barrack proper, the Gragea agents proceed to hunt down the coveted item.)

CHUNGOTEN: Heh, my sixth sense tells me that this time we nailed just on the place!

RALLY: Which one is that sense, bossie? I thought I had them numbered correctly...

CHUNGOTEN: Leave the nonsense for your off-work days. Look, there is a sock and a suspicious bulge...

RALLY: Yuck, seems like the sock's owner has to use a king-size pair of shorts...

CHUNGOTEN: I knew it, the ball is here! (grabs it)

SHADOW: (booming voice) Do you really want to put on my shorts, pair of perverts?!

BOTH: *heart attack*. (0_0)

BIG BUILDER: (nabs them) I was hoping to catch that bunch of perverts who fancy stealing underwear!

CHUNGOTEN: It's not what you think... (RALLY: Yeah, we only wanted a sock...)

(PAAAF! The two partners end up flying in opposite directions, and seriously hurt...)

RALLY: Ag, such a brute kick... and I ended up head first into this sack of rubble... where are you, bossie?!

CHUNGOTEN: Pseee, I fell in something quite softer... right into the cement mixer! I am getting dizzy...!

RALLY: (rescued) All's good, bossie, we can leave already! Just guess what I hid in my cleavage while Maguila Gorilla was throwing us to the next moon. (CHUNGOTEN: Gee missy, you are stunning...)

(The girl takes his boss, still trapped in concrete, and introduces him into the G-600.)

G-600: (beeps) Escape module, on! (RALLY: In with you! I have an ice pick at home.)

CHUNGOTEN: Great, and later you can tie me to the bed... yuck.

FOREMAN: (drives wrecker) There they are, in their toy car... now it's my turn! Yeee haaaw, sunuvas!

BUILDER: (phone) The police? Yep, in the name of our foreman... there are two crazy peasants that are posing as Ministry inspectors and are demolishing the site! Come here, quickly!

RALLY: Hey bossie, looks like the foreman wants to see us off. (CHUNGOTEN: (0_0)

(The foreman swings the wrecker ball with murderous intentions, towards their car.)

CHUNGOTEN: Mind the ball! The ball! (RALLY: It's very fast, I won't make it! AAAGH!)

(Craaac! Rally doesn't understand, but the G-600 has turned into 2007's Bumblebee or something...)

FOREMAN: Er... (0_0) I, you... mommy loves me... *gasp* (G-600 throws wrecker)

(BROUUUM! Yep, the car turned robot has launched the foreman against the building, vehicle included.)

RALLY: *shock* Bossie... did you know our car could do THAT?

CHUNGOTEN: It seems like Wilma and her team of mad doctors has to explain many things to us...

RALLY: Look bossie! (G-600 transforms) (CHUNGOTEN: So it goes back to regular form if not in danger!)

(The pair gets their ass outta there before the big wigs arrive. An ambulance arrives.)

MEDIC: Let's see! We have been called in the name of some inspector because some foreman was posing as two guys at the same time and also was trying to demolish the site or something, yes?

BUILDER: Er, something along those lines...

FOREMAN: Aaaarg! Where are those bastards! I will kill theeem! (swings screwdriver)

MEDIC: Hum, he has very suspicious looks. Ragerson, prepare the stuff. Excuse me sir, won't you be...?

FOREMAN: I am the foreman and his fecking mother if you ask! Have you seen a car that turns into robot and throws wrecker balls around and...! (MEDIC: Say no more, sir. Ragerson?) Agh, hey! This is a mistake, it's an outrage! Pelaez, tell them I am not crazy!

PELAEZ: Ah, yes, unfortunately... this morning he couldn't stand the pressure and snapped. The stress...

FOREMAN: PELAEZ YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS...! (PELAEZ: All-risk insurance my ass, sucker.)

CLARA: (over at G-front) Chungoten reports that they have collected a new ball!

WILMA: (silent rage) Oh, I know it, I've watched the construction site's fiasco in the news. I'll wait them here! I explicitly told them not to make such a fuss ever again!

CLARA: I am afraid they have suspected it, because they are directly heading home...

RALLY: (drives) Shall we go to my house then?

CHUNGOTEN: No, you are able to rape me! Leave me in mine first, and I will try to use the cheese grater...

RALLY: I didn't like this car thingy from the start, but now it seriously creeps me out...

CHUNGOTEN: Nah, don't worry, I deduce it will never bring itself to harm us.

(The two enter the boy's house, which has something weird going on... and he figures out as much.)

CHUNGOTEN: Wait, I feel something's not right here... pull out that pea shooter of yours and check!

RALLY: Always ready, bossie! (points gun)

(The girl begins inspecting the house at gun point, and suspecting the minimal changes.)

RALLY: Bossie is right, something feels different. Maybe it's the wallpaper, or perhaps that ugly fern...

(The girl approaches the house's kitchen, where the two strangers have hidden away.)

RALLY: Someone's moving there! Halt, I am armed! Don't try anything funny! (chas!)

(The samurai boy has cleanly cut her gun in half, though she didn't even see his face.)

RALLY: Bossie, he broke my prettiest gun and is now heading for us!

CHUNGOTEN: Don't let him, gal! Stop him, throw something at him!

(What you guess, Rally throws the still concrete'd boy much like Goku threw Vegetal all those years ago.)

BOY: (CRAC!) *KO*. (CHUNGOTEN: This girl's getting smarter or else...)

GIRL: (goes SPJ) Who are you intruders! Leave this house now or I will use my power to force you to!

CHICHA: (comes) Biscuit, wait! He is your uncle! (CHUNGOTEN: Say again? (0_0).)

(After a while of giving explanations, the intromission does not look like it anymore.)

CHUNGOTEN: Ah, let's see if I understand... your name's Biscuit, you are Chungohan and Bidet's daughter and somehow you have come from the future... right?

BOY: We come from a technologically dark era, in which Earth is ruled by Prince Revill's demons and where there is no science but the arcane arts... it was because of a mix of science and magic we could travel in time.

(Pause blended into narration with flashback, er, flash forward images to illustrate it.)

NARRATION: In our world, the governments have been abolished... and everyone and their mama is slave to the sorcerers and the armies of beastmen, demons, politicians and the like... working in monstrous factories to build weapons to conquer more dimensions...

GIRL: The mighty Prince Revill governs the land and rules his sorcerer generals from his planetary throne, which the prince himself ransacked from a defunct comic-book's store ruins...

CHUNGOTEN: Hold your horses, guys. What are you telling is, like, too heavy... are you saying that in the future all our civilization goes to hell? (RALLY: That's my man!) _Then the last city is..._

BOY: Certainly, everything detonated when the all powerful -and all moronic too- alien individual called Soson Goku was captured and used by Majin Booboo as a weapon to demolish Gragea Front...

_DEMON: Huy, Goku, look! An ugly spider! Kill it! (GOKU: Okay! (^_^).)_

_(Goku is told to crush a spider... that is drawn in the nuclear reactor's main panel.)_

CHUNGOTEN: Then, you travelled here to protect my old man from being captured... very smart.

BISCUIT: It's not that! We came to annihilate him so he can no longer do stupid feats that threaten us! But due to the archaic methods at our disposal, we could not calculate the jump...

BOY: Now our mission is as good as failed... having landed in the incorrect date we've lost our chance.

BISCUIT: And we can't return to make a new attempt either... as I said, our technology is too archaic.

CHUNGOTEN: Wait a moment! That is, in the era you come from... but in ours, G-Corp's technology is fresh and running! Let's head there, maybe they'll have what you need.

CHICHA: Are you gonna help them kill you father?! (CHUNGOTEN: Only if no other option arises, mom.)

(While this happens, Clara has received a phone call from the Conan Edogawa wannabe.)

CLARA: Boss, good news! Chungoten and Rally are on their way here, and they say to bring special cargo!

WILMA: (bondage gear) I know, dear. I have everything... ready. (CLARA: (0_0).)

BOY: (driving) Is this your car? I remember they were a bit bigger...

CHUNGOTEN: Well, it's a test prototype that... arg, okay, it's small! You have a problem? I am too!

NARRATION: Shrouded in twilight, another event happens...

(Some more time-space sparks, and the prince -and a coated demon- appear in an alley!)

REVILL: Where are we, my loyal hunter?

COAT-DEMON: Somewhere in time, my liege. Now we only need to trace the signature energy of that girl...

REVILL: Don't get cocky, my minion. She's powerful and dangerous, that's why I want her for myself... and I will make her mine, it's her destiny! Nothing will stop me!


	45. issue 42

ISSUE # 42:

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(Just to get technical, samurai boy is Biscuit's bro, and I will call him Cracker, to keep up the theme.)

TECHNICIANS: They have arrived! Clear the main hangar!

(Rally, Chungoten and his future family head inside the Gragea building, where Wilma awaits them.)

CLARA: Move aside, the boss is coming! And what a way to show up...!

WILMA: (bondage getup) I hope you have a good story to tell if you are to come here at this hour!

CHUNGOTEN: You see, I bring this girl Biscuit, who is my niece from the future, and we need to help her locate my dad in order to kill him and prevent a... (is stepped on)

WILMA: YOU SAY WHAT?! I told ya to come up with a good excuse, worm! Do you really pretend to make me believe such a stupid baloney?! (CLARA: Ops, busted...!)

BISCUIT: (hand on shoulder) Believe me madam, he tells the truth. If you don't want to let us use your laboratories, then we will suffice with a little self-service around here...

NARRATION: After explaining again all the stuff...

BISCUIT: You must help us, we can't stay in the same place for long! After we failed, we're sitting ducks!

CHUNGOTEN: But again, who would want to follow you by now?

COAT-DEMON: (in Chicha's) Good day, milady. Could you tell us the whereabouts of some punks who arrived from the future? We would like to have a word with them...

WILMA: (back there) But boys, we haven't developed any time-jump technology here in G-Corp...

CHUNGOTEN: OBJECTION! If my memory serves correctly, we have stored in the spare part warehouse a certain gadget that your kiddo used to come from the future back in the day, am I wrong?

WILMA: (checked) Ah, this is the vehicle... it was stolen by a bastard called Cellulitis a long time ago, and we found it in an open field, collecting rust...

CRACKER: Yeah, we know the tale. My dad managed to kill him, right?

WILMA: Yes, well... leave the past alone, please. We will take this thing to the lab and study it thoroughly.

BISCUIT: The idea is to transfer its technology to a bigger, more powerful device if we want to travel in it!

CHUNGOTEN: Do it then, and get this over with! I know those enemies are following your tracks. We must bring peace to our world as soon as we humanly can!

(Meanwhile an airship travels over the North Pole. A sign reads: 'Fortress of Solitude. I am not available!')

LOUDSPEAKER: Welcome to the fortress. The lord is not available for anyone. But if you are the monthly cheque's man, he actually is in the holo-farm of the south area.

MAN: (enters) Sir, I think we must talk this over...

(The one he is talking to is an older, buffer Patan, his beard grown thicker and his hair a bit messier.)

PATAN: Right now I am busy. Here, things can grow... the cereals, the cattle, the ozone layer's hole...

MAN: Sir, you must not forget your duty... your role as humankind's saviour demands your responsibility in this, our darkest hours...

PATAN: Er... did something crucial happened in these last months? _Did Rafaela Carra return to TV? _

MAN: It will be better for you to check it out personally, the matter is urgent, you know.

(Patan enters a dark room and switches on the voice-activated lights. Then he falls off a pit...)

PATAN: (pain) Arg, I always forget that this room needs to have a balcony installed...

SCREEN: This being appeared in a holo projection above G-Capital's skies, to announce an ultimatum!

PATAN: (sees Jopeh) Mmm, this guy rings a bell...

SCREEN: If G-Capital is not evacuated, he threatened to release the man pictured here.

PATAN: (sees Goku) Now this one DOES ring a flippin big bell! (0_0) Not him again!

MAN: This occurred two days ago. The company's financial council sent me to tell you to take responsibility on the city's behalf. (PATAN: Why do I have to?) I am afraid you must. After the Second Smack you managed to escape alive, and have been living here at the company's expenses, but your founds are actually in the G-capital. So you need to face the threat!

PATAN: And my daughter...? Does she know anything about all this?

MAN: Absolutely not, she thinks you're dead... for her own sake...

PATAN: Then my comeback has to be reserved. We need total discretion, understood?

(Gragea area again. Discolo enters via the hangar gate and the loudspeaker announces him.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Lord Goshcolo has returned, repeat, Lord Goshcolo!

WILMA: Ah, Discolo... now everything will be easier, using your skills we will solve this crisis!

DISCOLO: I'm afraid I bring rotten news. I found a gate where they come from, and it's one of many...

(Pause to let the rest take a seat, and then the Vietnamekian continues his report.)

DISCOLO: Our enemies are connected to this world through gates that they open at will, and thus are able to send their Cherubs here... we must look for some external help.

CHUNGOHAN: Could you use a platypus man?

WILMA: That means we need to gather the balls asap. Still, there is another question: some time travellers from the future are on their way to kill Soson Goku in the past, all before anything could happen to him, and some demon guys are following them. I don't even know if we have enough AVE power to handle them: it's the only thing we have...

DISCOLO: Heh, at least you have those. When your father began working on an energy source that could replicate the Puyajin power just before the Second Smack, it went real handy... without any pure blood Puyajins, they're the closest thing to them we have, but they are far from their real potency... however, we need outside help. And I know where to find it!

(Momentary cut to Jopeh's lair, the Freddy demon tries to give some news to him.)

FREDDY-DEMON: Master, we found an important demonic-energy focal point in the capital! ?? Where...?

BOOBOO: He said something about fulfilling his destiny and then left, just like that...

CHIQUILIN: (Gragea labs) What is your intention, boys?

CHUNGOTEN: Using this contraption's technology we will build a time-space jumper to allow us to travel to the era in which Soson Goku still hadn't disappeared. There we will dispose of him!

BISCUIT: The Earth's fate depends on this, we can't fail this time!

JOPEH: (shadowy) I am afraid I bring bad news, kiddies... (BISCUIT: *busted*(0_0).)

(The demon lord has appeared here before anyone could notice! The matter thickens!)

JOPEH: I see you are following my advice by building a vehicle to leave this place, but using it to travel to the past and then change it... It seems like, too rebellious of a thing for you to try, right?

BISCUIT: Grrr!

JOPEH: Poor naïve fools, you'll never be able to change what was already done. Now is when I reunite with my destiny, and you too...

WILMA: (peeks) Oh gosh, it's Jopeh! He's here! (DISCOLO: Gather everyone in the exit, I'll hold him!)

(The two monstrous beings -one more than the other- start with a mild staring contest.)

DISCOLO: Even with your power, I can't understand how you entered the quarters without being busted.

JOPEH: There is nothing I can't handle with my 'Gold Keycard'. But I suppose you won't be asking only formal questions, am I wrong?

DISCOLO: In fact, I didn't expect our next battle to be held so soon. My bones still ache when I fart...

JOPEH: Sorry, but it's not my problem. I only prepared Booboo's forthcoming, its effects weren't planned.

DISCOLO: Because of your protégé, Earth has become a paradise for the construction companies! All super powered beings lost their power, you left me without my hut, and you aren't satisfied yet? (unsheathes Dhylec) You have made me mad already!

(BROUUUM! Something has nuked the room's walls and the rubble buries Discolo.)

JOPEH: What was that?! I didn't order any attack yet!

REVILL: (comes) But I did. I crossed over the endless space time continuum to locate a certain bunch of slimy rebels. I am glad to finally meet you in person... father!

JOPEH: Wha? (0_0) I am your WHAT?

REVILL: Oh, come on, don't say you consider it so improbable, knowing that it was YOUR idea after all. I am the son you had with that human female from Gragea Corp, Wilma Rosbiff!

BISCUIT: I see you fraternize a lot with the enemy here...that would explain why the future's so screwed...

WILMA: I don't know anything about that! (CLARA: *sobs*.)

REVILL: The details aren't quite clear, as you both had died in my era... I only know what I could extract from an ex-member of this company by means of torture. I see the conception hasn't happened yet...

COAT-DEMON: Hum... (REVILL: Anyway, looks like I arrived in a crucial moment!)

JOPEH: Well, if there is no other way, we should fulfill our destiny... (^_^) Come here, my sweetie!

WILMA: (FLAAASH!) (laser'ed him) Luckily I always have the anti-rapist gun in my front pocket...

CLARA: I just use a spray, boss... (¬_¬)

COAT-DEMON: But... you saw that? She has killed him!

REVILL: Goody, looks like both our intervention and the rebel's have changed history. Funny, isn't it?

COAT-DEMON: Then... wasn't he some super powerful villain or something?

REVILL: Ah, yes he was. But since he unleashed the Second Smack he has been losing energy bit by bit. Right now he had almost no power left, he came here to, literally, die fighting with Goshcolo...

DISCOLO: (unburies) And those punks? Where have they come from...?

CHIQUILIN: Excuse me, but I believe you entered this party without an invitation!

REVILL: Oh, a human genetically enhanced to amplify his strength. I see you came up with a thousand weird solutions for the lack of super powers in your peers... (smug)

CHUNGOHAN: Yep, you see, I was bitten by a radioactive platypus and... (WILMA: Shut up Chungohan!)

CHIQUILIN: Okay, I will have to do it the hard way! (SIGN: Put here the Six Million Dollar Man theme.)

COAT-DEMON: May I go, boss? (REVILL: Nah, leave him to me, will be funny as an appetizer...)

(Does a weird magic flash and Chiquilin shrinks away, to finally reach him at knee height.)

REVILL: Heh, look what the cat has brought. Should we let the little animal eat him?

PLATYMAN: Release him at once! (REVILL: *lols*.) Good, I have some kind of fear aura after all...

WILMA: Now, Discolo! Now that he is beating the stuff out of that moron, throw him with something!

DISCOLO: I'm on my way, geez! (gathers ki) Let me think of something...

CHIQUILIN: Leave it, man, it's not worth the effort dealing with that guy... (sulks)

(Revill pulls out a katana from hammerspace, and also extends his wings further.)

WILMA: Beware, he foresaw it! He is getting ready to fight! (DISCOLO: Where does that blade...?)

(Revill does a single katana slash that Discolo could hardly counter with the big Dhylec.)

REVILL: Ah, I see that you can swing that blade, despite its... enormous size.

SIGN: Oigh, that sounded so gay. This panel is only for macho men. You know what I mean.

REVILL: It will be worth fighting you... another day. (DISCOLO: What?) Now I have some business to attend to, but I will return to deal with those rebels... let's go, we need to fix some things!

COAT-DEMON: Then we aren't staying and beating them or...? (teleported away)

WILMA: They are fleeing! No one is gonna try anything or what?!

DISCOLO: Tell me what then... I have sensed an aura so powerful that leaves Jopeh's at shoe level...

(Outside, Chungoten and Rally had boarded the G-600 and left the place unnoticed.)

RALLY: Where are we going, bossie? Why did we stampede over the guards to leave?

CHUNGOTEN: Shut up and drive, I have a plan...

NARRATION: In the demonic, cruel, mean, etc, realm... (Jopeh's lair)

FREDDY-DEMON: (Coat-demon grabs him) Arg... hey, people... I am afraid we have a new boss...

REVILL: Well, well, my dear old farts. It's over for this lair to be a sort of businessmen club... we are getting out there and wipe out those fools back at the G-Capital! And take me to that Goku guy, pronto!

NARRATION: And back in G-Front, our heroes -or whatever- get ready for the worst...

WILMA: With those things looming over us, we need the balls asap, now more than ever!

DISCOLO: That's the issue, I am afraid it will be no easy task reaching to them...

CHIQUILIN: (pluf!) Wow, I returned to my normal size. Looks like that guy's sorcery was a scam...

WILMA: Yeah, like certain helpers I know of... (¬_¬)

DISCOLO: As I was telling you, the balls' issue is getting complicated. Through those dimensional gates I could sense a presence that I hoped was banished from the universe: the Shits!

(Pause to take breath and to put an outer-space background following the Rule of Cool.)

DISCOLO: When the miracle of the magic balls was created in Vietnamek back in the day, the Cult of the Ball appeared as well, which based its philosophy on the behaviour of the Dung Beetle, and was divided into two opposite streams: while the 'Balls' spoke about the dung's shape and the way the beetle makes it roll, as an example of 'each power implies a load: you need to sort your ideas before deciding what to wish for', the Shits only thought 'bout the essence, the very nature of the power, 'be one with the dung' so to speak. There was a conflict...

(In the spacey background appears a random Sith lord, creating a ball of pure energy.)

DISCOLO: After a series of bitter arguments, the Shits left the planet swearing eternal grudge against the Balls' philosophy. They have practiced their doomsday summonings for eons, but they ended up disappearing...

(Background is back to Gragea's labs. Discolo adopts a more dramatic pose now.)

DISCOLO: Now that the balls can make the difference between salvation and damnation ,having found the presence of one of them could be fatal... they were formidable warriors! _At playing poker, that is..._

WILMA: And what answer do you suggest for the problem? Or maybe you only wanted to depress me?

DISCOLO: Only thing I know, is that a Shit always tries to gather the balls, if detecting one nearby. First thing I need to do I contact the masters who know of them the best, here in Earth...

NARRATION: But the masters are all on vacation! On the far away world of Rabando...

SIGN: A paradisiacal place, not yet tainted by any Starbucks emporium.

(Peskaito, Roshi and Sakarin just chill out in a palace's room, wearing black robes.)

ROSHI: Is it me or the vacation schedules for Retirement Castle members are actually getting better?

SAKARIN: Lookie, mind your tone, if Rabando's court didn't need some advisors we wouldn't be here...

GUARD: Hey, the magician guys! The queen needs them to come. There's an urgency.

(In the throne room, the woman suspiciously similar to Queen Amidala meets with two Shit lords.)

SEDICIOUS: My young queen Amigdala, I am Darth Sedicious, the last master of the Shit. I came here with my disciple looking for some individuals who came from Earth... (pause) They have a close relationship with some business I'm looking forward to, if I could speak to them...

GUARD: Here we bring those guys! (whispers) Tell them whatever and leave, we don't want arguments...

SEDICIOUS: Ah, Master Peskaito, Moron Roshi and Master Sakarin... I have heard of you, and I'm glad to...

AMIGDALA: How lovely, this looks like the show of that Velasco lady! (^_^)

ADVISOR: (sweat) Er, your majesty, we still don't know what are their intentions...

SEDICIOUS: I have discovered that in your home world, the search for the magic balls has been taken up again. I want to meet the one responsible for such an act. Isn't Gosh along you?

THEM: Huh? (?_?)

MAUS: Bah, leave them to me, master! You will soon listen to the Three Amigos sing their best one!

(PLAF! BOUM! CRASH! After unsheathing his two-bladed paper cutter, Darth Maus beats the trio.)

SEDICIOUS: I think they are finally in the mood of talking, Darth Maus. Thanks for your help...

ROSHI: But we don't know squat! We left the Earth at the first chance we got, after the Second Smack the human race was wiped out, the superpowered beings banished... and we only wanted to get outta there!

SEDICIOUS: If what he says is true, the key is still there... you would have to travel to Earth, Maus...


	46. issue 43

ISSUE # 43:

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(We open with Vegetal trapped in a foggy, black and white environment, the insides of the AVE-01.)

VEGETAL: I am getting bored. _And it's hella cold..._ And when yours truly gets bored, he destroys things. Wait a sec... (looks) There is a fissure here. It's weird I haven't seen it before. Well, I'll take the chance...

(BZZZ! After this sparking noise, we cut to a river, where the G-600 is exploring.)

RALLY: Are we really diving in here with the car?

CHUNGOTEN: Well, technically, we are gonna use its aquatic devices... let's go to a zone I know of.

(To the shout of 'Jump in, ducklings!' the car submerges, but doesn't seem to 'dive'.)

CHUNGOTEN: (reads) Heh, funny... do you wanna know what I've just realized? This crappy car DOESNT have aquatic devices nor a pot to piss in! (RALLY: Kyaaa!) Don't shout, we'll run out of air!

(In Gragea Corp, Discolo squints his eyes as everyone always does when sensing a enemy.)

WILMA: What now? A new telephone company?

DISCOLO: I've detected a terrific presence... you remember I told you of the danger that is the Shit? I felt how one of them is approaching our world at neck breaking speed, and I am his target!

CLARA: Then our goal is clear... we have to intercept him the moment he arrives here.

DISCOLO: It won't be that easy. That guy surely won't be a common enemy, moreover, he only wants me. The adequate strategy would be to smooth my way towards our duel, face to face.

BOY: Watch out! Looks like a dimensional vortex thingy is opening! _We learnt it in Sewing Class!_

(From the sparkling gate emerges Goku, but significantly shorter and chibi looking...)

CLARA: What's this? He seems to be Soson Goku... but it can't be possible!

WILMA: He has become a KID again! (desperation) (GOKU: Guh?) It can't be! Now he's as dumb and destructive as before! (GOKU: (looks at hands) What are these...? They move...)

DISCOLO: This can't be good... it can't be good at all... _This kid grew up before my very frikkin eyes..._

POMPOM: Could it possibly be that he always had... the same mental age?

REVILL: (in lair) Good, with the idea I had, we eliminate any chance of him becoming dangerous, he he...

COAT-DEMON: Okay, boss, I have already dispatched the rest of tenants here. Should we start now?

(We go back to Chungoten and Rally, still hopelessly stuck in the bottom of the river.)

RALLY: Bossie, have you figured out how to get out of this trap...?

CHUNGOTEN: Lesee... apparently, the rest of devices didn't get wet, so if we just drive to the beach...

RALLY: Should I step out and push it a little? (FISH: What a pair of cods...)

CHUNGOTEN: The drag is, the ignition doesn't work... _I would jumper it, but I don't want to mess with this Herbie Deluxe here..._ (RALLY: Look bossie, is that a whale or something?) More like 'something', yep...

(What has found them is a submarine with the Purple Pants symbol... more problems.)

RALLY: Heya bossie... do you understand what's going on?

CHUNGOTEN: I haven't the foggiest... but I am afraid we will know very soon.

(Back to G-Front. At least in theory, the time jumper is built and good to go.)

WILMA: I'll explain how the matter goes... the vehicle is being tuned and its technology adapted to be used by you. Worst thing is, the steering is still unadjusted, so you will have to correct the route on the go.

CLARA: Boss, we have finished the test with the guinea cat... looks like it survived. (CAT: Meow...)

CHIQUILIN: But I don't understand, if Soson Goku is already here, why are they going anywhere now?

WILMA: Oh, it's simple... This team will carry this Kid Goku and take him to the time where he first arrived on Earth, have them beat each other up, and then activate a super-piercing nuclear device to make sure they don't leave behind even the page's footnote!

BOY: We have geared him up for the travel. (GOKU: Is this the 'lifejacket'? And what is a lifejacket?)

WILMA: Perfect, everything's ready. Now get inside, the sooner we take out the thrash, the better.

LOUDSPEAKER: Twenty minutes until time jump! Get inside, time's a wasting!

BISCUIT: Heh, this machine doesn't look very difficult to maneuver... (CRACKER: I'm gonna handcuff this brat...) Good, with a bit of luck, every misfortune caused by this dork will be only a memory!

GOKU: What's this button for? (presses) (CRACKER: NO! Leave yer foot still, brat!)

(The machine does some sparky noises and disappears, with the Back-to-Future style.)

CLARA: And they are off! This is so thrilling! (WILMA: Dunno... I have a bad hunch.)

CHUNGOHAN: Hey, wait... if they kill my father, what's gonna happen with me? _Now that I finally hooked up!_

(The submarine has taken Chungoten and Rally to some Purple Pants' undersea base.)

CHUNGOTEN: Well, let's see, who serves here? (RALLY: This must be an undersea cave...)

GENERAL: I'm the one who asks the questions here, kid! Where are the balls you have collected so far?

CHUNGOTEN: Wait a sec, these looks ring a bell! Doctor Wilma told me about you... the Purple Pants!

GENERAL: Heh, a smartass kiddo. Yes, exactly, but we left behind the war games long ago, this is serious!

SOLDIER: Boss, we've registered the car, it was hella hard to open it though... the balls aren't there.

GENERAL: Then let's proceed with the registration on their own bodies... (BANG!)

(Rally has shot down the soldier who was beginning to register her, Chungoten sweats.)

GENERAL: Use the immobilize gun! (SPLOTCH!) (gum'ed) Now we will contact the boss for instructions...

RALLY: (x_x) *chews* (CHUNGOTEN: I hate strawberry bubblegum...)

GENERAL: (looks at window) It has been good for us that a rich guy hired us to look for that balls again. Lately we have been doing real monetary acrobatics to survive until payday. (screen) Ah, boss! We have located the punks who had been searching for the balls! I think we can get a hold of the ones they already found!

SHADOW: Hold them there, make sure they don't escape! If they are who I think, it's better safe than sorry...

(Cut to Vegetal, the poor man was getting bored... and arrived at some CGI landscape.)

VEGETAL: Finally, I am in...! (?_?) Where the heck am I?

PAC-GHOSTS: Surround the intruder!

VEGETAL: Who are these guys? They look like giant suppositories!

PACMAN: Excuse me, do you have a spare minute? (GHOSTS: (0_0).) (GLOMPF!)

(He eats the colourful ghosts, in his typical videogame fashion. Helps Vegetal stand up.)

PACMAN: Hum, lately they need more salt... Greetings, outsider. You came in a bad moment, I'm afraid.

VEGETAL: (goes SPJ) Ah yeah? Don't mess with me, I have enough problems for you to make'em worse...!

PACMAN: Be careful, things are bit shaky around here, I'm afraid. (thrown mushroom hits Vegetal.) Come on Mario, enough is enough. I am sorry, but we live difficult times. Our world is fighting a tyrant we are trying to overcome. We all were rivals beforehand, but now we are forced to battle together.

(Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog have joined the group. Pacman continues expositing.)

PACMAN: Since the dawn of time, this world's population has lived at peace, but then the Four Dark Powers appeared... a cruel dictatorship was established, the ones who did not adore the Powers were their enemies and had to be crushed.

VEGETAL: (?_?)

PACMAN: We had coexisted till now as champions of our respective villages, but since these Powers imposed themselves we were given an ultimatum: we had to be inside as slaves, or outside as fugitives...

VEGETAL: _What have I gotten myself into...?_

(Back to the undersea base. Chungoten and Rally have been jailed and forgotten about.)

CHUNGOTEN: Ah, just great! Now what? We are prisoners!

RALLY: Look, bossie, they are very busy with something out there... we could take the chance to escape!

LOUDSPEAKER: Prepare the space capsule's recovery! Main hangar, all fitted out!

GENERAL: We received the emergency signal an hour ago! Our watchman placed in orbit to locate the balls asked us to abort the mission. Looks like he felt sick and needs medical attention.

(The capsule has landed, the rescue unit gets to him, and carries him in a bug-catching net.)

CHUNGOTEN/RALLY: (face against glass) (0_0)

TECHNICIAN: Looks like the subject is unconscious. His pulse is unstable, body heat rising greatly!

MEDIC: Looks like he tries to speak... what happened up there? Can you remember?

WATCHMAN: (zombi'ed) Coool... uuurg... (arm stretches, impales medic)

GENERAL: What the hell is going on there?!

WATCHMAN: (mutated) Yaaay... coool... (SOLDIER: Blast him!) (they do so)

GENERAL: Chief, I want a report of the surviving medics!

CHIEF-MEDIC: Got it, sir! (reads) It seems that during the time the watchman spent in orbit he was subject to the TV waves from the 'Via-Digital' satellite, and Leticia Sabater's kids show was too much for him... at long term, its influence produced an explosive reaction on his DNA. Now, his genetic code is altered and is totally unstable. It could be the start of a mutant outburst if we don't incinerate those remains...

GENERAL: WAHAHAHAHAHA! *rofls*.

CHIEF-MEDIC: I was hoping he would not overreact, but this... hey, this is serious...

RALLY: What a mess has broken out in here, boss! Looks like that movie, 'The Thing'!

CHUNGOTEN: (crowbar) Come on, while they're busy dealing with that freak we can work on escaping!

NARRATION: Meanwhile, in another place far from time's boundaries...

BISCUIT: I'll kill this damm twerp! (CRACKER: Have you checked the route's chart?) What the F is that?!

(They crash in a mountain side zone, and quite noisily... the vehicle rolls towards a prairie.)

BISCUIT: (get out) Arg, I will kill him! The time vehicle turned into a Lego playset!

CRACKER: I'm afraid we will be here fixing this for a long while... maybe in time for our next reincarnation...

BISCUIT: Wait a sec, where are we? And most important: WHEN are we?

CELLULITIS: And now let's get to work! (rolls sleeve) Huh? (BISCUIT: (0_0).)

(Oops, they have landed in the Cell Games arena... let's cut back to the undersea base.)

SOLDIER: Some corpse to throw to the recycler, I assume?

MEDIC: (carries watchman) Yes, and a very messed up one... they don't know what he had, but it left him as rotten as yesterday's pizza. Come on, let's carry it to... URK! ARG! (mutates)

SOLDIER: (radio) Red alert! We have a... whatever the heck is, in the recycling area entryway! AAAH!

(While the mutant virus spreads, Chungoten and Rally put their Air-Vent Escape plan in motion.)

CHUNGOTEN: Looks like this zone isn't patrolled... (LOUDSPEAKER: Emergency, a biological pollution!)

CHIEF-MEDIC: It's what I said! The DNA's unstable and is spreading! (MUTANT: At fuuull throttleee...)

GENERAL: We need to call the Anti-Plague team, this is a flipping bad epidemic!

AP-TEAM 1: And just what's wrong now...? (AP-TEAM 2: Dunno, man, must be some syphilis case...)

(We go back to Vegetal to end this chapter, who has just reached the Four something's ominous lair.)

PACMAN: Look, it's the ominous tower where the Four Powers dwell...! The guards are always there, but I know of an unfrequented passageway where we can make our move...

VEGETAL: Wait, what if we can't deal with them?

PACMAN: Oh, don't worry about that, if you look closely, you can see your powers came back. (VEGETAL: Ops, true...) What more will you be able to do in this totally virtual environment?


	47. issue 44

ISSUE # 44:

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(We open with a four way montage of our characters and their locations: Chungoten and Rally's, Biscuit and Cracker's, Vegetal and PacMan's, and also the spaceship piloted by Darth Maus...)

[This chapter has many and confusing scene changes, but if you remember these locations, you'll do fine.]

NARRATION: Listen to me, my world... we live desperate times... it's the moment of giving you hope...

PATAN: I have returned to finally put things in order here! The world will meet Patan's avenging wrath!

MAN: That's good sir, but now that you memorized the speech, why don't you spurt it in FRONT of people?

PATAN: Er, good idea, but... maybe tomorrow, 'kay?

MAN: Sir, there is a scared city down below, they need someone to comfort them: you, the Earth's Savior!

PATAN: Hum, how much we could get for this? (pause) The answer to these problems could be a spectacular apparition on TV! Let's go to the studios! (trips) Arg, what a silly faaaaaall...!

MAN: I am afraid the master has put too much faith on his champion costume... (0_0)

(Patan started to rush forward, but fell off the building's roof... we cut to Darth Maus' ship.)

RADIO: (Sedicious) Report, Lord Maus!

MAUS: I've arrived at the aforementioned forsaken planetoid. I will land near the only city still standing...

SEDICIOUS: Don't forget you are travelling incognito, so take cover until nightfall... then you will be harder to spot than Wally in the Athletic FC's fan-club. (MAUS: As you wish, master.)

(Back to Gragea Front, Discolo gets a nervous fit and Wilma can't help but worry about it.)

DISCOLO: Ah, I feel it! It's here already!

WILMA: What do you feel? Maybe the menopause is finally striking, sonny?

DISCOLO: The Shit lord has arrived on Earth. He seeks the creator of Ke-huron's balls... he wants me!

WILMA: Clara, honey, do you mind getting the kids here? I think we'll need our robots rolling very soon...

DISCOLO: Come on, Pompom, let's go face our destiny! (POMPOM: Bah, I quit... I'd rather be a mailman.)

(The Shit spaceship lands on some street... meanwhile, the Purple Pants are in a hurry.)

GENERAL: Sir, we have lost contact with the undersea base! The infection is extending everywhere!

SHADOW: (screen) For shame... Get ready to evacuate the base, and take the prisoners with you!

LOUDSPEAKER: Alarm, alarm! The prisoners have broken out! (GENERAL: Ah, just great...)

CHUNGOTEN: (runs) They have set off the alarm, we need to locate the G-600! (RALLY: But where?)

(In the hangar, of course. Guarded by a now mutating soldier... another one gets to their general.)

SOLDIER: The epidemic is out of control, sir! (GENERAL: Yaaay... coool...) Sir?

CHUNGOTEN: Hey, the car's here! (SOLDIER: Everything's lost.. I must... *mutates* yay, coool...)

(The last soldier has pulled the self-destruct mechanism lever, and the alarm rings louder!)

RALLY: Why the noisy siren just now? (CHUNGOTEN: I deduce that this place isn't gonna last much more. We need to get outta here!) (BROUUUM!) (and more explosions)

THEM: This is blowing up! (car blasts off) Geronimooo...! (BROUUUM!)

RALLY: What do we do now, bossie?

CHUNGOTEN: We need to follow that escape pod, they carry some balls in there!

RALLY: But how can we manage?! The last time I checked this car couldn't fly, nor it can... (pluf!)

(The car and her boss banish in thin air... seconds later, she also disappears in a puff of smoke.)

CLARA: Boss, something weird is happening! The destroyed city is reappearing, and in what a way...!

WILMA: And just what the heck is going on?!

BISCUIT: Soson Goku, my boy... tell me why the f*** have you done THAT!

GOKU: Geez, he started it... he had hurt me first. (CELLULITIS: *pwned*.)

(Back to Gragea Front's main room, the screen shows Patan City renamed to Zozon Citi, and...)

WILMA: (sees Goku monuments) IIIIRK!

CLARA: Don't worry, boss, we are safe from the time-space fuck-ups inside here... as we are fans of Northern Exposure, it's as if we didn't exist at all... _people doesn't pay us any attention..._

WILMA: That means...!

DISCOLO: (squints eyes) Hum, I sense a great disturbance in the For...

ALVARO/NACHO: Nooo, don't say it, man! That quote has copyrights! And they're mighty expensive...!

DISCOLO: Er, well then, I'll say something that sounds similar... (reads dictionary) Ah, I sense a weird energy source that is altering the space-time continuum, and therefore...!

ALVARO: *foams*. (NACHO: Bah, just forget it and make a scared-out face, 'kay?)

TAKATRANKS: (in the AVE) Ah, I can't see anything... I'm gonna switch the external camera on. Huh?

(He sees the same Goku monuments as his mother. She's still trying to make sense of them.)

WILMA: There's no doubt a time paradox is in motion! Some past event was changed! _This panel's too small!_

CRACKER: (checks vehicle) What do we do? This junk won't work without some new generator...

NARRATION: And meanwhile, in some parallel dimansion, er, I meant dimension...

VOICE: Heya. Have you got a light, please? (GUARD: No... why?) Don't mind, in fact, I don't smoke!

(Vegetal throws a bladed disc against the guard from his hiding spot, and is devirtualized.)

SONIC: That was unneeded, you know.

VEGETAL: What, defeating him? He could have set off the alarm.

SONIC: No, I mean that cheap sitcom-like pun. (VEGETAL: Well, if you knew some of Arevalo's...)

PACMAN: That's enough! Get to the point, dammit! (points) We must climb the input-output tower and interrupt the energy flux coming from the outside. Then we can free all the enslaved programs!

CRACKER: (in the past) Hey, you can beat on the kid all day for what I care, but this thing needs fuel.

BISCUIT: And where can we find a new generator around here?

CRACKER: That shouldn't be hard to find, here in the TV studio built by that freak... any one will work.

VEGETAL: (going upstairs) Man, this slope sure is steep... (PACMAN: And you have seen nothing!)

(Some Donkey Kong barrels roll downstairs threatening to crush our heroes, they jump them off.)

VEGETAL: What the heck are these things! (MARIO: Honestly, I was expecting them!)

PACMAN: The defence systems have detected us, we need to go through a less frequented passage!

VEGETAL: Ah, then leave it to me. (finger beam) (BROUUUM!)

WILMA: (at Gragea) Haven't you located the time-space jumper? I want a connection with them done and now! We can't let them keep on fucking up the present era! (BOY: Still more?)

CLARA: The matter is dire, boss! In this timeline there are two Soson Gokus, the adult and the one who killed Cellulitis. Their combined destructive force is too much for our defences!

WILMA: Then, if Soson Goku became the Savior of Earth... what was of Mr. Patan?

(In some place, Patan is doing a Doctor Evil impersonation with a 'Goku Out' banner.)

BISCUIT: (rummages) Have you found something akin to a generator? (GOKU: What's this?) Touch it and die!

CRACKER: I think there must be one in this box. We will need to dismantle it and see what can be salvaged.

BISCUIT: (dismantles) No... no... not this... this I have... this isn't... maybe this... this is a cookie jar...

CRACKER: God, this is such a mess... must have been installed by the Expo 1992's technicians... huh?

(The Puyajins from that era have found them! Maus looks for Discolo, and Vegetal is still videogaming...)

MAUS: The Vietnamekian know as Gosh is near... I am ready for him. I will knock him to the next age!

DISCOLO: (scouts) I see him, it's a Shit warrior indeed! I must eliminate him as soon as possible...

PACMAN: Behind that door is the main chamber!

VEGETAL: (finger beam) (BROUUUM!) So well? Where are that four power thingies?

GUARDS: Halt! (guns) Intruders located! Area secured! (PACMAN: Well, I never said this wasn't guarded...)

MAUS: Welcome, Gosh... I have travelled a long distance to finally meet you...

DISCOLO: (sky darkens) Huh? The sky has suddenly blackened... does that mean that...?!

ALVARO: It means that this hack has grown tired of drawing backgrounds... isn't it?

NACHO: Ahem...

MAUS: The balls! Someone has gathered them and is using them! I must dispatch Gosh and go for them! _Here's the dork... with that green skin, it must be either him or the slim-type Hulk..._ (charges)

DISCOLO: It's him! The Shit warrior! (0_0) And me with my shorts in a knot...!

MAUS: You don't know just in what mess you have gotten yourself into, man. (unsheathes)

DISCOLO: (unsheathes Dhylec) For Pete's sake, don't let me down now! This guy's looking worse than El Fary dressed for his Holy Communion! (CLANC!) Dang! My blade got shattered...!

MAUS: I see the fear has crushed your soul, just like my weapon has done with yours... Fear is my ally!

(The Shit lord jumps at the Vietnamekian, but he raises an energy shield and bounces him back.)

MAUS: Uuurg...! (DISCOLO: Ein? (0_0).)

(The evil one's hood has burned off, revealing his... Mickey Mouse ears! The heck?)

VEGETAL: Okay, let's see. Who is the boss here?

DUMMY-DOLL: Hey, I want a bit more respect when standing in this sacred place!

VEGETAL: Who are you then? Father Apeles? Nah, can't be. I already 'apeled' that one...

DUMMY-DOLL: Shut up, blasphemer! I'm the physical depiction of our Four Powers, their talking mouth!

VEGETAL: Ah, so if I smash yer mouth, I am smashing theirs too? That's interesting.

DUMMY-DOLL: It's not like that... Ah, you heretic, you won't get my convictions to dawdle! Take him to his punishment now, have him suffer a most life-ending torment!

CRACKER: (exits studio) I can't believe it, that moron looking spiky haired guy gave me one of his vehicle's generators to use it! (BISCUIT: Oh, I can believe it, of course.) (smacks Goku)

(The vehicle is repaired and the trio board it to jump in time again, causing -?- more trouble.)

BISCUIT: The jump is programmed! This time there won't be any mistakes, let's go! (Bzzz!)

CLARA: Boss, the quantum activity gauges have revealed there's been a new jump from the time capsule!

WILMA: I am on my way... just let me take some measures... (readies hang-up rope)

MAUS: You will pay for this, green weasel! No one has seen me without the hood and lived to tell it!

DISCOLO: For such a sight... it's very worth the sacrifice... WAHAHAHAHA!

MAUS: I'm serious! Until I made myself this Highlander-like tattoo, I couldn't get to impress anyone! And I can't cut these ears off if I don't want to bleed to death! I freed myself from my hippie backstory and the pressure of the merchandising staff, and they won't laugh at me ever again!

(Pause to take breath and let the 'green weasel' -and ourselves- overcome the laughing fit.)

MAUS: Enough chit chat now! I came here to kill you, and now I will do it with gusto!

DISCOLO: Ah, well... If you are gonna feel better that way... but don't expect me to go easy. (CLANC!)

(Maus proceeds to finish breaking Dhylec, before Discolo's amazed eyes, like this: 0_0.)

MAUS: (off-screen) You thought you were going to escape alive, worm? *cut noises*.

GHOSTFACE: (peeks) Oh, such horrible sight... I can't stand those kind of things!

MAUS: Arf... now I am more at ease than the one who dispatched Bambi's mom... take that, rest in pieces...! (pause) Mission complete... now I will locate the balls and destroy them... (flop!)

(The noise is caused by the various pieces of Discolo's body, forming new ones by themselves.)

DISCOLOS: You underestimated the power of a Vietnamekian... didn't your master tell you about this?

(And the corrupted Disney mouse gets his ass handed to him by sheer numbers, much like in 'Fantasia'.)

DISCOLO: I overrated you... you weren't as fierce as I expected. I'll send you back to your master!

(PLAF! Using a combined multi punch, the enemy is rocketed skywards and disappears.)

DISCOLO: _Now there are some questions left. Does his master have more followers? Will we find Kehuron's balls on time? What am I gonna do with all these guys and my crappy salary?_

DUMMY-DOLL: I hope this torment cleanses your soul of the evil thought of defying the Four Powers...

VEGETAL: (tied up) _Gosh! An infinite succession of nude Lara Croft screenshots, and doing obscene poses...! I am gonna throw up! Those polygonal boobs... such horrible taste! _

MARIO: Hurry up with those bites, Paco Man! We need to dig a quite long tunnel!

PACMAN: (bites) And fhy don't za deplaze me anz eet zome girt, zmartazz? Zu get fame oz glutton and...

WILMA: I want you to locate Rally and Chungoten, and fast!

BOY: We have been trying since early in the morning, but if they weren't already here, I am afraid that...

SHOUT: (Wilma's) Have the AVEs come to the surface again, just in case!

TAKATRANKS: (plays PS1) Geez, isn't there gonna be just one day off in here?! This looks the Red Cross!

REI: (2nd Player) Seeing as I give a damm about it...

COAT-DEMON: (crystal ball) Boss! Are you watching the mess that's happening?

REVILL: Yep, heh heh... it's gonna be funny guessing what will happen in the next temporal jump.

DISCOLO: (run, Forrest!) I must return to the G-Front quarters and...! Oooops! (0_0)

(The landscape is changing and drifting, it's a real show being able to witness it all...)

DISCOLO: What was that for?! Another time flux distortion? What is causing all this? Maybe those lads...?

(In the authors' lair, they are smoking hallucinogenic substances along a friend, the big Ball O' Crack.)

ALVARO: Heh heh, make me another one, man! (NACHO: Look, I thought of drawing this thing next...!)

BALL O'CRACK: Wahahaha, that's a good one! I take another puff and I am right with you guys...!


	48. issue 45

ISSUE # 45:

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(This is a critical situation... Vegetal is on the verge of an absolute mental collapse.)

PACMAN: (opens tunnel) Grarg...! Well, we need to get him outta here, fast! He's not reacting... (vaves hand) This CD of Hammerfall at full volume should bring him back to the world of the living.

VEGETAL: (headphones) Uuuurg! (awakens)

GUARDS: Detected intruders in Torments Block A-2056! (rush)

VEGETAL: Thanks for the rescue, bowlhead! Now is my turn. I am brimming with energy! (punches) (GUARDS: Dang! *pwned*.) I got mad already! Let's head for those Four Great numbskulls!

(Discolo flies over the barren land that the city has become, looking for his comrades.)

DISCOLO: What a mess they have caused... I must locate G-Front, but I can't recognize any landmark...

SHINJI: Your case is the same as mine with the ceilings...

WILMA: (at G-Front.) And now what the fuzz has happened?! (Bang bang bang!)

CHUNGOHAN: (typing) We are on our way, just a sec!

BOY: Boss, I have calculated a timeline that can explain all of this... but you aren't going to like it.

(In the past, the time-space jumper has landed in the middle of some stadium, so...)

CRACKER: Well, it could have been worse... this time we have landed on something soft, right?

BISCUIT: Yeah, it's possible. But we are still wandering adrift, and I am starting to worry a bit...

AUDIENCE: They have killed Discolo's son! [Bastards!]

KING-DISCOLO: Well well, now that I think about it, it's possible that my kid would have happened to be even more of a villain than I am and killed me... now I will destroy the planet all by myself!

CRACKER: Do you think we have screwed up big time our History, in this jump...?

BISCUIT: It can never be too screwed up, I am afraid...

WILMA: (reads screen) What now?

CHUNGOHAN: I can't say for sure, this is a bit confusing... apparently, we are living in a reality triggered by the conquest of Earth by Discolo, the king of demons. Everything has been wiped out...

WILMA: With some luck, they will kill the first mammals in their next time jump, and we won't have to worry about them anymore... (CLARA: The reality suffers a leak, the dimensional fabric is breaking!)

DISCOLO: This is a bad omen... I can perceive a faraway buzzing sound... it's the dimensional breach!

REVILL: Now what? What in the world are those idiot fools trying...?

(The dimensional gate kiddy Goku was thrown through before is spitting someone more: Vegetal!)

VEGETAL: (0_0)

WILMA: Vegetal! Where have you been? (^_^) I missed you and everything! (hugs)

VEGETAL: Is it true? Things around here are going THAT bad? _Didn't see her like this since our first 'sleepover'..._

CHUNGOHAN: Where should I begin...? We are tracking some dorks who are running amok through the time stream, changing our present... much like in that lame Simpsons episode, you know.

VEGETAL: (?_?)

CHUNGOHAN: And to top it, all the reality warps are affecting the dimensional fabric, so our universe could break apart... maybe that is the reason you could return here from that 'place'.

LOUDSPEAKER: Lord Goshcolo has arrived!

VEGETAL: Hum, the baldie... now we could plan something between all of us.

(In the outside, a giant, shadowy King Discolo is approaching the G-Front building.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Boss, there is something huge out there! (BOY: What can this thing be?)

DISCOLO: *gasp* I think I have a slight idea about it... (VEGETAL: Just what have I gotten myself into?)

KING-DISCOLO: Weird, I don't remember having seen this building here... No matter, I will crush it now!

DISCOLO: (window) He is... (0_0) he is my father! (everyone hides)

LOUDSPEAKER: Attention pilots, we need the AVEs in their starting grids! And now I am serious!

TAKATRANKS: (panties on mouth) Bah, now that I was having some sort of 'warming up' with this autist...

(But they get geared up and board the AVEs nonetheless. The loudspeaker tells us so...)

LOUDSPEAKER: AVEs are loaded up and settled! (KING-DISCOLO: I am gonna unleash Hell on ya!)

BOY: A severe synch failure has been detected! (WILMA: Something is wrong, guys? You aren't focused!)

TAKATRANKS: (panties on head) Er, why do you say that, mom...? (REI: (x_x).)

WILMA: Get him now, charge! (LOUDSPEAKER: AVEs are ascending to the surface!)

KING-DISCOLO: Who are these morons? Do you want to play Super Robot Wars?

TAKATRANKS: Heh, just try and keep thrash talking, I am gonna unleash daddy on ya and hand your ass!

VEGETAL: What is he talking about, huh? (WILMA: Ops, I think he hasn't realized it yet...)

TAKATRANKS: (waits) Er, daddy? Are you in the restroom or else...?

KING-DISCOLO: I am fed up with your bullcrap! (PLAF!)

LOUDSPEAKER: AVE-00, the AVE-01 has been neutralized! Do something, dammit!

REI: *lovestruck*. (^_^)

VEGETAL: That sort of king-size green pepper... has hurt my boy! (rage)

KING-DISCOLO: A pathetic attempt to defend an insignificant citadel! Now I will erase it from the map!

(Vegetal gets to his back and with a 'hey pretty' proceeds to smash his ugly face against a mountainside.)

WILMA: Vegetal...!

VEGETAL: Get your sorry face up at once, pal, we haven't finished here yet!

DISCOLO: Vegetal, wait! This guy is way stronger than you think!

VEGETAL: If you say that because he's your father, don't get so cocky. I can smash him silly, no sweat!

KING-DISCOLO: (stands up) That was... an unnecessary bravado, you know.

VEGETAL: Then you are gonna laugh at this...! (PLAF!) (KING-DISCOLO: Got ya, it was funny!)

(Ops, the big Vietnamekian has grabbed the Puyajin and is ready to crush him dead.)

WILMA: Kyah, he has snatched him! (DISCOLO: Wait, this hasn't ended yet...) Is he gonna eat him?!

KING-DISCOLO: I must admit you've got guts, shortie, but that won't work against my brute strength!

DISCOLO: Vegetal, hang on there, I am going to put my evasion plan in motion!

VEGETAL: 'Hang on', says the Kermit-colored Spock-wannabe... Man, less sermons and more action!

KING-DISCOLO: Who's that one approaching? (VEGETAL: Nah, don't mind him, just keep crushing me...)

DISCOLO: Listen well, Discolo! I am your son!

KING-DISCOLO: Heh, don't shit me! This looks like the Darth Vader scene, but the other way around! I must admit, there is a familiar scent about you... but if that's true, it's best to annihilate you!

DISCOLO: (evades blast) I call upon Hell's freezing chill! _I just made that up, I hope it works...!_

(Well, what do you know, it worked: Discolo Senior is trapped in a giant iceberg now!)

DISCOLO: Yay, I wasn't so sure, but I did it! (VEGETAL: *frozen*. _Yeah, great. You crappy alien...!)_

WILMA: What's gonna happen now? (CLARA: Well, if he's frozen, a well placed hit could shatter him...)

DISCOLO: You are doomed, pansy! (CRAC!) Move aside guys, it's gonna hail now!

(The demonic being is shattered dead, and Vegetal, maybe because of his size, survived.)

VEGETAL: What now?

DISCOLO: Well, it's evident we're in a reality where King Discolo developed his power and evilness...

VEGETAL: But this is a mockery! You must stop those wankers' obstacle course through time, or we don't know what this world will become next... or ourselves, for that matter!

DISCOLO: (grabbed by collar) Ugh, okay, man, but what do you want ME to do?

CHUNGOHAN: What is our course of action now...?

WILMA: Easy, we only need to sit down and wait... (sips coffe) Until reality changes again. Of course, those two better return here before anything can...

REVILL: Once again the reality's fabric is getting folded... this I have to see. Let's go there!

COAT-DEMON: Come on, not right now! I was trying to do a Guernika repaint...

CLARA: (shock) HOLYFRIGGINCOW! Look at that, boss! Things got ugly outside... and Vegetal and Discolo have banished! (BOY: Yeah, look outside!) (WILMA: IIIRK!)

(Apparently the image is too terrifying to show on-camera... cut to the time travelers.)

CRACKER: Where... where are we now? (BISCUIT: KYAAAH! Look that! No, better yet, DON'T!)

(The chibified Adult Goku has met face to face with his blue gi-wearing past self!)

GOKU/KID-GOKU: (?_?)

CRACKER: What's gonna happen, then? (BISCUIT: I wouldn't want to know, myself...)

GOKU: You... you are just like me...

CRACKER: Holy cow! They are talking between them! (BISCUIT: But don't call their attention, idiot!)

G-CHUNGOHAN: Ah, Soson Goku... (^_^) who is your friend here? (0_0) ARG, he has reproduced...!

GOKU: This gramps rings a bell...

DISCOLO: (lost) Wait a moment, Vegetal! I detect an anomaly in our immediate surroundings... (VEGETAL: Then Soson Goku must be near.) Worse yet, the Gragea building has banished from its place!

CLARA: Boss, do ya want another cup of coffee or...? (WILMA: More like a glass of vodka...)

GOKU: Hey, do you know how to do the Kome Jame Ja? It's very cool! (KID-GOKU: Is it?)

CRACKER: (shotgun) I have them within range, we can still solve this matter easily!

BISCUIT: That won't be needed, we only have to use the bomb device. Wait, where is it? It gives no signal!

GOKU: Well, yep, we have been roaming around so many times, and since I had a very heavy lifejacket, I dropped it the first time we stopped the vehicle. Come here, I will teach you the Jame Koma-whatever!

BISCUIT: (0_0) This is disastrous, we don't have the bomb! It's the end, the apocalypse!

CRACKER: Okay, will you let me try my method now, gal?

G-CHUNGOHAN: You two! If you have something to do with the little monster, do it now!

CRACKER: Arg, I can't miss... there is so much in the line... lesee... (aims) I got him!

(BANG! The cannon must have been misaimed, because the shot pierces blue-gi Goku's pretty brains.)

KID-GOKU: *falls dead*. (And that took a page and a half!)

BISCUIT: Hurry, shoot the other one too! (CRACKER: I am on it, let me concentrate!)

(First Goku, then Grandpa Chungohan, then the siblings all get the same face: 0_0.)

GOKU: (horror) WAAAAAGH!

CRACKER: What's gonna happen now...? (BISCUIT: Dunno... have you watched 'Akira'?)


	49. issue 46

ISSUE # 46:

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(In the last chapter the chibified Adult Goku had seen his past self being shot dead, and that was too much...)

GOKU: *rage* WAAAAAARG! (goes SPJ)

(The sheer energy unleashed by our main hero causes a dome of light that engulfs all of its surroundings...)

G-CHUNGOHAN: Every man for himself...! (BROUUUM!) *is engulfed*.

(The time capsule is also disintegrated, with the two siblings inside... that's no good.)

DISCOLO: Wait a sec just now... I am sensing a great commotion in the time-space!

VEGETAL: Lookie, man, if you just got us outta here instead of pulling a Rappel stunt maybe we could help!

DISCOLO: Don't be ridiculous! [Diculous] Only with my powers we could never cross the dimensional barrier... unless... you and I manage to join forces! (VEGETAL: Again with the yaoi subtext...?)

BOY: The capsule stopped giving signal! (CHUNGOHAN: The outside world looks like a Francis Bacon picture!)

CLARA: Boss, we can't know what will happen next! (looks) (0_0) Oh god, she did it..!

(We can only see the hanging legs of Doctor Wilma on screen, Clara immediately snaps.)

CLARA: I should have supposed it! All this stuff had been too much, even a woman as strong and brave as her has a limit! Now I will never be able to tell her my feelings...!

VOICE: (Wilma's) Don't worry honey, they were awfully clear... (CLARA: (?_?).)

(Yep, Wilma has pulled the 'not-really-hanged' trick on her, much like Homer did to Marge.)

WILMA: How about passing me the stool so I can finish repairing these wires and pull out the main weapon?

DISCOLO: (levitates) I am consuming all my energy in this trans-dimensional jump, so show some support!

VEGETAL: Shut up and fly already!

(In the past, the bubble of devastating energy keeps expanding, reaching the coast side.)

PAST YANSHA: (rides Optimus) Hey, what in blazes is that thing?

BOY: I'm checking the past-era data output, but it goes too fast! (CHUNGOHAN: An amazing text speed...!)

CLARA: The landscape outside has turned white... a new change is going to happen, and affect the present!

PAST ROSHI: Say, my dear Turtle, you think that ball of light could reach us? (TURTLE: *flees*.)

PAST REPORTER: This is a news flash! A weird fried-egg shaped explosive wave is travelling at full speed across the globe, engulfing everything it touches.. the authorities recommend to say your prayers and... bye bye.

(Goku is in the center of the ball, with a shadowy face and the earth-shattering power of the anime's SSJ3.)

GUY: It's the Day of Judgement! (GUY2: I knew the Year 2000 couldn't bring anything good!)

CHUNGOHAN: We have the main weapon ready.

WILMA: Now keep the control, we need to be ready for the slightest sign of an attack!

PAST SOLDIER: (tank) Sir, we have launched everything and a bag of chips to that white wall, to no avail!

PAST GENERAL: Then throw the zippo lighters or something, we won't give up without a fight!

PAST DOCTOR: The explosive wave has reached the atmosphere, and keeps engulfing!

PAST ROSBIFF: Deploy the Suck-sucky-sucker, at once!

LOUDSPEAKER: Suck-sucky-sucker is deployed and ready, aiming at target!

(The contraption looks like a vacuum cleaner's handle... the explosion comes near Past Gragea Corp.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Target is on screen! Geez, how couldn't it be?! ACTIVATE! (bzzz!)

PAST DOCTOR: Wait a moment! The energetic flux is excessive, risk of overload! (ROSBIFF: Is it bad?)

(The planet is seen from space, and not being able to withstand the pressure, it snaps!)

ALIEN: Bah, come off! Saw it coming...

CLARA: Out there... everything has stopped. (WILMA: I'd rather not know. What about our main weapon?)

CHUNGOHAN: As I see it... some kind of time-space collapse was produced when the deflagration caused by Soson Goku swallowed the time-jumper module... that generated a vortex which...

WILMA: Dumb down the lecture, if you don't mind!

CHUNGOHAN: It was like making void into a balloon... Soson Goku has imploded, and banished forever!

WILMA: (?_?) Can't believe it... sounds too good to be true, there must be some catch.

CHUNGOHAN: Exactly, the 'catch' is that Earth has suffered a slight shock, clearly visible in the screen...

(In the screen, the satellite shows a planet cleanly cut in half, with its two halves floating near each other.)

WILMA: (0_0) *shock*.

CHUNGOHAN: Due to the strong overload of energetic flux, the planet suffered an, er, gravitational pull of quite ugly consequences... incredibly, they resist without floating adrift, must be thanks to the magnetic fields...

CLARA: Are we gonna die?! _So young, and with my salary!_ (WILMA: Clara, mind yer hands, please.)

CHUNGOHAN: There's nothing to worry about, the magnetic core remains stable since more than 10 years ago...

WILMA: Check what was of our alteregos in this reality. If we are to exist along them, I want them controlled...

CHUNGOHAN: *gasp* I think you wouldn't like to see this boss...! THIS is the current planet's overlord!

(The camera shows an imperial palace, along a statue of Saiyan Saga-Vegetal stomping King Discolo.)

WILMA: (sweat drop) What does that mean...?

CHUNGOHAN: At this moment I can't investigate further until I connect with the local communication network. It would be better to just go to the outside and gather more information by yourselves...

BOY: Attention, please! I detected another object, hailing from our same starting point! It's on that island!

(The camera shows the G-600, stuck in a coral reef, and Rally trying to resuscitate Chungoten.)

RALLY: Bossie! Bossie, are you okay?! (shakes him)

CHUNGOTEN: _Leave me alone, stupid bitch... let me die in peace..._ Huh? Wait! This is a Gragea spy camera!

CHUNGOHAN: We have managed to contact those two nimrods by radio.

WILMA: Have them return asap, we need to check our situation! Prepare a field incursion for tomorrow.

NARRATION: In another point in the planet... or more like 'in the other half'...

DISCOLO: Where are we now? (VEGETAL: Dunno, you are the tour guide here.)

SOLDIERS: Halt, don't move a finger! Huh? He is... he is Overlord Vegetal! (VEGETAL: (?_?).)

(Gragea Corp main quarters, reunion room. Our protagonists are ready to make sense of the situation.)

CHUNGOTEN: See, boss, I don't really want to be the spoilersport here... but last time we attended a reunion around this table we were in, well, a different timeline altogether...

WILMA: Well, we are finally reunited. Thanks for your contribution, although no one asked you.

(Pause to take breath and to let her condense the last events for our impatient readers.)

WILMA: I left the scouter gathering info about this world. Next we will go outside and figure out how to survive in this new environment, that is, if we don't choose to change reality YET again...

CHUNGOHAN: But how? The time-jump module was lost forever, and we didn't write down its specs!

WILMA: It's possible, but we can't abandon hope. The same way Rally and Chungoten ended up returning, we could also find the remnants of the vehicle... meanwhile we need to get to this guy, he could be a crucial ally...

(No, meanwhile the Home World version of 'this guy' is having problems of his own.)

SOLDIER: Wait here, our great lord will meet with you very soon. (leaves)

VEGETAL: (shackled) I don't think we have many other options, mind you. (DISCOLO: Ssssh!)

PILILAF: What?! It can't be, let's get to the hall immediately! (GUARD: They are here, sire.)

VEGETAL: Aaaah, damm bastard, so it was you! (pause) (0_0) Er, but who are you?

NARRATION: Yep, not even once these two characters had seen each other before. Heh.

(Back to Gragea's staff, a bunch of select ones board a big slider and exit the quarters.)

BOY: Boss, we don't know where to start looking...

WILMA: Then let's go all out: Let's head for the Overlord's palace! Start up the slider, we are outta here!

NARRATION: I will never experiment on acids ever again...

BOY: Will the base be safe?

WILMA: The kids have stayed inside, so if something happens I will know they would have caused it... the moment you find a clear area around the palace, land there! We will not risk double-parking!

BOY: And if there is a crosswalk? _The fine could get very ugly..._

WILMA: (looks) Ha, there is our scout team! But we are gonna arrive there sooner, I say!

RALLY: (drives G-600) Let me see if I got it: weren't we the ones sent to investigate by ourselves?

CHUNGOTEN: Bah, forget it. Our ma'am must be very eager to see if she can hook up with the world's frikkin Overlord. For now, we will follow her plan. Be careful, the city is near. If Ray Bradbury was right, we are gonna freak out with whatever it's inside...

WILMA: (screen) Holy cow, that's...! (BOY: It reads: 'Monument to our lord's almighty virility'...)

CLARA: Knowing the guy, it surprises me they didn't portrait him scratching his crotch, beer-on-hand...

(We cut to Pililaf's castle, he is giving our Vegetal a tour around the place.)

PILILAF: As you can see, my army is composed of the highest level members, I don't play with scrubs!

GUARD: (Homer-ish) Mmm, peanuts...

PILILAF: I am glad to count with so loyal men, every one of them will follow me to the end! I have a very high power of conviction, everybody listens to me quite eagerly...

VEGETAL: _I wonder if Wilma still has those crimson-red undies... _

PILILAF: My plan is simple: with the capturing of the other side of our Earth's supreme lord, my half will finally have the power and authority to overthrow and rule the planet!

VEGETAL: And who is that Very Important Guy, huh?

(Near the imperial palace, the Gragea staff members have begun scouting the zone.)

WILMA: The imperial palace, we are finally here!

BOY: It's weird, it doesn't seem there are any guards of security measures...

WILMA: Judging by what we found in the data base, today is the security staff's day off and... what?

PLATYMAN: I am ready to rumble, those pansies will fall dead under my fists of fury! (Wilma facefaults)

WILMA: Come on, you walking... thing, let's enter here. I will use the front drill to get through the wall.

PLATYMAN: May I use my powers? (BOY: _It's fine with me..._)

CHUNGOTEN: (radio) Boss, we are in front of the palace! (RADIO: We're in the back, cause some distraction!)

WILMA: The moment the guards get busy with the front gate we will infiltrate and then interrogate the lord!

BOY: _Wow, the boss sure has them big..._

CHUNGOTEN: Okay, let's get down to business. Rally, move aside, this is going to get crazy. G-600!

(Back in the quarters, Chiquilin, Clara and the rest of staff members supervise the mission.)

CHIQUILIN: What are they gonna do now down there? (CLARA: I can't know...)

TECHNICIAN: Hey Miss Clara, come see this! It's very weird! (CLARA: Oh, what now?) We have been doing measurings on this world's atomic structure's vibration frequency, and the results are rather odd...

CHIQUILIN: Say, if you did all those measurings, you sure were getting pretty bored, right?

TECHNICIAN: Er, well, seeing as we already counted all the floor tiles and all taints in the ceiling...

TECHNICIAN2: Thing is, the graphic shows a load of data that looks worrying... about this world's stability...

NARRATION: Let's leave the intrigue, and the belly ache, for later...

G-600: *robot mode*.

GUARD: Hey, Cipriano, a considerably big mechanical beast is approaching the gate!

GUARD2: Yeah, right, I know... (reads mag) _Mmm, suck on it, bitch..._

CHUNGOTEN: Heh, they will soon be... (CRASH! PLOM! CRUNCK! PLAF! BROUUUM!)

WILMA: Now all the fuss has moved to the front side, let's enter!

NARRATION: After infiltrating inside, through a conveniently opened window...

WILMA: Above all, don't make the slightest noise. (BOY: Is the teeth chattering okay?)

PLATYMAN: Gee, what's that? *drops stattuete* (CRASH!)

GUARD3: There is someone here! (GUARD4: Alert, warn all available watchmen!)

(Incredibly, the group manages to reach the throne room, where Vegetal is reading a paper.)

WILMA: Here he is, now or never! VEGETAAAL! Wake up you dolt!

VEGETAL: (grabs her) And who is this crazy lass?!

GUARD: Oh god, she is Professor Rosbiff's daughter, Wilma! How did she enter?

VEGETAL: Are you sure it's her? The face doesn't ring any bells... (WILMA: Er, how about releasing me?)

GUARD: There is no doubt, that pink hair is unique in this world, result of Rosbiff's experiments on her.

VEGETAL: But isn't she a renegade, who lives isolated from the system? What is she doing here?!

WILMA: Well, I'm... I'm a bit lost due to... to that isolating stuff and... how about you put me up to date?

VEGETAL: Is she taking me as the Costumer Service number or something?!

GUARD: Just play along majesty. Rumors say she's indeed crazy, and you know what they say about madmen...

NARRATION: (Vegetal's) The tale started 15 years ago more or less, when I arrived on Earth. My mission was to locate a first invader capsule that arrived another 15 years ago or so, by order of my big boss Frigo, aka 'the Skank Wars'... I remember being weirded out by the planet's divided shape, I thought it could be because of a franchise war, like, Corte Ingles vs Fnac, or else...

(Pause to take breath and to put a flashback image, the Saiyans pwn some super heroes, like SuperLopez.)

NARRATION: Surprisingly, the planet was geologically and magnetically stable. The population, though... had degraded to a kind of barbaric Middle Ages. It wasn't difficult taking control of them after bashing some heads and earning their respect... the planet was ours to rule.

VEGETAL: Taking our time we could restore the basis of the modern civilization, like Pans&Co and such. Now my main worry is the little guy who's conquered the other half of the planet, he has weapons powerful enough to dispatch even a Puyajin warrior like me!

WILMA: See, if that worries you so much... we could be of help. Oh, and you could let me on the floor...


	50. issue 47

ISSUE # 47:

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(Discolo has been left behind in the dungeon, while Vegetal received the grand tour.)

DISCOLO: _This doesn't look good... Vegetal has been brought to that Papa Smurf's pressence and I'm alone here, surrounded by guards... bah, I will try to locate the others with my psychic senses and such, if they too are in this plane... _(concentrate) _Ha, here they are, in...! Wait, who is him?!_

(Discolo has sensed in his telepathic foresight no other than Another World's Vegetal!)

DISCOLO: _Wait a sec, that would mean we have jumped to another timeline altogether! Those kids did it... they negated the past and modified the present era! And we are stuck here... at the mercy of our faulty time-space protection... what is gonna happen now?!_

(Okay, we cut back to the Puyajin and the Papa Smurf, I mean, Emperor Pililaf.)

PILILAF: Here it is, the ultimate weapon that will allow me to be Earth's supreme lord! Pay attention, dammit!

VEGETAL: Mmm, pretty wallpaper, I say.

PILILAF: They're Kehuron's Balls, with them, I only need an order and the world will be mine! MWAHAHAHA!

(Yeah, and you'll finally know where the heck is Wally, you already told us 40+ issues ago.)

VEGETAL: _Well, well, so here they are, all of them... it's only matter of waiting for the exact moment and then this crisis could be solved faster than this midget here could possibly think..._

(Again with Overlord Vegetal, who is persuading the Rosbiff girl to work for him.)

VEGETAL: So, you say that where you came from, you have very advanced technology... I would like to politely ask you to use it for me, hu hu... (WILMA: Er, yes, well...)

GUARD: Hey, you can take off the cap, it's not cold here. (takes Platyman's mask.)

VEGETAL: Wow, what do we have here! Such fine piece! (comes over) Tell me lad, you never thought about getting it on with an important guy, right? Planetary overlord, and all that?

CHUNGOHAN: (0_0) Please, that's my butt... (VEGETAL: This can be your chance to enter History's annals!)

WILMA: (0_0) He is gay... Vegetal is GAY...

CLARA: (phone) Boss, boss! Ah, you finally answered! We need to know what's going on in there, and I have important data on our current situation! (TECHNICIAN: Gosh, the truth hurts!)

WILMA: How come? You say we are comic-book characters? Okay, hunnie, I can't get surprised anymore...

CLARA: This revelation has terrific implications! We can't know if we just landed on a simulated reality or if we always were fictional! (TECHNICIAN: I can't take it, my life is a paradox!)

WILMA: See, Clara, for starters, it's rather difficult to have discovered such facts out of the blue, and if it really is true, well, we can't help it... anyway, if we are following a script, then the scriptwriter himself must be reaaally sucky, or he has taken dubious substances or else...

PILILAF: (returning) Well, for now, the guided visit is over, my dear pal. (^_^)

VEGETAL: This guy insists in the fact that I am some kinda king or whatever... (DISCOLO: I know...)

PILILAF: Now you'll go to our chambers for renowned guests, where you will stay until I summon you again... to witness how the magic balls make me the absolute sovereign!

GUARD: Okay, stay here till new orders! (kicks them in)

VEGETAL: Wait, are these the 'guest chambers'? A prison cell? (DISCOLO: Heh, could be worse.)

PILILAF: Ah, by the way. Just so you can't say I'm a barbarian, I made sure you'll be comfortable in my place, so I found about your 'inclinations'... enjoy them my boys, see ya tomorrow!

(Some guys is sado-maso gear are in the cell too, Vegetal and Discolo get like this: 0_0.)

PILILAF: Now I will retire away to meditate... I want to be very awake when I express my wish, as for not getting my pants in a knot and asking the dragon to recolor himself in purple streamlines...

NARRATION: That same night, in the imperial palace...

BOY: I can't believe everything would end like this... an elegant dinner! What's this, an Asterix album?

WILMA: It's only a stage, until we figure out the way to restore our reality, it's good to be the overlord's protégés. It was fortunate having Chungohan among our group, guys.

VEGETAL: From this moment on, you're my guests! Your technology's help is crucial in this fateful hour...

CHUNGOHAN: Yeah, fateful... _this night will be..._ (sweats)

NAPALM: This new guy is a cheeky one! Grrr...

ROLEX: Simply because Lord Frigo made him Planetary Overlord he is letting the fact get to his head! Now he has left us away, forgotten like rags... _Some day I'll scratch his senses back to him!_

(In the prison cell, Home Vegetal and Discolo have knocked out the two bondage guys.)

VEGETAL: Arf... it's been hard, but right now we must buzz off here!

DISCOLO: I will use my skills to stealthily open the door.

VEGETAL: What for? The moment I rest up, I could blast it open and call it a day!

DISCOLO: We don't want to attract attention, it's better to not let them know we have escaped until it's too late. There are things left to do in this place, like retaking Kehuron's balls!

(Discolo stretches his arm to try and reach the door's lock, but a doggie comes over...)

VEGETAL: So, are you getting somewhere? (DISCOLO: Calm down, this is tricky...)

(The doggie bites Discolo's arm and pulls it around, thinking it's some kinda chorizo.)

DISCOLO: Arg! What are ya doing pooch! I am no paper towel, let me go damm it!

(By pulling, Discolo is dragged and cracks the door open, the doggie gets to a stop.)

GUARD: What's going on? Are you the one making this fuss, old pooch?! (PLAF!)

(Discolo has landed on the guard's face, door included. But at least he knocked him out)

VEGETAL: I see how you wanted to flee the prison cell 'stealthily'.

DISCOLO: Arg, shut up, won't ya? _Geez, this hurts like hell..._

VEGETAL: Come on, I will guide you to the place where I saw Kehuron's balls!

DISCOLO: Wait, I need to recompose my face! (crackles his neck)

(As Pililaf kindly showed him the way, soon they have reached the balls' chamber.)

VEGETAL: Heh, here they are! Come on, it's now or never! (DISCOLO: Don't shout and get them.) Don't worry pal, if we have came this far, then the rest will be total cake. (clac!) Huh?

(A crystal dome has fallen down and trapped them inside the magic balls' pedestal!)

DISCOLO: (¬_¬) You have just opened the oven's lid, Mister Pastry-maker... what now?!

VEGETAL: Ah, look there... we have awakened Papa Smurf after all. (0_0)

PILILAF: (pyjama) Well, well, our guests are such bad boys. I see you already checked my security system's excellencies. Trapped in that tank, you have enough air for a hour or so. When you had died by suffocation, we will activate the cremator device and clean the pedestal of your remains. Of course, the balls will be untouched, they're unbreakable! MWAHAHAHA!

VEGETAL: Oooh, you are so evil. (¬_¬)

PILILAF: That stupidity won't change my plans in the least, tomorrow at dawn the holy dragon will make my darkest wish come true. So long, your majesty! (turns his back)

VEGETAL: If he uses this evil cackle again, I am gonna throw up. (MWAHAHAHA!) Quick, your turban!

DISCOLO: (snags it) Give me that you slob! Don't even think about it! (VEGETAL: But I'm claustrophobic!) I don't like to end up burnt alive either, let's use our power to open a breach!

VEGETAL: Don't want to sound jinxy, but this looks like Puyajin-proof rock crystal... that midget knows our capabilities very well. In order to break this, we would bust our own knuckles...

DISCOLO: You are wrong... he doesn't know us that well. He ignores I know the spell to summon the dragon! That ass has served us the solution in a silver platter, the dragon will get us out of this trap!

VEGETAL: Are you going to waste the balls with such a wish?!

DISCOLO: Then you'd rather like to die here? Maybe the balls will scatter at the end of the summon, but that guy will lose them too! Or have you forgotten why does the bastard want them for?

VEGETAL: Bah, okay, they are YOUR balls after all... in more than one way.

DISCOLO: Here we go! Oh mighty dragon Kehuron, in the name of the cosmic forces, the universal order and the Flat Rate, I unworthy one, summon thee! (BROUUUM!)

NARRATION: In the other hemisphere, which curiously enough, shares the time zone...

CLARA: (pyjama) Boss, there is a horrendous increase in the energy gauges, maybe...!

WILMA: (pyjama) Yes, I know... *zzz* it's the balls at work! We must go at once! Make me some coffe!

BOY: Whoa, déjà vu... *zzz*.

CHUNGOHAN: (exits bedroom) Wait for me, I wanna go too! _Necessity sharpens the hearing..._

VEGETAL: (behind door) Come here, kitty! Your butt is mine! (^_^)

EVERYONE: (board airship) At full speed! They must be about to wish for something!

PILILAF: *zzz* Arg... what is going on now?! (GUARD: Someone is summoning the dragon, sir!)

GUARD 2: Say, didn't you notice how the sky just darkened? (GUARD 3: Of course... it's night time, idiot!)

VEGETAL: *chokes* Really, Discolo, that was a good idea... a fine solution to our lack of room, pal.

(As the crystal dome is unbreakable, the dragon has popped out of the balls and is stuck with them!)

WILMA: (pilots) We must hurry or we will lose them! *nervous*.

PILOT: What a woman... she threw me off the seat and proceeded to pilot herself! (CL ARA: You say!)

VEGETAL: Well, come on, just ask him to let us free! I can't move the lips just now...

DISCOLO: Dunno about that... I think he snapped his neck or something, because he's..

VEGETAL: What are you saying, man?! Are you saying I am UNDER several tons of rotting dead meat?! This sucks, I want to be incinerated NOW! (PILILAF: What is this again?!)

WILMA: (pause) Say, Clara... you still believe we are living inside a comic book...?

CLARA: Well, I don't know, this is what I think...

WILMA: Yeah, the truth is, it's a really curious hypothesis, not lacking a certain 'sense'...

PILILAF: (silent rage) Bah... let them out of the tank! I will serve them my special course...

(Now the sulking emperor, a couple guards and our two heroes walk along a hallway.)

PILILAF: Years... I had spent years trying to gather the damm Kehuron Balls... I even murdered that son-of-a called Gosh, to make him hand them to me... and well, they then disappeared. But see, I found a desperate solution... (VEGETAL: You went to Vietnamek?) No, I kidnapped the comic artists! WAHAHAHAHA!

DISCOLO: (¬_¬) He's really lost it.

PILILAF: You will soon see that I am dead serious... and tremble before my power!

(Pause to take breath, because the explanation really is a looong one, you see.)

PILILAF: Thanks to my sources, I could figure out that I lived in a fictional world... a carbon copy of yet another fictional world, and using mystical arts I reached its creators, who were only sketching a few issues back then, and disguised as editor, I earned their trust to later capture them. Here they are! (opens door) (?_?) What the heck happened?!

(Half the page is a total blank... an empty space that the rest of characters are facing!)

CLARA: Look, boss! What is that white thingy that's covering the ground?

WILMA: We're flying towards the sun, silly! Ops, wait... that isn't light... it's the Void, the Nothingness!

CLARA: My god... just like in the Twilight Zone! AAAAAH!

RALLY: (driving) Bossie, look! A great white bubble advances unrelentingly, engulfing everything it touches!

CHUNGOTEN: Whoa, girl! Since when can you manage to spurt sentences above your Intelligence Quotient?

RALLY: Must be the shock! (0_0) AAAAAAH!

(The G-600 is now floating in the white nothingness, along the airship and all the rest.)

RALLY: Everything has become white, there is no ground, nor horizon, nor up or down!

CHUNGOTEN: In other words, we are more lost than an Eskimo around Tijuana...!

PILILAF: (floats) My castle! Where is my castle?

VEGETAL: Just shut up, you Papa Smurf! You're starting to sound like Manolo Escobar. Ah, the Gragea airship!

WILMA: (descends) VEGETAL! Do you like women?

PILILAF: Can someone explain me what is going on here?! (DISCOLO: Sorry, can't.)

VEGETAL: I said shut up, midget! You need a fine girl like mine, cause you are more asexual than a Teletubbie!

VOICE: We can explain! (PILILAF: It's them!) (DISCOLO: Hey, that comparison hurts.)

EVERYONE: They are the Artists! (ALVARO: Hey hey, sorry, the artist is him, I am only a mook, I swear.)

NACHO: (floats) Ops, man... I say, in the Dumbo movie it looked so easy and else...

ALVARO: And this guy here has pulled out the 'white background' trick to not have to draw as much, right?

NACHO: Come on, the 'snowstorm' one was already used by that Byrne guy. And it's less work for you too!

ALVARO: Yeah, right. Well, Mister Altruism, give them the lecture and off we go.

NACHO: Yes... look, this may sound a bit heavy for you, but the truth is: we created all this universe, we began with it five years ago, basing it in a famous manga whose name doesn't matter anymore...

VEGETAL: What?! You say we are a damm carbon copy?! How you dare! (WILMA: Wow, it was true.)

NACHO: But that's not the matter! You see, in the start we were in Vitoria, releasing something akin to a fanzine, we both liked the aforementioned manga, but then the saga called 'Z' aired... a so ridiculous and debauched thing, so we came up with a totally mean and snarky parody...

_NACHO: You saw? He has reached Super Saiyan 2! (ALVARO: And when the other one does__ as well...?) Then he will reach the Third level. (ALVARO: So yeah, quite thrilling.)_

NACHO: So there we went! We gathered a bunch of pages to publish them in our mag, but we didn't even suspect that, due to the boom caused by the original manga, it created a fandom that consumed everything related to it, including our irrelevant mock of such... in a few months we didn't have one, but TWO editors!

SIGN: One of the first dialogues with the editor, translated to their weird own language.

ALVARO: (Pokemon speak) Money money, money, money! (NACHO: Money, money much money!)

NACHO: Time passed, and we ended up stuck in Barnam, City of Comic Books -and the Pans&Co- but the initial spark quickly grew thin, despite the efforts of wanting to make a funny, enjoyable product, the plot and the characters were getting idle, so to speak..

DISCOLO: Sounds just like you. (VEGETAL: Really? I thought they were speaking to you, smartass!)

NACHO: In the end, five years after, we didn't know where to drive the series' plot... and here you see that one of the characters, Pililaf, who we had mercilessly forgotten, chose to put things in order, he hired Aramis Fuster to contact us from this plane, and finally captured us...

PILILAF: Of course, and when I was on the verge of making them redraw all the series, they had to escape!

NACHO: You said it! What were you expecting, you merchandising failure?! We had a way to draw a path out, and now WE will put things in order around here! (ALVARO: Okay, you vented up, calm now...)

PILILAF: Ops... (0_0)

NACHO: Listen, don't misinterpret us, but we were too much fed up... the burns left by these five years are impossible to hide, we want to dedicate ourselves to new projects... to put again the illusion of something you do with joy in them, here we can't uphold its quality anymore... it weightens us too much to try anything new!

ALVARO: *sniffs*.

NACHO: I can't forget about our Argentinean readers either, to me it was a shock the fact that Dragon Fall had fans from the land of our beloved Quino, Altuna and Jimenez. I am remembering a certain anecdote now...

_NACHO: Did you see the ponytail dude? Doesn't he remind you of Reggie Bannister? _

_CELS PIÑOL: He is Horatio Altuna... __(NACHO: I have the sudden urge to die now...)_

WILMA: But what is gonna happen to us? Our existence is over? (CLARA: I have the right to live!)

NACHO: Well, I'm not sure, guys. Looks like in your place, a new comic called Puerkemon will be released...

ALVARO: (phone) Honey, put some clothes on, gonna arrive later than expected... this guy isn't stopping soon.

NACHO: I hope we will manage to convince them to keep you existing, they only need to look for another artist team, and solved. Of course, you won't be able to blame us for your misfortunes anymore!

VEGETAL: You are so considerate. (¬_¬)

BOY: But tell us, are we going to be here waiting much more? Some of us want to go to the restroom, ahem...

NACHO: Oh yeah, let's see what we can do. (pause) Okay, this is what we will do: the dimensional slides and reality warps are over, we are gonna left things more or less like in the beginning, for the new artist team.

ALVARO: (pulls out pen) Heh, saw it coming: now the guy makes me work today too!

VEGETAL: (flash!) Huh? Hey, it's my old Puyajin armor! Have I returned to the good old times?

ROLEX: (appears) Vegetal, honey! You have forgotten about us lately, haven't ya?

NAPALM: Come on, dearie, let's recover from all those months of abstinence... (^_^)

VEGETAL: (0_0) _Those bastard artists...!_

NARRATION: Vegetal ended up discovering a rather spicy side of his, and along his trusty Rolex and Napalm decided to wreak havoc among the galaxies... and among the handsome guys...

VEGETAL: (pilots) Come on my Puyajins, let's CHARGE!

NAPALM: Say, boss, when will be going to Earth to salvage some pretty boys?

NARRATION: Wilma also found an interesting option, seeing as the new Vegetal put it on a silver platter...

WILMA: (lesb wedding) Say, are you in the mood for a Revolutionary Girl Make-out?

CLARA: Who wouldn't? (^_^)

NARRATION: Our good pal Chungohan finished solving his identity crisis, he didn't mind the radioactive platypus bite anymore... because now he is thinking he was created as a clone.

BIDET: Are you sewing more silly costumes again?!

CHUNGOHAN: Er, no, this one is for our daughter... for when we have one, that is...

BIDET: At this rate, it won't be today... (¬_¬)

NARRATION: Chungoten and Rally Montecarlo ended up working in a detective agency under the cover of an honest arms shop... or were you thinking any other thing, silly?

CHUNGOTEN: (Katz clothes) You really think that wearing this abomination is necessary?

RALLY: Come on, bossie, just think you are helping the shop's fame... and you look cute, like a Doraemon!

CHUNGOTEN: Exactly my thoughts... (¬_¬)

NARRATION: Mister Patan, due to all the fuss, ended up without a mere nickel, and had to find a more or less well-paid job. As fighter his career was over, but his physique helped him in the Small Screen...

PICARD: It's a difficult situation, Worf... should we face 'em in battle or maybe resort to a pacifist ritual?

PATAN: (as Worf) Yes, commander... although I have a warrior's heart burning in my chest, I want to give the dialogue option a chance... (pause) Man, this is humiliating...

GEORDI: Would you rather end up the same as Hulk Hogan then?

NARRATION: Takatranks and Rei Awmommy, who was cured from her autism, kept rocking socks with the AVEs, because his mother had spent the big bucks on them, but discovered a terrible secret...

AVE-01: Wait a sec, gal, my helmet is moving... (clac) Ops, it came off... AAAAAAH!

(The AVE-01 has a Baby head -yep, from Dragon Ball GT- and it is horrifying, man!)

ALVARO: (exits studio) Well, that was the last one.

NACHO: Yeah... at least, it has been left open for a continuation... _if someone tries to, well, good luck..._

ALVARO: What will you do from now on?

NACHO: Ah, don't know... I have taken a liking to trick the readers with my mockeries so I'll try Star Wars...

ALVARO: About me, I am not sure... I will manage to get something, I have no hurries.

NACHO: I hope we meet each other in some **Salon del Comic**, but a true one, not like the one in Barna...

THE END?


End file.
